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Left him.What now
June 4, 2006
8:48 am
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Jesli
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September 24, 2010
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Hi guys
I am a abused woman.I am also codependent as I kept on believing he loved me and just couldnt show his love.He called me every name you can think up and more.
I was not allowed to cut my hair wear certain clothes or listen to certain music.I was daily told that I am the one with the problem and his got no idea what Im on about.
He did not contribute any money of hi full time job to our household and I paid debt (everything from rent to phone) out of my salary.
When I told him other men supply or at least contribute he told me who is it that said a man has to contribute and how is he bad if he i

June 4, 2006
7:06 pm
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Rasputin
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September 30, 2010
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Hey Jesli and welcome to this site. I am so proud of you for recongnizing that you were in unhealthy relationship and you decided to leave. It really takes so much courage and gut to get out of relationship.

Now is the time to start taking care of yourself, show love to yourself and regain all the dignity and respect which your ex has robbed you of.

There are many workshops and seminars you can attend that will help you in your healing process. If you log on coda.org you will have an access to all coda meetings worldwide. Also, they have online meetings.

You may also buy some literature that helps you identify with codep, such as:

- Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood.

- Codependent no more, by Melody Beattie.

- Love is a choice, by Robert Hemfelt.

Coming to this website and reading others' posts and responding to whenever applicable will be very therapeutic to you.

All the best!

~Ras~

June 4, 2006
11:07 pm
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lightchaser
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Jesli- Hello and Welcome! Well you made the first step and your guy sounds like a lot of the men many of us have dealt with. you are not alone. Keep coming here and talking to us. So, Now what? I was at the same place 4 months ago and I just keep feeling better everyday. My Ex tries to interfere with my healing every chance he gets, but I have made the committment to myself not to waver and not to lay down and let him dominate over me anymore. You will get there too. Any kids? Tell us more about what happened if you want to talk. I'll chack back when I get a chance. Stay strong!
Light

June 6, 2006
9:56 am
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lightchaser
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Jesli- where are you?

June 6, 2006
10:18 am
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petitefour
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September 27, 2010
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Jesli,
I left mine awhile back and for some time after, I had difficulty dealing with the peace/quiet. It sounds unbelievable but the constant battling, chaos took so much of my time when we were together, I didn't know what to do with myself when it ended and the my new home and I were left to our own devices!!!

I began to gradually get back into things that I liked/loved. I began to spend time reading lots and lots, (many of the books listed above) were extremely helpful. I spent more time with friends doing and talking about things that I had allowed to get "lost" in all my trauma.

I was very lonely....that was the only thing I could never fill adequately...eventually I went back and have been back with my EA/VA for exactly one year. It has been a roller coaster ride for past year, with lots bumps, but I am still here.

Alot of time, I wish I had stayed away.....I wish you well....it will be a long, gradual healing process....I intend on doing just what you have done, very soon....(again) for good. When I am able to.

P4

June 6, 2006
10:27 am
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sewunique
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September 27, 2010
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Jesli

How are you doing? I hope you are ok.

Sew

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