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Living with an alcoholic
July 3, 2000
11:56 pm
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wolf
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I just need to vent a bit. It's about my SO, I just can't take the drinking,the hang overs and the lying anymore. So I went to the phonebook to look up the # for an Alinon group. So I get questioned about it ("what are you doing?") and I fessed up. Next thing you know we are pouring beer out on the lawn. Now I have an occational beer, and I have expensive taste in beer. So pouring Guiness on the lawn was to punish me. I know this. I don't understand why my need to deal with my problems has to be turned into a fight. The arguing hasn't started just yet, I'm just getting the silent treatment right now. Anyway, I was looking for a chat group for some encouragement, maybe some words of wisdom to take into the battle with me and this was the best forum I could find. It's a great website and a Godsend. I wish all of the readers here Good Luck

July 5, 2000
5:48 am
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hazza
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Wolf is it you who has the alcohol problem or your partner?

please tell us more, many people here have experience both in having drink problems and also living with others who have problems with drink - you will find someone who understnads either way, just tell us a little more okay?

whatever, you are on the road to recovery my friend - you are taking those first steps.

peace
Hazza

July 6, 2000
9:59 pm
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wolf
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Hazza, sorry I was unclear there. My SO has the drinking problem. I just bearly drink socially. Of course it's my fault now that she can't drink and she can't go to any parties. Well, this made one of her friends mad(she didn't tell the friend why she wouldn't go to the party), this is supposed to be my fault.

July 7, 2000
8:05 am
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hazza
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Wolf, I am sorry to keep asking questions, but what is SO?
I am still unclear of who has the problem, what realtion are they to you? I don't understand SO. sorry, hopefully when I understand I can help you a bit - I have personal experience of living with someone with a drink problem, the more you explain the easier it will be for me to understand, okay?
Then, we can get going with thinking about what you can do about all this - there is a way forward - many people have been there so don't lose hope, just give me some more details okay and we will see if we can help.
Take care wolf
Hazza

July 7, 2000
8:50 am
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Spirit
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Hazza: If I understand correctly, an SO is short for significant other. Not yet married, but totally committed to one another.

Wolf: Do understand that anger is a natural reaction that goes along with having a crutch knocked out from under a person, this crutch being alcohol. You are, realistically, powerless to do anything except love and help guide your love to the right sources. If, on the other hand, she doesn't want to go, then you have to retreat. No amount of help will be accepted until the alcoholc is ready to accept it. You have a caring heart, just don't forget that she must be ready, not just you. Peace to you as you gain knowledge. Did you ever call ALANON?

July 11, 2000
7:02 pm
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wolf
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Spirit, Thank you for explaining so well what an SO is, that is the perfect definition.

I know that she won't stop drinking until she's ready to stop. I also know that she is not seeking help. She's trying to do it alone since she knew some people who would go out drinking after AA meetings. Now she thinks they don't work. I know that's just an excuse. Now she's got an extra job working in a bar. Sounds like the ideal place for the recovering alcoholic to work.

July 11, 2000
11:10 pm
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Spirit
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Sorry she isn't seeking help with that which is so controlling. You just hang tough and give her that unconditional love she so desperately needs. Ask that The Spirit watches over and protects her, and guides her to the right help she needs, and you too. Don't forget about you. Peace does come through understanding and aceptance of that which we are powerless against, and gain the strength necessary to continue onwards. Peace to you and your SO...

July 12, 2000
6:41 am
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heartfelt
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Maybe get yourself a Big Book....AA if you don't already have one, read it and lay it on the table. Maybe she will open it.....also AA has a book called 24 hours a day which are daily affermations to help the problem drinker ie. alcoholic, get through one day at a time while mirroring themselves if there're receptive. Recovering won't happen overnight, never did, never will..moment to moment, day by day.

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