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Lack of Chemistry?
April 3, 2010
11:32 am
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2BHAPPY
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Good day everyone,

I need some help sorting this out. I finally meet this man who I have been corresponding with for about 2 months..We had an amazing date, 2 hours long. He holds my hands during dinner, cant take his eyes off me..takes me to the car, wants to kiss and I hold back because I rather take it slow..so we hug. Calls me when I get home to make sure I arrived safely after 2 glasses of wine. Emails me to tell me how happy he was to meet me and hoping to see me again..calls me in the evening and talks about our next date..everything seems fine and then the emails get shorter and shorter so I finally asked him the reason and he writes and tells me that he needs more time and not sure if because of his situation with his divorce or lack of chemistry...I was surprised that he would say there was lack of chemistry considering he couldnt take his eyes off me. He does have a trial for his divorce coming up next Tuesday so that could be in his mind. His wife is really making it difficult for him as far as custody and she wanted to clean him out financially.

I know I shouldn't have gotten involved with someone still in this mess but it happened. I didnt want to meet him until it was over, and were just exchanging emails and we talked a few times. He insisted on me meeting and I thought since the divorce will be final next week..it wouldnt hurt.

How do you interpret this? I havent written back to him as I didnt know what to say. I thought perhaps because I didnt rush into bed with him and that was insulting to me.

He is sounds like a decent guy from talking to him and the way he has handled his divorce. Never talks bad about her, very responsible, has a lot of faith in God and is a Christian. He has said that I am too cautious with him and that is true...this is not something that I wanted to get involved with in the beginning and have taken it very slow.

 

 

2bHappy

April 3, 2010
11:51 am
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atalose
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Well it kind of sounds like he couldn't take his eyes off of you UNTIL you held back with the kiss. That seems to be when it fizzled right?

Kind of speaks volumes and you are responding with typical codie excuses, his divorce is weighing heavily on his mind. At this point all his hearing is to finalize it all right? All the hard settlement stuff already been done right?

Listen to what this man is telling you, he thinks you are being too cautious, he backed away because you didn't kiss him the first time you met him, right? You have one agenda and he has a whole other.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 3, 2010
11:58 am
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StronginHim77
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This guy's emotional plate is FULL. Now why would you want to take on a guy in the middle of divorce litigation?

And how did you meet him? Online dating site? If so, what's he doing there, while in the midst of a divorce? Do you even know the TRUE reason(s) for the divorce? (There are always two sides.)

General rule of thumb: no dating for at least 6 months to one year, following the FINAL DIVORCE DECREE. Why? It takes time to heal. And if he was married for an extensive period and/or has children with this woman, it can take MUCH MUCH longer.

This guy's attention and (early) frequent emails fed your need for security and confidence from a male. Not healthy. I would encourage you to seek professional counseling for this pattern of trying to hook up with unhealthy and/or emotionally unavailable men.

And try to avoid the dating sites for awhile, if that's where you are meeting them.

- Ma Strong

April 3, 2010
12:06 pm
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StronginHim77
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It also sounds as if he wanted some "booty" and you didn't buy into it. Thank goodness.

- Ma Strong

April 3, 2010
12:23 pm
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atalose
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[[[[And how did you meet him? Online dating site? If so, what's he doing there, while in the midst of a divorce? ]]]]]]

Excellent point MA, big red flag!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 3, 2010
12:28 pm
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CAMER
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be careful 2b....this guy is still "married" yeah, he's getting divorced, but still...he is married, and has alot on his plate.

I think he needs to go thru his divorce, have some alone time, then get involved.

Maybe this wasn't the right time to get involved with him.

I agree with MA, give anyone 6+ months after a divorce or longer to heal. I am sure he is going thru alot.

With you being there for him is great, now he doesn't have to focus alot on his divorce and the feelings that go with it.

I'd slow down with this guy, and let one thing happern 1st (his divorce) b4 even thinking of getting involved.

Just my 2 cents..

((((hugs to you)))

April 3, 2010
3:54 pm
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2BHAPPY
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He has been alone for over a year from a 7 year marriage which he says was out of necessity for her because she had cancer and needed the insurance..that part is true.

Camer..there is no slowing down, I dont plan to write back to him..What he said about the lack of chemistry spoke volumes to me and I want nothing to do with him. He came accross as a true gentleman even on his profile he said he wasnt looking for just said but was looking to develope a friendship and build it on communication.

I am so pissed off I refuse to even allow him to read any reply I may have to his stupid comment about chemistry.

The man went home and called me that evening saying how he could still smell my perfume.

 

 

2bHappy

April 3, 2010
4:00 pm
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2BHAPPY
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This was the email in question. I had invited him to our church function since he claims to be a christian and wanted to come our event.

"Thanks for getting the ticket but I think it is better if you take your sister. I need more time. It may be what I am going through or the lack of chemistry. I felt like I pushed too hard at our meeting"

Yeah, he pushed really hard with the hand holding, attempt at kissing and even suggested he drive me home because I had had 2 glasses of wine.

 

 

2bHappy

April 3, 2010
4:06 pm
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atalose
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2B.......that's just it, you don't know what part of HIS story is true and what is not because you only really met him once everything else could have been fiction – nothing more then words sounding good in an email.

When meeting someone and they show you who they really are the first time, believe them.

He showed you exactly who he really is with that cheep shot about chemistry...........not very gentlemen like at all.

I think you are making a wise decision in NOT writing back and I'd block any future emails so he can't even send them.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 3, 2010
4:40 pm
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sdesigns
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2B; As you're finding our, getting involved with a married man- no matter what stage of married he's in- usually has some (MAJOR) drawbacks. At this stage of the game, you can't really know if anything he's telling you is true. It sounds to me almost like he was pawing you on your first date (first meet up?) and that would be a big turn off for me. Only 2 hours and he's hand holding at the table, etc?

This probably won't sit well with you, but am I correct in reading that you bought him a ticket for an event? Maybe he thought you were moving a little too fast by doing that- that him to somewhere that you know other people, would be introducing him, etc.

I think the chemistry commnet is probably just an excuse for something else, maybe he didn't really want a relationship at all. Men know what we want to hear especially internet guys. Supposedly abouot 30 % of them are married and trolling anyhow.

As far as the Christian part, that may not mean much either. Again, if you say you're looking for a Christian- voila! he's a Christian (or so he says).

see how fast they disappear when things don't go there way? Easy in, easy out.

Don't give up, but I think this one has shown you he's not looking for the same thing you are.

sd

April 3, 2010
4:54 pm
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through_the_fire
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2B,

If right away there are mixed and contradictory signals from someone, you know one thing: you're dealing with a confused and/or manipulative person. Run!

Fire

April 3, 2010
7:14 pm
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fantas
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I think the dude found another onliner who will put out. What you describe of your first meeting may have been a date for you but it was definitely bootie call for him...

April 3, 2010
8:03 pm
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through_the_fire
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Yes!

Lack of chemistry = lack of sex.

April 3, 2010
8:45 pm
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LouWho
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Hmmmmm...you guys smell that????

Check the bottoms of your shoes, someone must have stepped in the poo!

Oh, yeah, I can smell it very clearly now...chemistry man is full of poo!

Baby-count your blessings and thank your lucky stars...YOU HAVE DODGED A HUGE BULLET!

No need to be pissed off, chalk it up to experience, and lucky you, if you avoid this poo mongrel, you will not have to suffer another bad experience. SERIOUSLY. Take your licks and move on down the road.

Just as well. Look, you've been spared possibly months of grief. Next time you know better, this guy is not even divorced. Come on. Read Ma's advice again, print it, have it tatooed to the bottom of your right foot.

And being angry is a waste of time. Your time is better served figuring out why you did what you did, forget his actions. You are the one that matters, Poo man has already moved on, SERIOUSLY. Block his address, block his calls.

April 3, 2010
9:35 pm
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.
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I love it Ma. Way to tell it like it is.

2b
Run away. The end. No thinking about it. Just done.

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