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letter to Mr.P, the abuser............gg
May 7, 2007
10:02 am
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ggfred4
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Mr.P,

I have never forgotten what you did to me. You were not supposed to come early when I was babysitting your children. You never have before, so why that night? Being drunk is no excuse. Did you also hurt the next babysitter? She drove herself into a barricade drunk a years later. Are you and I the reason why?

Did you plan what you were going to do me? I still can smell your stinking Budweiser breath. Why didn't you listen when I said stop and no? Why did you want to hurt me so physically? Did I do something to make you want to hurt me? I know you remember what you did to me. I HATE you for what you did to me. While you were hurting me, I was worried, not you about the kids waking up. I did not tell anyone what you did until a few years ago. I let this night affect my life in the most negative of ways. I have so many fears of being attacked. I have so many fears for my daughters; they were never allowed to babysit.

Did you even wonder what happened to me in your drunken stupor? I left through the window in fear of you striking again. It was the middle of the night and I was a young teen. I had no where to go, but knew I couldn't stay. I was just across the street a few houses down on the back patio of the vacant house. I needed to know your wife came home for the kids. There I sat til early a.m. I washed myself in a faucet there, freaking out at the bleeding you caused. I will never forget the loneliness and pain of that long, horrendous night.

Please don't ever hurt another girl again. Some people say that until I forgive you, I will not be free. I can't forgive you. I HATE YOU. You disgust me.

May 7, 2007
10:05 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((gg)))

I LOVE YOU....I am here. I know your pain. (((gg)))

May 7, 2007
10:25 am
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Anonymous
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How horrible your pain must be...what a terrible man.

May 7, 2007
10:33 am
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cyndra820
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(((((GG)))))

I love you!

May 7, 2007
11:50 am
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Isis
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(((GG)))

RELEASE!

May 7, 2007
12:25 pm
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((((gg))))

my hat is off to you. You're doing the work... oh wow, how you are doing the work! and it is a privilege to be part of your support network.

You often come up with very striking images or analogies to describe how you are feeling -- and at the moment, the image of you I have in my mind is of "the little engine that could". I see you gritting your teeth and screwing up all your resources to get to the top of the steepest hills... almost grinding to a halt as you put all your effort in. And then -- you get to the top! and barrel down the next slope full speed ahead, knocking all obstacles out of your way!

Enjoy a little rest stop, gg... I have no doubt that you are bound for climbing even steeper hills yet to come :o)

sending a cyberhug your way,
love from kousin k

May 7, 2007
12:31 pm
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smarterone
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(((gg))) God bless you and give you peace for yourself. I know it took alot. I dont know the pain you are feeling but Pain itself is very big in my life. I will pray for you.

May 7, 2007
12:40 pm
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Shaney
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Very brave gg... I know how terribly hard it was for you to write that. Know that we're with you through this pain. I know it's hard let this ugly moster out... but when you face it head on, there is hope that you will eventually be able to watch it as it passes you by, until you're actually looking at it, far behind you. Bless you, my friend - Love - Shaney

May 7, 2007
2:22 pm
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ggfred4
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(((michy))) (((artist))) (((cyn)))
(((Isis))) (((kousin kroika))) (((smarterone))) (((Shaney)))

All of your posts meant so much at a time I felt so vulnerable for posting that. I have been very overwhelmed and had to release something. I am thankful to this site for providing the place for me to do this in a much healthier way than I have done so in the past. I am grateful for all of you for taking the time to read my letter and for your supporting comments. I wish I could give you real hugs....who knows, maybe one day?

THANKS SO MUCH!!!
Love, gg

May 7, 2007
3:25 pm
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Randomwomen2
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(((ggfred)))) Many many hugs to you sweetheart. This is a great big step in the recovery process.

May 7, 2007
3:59 pm
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ggfred4
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Thank you RW...

May 7, 2007
5:11 pm
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bevdee
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(((GG)))

I want to hug you for your courage. You are a very brave "little engine"!!

May 7, 2007
8:19 pm
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ggfred4
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thanks bev, your post means a lot!

May 9, 2007
2:28 pm
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Friendma
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((((((((((((((((((((GG))))))))))))))))))))

May 9, 2007
2:32 pm
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danielle7373
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great expression of your feelings and deep pain.

((((gg))))

May 9, 2007
9:22 pm
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ggfred4
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fm and danielle, thank you so much for sharing my post with me...It means a lot...

May 9, 2007
9:50 pm
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Anonymous
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I canĀ“t phatom being attacked, but I can, Oh, I can so much fear one and share the pain of being ignored as a person.

(((gg)))

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