Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
letting go of clutter, emotional and physical
December 2, 2008
6:30 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
626sp_Permalink sp_Print

it came back to me last night. i'm still hanging on to my feelings about my husband leaving me. its isn't just about him being deployed. i think that he just didn't work hard enough to stay connected to us. he put me in an awful situation and he just expected me to deal with it and be fine. he didn't give me the emotional support i needed. i KNOW it was tough for him, but you know, if we were really important to him, don't you think he could have made an effort? he's a good man and he didn't mean to hurt me, but he did. i can't let go and i don't want to trust him or anyone else again. i don't want to be alone either. i don't want to leave my marriage. i'm unhappy though. i have so much. and i look at my life and i look at him and i feel guilty for not feeling what i'm supposed to feel.

i did sleep better though. i woke up about 2:45 and went to the bathroom and pretty much went back to sleep.

have to get ready for work now.

bonni

December 3, 2008
6:31 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
627sp_Permalink sp_Print

maybe its me who didn't work hard enough to stay connected to him. i got someone else to meet my emotional needs. and that person really met them. in some ways still does. i know its ultimately up to me to get my needs met. so far, i haven't been able to be intimate with my husband. i resent being turned into a wife and mother. its like i'm not a person to him anymore. he doesnt' seem interested in my feelings or thoughts or getting to know me at all, just using me as a sex object and babysitter and housekeeper. which isnt completely fair. he's a good man, just kind of broken from his experience.

but i deserve better. i deserve to be cherished. i deserve to have a life where i'm not just some indentured servant. i suppose i'm the only one who's making it be like that. i don't have to clean their house or make dinner for them. i can be more focused on taking care of me.

bonni

December 3, 2008
6:47 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
628sp_Permalink sp_Print

i guess the clutter is my beliefs about myself. i can continue to be bitter and unhappy or i can let go of it. let go of my expectations of even having a relationship with anyone other than myself. how can I expect someone else to treat me any better than i treat myself? that's crazy.

bonni

December 3, 2008
1:01 pm
Avatar
courage to change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
629sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi Bonni

Just a suggestion regarding the clutter.

housekeeper and babysitter.

Can you afford a cleaner and a babysitter. This would release you for more me time.

If you cannot afford either of the above, what about an au pair, they are cheaper, but have to live in house.

This would hopefully release you to have a bit of time for yourself.

xxx

December 3, 2008
4:37 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
630sp_Permalink sp_Print

I am starting to really believe that closure with 'stuff' is the precursor to the final and very necessary step of closure with 'people' of the past.

Has to start somewhere.....you know?

(That's kind of what I am thinking anyways.....)

Un-clutter your physical surroundings just naturally lends itself to the emotional realm as well.

Just have to get off my bum and DO IT already!!!!!!

(But - I guess, in my own defense, I DID chunk a big box of gift-wrapping papers over the summer - so symbolic and indicative of always thinking about others' first.....)

It's a start - I reckon.

December 3, 2008
6:11 pm
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
631sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hey take the challenge and for one week throw out or give away one thing every day...
I am on day 3 and so far I threw out 2 things and have one boxed to give away.

BBlue

December 3, 2008
7:52 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
632sp_Permalink sp_Print

hi courage,
i know you are right on target. i've had a cleaning service and for a little while it helped, but it also added to the pressure, if that makes sense. i got rid of them and have done ok with it, but wish i could move faster through the clutter. i know it will help.

i can't afford a housekeeper and the kids are getting too old for a babysitter. one is 12 and the other is 8. The 12 needs alot of oversight and tutoring with schoolwork. I don't have access to an older child I trust right now.

I am thinking about scheduling a weekend away every month. not sure how to accomplish though.

TBT, i don't know why i can't let go. Its not like I haven't, or I won't, but part of it is just making myself focus.

bonni

December 6, 2008
10:19 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
633sp_Permalink sp_Print

Bottom Line I'm Thinking Here........'CLOSURE!'

Closure to rummage thru all these old cards and pics and stuff and do away with (most) of it.

Sure - maybe save a FEW momentos - but the majority of it....chunk, chunk, chunk.

Will try and do more tomorrow along these lines......

Sentimentality is fine.......to a degree - but there - after awhile - have to just close and chunk.

Close & chunk.

Close & chunk.

Bottom line.

Ahhhh.

I am SURE I will breathe a heavy sigh of relief once I meet this goal............

((((everyone)))))

December 8, 2008
12:02 am
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
634sp_Permalink sp_Print

End of my week and my goal to throw/give away one thing each day...
Surpased it .. and it feels good..

TBT - I agree - sentimentality is fine but not when you can't even find the sentimetal stuff under all the junk...

Long way to go but it is coming...

BBlue

December 8, 2008
7:18 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
635sp_Permalink sp_Print

heat is out again. need to keep at it til i can feel better in my space. got my nightstand. 15 minutes every day, right?

December 8, 2008
8:00 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
636sp_Permalink sp_Print

heat back on. i can do this right? i can turn my life around and be happy?
right?

December 13, 2008
7:10 pm
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
637sp_Permalink sp_Print

how is anyone and everyone out there doing with this?

BBlue

December 15, 2008
11:48 am
Avatar
courage to change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
638sp_Permalink sp_Print

Today I will not bring unnecessary clutter into my life. xxx

December 15, 2008
9:22 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
639sp_Permalink sp_Print

I am not clutter. I refuse to lose myself in my clutter.

December 16, 2008
10:05 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
640sp_Permalink sp_Print

unrealistic expectations can be clutter. dreams are not clutter.

bonni

December 17, 2008
11:32 am
Avatar
courage to change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
641sp_Permalink sp_Print

I will pick one thing to get rid of today. What will it be!

xxx

December 17, 2008
11:32 am
Avatar
courage to change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
642sp_Permalink sp_Print

I will pick one thing to get rid of today. What will it be!

xxx

December 17, 2008
1:59 pm
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
643sp_Permalink sp_Print

Flylady wrote a book called Body Clutter. It might be helpful to some on emotional clutter. I have the book and did like it.

Bitsy

December 22, 2008
3:34 pm
Avatar
courage to change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
644sp_Permalink sp_Print

Ok did one hour decluttering paperwork. Will do more tomorrow.

xxx

December 22, 2008
6:14 pm
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
645sp_Permalink sp_Print

Tackled a part of my basement just reorganizing and throwing and cleaning - amazing how lifting it was.

BBlue

December 22, 2008
6:16 pm
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
646sp_Permalink sp_Print

I mainly followed the Flyt Plan today.

Bitsy

December 22, 2008
7:47 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
647sp_Permalink sp_Print

i've been shopping all day. well, almost. I was pampered at my favorite day spa. Just a massage, trying to be careful this year, but I really needed it. I'm trying to stick to stuff that people will use and appreciate, and within a reasonable budget.

My dh and kids cleaned the house today. woohoo!

December 23, 2008
3:39 pm
Avatar
courage to change
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
648sp_Permalink sp_Print

Will do one more hour of decluttering tomorrow - paperwork.

Hopefully my home will look a little more homely.

Merry Christmas to all

xxx

December 24, 2008
12:52 am
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
649sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hoping to clear my mail pile and pay any bills left pre New Years

BBlue

December 25, 2008
12:36 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
650sp_Permalink sp_Print

where to start where to start? the answer to when is NOW. merry christmas everyone.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information