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letting go of clutter, emotional and physical
November 22, 2008
6:09 am
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Codi202
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try the article its a start

November 22, 2008
6:57 am
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courage to change
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I am going to declutter my paperwork for one hour.

xx

November 22, 2008
7:54 am
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Try 15 minutes at a time. You would be amazed at what you can really do.

I have to get my house in order for Thursday.

Bitsy

November 22, 2008
8:08 am
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courage to change
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Thanks Bitsy

Paperwork done.

Break for 15 minutes.

Then start Lesson Plans for two hour max.

xx

November 22, 2008
10:49 am
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courage to change
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Finally done. Few

Can almost start enjoying my week end.

Hope you are all having a good one.

xxx

November 22, 2008
2:24 pm
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Does anyone have the link to Flylady in Dallas where she is talking about how she got started. I had it and accidentally deleted it but thought it might be useful to some here if anyone had it still.

Bitsy

November 22, 2008
2:54 pm
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bonni
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I don't, but it might be on her site?

I think I just brought more clutter in.

November 22, 2008
7:45 pm
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castoff
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Tumbleweed8, strange u mentioned the book by melodie. I have it sitting in my closet. I WILL get it out. Another good one for a short daily reading is Simple Abundance. My cleaning has been sorting through things, the cabinets, pictures, closets, drawers. Sorting out his and mine and trying to organize things I want to take when i leave, someday. Have boxes, bags stashed away for a speedy exit. I am also working on reading and writing assignments in The Angry Heart to try to deal with the emotional cleaning/healing.

November 22, 2008
7:51 pm
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bonni
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squared away the dining and living rooms and mostly done with kitchen. big girls are watching tv downstairs, little ones watching tv upstairs. Its quieting down.

November 23, 2008
1:35 am
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Tumbleweed8
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Castoff, I noted down the books you mentioned and will check them out. I need to do more reading. I know I still have emotional clutter as well as the physical. I especially like the daily readings in the mornings. Sounds like everyone is doing great with the clutter. Yesterday, I didn't do anything, but watch two movies to keep my mind occupied.

November 23, 2008
1:38 am
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bblue
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Physical is easy
emotional - any suggestions

BBlue

November 23, 2008
7:13 am
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bonni
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reducing the physical helps reduce the emotional clutter.

yoga

November 23, 2008
9:10 am
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Tumbleweed8
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I know yoga helps a lot or even walking or whatever exercise you prefer.

November 23, 2008
10:11 am
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bonni
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yes, exercise of any kind is a good release of emotional clutter.

November 23, 2008
10:44 am
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How do you reduce the emotional clutter. I have been turning this question over and over in my mind thinking about kemotional clutter and how I have dealt with it or not dealt with it.

I have been in councelling several different times in my life.

First to deal with my mother's alcoholism. Don't judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes. I dealt with it using humor. "I wrecked the car, and convinced her she did it..." I over-identified with my father and absolutely took his side. I had several people who stepped in during that time and "parented" me but I still have the scars today. In some ways I am typical of an ACOA and in some ways I am not. It doesn't define who I am. I am now many things before I am the adult child of an alcoholic. It has been over 20 years since I last saw or spoke to my mother. I woke up one morning in October of 2007 after having a vivid dream certain that she was dead. It hasn't been an issue.

Second time I went to councelling was to learn how to be a wife and how to deal with my father. As must as I loved him and idolized him he had his own demons and I had to learn to deal with them. For most of my life when my father said jump I asked how high. When I married I walked a tightrope between my father and my husband. Luckily I married a man who was 8 yrs older than me and explained that we were not joined at the hip and he could do what he wanted to do sometimes and I could do what I wanted to do sometimes and it didn't mean we didn't love each other it just meant we needed a little space to be our own selves. That gradually changed over the years. We were too much of our own selves and not much of a couple. I learned to separate my from my father. I learned to use some pretty crude language to get my point across but he had worked 34 years in a papar mill so it only shocked him that it was coming our of his precious baby girls mouth and occassionally he would tell me to watch it.

I remember one time all of ex-h family and my dad were coming over and the guys were going to fry a turkey. I was outside washing the big pot and left the water hose running while I scrubbed the pot. Daddy pulled into the driveway and got out of his truck and started in on my about wasting water and such. I very calmly stopped what I was doing looked him straight in the eye and told him I paid the water bill at that address and if he didn't like how I was washing the pot I suggested he get in his truck and drive himself back around the corner to his house. He backed down. Sounds bratty and bitchy but it wasn't.

The third time I went to councelling was as my marriage was breaking apart and I was trying to figure out what to do. I had sat in church for two years of Sundays praying Dear G*d my marriage is falling apart and I don't know what to do. Help my fix it or you fix it for me. I read books. I tried everything I knew to fix the problem but by the time ex-H was on board and willing to go to marriage councelling with me I was so angry and hurt that no one could reason with me. Looking back I probably should have given it more time but I didnt'.

Now is the fourth time in my life that I am at a crossroads and need to do something. I haven't gone to counselling because I haven't had the spare money to do so. I have been busy keeping the wolf from the door so to speak. Instead I come here and pour my heart out.

Which brings me back around to the question of how do you deal with emotional clutter...I don't know. I don't know that any of us knows. What I have done this time is write here time after time even when no one read it and responded. I have played Scarlett O'Hara when the thoughts would pop in my head and told myself I wouldn't think about it right now I would think about it tomorrow. I have laid in bed and sobbed giant racking sobs. I have even drunk too much wine on occassion so that I would go to sleep so I wouldn't think about it.(Not the recommended course of action, especially if you have an alcoholic somewhere in your past). This past summer, sitting outside in the sun literally saved my life. I lost my father and didn't know what to do next. All my life I had heard the phrase of not knowing whether to shit or go blind and I truly didn't know what to do. All I knew was I had to get up the next day. One weekend I was by myself and on the edge of going over and crying for the rest of my life. I dragged myself out of bed, posted here, got a book and a cold beer, a bowl of ice cubes and sat outside in the sun. I craved the sun. I friend told me sunlight help process vitamin D which helps with depression. Who knew?

Am I completely emotionally uncluttered? NO. As evidenced by my various posts. I know that when my house is in order I feel calmer and more in control.

How to deal with the emotional clutter? Maybe we should start a "Garbage Dump" thread. No responses. We just all go there and dump our emotional clutter on the screen much like we take our physical clutter to the garbage dump or the thrift stores. I don't know. I am as open to suggestions as anyone.

Bitsy

November 23, 2008
3:55 pm
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bblue
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You know Bitsy the garbage dump might be a good idea... and knowing its just a dumping ground..

Question castoff - the Angry Heart? - never heard of it...

BBlue

November 23, 2008
9:14 pm
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castoff
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The book is called The Angry Heart, overcoming borderline personality and addictive disorders. Borderline personality and codep. have very similar traits and from the reading I have done, in my opinion, they can be interchangeable. The book is by Joseph Santoro, PhD. The facitilty he worked at is under much scrutiny but the books writing assignments and readings have revealed alot to me about my childhood and sources of my anger and inablility to cope with my emotions that I never realized existed.

November 25, 2008
6:16 pm
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bblue
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castoff
Thanks have it marked in my files to find...

BBlue

November 26, 2008
4:24 pm
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Letting go of clutter, hmmm. How do we release some of the things causing us to still hurt? Any more suggestions out there.

Bitsy

November 27, 2008
6:32 pm
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bblue
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Sometimes I think the pain is necessary to avoid greater pain...
Anyone agree..?

Cleaning up junk does make me feel better... every little bit is a bit more freedom..

BBlue

November 29, 2008
4:39 pm
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bonni
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I'm trying to go at my house as if it belonged to a dear friend who needed my help getting rid of the clutter and tidying up.

November 29, 2008
8:29 pm
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bonni
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i deserve better than the way i've been treating myself.

November 29, 2008
9:32 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Bonnie, You deserve more than you can probably imagine. I use to have a lot of stuff...everywhere. Too much....like you would not believe. After living with and moving out from the exbf and then after the injuries and storing crap everywhere.....and still shuffling it around from house to house to etc....Everything started meaning less to me.....eveen stuff I have kept my whole life. Once it is stored for years I forgot I had it. I still have stuff in about 5 homes...I left because they use it now and i have no place for it.

I am sure it is harder for you because you have a family. I was emotionally attached to most of my stuff. But somehow I made out with some of my most important emotional stuff . Pictures and xmas stuff and you know that kinda stuff.

Once you start it becomes easier.....I did not even bother with a yard sale I just started throwing stuff in boxes and trashbags....If I hesitated I threw it a side and looked over that pile again.......but what I did not use or need I got rid of it......I needed a new start.

Like I have a clothes proplem and what is what id the problem...when I try to find something it it lost in all of them....I have too many and I have ALREADY sorted through them.

Clutter around me does effect my mind and I feel out of control........don't get me wrong I am not a neat freak at all. But it is what it is...not needed.

I start with one room and now it just gets easier for me to get rid of things. I never use to be able to let go of anything.......now ...less is more. I am so confused most of the time anyway, stuff scattered like.....my drawers with paper and bills I still can't deal with. But clutter confuses me more. Anyway just kinda hope I can support you some, not sure what I am talking about.....but I am sending this off anyway. Love, horsefly

December 1, 2008
9:48 pm
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bblue
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My goal is to throw out or give away one thing for every day of one week.

It's only seven things but it seven less things I am not using in my house..

I also thought I might try to pick out something to give to a shelter or sick kids hospital like toys or games. In the spirit of giving and xmas and all.

I live in a rural area but I know a lady that goes regularly and would drop it off.

BBlue

December 1, 2008
10:02 pm
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bonni
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((horsefly))
thank you. when we hold on to things, we lose them. I think it was suze orman who said that you have to give to get, like somehow we have confidence that the universe will provide what you need when you need it. by hoarding, we express the fear/belief that the universe will not give us what we need when we need it. thats harder to repeat in my head than "i deserve better." i do deserve better than the life i've built for myself. I deserve the chance to build a better life.

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