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Lass....has an insight for all suffering codependents! Check this out!
September 11, 2005
2:25 pm
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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I think that the witholding behavior is actually the first drink -- the first smoke -- the one that hooks us. I was going along fine -- even comfortable for about 30 seconds -- when whammo! He withdrew. I was like a fish flopping around on the ground. I believe he could TELL the moment things were becoming calm and regular (boring to him).

Then he set the hook and let the line out. He reels it back in at his convenience. He is in control. The only way to snip the line is to cut him off. Even then, the line has to be slowly worn away with our every effort at healing rubbing at it.

Lass, I want to thank you for these words. I found them on another thread and they really jumped out at me! They describe the actions of my boyfriend to a "T." He rejects me, pushes me away, steps back...and I respond everytime by frantically seeking his acceptance and the resumption of our relationship. He is an alcoholic who plays this game with me constantly. Now I see what he has been doing, to keep me on my toes...to KEEP HIM IN CONTROL. All that rejection is a Control device on his part. I am going to keep this in front of me, to help me stay strong and resist crawling to him and begging to be taken back.

I hope this helps other codependents, besides just me. My sincere thanks again for sharing this precious insight.


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