Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Letting go again
May 29, 2005
9:10 pm
Avatar
Bristow
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My ex-boyfriend abused marijuana. He stole money to support his habit, lied and manipulated many people, but primarily me. I was blind to all of this, or kept my head in the sand whichever you prefer. I always saw the good in him, thought it was my role to protect him. He eventually stopped working and slept all day, which led to depression. I continued to support him both financially and emotionally. Finally I had my breaking point and broke up with him. He moved out of our apartment and in with his family. However, we remained in touch and as he bounced from one family member to another I took his calls and listened to his plea. At one point, his oldest brother dropped him off in a nearby town, with no money and only the clothes on his back. He had to spend a few nights at a shelter. Again, I took his calls and listened to his sobs. It broke my heart to see him going through all of this, but never did I once take him back. Since hitting bottom he has found counselling and spent a few months in rehabilitation. He is now back in the same city as I am and we have been spending time together as friends. He is working hard on himself and I have seen a definite change in him. I've kept in touch with him not only to help him but to help me stay connected and not deal with moving on. Now I think I have to cut things off but I can't seem to find it in myself to let go. I know this is co-dependency and I don't know how to start. Any suggestions?

May 30, 2005
12:44 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i realy dont know hun I am suffering from co dependancy as well. but maybe someone else will post who knows how to do this

May 30, 2005
1:03 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bristow,

Frustration, hurt anger, helplessness, hopelessness, fear........how many feelings and frustration are you going thru right now? Many of them, I see.

You have already started to your journey, to finding the answers!!!!! Maybe you do not know that right now, but you have.

You have taken a baby step forward. Correction; many steps forward!!!

You have identified the propblem(s), or that there is a problem; with him, you, the relationship, the danger of drug addiction.

You are seeking information and resolution.

Hmmmm, let's see....althought he is going to counseling, you never took him back....when....blah, blah........you stood up to your boundaries.

Take a review of what you wrote here and perhaps you can add to your list!!!

What can help?

Attend meetings for coda (codependtents), just google it in for a location that maybe near you.

Attend Al-onan meetings........both these type of meetings are for you, not for him, but will help you deal with him and life issues.

Read...........go to this Site's homepage and click and search and read, educate yourself about it all.

"Codependency No More" by Melody Beattie is a great recomendation and fav for beginners or one many will refer back to.

"Facing Codependence...What it is, Where it comes from, How it sabatages our lives" by Pia Mellody is my favorite and seem to relate to her style better.

Of course, there is counseling therapy, too.

You go girl.....you're on your journey...we are here with you all the way!!!

The best to you,

Sew

May 30, 2005
1:04 pm
Avatar
InPainZHT
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm not so sure this is codependency; at least not at this stage. My understanding is that if you were codependent you would have taken him back, regardless of the fact that nothing good would come of it. It could just be the usual grieving and loss stage, albeit it is being stretched out & lengthened.

At the very least, it shows that you had resolve enough to "say no" to accepting him back.

Inpain

May 30, 2005
1:30 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There are also links to signs of codependency.

You can also let him go, but still have the agony of it within your heart and mind. How you handle this can be seen as coda, or not.......but some are at different levels of coda, some learn from it all easier than others.

No black and white textbook answers here. It is all relevant, right?

June 2, 2005
12:22 pm
Avatar
Bristow
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone, for some great recommendations on reads and advice. The kind words really, really do help!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111049
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714358
Newest Members:
Goldyy, nickvoz, jron1945bas, juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information