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Lessons You've Learned this Year....
December 31, 2005
6:58 am
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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Since this site has already taught me so much...i was wondering if everyone would share some of the life lessons they have learned this past year to pass along. It may help all of us to take that knowledge into the New Year with new insight and a whole new mindset.

As for myself..i've learned so many lessons it isnt funny. Just acknowledging my co-dependency has been such an eye opener to so many of the habits/feelings i experience on a daily basis. Seeing it and acknowledging it..it is easier to help deal with things more rationally. I have a long way to go..but the babysteps forward i have made..due to this site..have been such a blessing..

next??

December 31, 2005
7:32 am
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KatDec2005
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I have'nt been on this site for too long but in the little time I have been here it has given me hope to see that there are people out there who are willing to listen and always willing to help.

This turns my discouragement into hope.

December 31, 2005
7:57 am
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Anonymous
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I only discovered this site recently also, and it's been very interesting reading.

However, I guess I wouldn't be here at all if this wasn't the year when I finally started thinking about my own needs. This lead me to counselling, a lot of soul searching (still ongoing) and the idea of co-dependency. Which, as the first poster said, is a big thing to learn about in itelf.

I think the most useful lesson I've learned is that it's OK (if not essential) to put myself first. Just have to keep reminding myself occasionally...

December 31, 2005
10:06 am
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lollipop3
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I have learned (and still learning) to accept people for WHO they are instead of who I want them to be.

I have learned that it is not people that disappoint me as much as it is my own expectations of people that disappoint me.

I have learned that it is okay to not do everything "right".

I have learned that I am going to be okay.

December 31, 2005
10:28 am
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snowlover
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Ive learned that it doesnt matter what I want people to do, or how I want them to feel, they are going to do exactly what they want to in the end.

Ive learned that I cant control anyone except myself.

Ive learned that sometimes the best reaction to an issue is NO reaction at all.

And Ive learned that if i want to feel better about myself, and change my life, then Im the ONLY person that can do that. I control my own destiny.

Snow

December 31, 2005
10:31 am
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hbdude2k
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First of all, having my codependency pointed out to me. That in itself was major find. Now in December has been the biggest growing month for me. Discovering this site and going to CODA meetings, which in turn I have discovered that I don't have to lie, I don't have to control, I can feel anger, I can be happy without somebody else being happy. Lying was my big one though. I have lied all my life, but not knowing it. Just telling someone what they want to hear instead of me telling how I feel...That was big for me. I want to say that it has brought my life to stress free in that way. This week I discovered that I have never been in LOVE before. How could I with my behavior. Instead I would bring myself down to a certain level to please the other person and I thought that was love to make the other person happy....So, this year has been huge for me. Next year will be even bigger. But, I have to take it one step at a time and one day at a time....Good luck to all of you!

December 31, 2005
11:11 am
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revelation
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I have learned so much...but the best thing I have learned:

FORGIVENESS....sets you free!

December 31, 2005
1:11 pm
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sdesigns
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I think the most important lesson for me is to be able to stand up for myself and say what I want. That it is OK for me to exert my boundaries and not let others walk all over me.

December 31, 2005
2:07 pm
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Anonymous
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I think the BIGGEST lesson for me is to figure out that I can't expect anyone to put ME first - that in the end, **I** have to put me first - cuz it's not their job, it's MINE.

There are so many lessons learned - but overall - the next biggest thing is that I don't have to control everything to have a good outcome. That I CAN'T control everyone and everything or any outcome. That pushing my agenda on people is why I have managed to push people away and if I want people to stay and be my friend, I need to be more accepting and learn to let them own "their stuff" and learn to own my own "stuff" as well.

I also learned that it's not enough to have two people complete eachother to make a "whole", but rather, two WHOLE's to complement eachother - that no relationship can be healthy unless the two partners are healthy themselves.

There were many more lessons, many have been mentioned here already.

I can't wait for 2006 to get here!

December 31, 2005
2:13 pm
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Rasputin
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I have learned that I am not alone or unique in my problems, there are so many people who are going thru the same BS, issues, baggage etc.

I've always thought that my problems are unique. Reading so many threads here, brought faster healing to my soul. Thanks again to your vulnerabilities!

December 31, 2005
4:03 pm
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msguud
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I've learned that you can't make someone into what you want them to be, nor can you tell other people what to do, including your family. I recently learned a lot about enmeshed families and how to not be a part of that thinking anymore.

I've also learned to like myself more and realize that if my narcissistic b.f. does his usual crap, it's not my fault and I don't feel bad anymore.

Thanks!

December 31, 2005
5:08 pm
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helpplease
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I learned that it's really hard to break up with someone once you've become attached. So watch out who you're getting attached to!!

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