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Light 2 could someone plese talk
October 10, 2003
5:17 pm
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Joshua Schipper
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This is the next letter I wrote.

Me I lie because I lie when I am cornered and threatened. The problem with that is that I am threatened by (My Wife) at all times and I have no safety from her wrath. I have learned much in the past two days and I have found that many of the actions (My Wife) depicts as safety and fear and suffering from the anxiety that is from that really are just all potions of the codependent life style. When (My Wife) hovers over me to check everything I do I feel cornered. When (My Wife) questions actions that I have done I feel cornered. When (My Wife) can not find any good in actions that meant no harm then I feel sick. I will own up to the fact that it is still my choice to lie or not and have come to that realization long ago. I own weather or not I lie I from this point on will not be frightened of (My Wife) will not let her own any part of my fear that keeps her safe. I will not let this continue. I now what goes on in my own head I don’t have to tell (My Wife) any of it but I must tell (My Wife) the truth but I wish to tell (My Wife) all of it for I love her so much. I need to find the answers that are in side of me and I will not stop until I am at peace and my family is who I will look inside I will change it is who I am and that will always be. I love (My Wife) but she does not love herself. She harm herself every day and I try to help but I can no longer do anything but hope pray and wish that she will stop. I will do the things that she needs so long as that I do not hurt myself in the process. I am who I am I now that because god speak to me every day and I feel him give me in the Wright direction every word I Wight in this letter has come from that spot that causes you to tingle I no that all I can do is be honest and that the fallout from that will be what it is. I love my children and I want to give them who I am and not this broken shell that I feel that I have become I will build myself and also help any person who wishes to build themselves to be whop they wish to be. I will not tare down unless that wall is not the truth and I will try try try to know that when I speak I am truthful I will not give anyone the power to use me like that at any time. Peal you cannot find a codependent buy hear I will not let anyone dictate who I am any more. You want to know me then talk to me and know that I will not deny my actions any more I will not deny my word I will always always look look look. I am not in denial I have BEEN HIDING FROM YOU AND YOUR FAMILY YOU WANT ME HER I AM> I LOVE YOU ALL ANDWILLNEVER TURN MY BACK ON ANY FALT BE MINE OR OUR OR YOURS FOR ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE NEVER DONE HARM CAN CAST THE FIRST STONE…..;..

October 10, 2003
5:19 pm
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Joshua Schipper
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If you want the first go to the light within

October 10, 2003
5:32 pm
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tracylyn
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Joshua~ These threads are just really long...a lot of people come here for a few minutes while at work and don't have time to read such long threads.

Perhaps tonight and this weekend, when people have more time to read it and respond they will.

Don't feel alone and keep writing...

T

October 10, 2003
5:52 pm
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Joshua Schipper
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Thanks I knew they were big I just need to hear from the outside wourld

I love my wife so much but I have no ware to go and all my friends have moved on or stoped coming by and I want to do whats wright but I dont know if it was wright to send the last one but what can I do

October 10, 2003
5:57 pm
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free
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This is really hard to follow. Can it be simplified?

free

October 10, 2003
9:22 pm
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Joshua Schipper
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I wish

October 10, 2003
9:23 pm
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Joshua Schipper
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The uper thought was just that a thought. free typed

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