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LADIES I HAVE A QUESTION???????????
December 23, 2005
11:58 pm
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mosher1yr
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My girlfriend and i have been dating for othe two years these past few weeks have been rough and all it fels like we have been doing is fighting. I called her and she just blew up on my yelling saying i am clubbering her. What does she really mean when she says she needs space?????are wegoing to break up?????what should i do????? usually she wants me to call all the time but now shes being werid is she just stressed ????? or is the end near???? i hope it isnt and if it is how do i repair it to fix it

December 24, 2005
10:23 am
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CAMER
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hi, i think space means to have HER OWN time for herself, and focus on her wants and needs....maybe more "balance" in her life.....fighting is not good, find out the reason why you fight and do everything possible to make ammends, if possible.

December 24, 2005
4:10 pm
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mosher1yr
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she has had alot of time to herslef i have not spenttime with her in over a weeks and i miss her so i call her alot could that also mean space to?

December 24, 2005
4:27 pm
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kathygy
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mosh,

Needing space generally means no contact including calling her on the phone.

By doing this you are violating her boundaries and honoring her wishes. Also, she is not getting the space she needs.

Only she can decide how much space she needs in terms of time.

I think the best thing you can do is leave her alone and let her come to you when she is ready.

I know that this can be hard but its for the best in the long run.

Meanwhile, focus on you and your part in the fighting. If your fighting a lot I am not suprised that she wants space.

Sometimes when couples are fighting they are not being real, authentic. They are playing out scripts they learned from their parents.

I suggest that you read some books about anger, 'The Dance of Anger' is a insightful book about anger in relationsips and how to transform that anger.

love,
kathy

December 24, 2005
4:46 pm
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mosher1yr
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I try and leave her alone but its hard i miss her so i always wanna talk to her but i am going to not call her......cause your right its better for the long run. Im not a big ready but if you think it will help i will try the book out. Do you think she wants to break up or just wants a break from the fighting. We love eachother very much but i just want her to be happy we wont break up will we?????? i was thinking no as long asi respect her wishes of space right?

December 25, 2005
1:26 pm
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doushes
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I think mabie she is cheating or has spotted another man mabbie the other man is making her feel like an angel (center of attention) ide suggest you plan a romantic dinner.

December 29, 2005
3:50 pm
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lewis
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i don't think it means she is cheating!

u should respect her by giving her the space she requires

hope everything goes well

December 29, 2005
3:55 pm
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kathygy
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planning a romantic dinner when someone says they need space is going to feel like major smothering! don't do it.

December 29, 2005
4:10 pm
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tenderheart
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hi mosher,
give her space. I have been in her shoes. I was in a relationship that towards the end of it was alot of fighting and disagreeing. I requested the space. Yes, we ended breaking up.. But it was for the better. I feel people are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. My ex did not respect my wishes, which only pushed me away even further. Try to connect with some of your buddies to keep your mind off your current relationship. Keep on posting, especially when you feel like picking up the phone to call her.

December 29, 2005
4:15 pm
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artist 2
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Don't sit there wondering what she wants -- ask her. Hear her clearly, and give her the space she's asking for. Get busy doing other things. You may be a little co-dependent. If you have other things in your life, she won't feel so much pressure to provide you with friendship, entertainment, etc.

December 29, 2005
4:55 pm
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turnabout
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Sheesh, mosher, chill out, man! The way your posts are phrased give me a clue as to why she feels smothered.

"are wegoing to break up?????what should i do?????"

"or is the end near???? i hope it isnt and if it is how do i repair it to fix it"

"We love eachother very much but i just want her to be happy we wont break up will we?????? i was thinking no as long asi respect her wishes of space right? "

I'm seeing desperation in these words, and I bet that's what she's seeing and needing space from. I would feel smothered, too, if a guy was so hung up on me he couldn't even go a week without me. It's flattering in a sense, but relationships are about two people relying on each other, and if one relies too heavily on the other, then the other gets the sense that they have nothing to rely on in return. They have to be EVERYTHING to the other person, and that's way too much pressure b/c NO ONE can be EVERYTHING to another person.

Don't call her at all. Let her call you when she's ready. That doesn't mean you don't care or have to act like you don't care, it's just respectful of her wishes. It's not a guarantee that she'll come calling, either, though. Space could turn into a breakup; It's possible ... but a breakup is INEVITABLE if you hound her. In the meantime, get involved in something that can distract you from worrying about this 24/7.

This may not be what you want to hear, but it's the best you can do in the circumstance. Take care of yourself. Give it time.

December 29, 2005
6:12 pm
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Lass
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Mosher1,

Confidence is very attractive in a partner. Stop acting so needy and clingy and she will respect you more, and seek you out.

LL

December 29, 2005
6:17 pm
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trytryagain
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"I need space" probably means she doesn't want to tell you she wants out. Some women stupidly think it is less painful to not tell someone exactly what is on their mind because they don't want to "hurt their feelings." Of course it is much more painful to be strung along and that is what it sounds like she's doing. This is a red flag - she wants to be left alone. She may have wanted out for a long time and just hasn't had the nerve to tell you. Harassing her will do the exact opposite of what you want - it will make her run and have zero respect for you. Cease ALL calls. She may not come crawling back but at least you'll stop humiliating yourself.

December 29, 2005
6:53 pm
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glittered when he walked
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If she wants space, then why not give it to her? Tell her, 'call me when you want to see me."

But don't feel obligated to wait around either. I'm not advocating dating as revenge, but if you want more from her and she's unwilling to give that, don't you owe it to yourself to examine the issue of "is this good for me?" If it's not an issue and you still love her, then just let your engine idle for awhile perhaps. the reevaluate it say after a week or two weeks..whatever you decide.

you must do what's right for you, but you must respect her desires as well. so that means if you need more of her and she wants less from you then you need to think about other options...you can't impose your will on her...anymore than she can on you. we have choices...yeah sometimes they are hard, but at least we have a choice.

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