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Last post for me.
September 30, 2008
2:16 pm
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caraway
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I've decided to let today me my last here. Today is the beginning of holiday of sorts in my faith, and that holiday is all about forgiveness and reflection.

I have learned much here over the years, and relied on many for comfort and help. I have been opinionated at times, angry, laughed,and cried, but always felt a part of the group. I don't feel that any longer. I feel judged.

I have always wanted to keep religion out of my responses and took pride in my willingness to grow and learn from others. Best of happiness and healing to ALL here.

(As someone said earlier... in anger)
Shalom,
Cary

September 30, 2008
2:25 pm
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Randomwomen2
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((((Caraway)))) Im so sorry that you have felt judged here. I wish for the best for you sweetheart.

September 30, 2008
2:27 pm
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Shaney
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Sad, but understandable, Cary. There are many here who feel the same way as you do, and for the same reasons. I'm saddened at the thought of good people leaving, because of a few who feel the need to judge. If you decide to stay, or to take a break and come back, I'm sure you'll be greeted with open arms. Best to you - Shaney

September 30, 2008
2:46 pm
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marypoppins
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((((Cary))))

I think the comment about absurdity was directed at me, Cary.

I posted on that thread, too, with the guidelines, and I thought it was pretty cool that a couple of people thanked me for posting them. It doesn't always turn out like that.

You're a great guy, and I appreciate your presence on this board. You'll be missed.

Thank you for sharing here.

Peace and love to you,

Mary

September 30, 2008
3:24 pm
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pilot_tress
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I am fairly new here, Cary, and as such, do not ' know you ' too well. I have yet to post my life ( gathering steam and gumption, I guess )and so no one really knows me either. But what I do know of you is that you are one of the Good Guys, who has a lot of good advice and if nothing else, you give so much love and support. You really will be missed.

Personally, I am saddened by the tongue lashing that goes on here by some. Plainly stated in the guidelines are the dos and don'ts or you will be removed. Before you you can post your first thread, you have to acknowledge you have read and agreed to these guidelines. It seems that some individuals hit the agree button with no intent to follow.

We have come to this site for guidance and loving direction. It is for so many of us, a safe haven!
I believe this format was developed and put into place for those who do not only have no means to access professional counseling, but also for those who are living in a daily brew of their past( now effecting their present) that is extremely painful and perhaps they have yet to take their first baby steps to tell someone they need help. Perhaps they dont know how. There are those that because of their past, have found themselves in similar relationships that are scary AND dangerous. This site offers hope, help, encouragement and understanding. At least by most!!!

Our hearts, filled with varying degrees of emotion, sit on our sleeves, out here, in the open because this site is SUPPOSED to be PROTECTED AGAINST any kind of attack!

September 30, 2008
3:29 pm
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sdesigns
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Sorry to hear that, Cary.

The person that wrote Shalom(e) has alienated quite a few people, so maybe in time you'll reconsider and come back to visit.

SD

September 30, 2008
3:29 pm
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CantTakeIt
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Caraway, I'm sorry you feel you have to go. I don't know you too well, but I've seen you post to several people and I know you'll be missed.

September 30, 2008
3:43 pm
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CAMER
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(((cary))) you will be missed and hope you do change your mind and come back in again, down the road.

September 30, 2008
3:44 pm
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pilot_tress
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( sorry...I hit send instead of back...)

We do NOT NEED MORE PAIN. The verbal abuse that has been dealt here is truly inexcusable. THEY should be the ones to be removed and not have the good guys be made to feel like they have no recourse but to leave! We NEED posters the like of Caraway, and stand up AGAINST those who seemingly have a desire to inflict their " tilt " on everyone elses life.

Can we not post to the site manager and ask for the removal of particular ones who have no heart, no feelings ( other than anger )and lash out?

SAD, SAD, SAD!!!

And SHAME on those of you who think so highly of yourselves that you cannot have compassion towards your neighbor here! You are showing your nasty and unhealthy self. YOU are not worth listening to. Nor responding to.

September 30, 2008
3:45 pm
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gazelle
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Hi Cary, remember me? I've been on & off this site for 4 or 5 years, & have empathised with & supported you long ago. I've never judged you, & remember sharing deep discussions abgout relationships which I hope helped us both.

I dislike the way this site has changed over the past year or more, & understand your reasons for leaving - even though I wish you weren't! 🙁

As a fellow non-"Christian" (inverted commas, because the term usually implies all sorts of horrible, controlling, judgemental, war-mongering, hate-fuelled stuff FAR removed from the wonderful teachings of the Jewish rabbi & mystic sage, Jesus (Joshua ben Joseph / Miriam).

Warmest good wishes to you, sensitive soul, on your caring, searching,open-hearted journey. I wish you weren't leaving ... please return whenever you need, or even just pop in. Some of us are rooting for you. I have several gay friends -possibly my dearest. Be well! Walk tall! Be happy!
Blesings - Gazelle.

September 30, 2008
3:54 pm
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bevdee
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Hey Caraway,

By last year, I had given up on this site being much more than mainstream. I see a lot of people siding with each other when they are of the same religious mindset. I've seen that happen here a lot of times, and usually it's not the new ones, it's the same people over and over. You have to take it with a grain of salt. It's a shame it's that way, but it is. Sometimes it feels like a ganging up.

I hate to see you leave, but I wish you love and laughter on your journey.

(((Caraway)))

September 30, 2008
4:35 pm
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lovesangels28
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In al-anon we say "take what you like and leave the rest", none of us are experts and if we feel that we are then we need to consider our motives for being on this site (if we are trying to fix other people on this site and focus on their problems then isin't that just further entrenching us in our codependency-and if those are the types of people who have hurt you I'm sorry). We are just people sharing our "experience, strength, and hope". And if you feel that it is time to move on for whatever reason then blessed be and go with Love and thank you for all of your help you've given over the years.

September 30, 2008
5:10 pm
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fantas
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All the best to you!!! (((Caraway)))

September 30, 2008
6:59 pm
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PreciousG
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Caraway,

I am sorry that you feel you have to go. More importantly I wish that people would accept others for who they are and not be so judgemental and simply be nice to one another. It truly is so sad.

I wish you the best and hope that you change your mind. You have many here that care and appreciate your contribution to this site.

Precious

September 30, 2008
10:08 pm
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soofoo
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Cary, I posted this also on To Caraway so if you read that, this is a repeat. I remember times you have given me kind and gentle support. I am a Christian and also female and heterosexual, and I value your posts and your presence here. Just so you know.

I have had to take several breaks from this site and the first time I took a break I thought it was the last time I would visit. I understand that you have been coming here for a long time so maybe it really is your last time. I don't want to put any pressure on you whatsoever, especially since you have been so kind to me. But It's okay to change your mind, just in case you do.

My very best wishes to you (((((cary))))).

October 3, 2008
1:01 pm
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Fruitloop
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Soofoo and SD,

I just wanted say thanks to you for the posts you sent to me. I am a Christian too. I havent been on here long but I greatly value the advice and reading other peoples struggles, it makes me feel normal. I have lots of friends in the 'outside' world but most prefer to live in darkness, not to the Lord but to their own co-dependency, so it is a blessing to me to have found this site. I just ignore some of the 'bad' stuff and chalk it up to being grateful I notice it as 'bad', because I didnt pre-therapy.
Caraway, I wish you all the best.

October 3, 2008
1:14 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dang...did I miss something? Caraway, I am rather blown away that you would leave the threads. You have been a great "voice" here for so many of us.

Even when we disagree on something, I have always found you reasonable and willing to communicate.

Hope you reconsider...

- Ma Strong

October 4, 2008
10:04 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Caraway, I am a Christian and I take it from your post that you may be Jewish. I am blessed to count Jewish and Buddhist people among my friends. I am also blessed to count gays and lesbians among my friends and family. I really hate when one bad apple spoils the whole bunch and as a Christian we seem to be blessed with a whole lot of intolerant bad apples. You have been kind to me in the past and I cannot think of a time when I might not have been kind to you. If I have please know it was not directed at your religious perspective. Take care and come back when you want to. Peace

Bitsy

October 5, 2008
12:01 am
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Longshot
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Caraway,

I haven't had much interaction with you, but I wish I had. It sounds like you have much to offer.

I am a person who believes in God and feels like I can learn so much from all people whatever their religious affiliation, or if they have none at all. One of the people I respect most in this world is Jewish, and he's the most wonderful man, and friend in the world. I also have a gay friend who is a dear friend of mine. He and I eat lunch together on occasion and share thoughts about our relationships with each other. I have another dear friend who is a lesbian, and will always be grateful to her. She's been a wonderful friend...our relationships with our respective signifcant other are so similar-it's been a comfort to walk with each other though some of the junk we deal with. (Codependency issues, etc.)

Anyway, that lengthy narrative to say, I feel like I've missed out and will miss out on learning and sharing with you. I hope you'll think about coming back when the time is right for you. ((Caraway))

October 5, 2008
12:29 am
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red blonde
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(((Caraway)))

I, also, believe as Longshot and others who have posted here.

I hope you reconsider and come back when you feel that you can.

October 5, 2008
3:43 pm
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Ned 348
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You can gain much strength, wisdom, and support from others. But just like in real life, you must choose your friends here in the same way. I know it is not easy but sometimes we must have a thicker skin. Keep your hands up, your chin down, and come out swinging. You leave and they win. You just knocked yourself out.

October 5, 2008
11:34 pm
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2BHAPPY
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I could understand Caraway's feelings about this site. I stopped posting a long time ago. Dont want to be attacked or judged. I had one person read my old post and bring back stuff I had forgotten. Heck, I didnt write to be judged..just wanted support and thought I would have the freedom to write my thoughts and my feelings. The worse part is that when you read about these people who are judging you, they lives are even worse than yours. If I wanted to be judged and attacked and reminded of my past mistakes..I'll go to my family.

Anyway, I still come back sometimes and read about a few of you to see how everyone is doing.

 

 

2bHappy

October 6, 2008
12:17 am
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marypoppins
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It's unfortunate that Cary has stopped posting. I think there was a misunderstanding, but I can't speak for the person who offended him.

I really do wish you'd come back, Cary. If you're reading.

On a very general note, completely aside from Cary's situation, I think this forum is a great place for people who are willing to be honest and are sincere about recovery. We can't control how people give us support. I don't think support is simply telling us what we want to hear. Especially if it's obvious that we're doing something unhealthy or are in denial about something.

When we read recovery books, see a therapist, and attend meetings, we will not always be comfortable. We have to face the truth about ourselves. Sometimes the best support, in my opinion, is the encouragement to dig deep and learn why we're afraid, why we cling to others, or why we don't love ourselves very much. If we don't figure all of that out, we continue to do the same unhealthy things and get the same poor results.

(((((all of us)))))

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