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Letting People Go in Your Life
May 11, 2004
2:18 pm
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Anonymous
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Does anyone think that we should really let people go from our lives. I mean like ex's and stuff? If you can have a relationship with them after the relationship is over is it so bad to still be friends?

May 11, 2004
2:28 pm
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eve
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Does it work for you? Then keep in contact.

Whith my ex the separation was the result of drifting apart, so we don't have much in common nowadays. No real reason to keep the relationship going. And if the relationship ends whith a big bang - keep your distance at least for half a year, I'd suggest. Wounds need some time for healing.

May 11, 2004
2:55 pm
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fairy99
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I don't think there's anything wrong with being friends, but it's hard to do once you have been intimate with someone. I have a friend that I love dearly and we used to date long long ago. He is my best friend but his wife forbids him to talk to me, So to keep the peace I just let him call me. There have been times when we would sit and talk and I wanted to just, well you know...... so thats where it's hard. You have to just set a limit for yourself, you know.....don't cross that line. I miss not talking to him everyday, but it's the way it has to be. Do what feels comfortable for you

May 13, 2004
2:34 am
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sad end
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My question... How do you do it???
I don't think I could remain friends with my ex, every time I'd be with him
I'd only want more, ya know? If you can be friends after a relationship with someone by all means, give er'!
All the more power to you and I wish I could be more like you.

May 13, 2004
2:54 am
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uptoolate
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I tried to be friendly with my ex husband for the childrens sake but he was such an abusive drunk, and he blamed me for leaving him and getting divorced. He could never, til this very day 17 years later get rid of his anger toward me.

Now there is no contact. Christmas' go by, birthdays go by and not even a phone call or a card for any of my 3 sons. It's sad, really. It's his loss. He missed out on 3 great kids.

I think you can be friends, if you truly started out that way and if there isn't too much water under the bridge, or you can see past all the crap, then yes, definitely remain friends. I know one thing. If me and my man split up we could be friends eventually but it would take a long time for me to get over him enough to be able to look at him that way. Thats a tough one.

May 18, 2004
1:58 am
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wallace
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I find it hard to accept that you can't have someone you care about in your life. If you feel for them, then I think most times they will feel for you too. If that is the way, why should you not be in each others lives? Yet we won't let it happen like that-we allow things to get in the way. Then we find ourselves unhappy-again.

May 18, 2004
1:15 pm
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Juanita
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There are times when you care more for them, and they less so about you. It is hard to realize someone you care for doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Hard, yucky truth... but truth it is. Frustrating to be even in a friendship of this nature... one more outgoing "hey lets get together" than the other. I personally am tired of being the "Caller" and not the "Callee". It is hard, but I am letting go. It would be nice to be wanted sometimes, and not just be the one to work at it.
You and you alone are the one who can decide if you need to keep on trying or to let go. But lets face it, some people are ready, some aren't... some want to, some don't. Let go if they are not feeling the same, but pursue the ol'college try first if you want to and haven't. And remember not to burn any bridges as hurt as you maybe... who knows, maybe they will be ready later in life for just friendship.

May 18, 2004
1:54 pm
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Anonymous
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I have found that my ex boyfriend and I get along so well now that we do not date at all.

May 23, 2004
7:58 pm
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whyme85
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aces what do u mean??? you 2 are still broken up and because of your friendship being so awesome u arent seeing anyone else??? Or are you saying that you 2 are better off as friends now???

May 23, 2004
9:13 pm
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nattie
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I'm trying to let go of a man I've been with for 4 years who's had a hard time showing me his love. Now that he is committed finally after all this time, I'm worn out and have nothing to give. I'm feeling resentful and sad at the same time, sad for him now that he's ready but resentful for making me wait so long. It's very hard!

May 24, 2004
3:51 am
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natty
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Oh God, four years Nattie? I am frustrated after seven months.

May 24, 2004
11:35 am
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acj
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Hey nattie---

Maybe you can explain that you need some time to recoup and build yourself back up. Take a break from him for a couple of weeks (let him know of your intentions) and just take care of yourself for a bit. Tell him you aren't giving up on him but that you need some time to be able to recommit yourself to the relationship. If he really loves you, he'll let you do it.

I understand how it feels to be burned out. You just need a "vacation"...

Best of luck...

acj

May 24, 2004
12:39 pm
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fairy99
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acj

It's probably one of the hardest things in life to let go of someone you care about, but sometimes life prevents the things we think should be. I have loved a man for over 20 years who pops in and out of my life. He loves me as I love him but our lives are so different and after all this time I have realized that it wasn't meant to be. I miss him terribly but I know If God had intended me to be with him I would be. I know that once I excepted what I felt for him I understood why it wasn't possible to be with him. My heart goes out to anyone who has to let go, it's not easy, it never will be. Just keep good thought in your mind and if you have to grieve then do it, but don't let it rule your life. Be strong and take a hold of it and you control it instead of letting it control you. Your in my prayers sweetie.

May 24, 2004
5:43 pm
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wallace
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Having feelings for someone who doesn't have the same level of feelings for you-I'm there-it's one of life's cruelest tricks. Letting that person go-it's worse than mourning. It's like ripping off a limb. At least when someone is dead, you don't feel the pain of hearing their voice, or seeing them with someone else. After all these years of evolution, you'd think that we would have evolved a defense for this by now.

May 24, 2004
5:49 pm
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fairy99
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Amen Wallace!!!

It does just feel like you your heart is whats been ripped out, and mournig seems such a less a punishment. Whats really bad is when you know that person has those feelings but they are too much of a coward to go forward. To know someone loves you because you have felt it and you have seen it, then they can't take that step, that sucks pretty bad, but we as humans learn to adjust somehow. The pain lessens as the days go by, when you can let them go, truely let them go.

May 25, 2004
4:30 pm
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wallace
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Fairy99, I pray that you are right. And I pray that that day would hurry up and come for me. I'm a fool to myself-I continue to see this guy - as friends because that's all he wants and I have respected that, yet it's not just friendship I feel. There is another woman who will always be closer to his heart, and he talks about her, that hurts. And to prove to him that I am no threat, I ask after her, and listen to him telling me about her, and it's like stabbing myself every time. And if we've arranged to meet for coffee, and she's coming over, he cancels, and I say that's OK in an understanding way, while inside it feels like my insides are being twisted. But until my feelings fade and I can let him go, I'm like a live animal caught in a trap.

May 25, 2004
4:50 pm
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fairy99
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I know sweetie, I have been there in that viscious cycle for 20 years until I finally realized that I can't go on feeling that way anymore. I know in my heart he loves me but it's not enough and I know I deserve to have more than that in my life. How long have you guys been kinda hanging out?

May 26, 2004
3:08 am
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wallace
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fairy99, it is such a relief to find someone who knows what I'm feeling, and who understands why it's the trap that it is, and why I can't just walk away. It's been 4 years now. I see him about once every 1-2 weeks. All we do is meet for coffee and chat for an hour or so. And that's it. I've never had a relationship like it before, or felt so helpless before. Never before have I been so confused and lacked insight and understanding into another person's motives or feelings. I know it sounds silly, but I just don't understand what's happening - to me or with him. Does that make sense? I really feel for you that you suffered this-because that's what it feels like-for 20 years. How did you break away intact?

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