Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
letting go of clutter, emotional and physical
October 7, 2007
2:30 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i am trying to let go of a large amount of physical amount of clutter from my life. alot of these things tie me to my emotional clutter and i think that's why its so hard to let go. its time. i've been letting go of the clutter on my body for a year now. one step at a time. its time to stop the hoarding.

i have to run now, but I'll add more later. anybody else in?

bonni

October 7, 2007
2:46 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi Bonni-

Great post, I am checking in every so often on Fantas' exercise thread and this is another that would help me. My family are all pack rats. I live in a studio apartment, and have previously lived in much smaller living arrangements so I've had to learn how to fight that urge to collect. It's like an addiction. Do you see a relationship with cluttering and codependency?

I'm trying to get my place fixed up which has involved packing up almost all of my belongings and sending them to storage. It has to be out in a few days, so there is not a lot of time for weeding right now... but as I pack I consider getting rid of certain things. When I unpack it- I will be merciless!

It helps a lot to keep one's environment orderly to your best abilities. It's not always possible to be Martha Stewart, but sometimes clutter makes me feel so oppressed and I feel anxious. Does that make sense?

Thanks for posting this thread.

-ella

October 7, 2007
2:54 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Last year, I placed my (big) house on the market. Unfortunately, it still has not sold, due to the slow housing market here in South Florida. However, I did accomplish something important, before listing my house.

I cleaned it out.

TOP TO BOTTOM.

I went through every single storage box, every single memento, every single photo album, Christmas ornaments, EVERYTHING. I had my sons take what they wanted to keep, as they are both adults now. The rest went at a GIANT garage sale.

My house is now fairly empty. I did keep two storage boxes of china and crystal, as gifts to future daughters-in-law (should they want them). I kept minimal pieces of furniture. Paintings, photos, books, knick-knacks, etc...it all went. My house now looks very clean and organized. Even the closets are no longer stuffed, (other than my own clothes closet which is still bursting because I own so many clothes, ALL of which fit and are still in style.)

It did me good to sort through the mess and simplify my life. When -- or if -- I manage to sell this place, I can move into a small apartment with very little to move (basically just my bedroom set, a couple of bookcases, some living room chairs/tables/lamps and a small dinette set. I am living "light" and I love it. It is tough to part with so many memories, but I told myself that this is the beginning of my NEW life...and it IS!!

Go for it. New beginnings. We all need that.

(Plus, having tidy closets and neat-looking rooms is a real bonus.)

October 7, 2007
3:20 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ella,
i think you pose a good question about the relationship between hoarding and codependency. certainly, if we keep things given to us by others because we don't want to hurt the feelings of the person who gave it to us, even if they might never know we got rid of it?

i don't know, but i don't want to keep all this stuff. its in my way.

bonni

October 7, 2007
3:22 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ma Strong,
Congratulations on getting rid of all that stuff. I can only imagine how free it feels to live light. i hope i will make it there some day.

how long did it take you? did you work at the same time?

bonni

October 7, 2007
3:25 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It took me nearly a month to go through everything. I spent about 3-4 hours every day, working on the clear-out and sorting process. It was really hard...alot of tough memories got stirred. I think going through that process taught me that there is a HUGE connection between our emotions and our possessions and the the memories they entail. It's rather like the relationship between music and our feelings and the memories a certain recording can trigger, if that makes sense.

October 7, 2007
3:30 pm
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ty for this thread and congrats to those who have been able to declutter and those who are planning to. I was just thinking what better time to do it than now. Kind of a fall cleaning here where I am.

October 7, 2007
3:36 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks for joining Tumbleweed,
we just finished the flylady's second week of the fall superfling. i haven't completed all of the missions yet (there's one every weekday), but i've purged my closet with regard to non-clothing items and i've made a couple of passes at the bedroom.

i'm finding that its like an archeological dig and i'm finding more with each pass that i'm ready to let go of.

today, i'm getting ready for the week ahead. i'm also going to try to make a pass at my desk and my youngest daughter's room. that's pretty ambitious.

bonni

October 7, 2007
4:22 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow, Bonni, watch out for the children´s stuff! Youre going to work with them, right?

I moved around enough that I had to give up "my things" many times over. I think the codependence relationship is interesting. I still resent that I dont have a set of dishes or something bc I wasnt around when my mom passed away and her house was sold. And I was shocked when my nephew went over my mom´s rug through the LV with a dirty bike (only way out in his house). My sil said the rug wasnt the one it used to be years ago. But Im still working on these issue. Then later I left my xh and he kept everything and the condo. Im still working on this issue, too. I criticized myself for not bveing materialistic and assertive enough to keep "my" things. I just didnt have a choice.

We do get attached to things and sometimes it even rules out our sense of style. And ends up hurting our eyes unless your castle just like ala Paul Getty! However, Ive been endeared by my younger sis loyalty to the gifts she gets. Each one has a story. If its flowers in a wrapped vase, she lets the paper fade before she throws it out (usually some arrangement from a party, dinner).

Right now I have old educational material that dont run in my PC, lots of sewing material I will never sew along with a sewing machine I dont use, a bike I rarely use, old shoes which are comfy but plain old and a couple of dishes I dont use. Hmm, some jelly glasses but I have who to give them to. Clothes? I try to give away one for every one new I get. But I dont have many so usually I get the scissors and turn them into casual wear with no hems, sleeves, etc. Ive given nice hair barrets with semiprecious stones unfaceted and many costume jewelry. I dont regret I dont have them for myself when I sometimes think of them bc I thought so and so needed them more or I wanted to give as gifts.

The good thing is I have less to dust and administrate. The space is limited, lets say the bedroom is a partition and the spare room is really a deposit for the bike, tools and the sewing stuff...

Hey, its together with some pillows and old old comforts (from the time there were no comforts) that I wanted to revamp. Got them from my bro in law who got them from his grandma. Now how long till I give them away? It usually is a good rule to give some time and then dump. I think I need to budget myself for this.

I hear some people give away gifts they dont like as gifts! Thats being detached. In fact, my deceased xmil used to do that with me w/o telling me! Eventually she grew fonder of me though.

Just rambling and sharing. Will check bcak to see if we let go of some stuff.

October 7, 2007
5:03 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sininho,
yes, i'm working with the child. she has alot of stuff. we've been talking about letting stuff go for weeks. her birthday is coming up and she'll get a bunch of stuff. its a preemptive strike.

sounds like you've pared down to not much. the flylady says that if if makes you smile, then you can keep it. i have a ton of stuff that doesn't make me smile.

bonni

October 7, 2007
5:08 pm
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ty for the reminder, Bonni. I'll have to check that out again as I found it helpful before.

October 7, 2007
5:41 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Great, "if it makes you smile". I plan to use the comforts in winter (summer there) when nephew and niece come. I realize keeping them only is not gonna make it happen. I mean, having the kids over. I need to really work on them, they need a cover, and yes, itll make me smile to think the kids are coming. But I have to do more. As a codependent I dont wanna dream of anything that may not happen but I have to realize we need to help make dreams happen. If I tell people I have beuatiful comforts for them when they come over maybe theyll come. I only have one single bed for now. I need to work on that too. If I make the bridge, I think theyll cross. They wanna come, they love the kitties and they love ME. Children show when they don´t and they show they do. So sometimes its good to keep stuff...

October 7, 2007
7:45 pm
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bonni ~

I have so much clutter ---- I don't even know where to start! And I am a pack rat! I have retained things from childhood! And since I tossed my Xbf out last year, I have been going through stuff and tossing----only to replace it with more clutter!

I procrastinate. I also think "I can use this again....but probably never will!" I have tried fly lady...but then I have been in and out of my cycle with PTSD, panic attacks and then the 'depression' that comes from the adrenalin comedown after the panic attacks. (Hate that cycle!)

HELP!

I don't know the first thing about tossing stuff or putting things aside for garage sales, ebay, or donations/gifts. Some stuff has sentimental reasons attached...alot doesn't.

If I have a question about something-------could you say "yes" or "no"?

I mean it is so bad that I am embarassed to have friends over anymore!

October 7, 2007
7:53 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We went from 1500 sq feet to almost 2500 and just bought our home this July. The company is leaving and now my husband is looking for work...there is nothing here, no jobs..nothing really left here, most major employers left...we were transferred in and left dry:( I just put the home on the market and we have no income, excpet unemployment and I have to say we have no real prospects here, will prolly foreclose and move into an apt for awhile, maybe cash in some 401ks and buy an affordable home somewhere and just stay put till the bitter end here, tired of moving, tired of life itself..not much hope here, depressed too, I have too much clutter, that is physical and emotional, I have a large attic I never even used, still have things in boxes, still have repressed memeories in my mind, how i would just love to unload this and have nothing, no worries, no baggage, no nothing, how wonderful that would be here....

October 7, 2007
8:27 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((Red Blonde))
I will try to be supportive whenever you ask. i'm struggling too. we can struggle together.

Tomorrow, flylady's zone is the kitchen. so, just for tomorrow, clean your sink. don't wash the dishes first. don't even bother to wash dishes you don't love. how many dishes do you need? Pick out what you need from what you have and just throw the rest away. you don't have to give them to goodwill, because they have plenty of plates, ok? if it doesn't make you smile, just put it in the trash. don't spend more than 15 minutes doing this. you can do anything for 15 minutes.

tonight, do one thing to prepare for tomorrow. just one thing. make your lunch, put your bag together by the door, decide what you are having for dinner and set out the supplies, just pick one, whichever most appeals to you.

bonni

October 7, 2007
8:31 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((Survivor))
honey, go get one of those boxes, just pick one. you don't even have to look in it. toss it. just one.

if you have to go through it to dump it into a trash bag. you don't have to keep it at all. you don't need it and it doesn't make you smile.

of course if any of it is worth a mint, you could ebay it, but how likely is that? if you can't bear to throw it out, make a sign that says "free to good home" and set the box by the curb. maybe someone will want it. take it to goodwill. no one can make you keep it.

if you're not ready, don't do it. just know that you have the power to make your life better. one box at a time.

bonni

October 7, 2007
9:07 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Bonni, I am still in shock here, we had planned on retiring here, and now we have nothing, and most likely will foreclose on this home, and have to start over, this time, it will not be somewhere isolated in the mountains, but in a large city where work plentiful, thought we could escape, you know live where there were less drugs and crime for our family, wrong, big time, all we got was left high and dry and stuck with a home we can no longer afford...but at least we can leave here, and can find good employement again, so many here will die here, they have no where to go, no skills, no education, its very sad, and depressing, just want to leave, and never look back again...thank you, yes I will do that, I will donate what I have not used to charity this week, thank you for your kindness and response...

October 7, 2007
9:17 pm
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((Survivor))
hang in there. once you've gotten rid of what you ready to part with, you will have room for something else.

have you thought about researching new places to live or do you already know where you want to move?

what can you do to make your home more likely to sell? it maybe with the town's economy that no one is looking. for that i'm sorry. but, if anyone is looking, can you compete? there are alot of shows on tv about tricks for selling your home. you may not be able to invest alot of money, but you can maybe do something?

i'm sure you've thought of all these things, i just want to help.

bonni

October 7, 2007
9:23 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I appreciate that! Well its in the mountains, in a small town that is very depressed except for a few big worldwide companies, that seem to be disappearing fast here, we were brought in just this summer, told we would have nothing to worry bout, could retire here, and that was our plan, they now are leaving and left us out in the cold, one month severance pay...no real savings except for 401ks that we wanted to save for our old age, we are in 40s, so its not like we can start over again here....I am open to just bout anywhere...husband has a phone interview in Oregon this week, and alot of interest down in Arizona and a few other places, but they are sooo different than what we are used too, which is the east coast..he has alot of interest, headhunters call all the time, but no offers yet, it has only been a week, so I am sorta of numb now..the few locals that will talk to us, said that work is slim and even the few places that pay min wage with no healthcare are not hiring, or will only hire those who have family here for generations...agh..I feel like I am in hell, and it gets worse too...this place is oppressive and dark, I just want OUT! Thanks for caring to post me here and giving me advice, its in the hands of fate now, so whatever lies ahead, we gotta face...no way out.

October 7, 2007
11:14 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

A word of caution: a pastor once misplaced his paycheck stubs or something. Probably moving around. Then he needed them to prove years of work so he could retire. And they were gone.

Sometimes we should check into things. Just not move stuff from one box to the other as we sometimes do without being aware!

Survivor, I empathize with your situation. Im glad your husband has some prospects. Dont give in to depressive thoughts. There is something for everyone waiting for us. The road there is just sometimes twisty. Hows your daughter? It must be nice that you are not alone!!

October 8, 2007
12:03 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

sini- interesting story about the pastor. I guess we need to keep some things that aren't exactly "fun" for a while.

I have saved all my paystubs and phonebills that I have gotten in my adult life. Maybe even in college. Some are stored in my parents' house- this because it is large, they kept my childhood room as is so it's good storage, and I live in a studio apt., also because they are the ones that urged me to do that in the first place. It always bothered me to keep this stuff, it's boring, ugly, bulky, and I thought my folks were just being their neurotic pack-rat selves. I keep a folder in my place going back 2 years, then clear it on the holidays when I visit them. Someday I'll make room for a file cabinet- but I'm not looking forward to it.

The reason I go into this is, I never thought I'd need any of that crap. Now I've found that I am the victim of identity theft and can not get a credit card. (Work lost our personal info, including social ssn. TWICE. Then add having two pocketbooks stolen (at work), theif ex bf. and it's a wonder this didn't happen sooner). There are several versions of me out there actually, living in many different places in the city, having different phone numbers and credit cards- credit cards that I can't get. I need to have my phone bills because I forgot my old phone numbers and when I closed the accounts... I may need more information to prove bills were paid, etc. I don't know at this point. But I should probably buy stock in "thecontainerstore.com" I go to the actual store in my city a lot. Someday I'm going to have to get pretty boxes that are bigger than the ones I have just to keep track of clearing my name and credit! What a mess.

But that's off tangent, I'm rambling. I'll end up with a thread about id theft when I get into working on it. Sorry Bonni!

StronginHim- I'm realizing it is going to take me a while as well to go through just the stuff in this one room. It's hard because I live with less stuff than most people already, but still... I want a nice airy space. Decisions to part with things are difficult and take a while to make. One thing that helps is knowing that your stuff (if it's any good) is going somewhere where someone else can use it. I like to give good clothes away to charity thrift stores. Unfortunately I never have coats for the coatdrive, and I get stains on a good portion of my clothes from either work or food and end up throwing those ones away or making rags. Recycling can make you feel okay about giving things up.

Sometimes time or accidents take the decision making out of your hands. I opened a box of art object that I apparently never finished making... and then discovered that the substance I used (latex) had an even shorter shelf span then I thought. Had I known that, maybe I would have finished, drawn, and photographed the work in time! But I opened the box and part of one of the pieces was melted to it, the other that I tried to pick up crumbled in my hand! I just laughed. Sometimes time can help you detach from things as well!

-ella

October 8, 2007
6:41 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i've only worked a handful of places since i got out of school and I get a social security report every year. i don't even keep my paycheck stubs from my current job more than a year. i've been where i am 13 years and probably will til i retire in 17.

identity theft is pretty scary. i don't carry my id or anything in a purse at all anymore. i use a neck wallet that i can wear on my waist.

bonni

October 8, 2007
7:02 am
Avatar
bonni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I love my job. But I don't want to go to work while my home is in such disorder. i want to stay home sick until we can breathe properly, but i have stuff to do at work as well, so off I go. does anyone else feel torn like this?

bonni

October 8, 2007
8:58 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Siniho and Bonni...We usually keep things like that in a lock box and we use a shredder...Identity theft is scary..and seems to be on the rise too. I wll be ok, eventually my hubby will find suitable work and we can escape from here, I would never suggest to anyone to get away from it all, to live where I do, in the mountains, unless of course your very well off and do not need to work for a living. No one is hiring here, low paying jobs, parttime with no healthcare...I seriously don't know how people do it here, survive here, its a nightmare...well gotta go clean up and get my home ready, in case a person ever wants to come in to see our home, I am not holding my breath! Thanks for your support and kindness guys!

October 8, 2007
9:04 am
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I feel like that, Bonni. My house is in such disorder...guess it reflects how my life is in disorder. And that is sad.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
32
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information