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Leave me alone, and let me be............(Poem)
April 25, 2007
2:55 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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It is dark in here, I am safe and sound….

Awake, Asleep, crying, eating, and moving around.

I want to come out, I want to play,

Want you to hear what I have to say.

9 months later, healthy as can be,

No thanks to the abuse, that you already started with me.

Smoked and drank, and took diet pills at that,

Because of what? Afraid of being fat.

I came into this world, with a mom and a dad,

Never should have known, a life this sad.

Should have been going to the park to play,

Not having my innocence and security robbed away.

Wanted you to hold me, in your arms tight,

Wanted to hear, everything will be alright.

You turned me away, you destroyed my heart,

You did what you could to tear me apart.

Thirty years later, you still do it to this day,

It will never change, no matter what I say.

Desperate to be loved, and to be loved for me,

How sad it is, that this is what had to be.

You lose no sleep, you hear no tears,

You carry no concern, take no care for my fears.

I lay in my bed and cry in the night,

Ready, so ready, to give up this fight.

Too tired to run, to tired to continue this way,

Losing the hope, that this will change someday.

Gone to therapy, I have talked to friends,

There has to come a point, where this road ends.

I have tried to let go, and I have tried to not care,

Want to let go, that my life was not fair.

You let him have sex with me, you let me be used,

How could you not care, that I was being abused?

You were doing it too, just with your words, and your hands,

So scared of losing you, I took all your demands.

I can’t take it no more, it hurts me so bad,

Tired of hurting, being depressed, and beyond mad.

I came out of you, and you could care less…

You started this, you created this mess.

I hate you, you bitch…for what you did to me,

Leave me alone, and please just let me be.

April 25, 2007
3:27 pm
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(((Mich)))

Good work, sweetie. You are rooting out the deep poison now. Thanks for sharing this with us.

love, kroiks

April 25, 2007
3:37 pm
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ggfred4
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(((mich)))

I think I may know how you may be feeling now....holding you close...I am proud of you!!!

Love you,

gg

April 25, 2007
3:43 pm
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bevdee
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(((Little girl)))

April 25, 2007
4:08 pm
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soprano2
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(((Mich)))

Nice to see you on here. I have missed you.

s2

April 25, 2007
5:12 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Thanks for sharing your deep emotions. I hope you can find peace now in some ways.

April 25, 2007
6:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((kroika, gg, Bev, s2, and Tiger Trainer)))

Thanks for all your continued support....

April 25, 2007
6:42 pm
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lonely and addicted
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September 24, 2010
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Great poem, I am new here and don't understand your pain but "good for you"

April 25, 2007
10:46 pm
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theonetheworldforgot
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i know how you feel
thank you im new and i dont feel so alone now

April 26, 2007
8:13 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((Lonely and addicted & theonetheworldforgot)))

theonetheworldforgot, I don't know your story....but you are NOT alone. Just know that. A lot of the people here have been through exactly what the pain in this poem comes from. Just know...here, you are NEVER alone. People here care.. talk...let it all out. This place has literally saved my life.

Mich

April 26, 2007
10:03 am
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thewall
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Michigan,

This is a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing it. I felt your pain, anger, confusion, and unanswered questions.

I wrote a poem very similar to yours at one point in my therapy many yrs ago. It sounds as if we have had similar childhoods (unfortunately).

I encourage you not to give up in your therapy. There is such healing in purging those memories, in talking about them, analyzing them with your therapist, and writing them out in your journal and poetry. Unfortunately there is no quick fix, but you've done alot of work, so keep going.

Another thing that helped me, along with my faith, is kicking a soccer ball whenever I would get angry or just when i felt stressed or depressed. I would keep the ball in the trunk of my car, go out to an empty field and kick it and scream at the ball, as if it was my mother. I would call it names, and tell it I hated it. At times I wuoldnt feel a thing at first, other than "this is stupid, why are you wasting your time" but I wuold force myself to stay out there for at least 45 minutes to an hr, kicking and yelling. By then I would start to feel the pain and would sit down in the middle of the field and just sob my heart out, purging my broken heart of all the pain, of all the questions, and of all the confusion. That was such good therapy for me.

The other thing that was helpful for me was limiting my time with my family. I had to remove myself from any contact with most of them, for many months while I healed and got strong enough to stand up to her(my mother).

My therapist gave mer permission to do this since I was getting re-injured each time I wuold visit or call her (severe verbal attacks, name calling, etc).

I never talked back to my mother so I had to stay away long enough for me to learn that it was ok as an adult married woman to be able to say to mom "you're being inappropriate, I wont allow you to talk to me that way or I will have to leave this visit". I had to grow the nerve to be able to say it, which took a long time.

lol when I did say it, she was stunned. And of course she would do it each time that I visited. But I was consistant with a gentle but firm, "mom, you're being inappropriate" and eventually she got it.

My mother died 4 yrs ago and it wasnt until recently that I realized that she would have been diagnosed mentally ill had she ever gone for help. Mental illness is so confusing bc it can appear to be so normal, but then she had windows of insanity, which she would abuse me. Other people dont believe it bc they didnt see it, since she wuold close herself off from everyone when she was having "a bad day".

Anyway, I hope this helps give you some hope that yes you can heal from the abuse, the phys, sexual and mental abuse from the very one who should have been protecting you.

big hug,
from someone who understands,
thewall

April 26, 2007
10:11 am
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needtoheal
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(((((MICH))))))

love ya and holding ya story!

NEED

April 26, 2007
10:52 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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(((the wall, and Need)))

Thank you both for the support. And the wall....thank you so much for your story. I appreciate you sharing what you did with me.

I will be ok....I am tough. I just have to get through the rough patches that I am facing right now.

Thanks...

Mich

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