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Life Goes On.....no matter how much you hurt.....Hurs_so_bad Update
February 19, 2005
6:49 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Hello Everyone,

I have finally succeeded 2 whole days without any emails, text messages to my ex. I won't lie, it hurts - a lot. I'm having a lousy weekend - just sitting at home and doing a lot of thinking and of course crying. The weather isn't helping any. We have nothing rain forecast until at least Tuesday.

But even though I'm totally unhappy and it seems like everything reminds me of him, I'm also starting to realize that no matter how hurt, depressed and lonely I feel right now - life will go on. So I have to decide whether I want to spend the rest of my life secluded and feel sorry for myself, or grieve over this relationship (I'm giving myself 4 weeks for the grieving) and then go out and seize the day. I might never find out exactly what happened to our relationship, so what's the point of agonizing?

I feel confident that I can succeed with the no contact pact this time around. I now have a goal of 4 weeks that I will allow myself to cry, be sad or experience any other feelings I might have --- but after those 4 weeks......I will move on. I'm even going as far as marking each successful day on my calendar.

I just wanted to share my thoughts here. Thanks for listening.

February 19, 2005
7:31 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Hey Hurts:

I choose for you to seize the day. Get up and move on... don't let life pass you by.

I say WAY TO GO lady. I am so proud of you.

Here's just part of a song for you:

Well one thing I’ve noticed wherever I wander
Everyone’s got a dream he can follow or squander
You can do what you will with the days you are given
I’m trying to spend mine on the business of living
So I’m singing my songs off of any old stage
You can laugh if you want – I’ll still say….

Seize the day – seize whatever you can
‘Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
Seize the day – pray for grace from God’s hand
Then nothing will stand in your way
Seize the day

February 19, 2005
8:06 pm
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msguud
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Dear Hurts - I know, I know, I feel the same. It's a month and two days for me with no contact, and I didn't get any closure either. Well, I guess we have to create the closure. Giving yourself a time limit does work. I haven't done that this time, but I have in the past, and it does work to say after such and such a date, I will not cry again over him, and it does work.

Take care of yourself. Have some ice cream or whatever will work for you right now. I'm thinking about you...

February 19, 2005
8:24 pm
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alwayslearning
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Read the book, "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. It will help you understand your human tendencies over your loss. And yes, you will be okay.

February 19, 2005
8:44 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Hurts: Well at least you're taking action and deciding to try and change your frame of mind. A book I found helpful was "Letting Go- a 12 week personal action program to overcome a broken heart" by Dr. Zev Wanderer. Its got variuos actions and sreps to take to try to make you feel better and move on. I read this week that you were in your jammies at 7:30 one night- I used to do that too. Just wanted the day to be over. As if I would be able to sleep, but I still did it. You'll get there, it takes time, but you're making the first step. Good luck to you. SD

February 19, 2005
8:46 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Hurts,

Good for you! I am so proud of you.
Love hurts, I am also hurting. I am keeping you and the others in my prayers.

Love,

Rasputin

February 19, 2005
9:19 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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mama, msguud, rasputin, sdesign and alwayslearning -

Thanks for your supporting posts. I really feel much more confident about succeeding this time than I have in the past.

I know we all share some type of "pain" in our lives, some are over relationships gone wrong or even worse things. But one thing we all seem to have in common is the desire to get over our obstacles and find ways to get healthy and happier in our lives. And I for one am so grateful to have found such wonderful and caring people on this site that take time to give me encouragement, a much needed reality check at times, and just show me that they care about me. That is such a good feeling.

I want you all to know that although I've been pretty pre-occupied with my problem, I may not have always expressed my opinions or my support for you online, I have kept all of you in my prayers. I do spend a lot of time reading all the threads that pertain to you and the other friends I have made on here. I care about each and every one of you. I think it's time I worry less about myself and more about others. My heart will heal with time and I want to be here for all of you to give you my support and my 2 cents worth once in awhile 🙂

February 19, 2005
9:51 pm
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msguud
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Dear Hurts - thanks for the thanks (not necessary) and by the way, I think you always do give your support on here. We all learn from each other, and I would never learn of all these wonderful books, et cetera, without all the fabulous helping, caring people on these sites. We are all here for each other, and I also appreciate everyone's advice and support.

BIG HUGE HUGS TO ALL OF YOU!!!!!

February 20, 2005
1:02 pm
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ponelvr
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dear hurts,
I want to say good for you with the 4 week time. I never thought to do that. Im having a hard time as well with the not calling and the not seeing him. Wow it does really hurt. The one thing that i keep dwelling on is " Will he miss me if i dont call and if i dont come to see him?" God i sure hope he does. I've never wanted someone or something so bad in my life to work than i do with my situation with my boyfriend right now. I pray everyday for things to work for he and i. Please pray for me and i will pray for you.

ponelvr

February 20, 2005
1:20 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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ponlvr - I will pray for you. I know how hard this can be. It's been almost 8 months for me since our breakup and I'm still hurting. We kept contacting each other, flirting, etc., but in the end i realized he was just toying with my emotions. He's seeing someone else and I'm just his Plan B in case things don't work out with the other woman. I know that now and it hurts BAD.

I just know that i can't keep going on like this. One of these days he will realize what I big mistake he made ending our relationship, but right now, I can't even be friends with him. It would hurt way too much.

I hope your prayers get answered, mine didn't - but then maybe getting back with my ex isn't what God wanted for me. I have to believe there is someone better for me somewhere in my future.....otherwise i'll go crazy.

You hang in there, and please keep me posted on how you're doing. I'll keep you in my prayers 🙂

February 20, 2005
1:39 pm
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hopeful for change
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I am so sorry, but look at how far you've came, your on your way. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there...don't stop. Life does go on. My mom said to me, you can't ever find the right one if you stay with this one. She is right. I'm still stuck here, for financail reasons..but planning my escape. I've been where you are and it is hard. It is hard for me now, because I still have to look at him everyday and it hurts that this doesn't affect him, he goes on without a care in the world. Emotional Abandonment. It's kind of like say I am starving to death and your sitting in front of me at a buffet of food and won't even give me a bite. That's how I feel. I will pray for you to. Good Luck.

February 20, 2005
7:59 pm
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ponelvr
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hello hurts,

thank you for your comforting response. I'm trying hard, very hard. I will keep you posted and in my prayers as well.

ponelvr

February 21, 2005
12:33 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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hopeful for change - I don't know your full story, but I can certainly understand the financial reason for staying together. I'm sorry he's so callous towards you and acts like the breakup of your relationship doesn't affect him at all. I can imagine how much that must hurt, especially when you have to face him each day. I hope that your plan to escape will become a reality real soon. Your mom is very wise. I like that saying.....it hits home. Please keep posting here, I'd like to find out a bit more about your situation - what caused the breakup, etc.

ponlvr - I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Just remember to take one day at a time. It's going to be an uphill battle for quite awhile trying to get over him. But you can do it. Keep praying and posting. It will help you....I know it helps me alot. Talk to you soon 🙂

February 22, 2005
11:12 am
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Hurts_so_bad
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Good Morning Everyone,

I survived the long weekend. I have not contacted him and have not heard from him.

I feel myself getting stronger each day, true, I might still have my "moments" when I want to cry and when I miss him, but overall as time goes by, I'm healing.

I'm not ready for any relationship, nor am I at the point where I want to go out, but I think that's okay.....I'm using this time to figure out what I want, how to deal with my codependency and just taking care of me. that's a good feeling.

February 22, 2005
12:38 pm
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ponelvr
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Hello hurts,

Well im doing ok today. I did talk to him this morning and things seemed to be ok. He asked me if it was true that i moved away to get away from him. My response was no. I did tell him that i moved to get myself together which would also help me to keep from clinging to him. I know that it is going to take some time though. I just got 2 new books yesterday that i had ordered last week. "Beyond Codependency" and also "The 12 steps to codependency" both by Melody Beattie. I also am ready the codependency no more by her. Its pretty good so far. If you don't have it, get it. Good Stuff!!!
talk to you soon and thank you for being there to help.

ponelvr

February 22, 2005
3:50 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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ponelvr - Glad to hear you're doing okay. I'll take that as a positive response 🙂

I'm doing so-so. I'm starting to miss my ex again....I know the feeling will pass, but right now I'm feeling sad.

Saw this on my calendar this morning:
"Associate yourself with men of good quality ... 'tis better to be alone than in bad company." It was a quote from George Washington, but I think it could also apply to bad relationships we have.

February 22, 2005
5:35 pm
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woundedspirit
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Im glad to hear you survived another weekend! Gives me hope!

February 22, 2005
10:46 pm
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msguud
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Hey Hurts: YEAH for you!!!!!! I know you're sad and I know it hurts. Trust me, it does get better. The hurt gets less and less as time goes on. Come on girl - you can do it!!!! I'm rooting for you.

Take care. Do something nice for you today.

February 22, 2005
10:46 pm
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msguud
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Hey Hurts: YEAH for you!!!!!! I know you're sad and I know it hurts. Trust me, it does get better. The hurt gets less and less as time goes on. Come on girl - you can do it!!!! I'm rooting for you.

Take care. Do something nice for you today.

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