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Lifes Left in tatters. HELP NEEDED
March 20, 2008
1:58 pm
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mumubaby89
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If want any information about what im talking about etc check the bulletin :

ADVICE needed urgently =[

and reply on this one

Everyone was right. My dad came back after 14 years. everyone in my fmaily said to stay clear as he was trouble but i needed to find out for myself. i hadnt seen him since i was 5. i am now 19. he didnt send any cards etc. he got back in touch through my work.

I went behind everyones back to see him. everything seemed fine. his wife and the kids. it was like everyone lied but they were true.

its now been a good few months about 7. since then ive been depressed and now on depressants. my dad stood by me and everyone else did. and recently the last two months my dad split up with his wife. i helped him out loads. helping him to get somewhere etc. i put all my effort into it. we seemed fine... it was too good to be true.

Yesterday morning i went to phone him. i should have knew something was up the night before as he didnt text much. I phoned up as normal expecting him to be on the phone... instead i got his wife..she was giving me crap saying she has phones and they back together and then she said my dad doesnt want to know no more and put phone down. i phoned again expecting maybe it was a dream but no i got her back again saying dont you get it nobody cares about you..go try kill yourself again and saying loads nasty stuff. i sat back and took it.. and i said if all true but my dad on and let him say it. so she shouted to my dad : 'tell her..' so he came on the phone and said i do not want anything more to do with you. go and get whomever BYE

I was in shock.i tolsd my family and they have supported me and said they had to let me find out for myself what he was like.. he a money grabber etc. they were true. i cannot bleieve i didnt click on to this at all ...he seemed to actually care.

I have changed my phone number on my main mobile. i have another one... no texts or anything. my fmaily dont know i have a 2nd phone ...as i used it for him. i keep expecting maybe it a dream he might call but whom am i kidding. i get the point. i can do better.. and ive coped without him so i dont need him. its just these last months ive bee used to him being their and now he isnt

He hit me once.. i was so guable..hes beat my mam in when they were together years n years ago. im so angry. i want him to pay for what he has done. Any advice?

Im on anti-depressants due to before... Hmm

March 20, 2008
6:07 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im so sorry sweetheart. Some people are just like that and sometimes we just have to see for ourselves. Its a very hard lesson but its one that we all have to learn time and time again. what you need to do now is just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and do things that are good for you. Find hobbies that you enjoy hang out with friends go out and see movies. Sometimes after something really bad has happened to us we forget to live. You can make it through this sweetheart.

March 20, 2008
8:46 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Hi Mumubaby,

I'm sorry that this happened. It is hard to have reality come in and shine the light on what hope we have that someone is different than they really are.

You are not alone in falling for this. I completely understand you wanting to be with your dad. Some people are good at deception, it sounds like your dad is one of them.

Just be glad that you learned this now and know better for the future.

There are good people in this world. You are one of them. Keep moving ahead try your best to just accept that he is who he is and know that you can't trust him in the future.

Hugs,
Chelonia

March 20, 2008
10:58 pm
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fantas
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(((mumubaby89))) I do not know what to say but I'm really sorry!!! It's unfortunate that people who have no business having children have them then neglect them. Hang in there!

March 24, 2008
1:03 pm
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mumubaby89
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I just do not know what to do anymore. He meant alot. Im that angry its unbelieveable... mainly at his wife as i have a feeling its her fault mainly.. she lies all the time.

I just want to show them how much they have pissed me off. i have seen a side lately to me that ive never seen of before. ive been away all weekend and i just cannot take my mind of it.

I feel like going round to theirs and shooting them...

Any advice anybody??

March 24, 2008
2:00 pm
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mumubaby89
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?????????????

March 24, 2008
2:35 pm
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mumubaby89
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🙁

I still have his phone numbers but i darent phone.. hm

March 24, 2008
5:54 pm
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mumubaby89
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REPEAT

I just do not know what to do anymore. He meant alot. Im that angry its unbelieveable... mainly at his wife as i have a feeling its her fault mainly.. she lies all the time.

I just want to show them how much they have pissed me off. i have seen a side lately to me that ive never seen of before. ive been away all weekend and i just cannot take my mind of it.

I feel like going round to theirs and shooting them...

Any advice anybody??

March 24, 2008
6:24 pm
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augustthefirst
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mumubaby- you have been betrayed i am so sorry. do you have someone who can give you a cuddle and soothe you and talk you down? can you see a professional therapist? maybe keep writing here, just put down all your anger, start keeping a diary - so you have a record of what happened so you dont fall for it again. not all men are like this - it is not going to destroy your life - be strong. do you have someone you can trust to confide in? take deep breaths - go swimming. i hope it is getting better.

March 24, 2008
6:36 pm
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mumubaby89
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i have talked to people. it not helping. i losing at battle at everything. my foucse on my studies has gone out of the window.. last two months ive committed sucide three times.. and the last time i was lucky to be here.

Im that pissed of with my father.. that i feel ashamed of even saying dad.

Him and his wife will pay.. i just dont know when or how. advice?

I dont want to do anything stupid and end up getting locked up..but they deserve things

March 24, 2008
6:38 pm
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augustthefirst
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revenge is not a good idea. have you called a helpline? remember you are a mentally stronger character than your dad. you WILL overcome this.

March 24, 2008
6:46 pm
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taj64
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Yeah I agree revenge only ends up making you feel worse and arent you the most important person here, you? Those around you can hurt you, so go to safe area, and think about how much others actually do care for you. They do. And you have yourself most of all. That is what counts, if you have love for yourself, it will get you through. Id ont have answers, no pro here, but you made it this far, you can keep going on, as long as it takes you. I do remember you so well. Your life is not in tatters, it is not great but it will get better. The best revenge of all is your own perserverence and happiness. Keep striving, keep talking, keep sharing, and keep loving the person you are. You will make it.

March 24, 2008
6:54 pm
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augustthefirst
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i once tried to avenge myself on boyfriend's ex girlfriend whom i hated beyond anything - i wish wish wish i hadn't done anything because as soon as i did i realised id given my power away - i am still embarrassed about it now. another friend once poured beer all over her boyfriend's head in a bar and it just made her look insane. she didnt feel any better either.

March 24, 2008
10:22 pm
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Mumubaby,

There's no way to get revenge on people like that, especially in the way you are thinking. It's understandable that you feel that way, so many people would, the jails are full of people who only wanted revenge. He may be your father, but guess what, that doesn't make him worth it- you can still have a good life, and you can do so without him. He doesn't deserve you in his life, and he's proven that. You had the good grace to give him the benefit of the doubt despite what everyone told you and he didn't come through. His wife sounds like a piece of work, but if he wanted to be a man, he would stand up to her. You are his daughter, that shouldn't be a threat to their relationship if they are decent people- but they are not. I'm so sorry, you deserve love from this man and he isn't capable of it. Who knows, maybe someday when he is elderly, he will appeal to you for forgiveness... but I would just live my life without him if I were you.

Maybe some people aren't worthy of having children, but it's a good thing you are on this earth. You wouldn't act like your father did. You will probably be there for people because you understand the value of it. Your father may not appreciate you, but I'm sure people do and will.

I know anger can be consuming, but try your best to keep it from destroying your life or he wins and you lose. Right now HE is the loser.

hugs and warmth,
ella

March 24, 2008
11:41 pm
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shane333
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Dear Mumubaby, It's Shane you posted on my thread and I'm responding> YOU"RE NOT ALONE> KEEP POSTING IT HAS HELPED ME TREMENDOUSLY DON"T LET YOUR FATHER"S BEHAVIOR DICTATE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF. SOME DAY YOU'LL BE OLDER AND YOU'LL REALIZE HE IS JUST ANOTHER PERSON WITH THE SAME ISSUES THAN WE ALL HAVE. NOT TO MINIMIZE HIS EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY. MY FATHER BROKE MY HEART MANY TIMES. HE DIED TWO YEARS AGO AND EVEN THOUGH I FORGAVE HIM I'M STILL LEFT WITH THE EMOTIONAL SCARS AT 52 YOURS CAN START HEALING NOW SO IT DOESN'T HAVE TO CONSUME YOUR LIFE THERAPY AND MEDICATION CAN WORK WONDERS WHILE YOU HEAL USE US TO VENT TO AND FOR ADVICE --- I THINK I GET MORE OUT OF THIS SITE THAN I DO THERAPY. ALL THE BEST ((((LOVE))))) shane.

March 25, 2008
1:40 am
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Linda Linda
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Find a new family.

He is not your Dad. A Dad is someone who you trust.

Your story just shows your heart. How willing it is to open and be cared for and give care.

This experience is a great lesson for you. That your heart is gold even to the weakest.

March 25, 2008
9:50 am
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mumubaby89
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Grow up too quick.

I make mistakes.. weak isnt it. If it wasnt for him i wont be emotionally destoryed. He doesnt deserve anything.

Im going to make sure he pays for what he has done. this is something il ever forget. If i ever had kids, il make sure they dont go through anything i have..

I think i am going to go see my mother and talk to her before its too late..

March 25, 2008
10:10 am
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Pressing
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Mumubaby
My real came to see me for the last time when I was 5 years old. Since then I have never seen him. I had thought about contacting him, but then I thought if he really cared about me after all theses years he would try to find me and he hasnt,'t so I let it go at that.

Unfortunately, my mom met a new man and married him, he was a complete jerk, alcoholic, drug addict, and abusive.

I have had no luck when it comes to fathers and I do see how that affects me in relationships.
But I realize that I can stay in a state of extreme anger and frustration about all that took place, or I can leave that part behind me and find out who I am without them.

You CAN live without them, I found that I had more stress thinking about them and what they were doing then I do if I just move on with who I am, and what my goals and dreams are.

It may take time but sometimes you just have to let go.

Know matter how he felt about you
"Your life is worth it"

Pressing

March 26, 2008
8:24 am
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mumubaby89
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I just cant move on.. its tearing me apart.

I just cant stop thinking..was it me? i seem to push everyone away and maybe i deserve what i get.

Ive given up caring about anything anymore. I just dont know whats happeneing to me.. im an emotional wreck.

I just wish theyd disappear and etc...maybe one day they will.

March 26, 2008
12:00 pm
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shane333
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dear mum, Don't give up hope. You're in the process of grieving. The stages are shock denial rage sadness bargaining and eventually acceptance. The weirdest part is they go back and forth until eventually you are in a state of acceptance which means you don't obsess so much and it doesn't feel like someone has sliced your guts open. Right now you're raw but it will get better. It's a process it has taken 1 1/2 years with meds to get to where i wake up without the anxiety ----- and carry it with me all day. I would cry at work, cry on the way home and sometimes cry myself to sleep. Talk about it, get therapy maybe even join a support group for that specific issue of abandonment. LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU WANTED HIM TO LOVE YOU AN GOD WILL DO THE REST ----TRUST ME TIME WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN One awareness I was given through my experience when my husband abandoned me was that when someone abandons me i tend to abandon myself as if their behavior dictates my self-worth ASK YOURSELF DOES HIS BEHAVIOR MEAN YOU ARE GARBAGE? NO! SO STOP TAKING YOURSELF OUT WITH THE TRASH! DON'T ABANDON YOURSELF! LOVE AND EMBRACE THAT LITTLE GIRL INSIDE YOU WHO IS SO HURT AND TELL HER ALL THE THINGS YOU WISH YOUR FATHER HAD SAID TO YOU --YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU WILL BECOME STRONG WITHIN YOURSELF AND IN THE FUTURE NO MAN WILL BE ABLE TO PLAY YOU BY PROMISING FALSE THINGS YOU WON'T NEED LIES YOU'LL KNOW THE TRUTH WHEN YOU HEAR IT AND YOU'LL HAVE THE BEST THING OF ALL YOURSELF TO DEPEND ON. IT TAKES PRACTICE BUT SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPEN FOR REASONS WE CAN'T SEE AT THE MOMENT. IT HURTS TO HEAR THAT WHEN YOU'RE IN PAIN BUT PLEASE DON'T LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF. YOU ARE WORTH IT AND LOVEABLE. TREAT YOURSELF WITH RESPECT AND DIGNITY YOU'RE ON THE JOURNEY OF BECOMING A WOMAN NOT A LITTLE GIRL IT TAKES SOME WOMEN AN ENTIRE LIFETIME YOU'RE LUCKY FOR THE AWARENESS NOW ---REMEMBER DON'T YOU ABANDON YOURSELF---WHO IS GOING TO LOVE YOU IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF??
THERE IS SO MUCH HOPE FOR YOU. KEEP POSTING. (((((((LOVE, SHANE))))))))))

March 27, 2008
6:56 am
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mumubaby89
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Hi thank you for the advice

I just keep having bad thoughts all the time. it is not just me he has hurt but my fmaily and that upset and makes me more angry. my mam still gets upset about it and is having another breakdown. he has destoryed her and nearly me too

I keep thinking of making them pay.. by ending not just my life but theirs.. is this bad to be thinking like this? I dont know whats happeneing in my mind and i am so het up with emotions its unblieveable. I hate them so much..

March 28, 2008
6:29 pm
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mumubaby89
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i suppose il get on with life hmm .. things happen dont they ?

I seen my fathers friend at the gym today.. he didnt have aclue about what happened. i told him and he said hm he'd have a word. thats not the point. my father should have done that.. he knew it would destroy me.. maybes thats what he wanted who knows. I am not sure if i will ever forgive him ..because trust is something that takes years to build with me.

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