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Lisset, Can we talk?
December 23, 2003
2:07 pm
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arwen
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Dear Lisset,

I was reading a post of yours where you were talking about wanting to commit suicide. I know that you are aware that I have had the same feelings for a long time now.

I have found some ways to deal with my desire to commit suicide. I want you to know that I am surviving, in part largely because of things you have said here. I would like to try to return the favor, if there is any way I can do so...

I'm hoping to hear from you, Lisset.

Love,

Arwen

December 23, 2003
7:27 pm
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Squeezles
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The problem with depression is that it makes you lethargic, it stops your motivation to do things and it makes you isolate yourself from others - ironically all the things that help prolong people's depression and in fact can make it worse. For example, you're sad that you're overweight. You start eating junk food, because junk food makes everyone feel better, right? Then you start putting on more weight, but you stop exercising because you're embarrassed by your weight and you put on more weight. Then you stop seeing your friends because you don't want anyone to see you in your current weight. Then you start thinking "Maybe no one wants to see me because they hate me because I'm overweight"...and you start getting even more depressed. It ends up being a vicious circle, that becomes very hard to break unless you get some sort of intervention (therapy, meds) or physically make yourself do things contrary to how the depression makes you (instead of isolating yourself, you seek people out etc).

So can you list down the things that are making you depressed to see if we can offer some action plans on how to work on those things?

Things I'm hearing from your posts:

1. You don't have your own space.
2. You think your Mom treats you differently from your brother (not making you do equal amounts of work).
3. Your brother ignores you and that upsets you.
4. You think you're 'ugly' (pimples etc I think).
5. Issue with the 'boyfriend'.
6. You're scared at school.

Did I misinterpret anything? Anything I missed?

December 23, 2003
7:28 pm
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Squeezles
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maybe if i werent so spoiled, this wouldnt happen. maybe if i wasnt so freaking lazy, this wouldnt happen. oh yeah depression. u blame ur self.

Lisset, define what you mean by 'spoiled' or about 'being lazy'? How do you think that contributes to your depression?

December 23, 2003
7:55 pm
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arwen
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Dear Lisset,

I don't know why, but you remind me of someone (a couple of someones, actually) that I know and care about a lot. You have never made me feel worse. You say lots of things that I need to read.

I am 40 years old. I remember being 18. It was hard. I used to think that things would get easier as I got older but it isn't that simple. Things got easier because I started to learn about the things that I felt bad about.

If you get a chance, there is a really good movie called "A Beautiful Mind". It is a true story about a man who has a mental illness. He doesn't want to be on drugs or in a hospital, so he learns as much as he can about his illness, and he finds a way to live a long and happy life in his own way. He is very successful.

This movie has given me hope since the day I saw it because I know there are things wrong with me but I don't want to be in a hospital or on medicine that makes me not feel anything at all in my heart. I am now learning everything I can about depression and how to deal with it so that I don't have to be in pain all the time. It is hard, but worth it.

You are 18 years old. For being that age, you are very smart and know yourself very well. I think if you start to work on things now you can find happiness sooner than most people.

I would like to be a person you can look to for help when things get hard, but I will not be able to do things the way I hoped I could. I'll do the best I can, though, for now, okay?

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Arwen

December 24, 2003
4:51 am
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mj
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Hugs Lisset
You are Special.
Need to ask another dr. about the hair...cause it's normal to lose hair but not alot. If your mom doesn't notice the hair loss...then maybe its just normal?

Merry Christmas Lisset

December 24, 2003
5:25 pm
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tooscared
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Merry Christmas Lisset! I hope you get to enjoy the holidays. I agree with MJ that you are special, and I am glad that you can write and share what is bothering you. I wish I could have done that at your age because it does help to have people understand what you are going through.

December 25, 2003
5:24 am
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silence
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Feliz Navidad to you too.

I haven't had any spare time. On top of work, my California sister is here for the holidays. Any minute that I haven't been asleep or at work, I've been doing stuff with her. She's joining the Peace Corps and will be in Zambia for the next 3 years, so this is the last chance we'll have to see her for a while.

Everything else is OK over here. Sorry to hear you're not doing so well. Christmas does suck more for some people than it does for others. Although, I do have something to be thankful for. This is the first Christmas in 4 years in which I didn't come down with the flu. That's gotta count for something, eh?

December 27, 2003
12:06 pm
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free
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Hi lissett

Does the crying help? Surely it must get tiring after a while?

Is there something else you could do? Something productive that could take up energy and give you a self esteem boost?

It just doesn't seem that crying is changing anything for you.

free

December 27, 2003
1:50 pm
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Zinnie
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Lisset,

Coming from immigrant parents, it is something that you learn to live with. They are very "money conservative." I grew up in a mostly immigrant community after my Dad retired from the Military. It was where we could afford to live, and my parents were comfortable. Guess what?

My Dad was "The Man in Demand" - why? He could resole shoes with old tire's like his Father used to do; and could fix any kind of appliance made. All the time, folks coming up to him after Mass giving him their kids shoes - paying him with whatever. But, you know what? It's O.K. - I appreciate what I have more because of that. My parents might not have been the ideal parents - whose are? But, they did the best that they could at the time that they could.

He also put bricks in the toilet so we would not waste water. He even timed our phone calls with an egg timer. Though, I guess if you have eleven kids and one telephone... well, you get the point.

Z.

December 27, 2003
3:11 pm
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Zinnie
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Lisset,

I know you don't like Dr.'s - can't say that I blame you. But, have you ever talked to one about taking some anti-depressants for a short while to get you over the crying jags?

They say that the teenage years are the best of your life. For the most part they are, but man! I would NEVER want to go through the emotional ups and downs I went through again.

Z.

December 27, 2003
4:43 pm
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Zinnie
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Have you tried talking to you Mom about what she says to you that hurts your feelings?

December 27, 2003
5:04 pm
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Zinnie
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OK

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