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Life is short my friend diagonsed with 2 years tol live- feeling lost
April 25, 2007
1:14 pm
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soprano2
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That's great that you sent her an e-card.

I am having kind of an overwhelming down day. I have been having those more often than not recently.

The frustrating thing is that I could write on here everything, but the only thing that is going to change my situation EVER is me.

So I am feeling stuck. Don't want to sound like I am wallowing in my own self-pity.

Hope that you are doing okay.

(((feeling)))

April 25, 2007
3:47 pm
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Anonymous
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Here is a hug for you ((((SOPRANO))))

April 25, 2007
3:48 pm
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I just got a response to my ecard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂

She said:

Thanks Honey! You are very sweet! I will call you soon to come over......

April 25, 2007
3:58 pm
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soprano2
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That is great that you heard back, feeling. I am glad that your friend has a good friend to help her through this tough time for you (that's you.)

Thanks also for the hug.

S2

April 25, 2007
11:54 pm
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Oh, feeling lost, I'm so glad you are getting some response from your friend for your effort. You must know you are doing the right things. Just keep doing them!

Precious Bella. I love her name. It is all so precious. Please keep focused and do not let yourself get overwhelmed by the sadness. I could not change our young friend's fate, but we could SHARE in trying to understand and cope with what was happening. I have (somewhere) this copy of what he (his name was Ben) wrote about life and living and dying...are you interested in it if I can locate it again and shared? I was so impressed that someone so young was able to pull his thoughts together into being able to want to help others.

I know, as sensitive as you seem to be, that your choice of a good friend is also a good and sensitive woman. Her capability of handling this excrutiating challenge will be a profound experience for all of you.

And you asked how I was doing...thank you. I'm fine. I've been wrestling with depression and went on anti-depressant med recently, which really has helped. There was a hopeless feeling that I was giving into...just not coping nor wanting to continue living...just living a kind of half-life. It's so wrong. I so dis-liked myself for giving into it. But it's much better now. Our first grandchild is due to arrive in less than 2 weeks and we are excited. My meds make me dizzy and "drowsy"...but I'm hoping to get off them and feel more like myself by the end of this year. I didn't know the "aftermath" of the treatment regimen I went through would have these kinds of symptoms, but learning how to deal with them has taught me many lessons.

You cannot predict how or what life throws in your path. One hopes to deal with it WELL. That's all.

April 26, 2007
12:18 am
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Dear nappy,

You had to grow so fast to cope...so many responsibilities at such a young age...I was so fortunate to have had our mom till 17...I remember a couple of months after she was gone and seeing that the house was getting REALLY dirty and no one had TOLD me what needed to be done...and I slowly realized NO ONE was going to do it but me...the reality was so weird and such a SHOCK out of being still such a child in my thinking!!

Having younger siblings...well, you had so much more to deal with. I am humbled to think what you had to deal with. I only had my self to think about.

I am happy you had your grandmother. She sounds like a wonderful surrogate mom. I'm so glad she came through for you. You were not so young and willful that you did not know how blessed you were. That just makes me know how really good a person you are.

I heard a quote today from Machiavelli -- he was this philosopher who wrote about HOW to GET and MAINTAIN POWER -- When I read his stuff, it gave me the creeps, because I think Adolph Hitler gained some of his ideas from Machiavelli. But Machiavelli was just a theorist....anyway...the quote was something to the effect that..."a man who truly tries to act virtuously in everything in his life is always thwarted because he is always going to have to deal with people who are NOT virtuous."

The point and connection I'm trying to make is...you and your wonderful grandmother simply defied the creepy ideas. You acted more like what Mother Theresa advises....something like, "it doesn't matter if you do good and everyone else makes it into something not worthwhile...do GOOD ANYWAY!"

I just love that idea of SO WHAT...so what if I do not see the fruits of my labor right now... I still have to, and it's just the only right thing... to do RIGHT.

Every time I hear what you have to say, nappy, you always come through in this pure Mother Theresa way.

Just wanted you to know that.

Feeling, you are SO on this path!!!

April 26, 2007
11:20 am
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Brynnie,

I would love to read the letter. Thats so personal I only want you to if you are comfortable.

Congratulations on the new grandchild. DO you know if it is a boy or girl?

I hope you feel a 1000% percent soon
and you sounds so strong 🙂

My life is a bit of a mess now but this news of my friend really put a lot into perspective 🙂

April 26, 2007
6:49 pm
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Hi feeling, I think Ben wrote this after having one very "close encounter" during treatment. He was a student of Eastern philosophy and Chinese and had to drop out of college his junior yr......

"What I felt was something not of this world, but of the next. In that second of realization I saw what could only be described as Paradise, Olympus, Zion, Nirvana, Dharma. I couldn't begin to describe it for it was beyond mere human words. No language created by man could do justice to the place I now found myself. Ecstacy, that's the closest I can come to describe it. I had reached the final plane and my mind was filled with enlightenment. Like the Great Gautama before me I had transferred my essence to the continuum. The flow of energy that permeates the very ground we walk on, the source of Chi, the flow through all of us. The 'force' if you want to put it in Hollywood terms. I felt the exodus of my own chi exciting my primitive body and entering the everafter.

I guess many people would find the exiting of this world as frightening. I myself was under the belief that what was coming was an eternal pacing of the universal void. But at this moment, so close to the very far itself, I was full of a feeling of content. I realized that Heaven was not a bunch of blue eyed angels and spirits hanging out on clouds, but a feeling. A feeling that one would want for all eternity. The reward for those strong enough to stay moral in an immoral world. I was in the highest plane, I am going to tell everyone of my new findings of the life after."

April 26, 2007
6:57 pm
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I should add that this isn't really consistent with my own belief system, but it still does not seem to contradict it. I just found it quite amazing that someone so young could express his experience so well.

They tell us the grandbaby will be a girl.

Today's been kind of crummy. It is SO up and down. Yesterday I was really connected to other people and last night I felt "overstimulated", almost giddy. Today really lethargic.

Is this what it's like for you?

Have you heard from your friend again?

April 27, 2007
1:48 pm
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Brynnie,

Wow! That is a beautiful letter. Not really consistent with my belief either but I do appreciate learning how other people view things. Its amazing that he found peace. I just hope my friend can eventually find peace also. I have not heard from her. I will just keep sending her little notes that I am thinking about her.

A new baby girl 🙂 How exciting I am a girly girl so I would have a field day with a little girl!!! LOL

I was up and down and felt the way you were feeling but I started taking Zoloft about two months ago and it has really improved my outlook on life.

I just got out of a 4 year relationship. About six months ago he asked me to move in so I rented my house out for a year. Well about 2 months ago the relationship fell back into the same destructive push and pull. Long story short Easter Sunday we had a huge fight and I moved out. I have been at my girlfriends house since then. I am finally accepting this is they way it is and life is to short to be unhappy. I am in the process of moving, finally had my mail changed, all the people at my work know that we split up and my friends know now too. Its been a big adjustment but I am slowly getting my life back and honestly I am not as sad and depressed as I thought I would be. I guess I am getting stronger 🙂

Well I hope your day is better today. Hugs!

April 27, 2007
2:42 pm
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soprano2
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Feeling--
Good to see you on here today. Was wondering how you were doing with everything.

Isn't it strange that we get strong sometimes without even noticing. And perhaps the timing of extra strength is coming at a time when you know you need to be strong (like for your friend).

Hope that you have a good weekend.

April 27, 2007
2:42 pm
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soprano2
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Feeling--
Good to see you on here today. Was wondering how you were doing with everything.

Isn't it strange that we get strong sometimes without even noticing. And perhaps the timing of extra strength is coming at a time when you know you need to be strong (like for your friend).

Hope that you have a good weekend.

April 27, 2007
4:38 pm
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Thanks Soprano! How are you?
I am excited for the weekend it has been a long week at work!

May 1, 2007
10:37 am
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GREAT NEW!!!!!!! My friend is going to be ok 🙂 The misdiagnosed her, she has a bone marrow disease but she should be able to control it with medication!!!!!!!!

May 1, 2007
12:04 pm
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mj
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Excellent news! I also want to thank you for donating to our site! You are Awesome!

May 1, 2007
12:06 pm
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Randomwomen2
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That is so incredible. Prayers have been answered many many hugs

May 1, 2007
2:40 pm
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soprano2
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Yeah!!!!!! I am so glad for the news.

May 2, 2007
9:31 am
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Thanks everyone. Your support means a lot 🙂 Have wonderful day.

May 2, 2007
12:06 pm
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O wow, feeling. What wonderful news!!

May 2, 2007
1:07 pm
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taj64
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Wow you must be thrilled and she must be so relieved. It goes to show you that these mis diagnoses really do happen and what havoc it wreaks. Surely how could they miss this! But I am glad she will be ok and your friendship can continue for many years. take care of yourself.

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