Hi Lost,

I'm still up from just coming in from work. What's up? Sleep too far away right now?

I'm up for now, but am thinking of trying to get some zzzzzzzzzzz s, but am on here for a bit.

Sew

Oh!!! I see, that's why you are up so late, a third shifter!

What kind of work does one do that you have access of a computer late nite? Just curious.

I see, health care here. Looks like all are asleep and quite here otherwise...'cept for the bit of disturbance earlier.

How are you doing, otherwise?

Geez, Lost,

You sure are going thru alot of turmoil right now. Sorry to hear about this awful point of the breakup you are in right now. You still care about her, despite all she has put you thru. Yet at the same time, it seems as though you are in a state or this is the resolve of it all with the divorce.

It seems as thought she feels she can disregard your feelings about all this, and that whenever she feels like it, she can call and be nice. Then you accommodate her and go out, talk and have 'fun' (?) as she calls it? It seems to me, if you guys are at this point, she should want or should be discussing either (A) staying together and working it out, or (B), talking about ending the relationship. Excuse me, not only does she sound like she is using you for her needs and wants, and not returning anything, but a real flake!

I think you have a great attorney, who seems not only supportive for you, but straight on about analyzing where you two are in the divorce process or stage.

He seems like he has some pretty good advice, not only in how to deal with her, but also with your safety, emotionally, in mind.

>>>>he told me to block all of her emails and phone calls. he told me to cut her off because all I do every time I talk to her is give her more approval to continue her inappropriate behavior with the other man. he said I am giving the alcoholic another drink every time i call her because, despite her statements that she hates me, it tells her that I am 'still there' and that I approve of her as a person because I care enough to call. I never saw it that way before but he is right.

What you wrote here seems pretty mush right on the mark.

Lost,

So it sounds like she had already made plans to move forward, with no regards for the marriage. It really does suck how we can be treated. Sometimes when we think we are being kinder, the harder you get kicked and taken advantage of. Counseling I think can help, but before you get to a point of no return.

Excuse me for not knowing all the information about your story, have drawn back from posting and reading as I used to. One gets to a point where you have to move forward, whether it be here, or such as your situation. The process is like a yo-yo at times, but you can get thru it.

My divorce was final a couple months ago. It took almost a year to get finalized; went thru agony and changes and now that it is over, still am going thru changes. and you know, sometimes I feel like it is not quite over, that I could just walk back in and all would continue wheere we left off; not the best place to be, either. But,the separation and ties are hard to break. So much of our lives are encompassed within a marriage that it takes a whole lifestyle change.

Once you figure out that it is over, really over in your mind, you will be able to start to process it all. You will feel so many diffferent emotions at different times.

Anger helps to get you thru much with the divorce. If you don't let the anger out (in healthy ways), then depression can really grab at you. You sound a bit bitter, naturally right now. And yes, angry too.

Staying angry helped me to get thru much with the divorce. If not, I could have suddenly felt sorry for him, or listened to one more lie. The angere helped to push me forward to get done what I had to get done, and not easy at that when the blues set in.

You can and will get thru this. It can feel like peaks and valleys, some days you get just plain numb. It takes time, really it does. You're going to come thru this just fine, Lost. You at the right place to survive and come out on top of it all. The coda meetings and support such as here at AAC are great boosters and places to vent as well.

And the best part? You won't have to be there to pick up the pieces when she hits that brick wall. You'll be in a better place for you.

AS I am on the east coast, it is late am and I have to get some sleep. Hope the rest of your nite goes smoothly. If not, being busy is a great tool.

Take care and be the best you can be for yourself,

Sew