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KWMike checking in
February 7, 2005
1:43 am
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KWMike
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September 30, 2010
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I had fun on Sat night. I was feeling very happy and free. I attended a dance put on by a couple of fellowships I belong to. It was the second time I danced sober.

I went to a similar dance on new years eve with my girlfriend, and I was pushed into dancing then, I had fun that time as well. That is another good thing that happened for me in that relationship.

I have been single now for over two weeks. I am dealing with this in positive ways, I first made the decision for myself to leave the unhealthy relationship I once again found myself in. Before, I would have acted out by jumping in bed with another woman right away. That is how I try to avoid my feelings.

Things changed this time.

I was having a very rough day following my breakup, so I went for a walk. I bumped into an aquaintance of mine I hadn't seen for a while. I exchanged numbers with her, and promised to call the next day. She was to be my rebound fling. This is where I found that I need to change my ways. I called the next day, and her daughter answered the phone, she told me I could not talk to her mother that there had been an accident and her Mom is dead. I good not believe what I was hearing, but it is true. This woman's best friend called me back and told me more about it, as it turns out she fell down her basement stairs and broke her neck. When her friend told me her 11 year old son watched it happen, I felt the very heartless, selfish person I had become. Here is a woman with feelings and emotions, she is someone's daughter, someone's mother, someones sister, and all I could see was a woman that I could use to avoid my feelings. I don't like myself for that. I went to the visitation and talked to her Dad, he asked me how I knew her, so I told him and I was honest. He asked me to change my ways in memory of his daughter, and I agreed. He also offer his help in any way he could. I thanked him and told him he has already done enough for me.

Since then I have been attending a self esteem course, goint to alot of Alanon Meetings, I am working on getting a CoDA group going in my area, I have been making an ammends to an old landlord of mine, I am doing things that I can think about and feel the good feelings that dignity, self respect and selfworth bring.

Today I feel alive, I have choices, and a new perspective beyond my own nose.

I have a long road ahead of me, and I will find love and happiness, the real stuff.

I set out that day to find what I thought was love, after my breakup, and God knew this. He put me where I needed to be, and showed me the path to Real love, and today I finally understand why I need to love myself before I can love anyone else.

I met the woman that would change my life, I always knew there was someone, just not how I expected.

This one is for you Linda.

February 7, 2005
1:58 am
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on my way
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KWMike,
thanks for sharing.

February 7, 2005
2:06 am
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mamacinnamon
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Isn't God good!

I'm sorry that happened to the lady, but there are reasons for everything; and everything has a reason.

You walk thru everyday w/ your head held high. God has brought you thru.

I am so very happy for you.

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