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Letting Go...and what that means
August 28, 2006
2:56 pm
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expressgirl
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Ok, so I am trying to prepare myself to let go of my ex-bf. I still love him very dearly (even though he has hurt me deeply). But, i recognize that we shouldn't be together for many reasons, mostly because he is confused and not willing to commit himself/love to me. I have been struggling with how and what it means to let go. It feels like it is so hard, like it is a goodbye forever and that I must forget to be able to move on. Any suggestions or things you may have found helpful would be appreciated.

By the way, I found this document on a co-dep website and I thought it would be nice to share (note, some of you have probably already seen it).
__________________________________________

Letting Go = removing our attention from a particular experience or person and putting our focus on the here and now.

“Each Day A New Beginning” – Hazelden

“Letting Go” Doesn’t Mean Stop Caring.

To “let go” does not mean stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another; it is to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive. It is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept. It is not to nag, scold, or argue with, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try and become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and love more without the harm to yourself.

by: Thomas Allender, S.J.

August 28, 2006
3:43 pm
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StronginHim77
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Hi, EG...

I had posted to you on "No Contact Club - Revelations" threads. Didn't know you had a new thread going.

- Strong

August 28, 2006
3:50 pm
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doubleloss
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xpress girl.
that is a great one of letting go. I'll print it. thank you!

August 28, 2006
5:06 pm
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cloud nine
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hi
yes im in the same path of letting go, and I feel is the hardest thing to do. I think I would like to remain friends with myex bf but realise that being friends will tempt me into tentation and attachment
I started no contact today. first day today. I know that i will miss him eventually , but
im commiting to myself to let go of him and open the door to the new ..

1st day , yay
thanks for sharing x

August 28, 2006
9:04 pm
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Jenni
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(((EG)))

August 29, 2006
8:34 am
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Jenni
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EG, I'm wishing you the strength and courage you need to do what you know is the best thing in your situation. And the patience for the time it takes to do it. And the peace, for knowing it was right.

My thoughts are with you, as you attempt this transition. It's all a process, Honey. And it can be done, given all of these things, (strength, courage, patience and peace.)

I'll pray about this, and ask that it will be put in God's hands. (((EG)))

Jen

August 29, 2006
11:38 am
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expressgirl
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((((Jen))))))

Thank you so much! You are a wonderful friend and have been there for me since the beginning of this saga.

I feel that God is really testing me know and that there are many lessons to be learned from this experience.

It is a process, I can feel that. It seems like every 5 minutes a different emotion takes hold of me. From sadness, to dispair, to rationalizing, to love, to hate, to anger, to betrayal, around and around I go.

Time will heal I suppose, I just wonder if i will truly be able to ever trust again.

August 29, 2006
11:52 am
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feelingfree
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(((EG))),

Great start- thanks for sharing the 'letting go' piece. Have patience with yourself- you will get there... and be sure to keep posting!

August 30, 2006
8:32 am
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Jenni
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(((EG)))

One day at a time...

August 30, 2006
8:38 am
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Anonymous
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I love to tell people about this incredible book about letting go. I need to reread it. It is called Change Your Mind and Change your Life by Karen Casey. When I read it, it gives me a lot of peace. I haven't been reading it lately, which was not good for me. I know of two other people who have it, and think it is incrediblly helpful.

August 30, 2006
11:55 am
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forgottenone
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i'm reading how to survive the loss of a love which is good.

i've found that what helps me is going out as much as possible and being with friends - when i am alone i start getting depressed. being out reminds you that there is life outside the relationship

August 30, 2006
1:10 pm
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saphirecat
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Well this is something i needed to see today, I have been married for 5 years and have decided to move out...for many reasons, My husband and i still love each other but have grown apart. I have never lived on my own before, so i am going to do it, this is the hardest things i have ever done in my life. I feel so many things. sadness,scared, pain, and the burning in my eyes from crying. But it all about the journey, life is a journey. Just like alana morriset (sorry if i spelled it wrong) say's You cry you learn, you fall you learn, you scream you learn.... Any way that is a wonderful piece....

September 6, 2006
10:35 am
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2angelsinmo
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Hi, Saphirecat. I'm 2angels and going through the same exact isssue. I'm scared to death but as excited. Just dust our selves off and get back up.

September 6, 2006
8:11 pm
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Jenni
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Hope you're hanging in there, EG. Been thinking of ya'.

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