Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Let them go
October 29, 2004
11:56 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have noticed this when breaking up or leaving a relationship especially with a lot of people on these threads. WHY do we remember the good things? Why is it so easy to forget all the crappy things and then blow the good things up to be these impecable acts of greatness that no one else can dare achieve. I realized I HAVE DONE this even with Mr. Jack. Mr. I am a jack ass, full pledged through and through, and will never change. I sit there and think, oh well he said this ONE nice thing once, and he paid for dinner and he would know certain things about me that no one else knows, and then I would remember all the shitty things, and yet the good things still override the crappy things. WHY IS THAT? So we can idealize them in our minds and then justify missing them and even heaven forbid calling them? And then is some sense we never break the addiction or ties because there is always contact of some sort. It is really possible to never have contact again. I sometimes wonder, I am so upset with Mr. Jack for the things that have happened, I am upset with myself as well, and yet the longest we have gone with no contact is three days. Am I really that weak? Even though we are not back together? Why is it that I feel this pull to go back to him time and time again, and continue to get hurt. OH WAIT I KNOW, it's because I think THIS TIME it will be different.

I think that if I change this, and I BEHAVE, like he stated so many times. If I didn't DISOBEY him, then things would be fine, he would WANT to spend time with me, but I CONSTANTLY annoy him, I constantly aggravate him, I constantly talk to MEN, and I must be having sex with them, and I do this and I do that, well guess what jack ass, I am a person with FREE WILL, and you are not perfect either. I do miss him, I do miss the good times, but they do not justify the bad times. He is not a bad person, but he cannot give me what I need and I cannot give him what he needs. Sometimes, I think that no one ever truly lets someone go. Ever.

October 29, 2004
11:59 am
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

They do. Really, they do. It just takes a long time sometimes.

I found that lists helped me. I made lists of all of the crappy things about him, didn't matter how huge and awful it was or how petty I was being. Then I made photocopies of it and pasted it next to my home phone, my computer, and taped a short list on the back of my cell phone. It helped my brain to remember what my heart was so good at forgetting.

October 29, 2004
12:02 pm
Avatar
fairy99
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gingers right. It's human nature to want to only remember what's good, becasue we condition ourselves to forget the bad. I know in my heart you will meet a man that will totally take your breath away and Mr Jack(ass) will be gone for good. You'll see. HUGS!!!

~~fairy~~

October 29, 2004
12:08 pm
Avatar
Cristine
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've decided that I have someone special in my life, and that having ANY contact with "Mr. I Love You, Oh, Wait, I Don't, Oh, Wait, I Do..." will make that person leave... and who IS tht person? ME Me, the person inside that says I deserve better, I want better, I need better, I will not settle for less than better. ME I'M special, and having ANY contact with him will make that person I KNOW I am disappear and be replaced by the pathetic person I was that wallowed in the mire he gave me and expected me to accept as "I'm giving you everything I have, Cristine... maybe I'm just not good enough for you, maybe your expectations are too high.... so just accept this SHIT I give you, roll around in it, and convince yourself this is all you deserve and pretend it's really roses!"

October 29, 2004
12:10 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think one thing that keeps people hooked in is romaniticizing the man and the relationship. Don't do it. It stops you from facing the relaity of the relationship. You said Mr. Jack is not a bad person. Well, someone who is verbally and physically abusive is a bad person in my book. He definately mets the criteria of bad person given the way he talked to and treated you. I think it is the wounded inner child that is missing the man. The wounded child that wants what feels familiar. If abuse feels familiar that what the inner child seeks and misses. But the healthier adult can look at how bad the relationship really was and never put the inner child in the line of fire again. The healthier adult wants to be treated well and lovingly. There's a struggle between the two parts. Give the power to the healthier adult and let go completely on Mr. Jack. It can be done. I have let go of many men in my life that were not good for me. You can do it.

October 29, 2004
12:13 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sometimes i'd almost rather remember the good...makes me feel less ashamed for such sh*tty judgement. I will often obsess about all the crap I've been through with the BD (baby's dad) and I ease myself into this nasty spiral of negative self-talk: "I can't believe I was so stupid, look at all the sh*t he did to me, his emotional unavailability, his alcoholism, I was so stupid to be with him now look at where I am.grrrrr"

then i have to say, well he did this and that so it's understandeable that I was fooled into believing that he was a decent human being with human emotions. god he is such a....a....lizard. ha ha ha

October 29, 2004
12:21 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mr. Jack(ass)!!! Best laugh I've had all day!

October 29, 2004
1:02 pm
Avatar
fairy99
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Didn't mean to be rude but Aces knows how I feel about Mr JAck and there is no compassion not one ounce . He is a horrible man who had treated Aces with the utmost disrespect. He deserves hi own special place in the world where it's nice and HOT, if ya get me. Glad to have made you laugh ginger.

Aces I'm here for ya honey. You are always in my thoughts and prayters sweetie.

~~fairy~~

October 29, 2004
1:17 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Fiary thank you so much, it helps having your support and the support of others to remind me of what Mr. jack was really like. I still wonder to this day was it just me that brought it out in him then I heard him when he was on the phone with me the other day talking about how crappy the drivers are, some women was a whore, and a stupid bitch and then some guy was a nigger, and asshole, so I know now that he just has issues of his own. I do not condone that type of language, I may have a potty mouth of my own but certainly not to that degree. BTW fairy how are you feeling at home?

October 29, 2004
3:13 pm
Avatar
starryslp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Aces...I ask myself this same question everyday.

Funny too...seems like our ex's and such remember the bad about us....and not the good.

I guess we will truly be over them when we forget the good, and expect more for ourselves.

October 29, 2004
3:15 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It is hard to realize that the bad is why we left, and to not look at the good that is why ginger is right have that list, to remind us of the crap. Mr. Jack just called and I let it go to vm then he called work I told the receptionist to tell him i was in a meeting.

October 29, 2004
6:38 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi everyone
I was remembering the good times last night and I got really sad. Now I am thinking of the bad times. My ex left me crying on the ground in a parking lot a couple times, and now I wonder how I EVER thought that he was capable of being an adult or truly loving someone. Sometimes it's hard to hold on to the bad memories, but I am going to try.

Cristine, such a great post- again! (the one about the special person in your life (yourself) leaving when you talk to your ex) Very enlightening, thank you so much.

wishing everyone a great weekend,
art angel

October 29, 2004
6:40 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

But then again, I guess I don't know how to be an adult either, if I was crying on the ground in a parking lot! sheesh what am I going to do with myself. Well for one thing, I'm going to find someone who won't make me cry (as much)!!!!

October 29, 2004
6:41 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well I heard once, someone who makes you cry is not worth your tears.

October 29, 2004
6:43 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've heard that too. but i'm such a sensitive person, a lot makes me cry. 🙂

October 29, 2004
7:00 pm
Avatar
davydavy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Aces,

You're really right. Right now the bad things seem very minimal to me. I can only think of how wonderful the beginning of our relationship was and really blame myself over and over for it's debacle. I know it takes two allot of times and it probably did this time. But man it really feels like she was sooo great and wonderful and I've been a selfish ass. I can't stop thinking about her either.
Do you think BOTH people in a break-up remember the positives or just the one that's pining away?

November 5, 2004
10:59 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that both people if they both TRULY cared remember the positive, but so many relationships are unhealthy to that it is not even the aspect of caring anymore but just controlling.

I look back in every other relationship I ever had that was not this destructive and realize that I miss the good times, you always do, because it's very easy to forget the bad times because your mind wants to get rid of it.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111007
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38568
Posts: 714295
Newest Members:
rogerbell, nickbor34, finistratbob, Knewhervel, waylanmarx, rydesk
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information