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la rosa....
February 8, 2004
3:21 am
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1carmen
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hi hun...i've read some of ure responses and theyre wonderfull..u always say that ur x would manipulate you and then reject u. I can't quite understand what u mean, but it sounds like what mine is doing to me....can u please explain his behaviour a bit more for me...i would really appreciate it...thanks..all the best to u!!!

February 8, 2004
4:54 am
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LA Rosa
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Thanks to you too 1carmen, and I'd also appreciate going into it further with you. I'll be back tomorrow afresh, with more clarity.... that you may find to be quite familiar. It's time for me now to get get off to beddie-byes and have a good nights sleep....so until later....best wishes.

Love, LA Rosa

February 9, 2004
7:13 am
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LA Rosa
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Hi carmen, and thanks for your asking me to explain about the behaviour of the man I ended up living with for a year. He is actually my cousin that I hadn't had any commuication with in over forty years when I was only five. I was on the other side of the world when I phoned him up in the hope of getting reaquainted - and we soon were madly in love. Then just over four months later, I went over to spend the rest of my life with him. In my mind it was going to be for a big holiday.....but it ended up that he wouldn't be able to bear it if I left, because then there was a big chance that he may never see me again. So I have the return flight booked just incase. There's a lot more of course, but getting right into the behaviour.....

As soon as I got off the plane, I was looking around to see him, as we had been looking forward to that moment when we made eye contact, and then I was going to do a big running jump with my legs right around his waist. So he walked up behind me and whispered into my ear....he had thought that I'd missed the plane as I was one of the last people ot of the plane. No big running jump - I should've been quicker. I didn't think anything of it at the time except for just feeling a bit disappointed that he couldn't have been a little more patient....but he was obviously worried, so never mind.

When we got 'home' he let me see how there would be no reason for me to shift any of the furniture around, as he had everything the way he liked it, which I agreed with him on anyway. I was already picking up the vague feeling of it being his home instead of our home.

From his perspective:- He is older than me - is wiser than me.

He is male - is bigger than me and can defend himself better than I can, and is stronger than me and can kill me in less than 2 seconds.

He has lived here longer than I have - he knows where to go, how to get there, understands the culture, knows appropriate conduct, knows the dangers.etc etc.

He is brilliant - I am good-ish

He is extremely popular - I have his friends and family members and the only one I should ever need - HIM.

He is the organiser - I am the organised.

He is the mentor - I am the prodigy.

He lets me know what should be done and when it should be done - I do it.
He is possessive - I am possessed.

He says it's protective - I say it's restrictive (nicely of course)

He is over-over-sensitive - I have to watch what I say and my body language.

He is the guy - I am the girl.

He never argues with women.

He never hits or hurts women. - except if he really has to

He doesn't have a bad temper - unless it's provoked

I was taken by surprise!! He had me in shock walking on eggshells - a dedicated source of narcissistic
suply.....or so he thought! He didn't see how I'd ever be able to get away from him - he thought he had it all covered......and that I would always have to play the game his way. He didn't think I had enough faith, or enough mental conviction, to see that one day the opportunity would arrive, and I'd be gone.

Until that day came, it was like something out of a horror movie......

I'd do the very best I could to keep from being any threat to him. He had a volatile temper that I began to notice didn't just depend on my imput - it was quite predictable at certain times.....if he had gone the whole day without any agressiveness to speak of - near the end of that night he would simply invent something to pick up on, to give him cause to get angry......he would say a lot of times, "Is that a look you're giving me?" then he'd stare at me with a cold, callous glare that would be scutinising every muscle in my face and penetrating deep into my eyes, for any hint of confirmation. I would sweetly respond in a semi-hurt surprised tone and expression, "No! I wasn't giving you a look......now why would I want to do something like that for." and if he continued staring after that, I'd repeat the message even more reassuringly and see if I could coax him out of his mood. A lot of times it worked but sometimes there was nothing that was going to stop him from really wanting to find a good reason to go for me. If I hadn't kept my nerve as much as I did, or just tell him what I really thought.....I honestly don't believe I'd have survived. There were times when I'd try and hide way from him, but there weren't many good hiding places.....and I couldn't run out of the door, because that involved unlocking five locks first.

The next day, was as if nothing had happenned.....so that puts sweet nothings and romantic overtures into perspective....just another part of the game, so very very unfortunately. That was a real sad time for me..... it would have been all so beautiful - if only it was for real. Even going through all that I was - every once in a while he seemed to be really normal and I'd wonder if he was perhaps coming right. Maybe it has been all the stress that has affected him - not to mention all the psychological stress he was going through because wasn't able to show me how much of a great lover he was - but he did go into great detail telling me how great he is and will be again when the stress level had reduced - and he'd not have the problem that men dread. That was indirectly my fault I found out - as he'd been overworking, getting everything prepared for my arrival
.....not sleeping very well - not eating very well - highly stressed - frustrated - disappointed at the progress he was making because of unlucky circumstances.

Once he decided that he wanted to go and get some groceries with me with him of course......at one o'clock in the morning......a half hour walk there to the supermarket. That was wierd! I would do it without a murmur - he's obviously either mad or very eccentric. Dear oh dear. Nothing could have been further rom my mind at the time....I was half asleep in bed when he got the urge to go shopping.:)? That was uncharacteristic even for him - but it only need happen once to make you wonder a bit.

He was 'very' affectionate, very thoughtful, very lots of normally endearing qualities, he was brilliant it seemed in certain things, he was very handsome, he was very talented, - but all the good wasn't worth very much when it can change so quickly into nasty and cuttingly hurtfil statements, and a desire to keep you down. Maybe that was another reason he got annoyed.....because I wasn't giving him a lot of satifaction in seeing me helpless - but I did feel that immensely, and he knew I did I'm sure.

I'd better send now before the computer freezes...it doesn't cover all the behaviour.....best wishes

Love, LA Rosa

February 9, 2004
1:08 pm
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1carmen
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thank you sooooo much for taking the time to tell me your story...i'm in that boet right now...you know, waking up in the morning and the only plan for the day is "try not to piss him off"...i'm at work right now but i'll update u later on tonight...thanks again...

February 9, 2004
7:37 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi La Rosa...

Sending you one of those big TEXAS ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Love,

Zinnie & little red LOUD dog

February 10, 2004
4:30 pm
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LA Rosa
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I'm only too pleased 1carmen, to help you in any way I can......as I'm very concerned for your safety.....and just hope you're coping alright..... circumstances being as potentially dangerous as they are. Do take care! (understatement)

Thank you liss......for being here. I just hope you don't think that I was holding back on you.....it was just a matter of finding the right time..... for us both. Be Well & CU soon.

Thanks Zinnie & little red LOUD dog - there's always been something in the way you hug - that makes me feel so very special......and a little weak at the knees too! Best Wishes Zinnie.....& the little red LOUD dog too - naturally! :))

February 10, 2004
6:13 pm
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Zinnie
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Anytime La Rosa.

The little guy has a new toy my husband bought for him while I was out of town. It is this big toy alligator that makes about 20 different noises. You know the little guy... if it's LOUD he likes it.

Z.

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