Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
Kthomas, lost soul(hope), cici, tears, askme & others
October 28, 1999
8:27 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yeah, Kitten. I think it's possible to be relationship addicted just like you can be addicted to various substances, sex, etc. The important thing I've learned in NA is to have a support system, an outlet where you can freely express yourself, and an awareness that you are a beautiful creation that deserves happiness. It's wonderful, the feeling you get after you get over the withdrawal hump: you realize that your addiction was your cage and suddenly you are free!

It's something you can't see in your future right now, but it is also something to look forward to. As long as you try each day to be strong and look for the good in life, instead of the negativity and bitterness, you can be proud ofyour efforts and look forward to the next day when you can challenge yourself again and become even stronger with each victory.

October 28, 1999
11:44 pm
Avatar
kitten
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It all sounds so good...so wonderful. And yet, I'm crawling into bed at night by myself, without that man next to me. I have really no support system around me--
my family lives far away, my friends have busy lives, my children are independent, and I have school to attend. There is no time for social time...no one to share dinners with, to be normal with. I just go on, do what needs to be done and stuff everything away. My lover was my friend, companion, teacher, and intimate. What if his karma and mine are meant to be worked through together. I believe everything happens for a reason. Okay, I'm babbling, I know. But tonight is his birthday, he's away on business, and I long for his lips(and other parts) pressed to mine. Ahh...well. I have to trust that God brought me to this place for a reason and I will SURVIVE. thank-you...

October 29, 1999
3:40 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yes trust Kitten, if he really cared he would be with you, your life is so empty because your man filled all aspects of your life this is imbalance and is the same as when you are abusing drugs, it takes over your life and everything else suffers (i.e dreams, family, relationships, career etc)
You really need to start to fill your life and balance it out. A man, a lover, a partner, should only be PART of your life not all of your life...do you understand?
O f course we are devastated when this huge part of our life leaves cause we have nothing left, we cant even be alone with ourselves because we have neglected ourselves for so long, we dont even know who we are.
We go into a depression, but this depression is good because you are beginning to see what you are left with. Who is KItten? Who are you?
What are your dreams? What food do you love? What places would you like to visit? Do you like flowers? (buy some for yourself, every day, you are worth it)
I think you get my meaning...
This is time for you, god has given you a gift every day, use it with love and gratitude. Some people have their days numbered, some are dealing with handicaps or handicapped children etc..some will be filled with regrets because they never took the time (that you have right now) to get to know who they really are and do what they really want to do with their lives... blessings

October 29, 1999
4:48 pm
Avatar
kitten
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tears,
Yes and no. My life is not centered totally around him.
I got here today on my own. I work hard and I reep the benefits of my work. My husband took his own life, leaving me with a great deal of pain and suffering. But I handled everything: a failing business, loss of income, court battles, and yes, my retarded daughter. I got myself back into school, I got the 4.0, I got the awards...no one did it for me. I love everything around me--my gardens, my artwork, the joy of my children. I am not a basket case. To be honest, if you met me, you'd think I am a very together woman. I am. I just fell in love with a man who has problems that he needs to face. As do I. In the past six months he has made a lot of progress, but like all of us he fell back into his hole. It is hard for me to give up on a human being that I love. I will continue my therapy and hope he will find some help. If I decide to take him back that will be a condition of his return. For now I will continue to live my life, which as a Scorpio is full of ups and downs. It dawned on me yesterday...I want to do what is in my heart. I can't stop being a loving and caring individual--that is not part of my nature. Every day I get stronger, smarter. I'm not saying I won't hurt again, but I have to stop being afraid of hurt. Avoiding pain is also a way to avoid a lesson. Maybe we can work it out, maybe we can't, but I have to keep being me. I know he loves me, it is up to him to deal with his own fear of loss. I will keep living my life and if he wants to come along for the ride, well, he can. That spiritual bond will never dissolve...it will always be there.

October 29, 1999
8:40 pm
Avatar
kitten
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tears,
I just finished reading the thread where you revealed yourself, talking to bc007(?). I had to come here and tell you how I cried. You are lucky to have been blessed with such an open heart. Somehow you escaped the family pattern of coldness and distance. It's almost as if a different seed had been planted in your spirit, growing into flowers in spite of the adverse conditions around you. Maybe that experience, however horrible it was, helped create the real you. I don't know, but my British grandmother used to tell me surviving the bad times makes you appreciate the good. I keep thinking of that book, The Celestine Prophacies;
where we see that everything happens for a reason. Would Van Gogh, LeTrec, Mozart, all have been who they were if they had never experienced pain? Some say they might have been better, uhmn, I don't know. I think we need to use every lesson we get, the good and the bad. Then we are truly in charge of our perceptions, views.
Maybe because I'm reading Viktor Frankl's, but I am beginning to believe we are in charge of our reality. Enough said, I don't want to wax too poetically. Rather, I just want you to know you are loved and that with every breath you exhale you touch another life. Peace be with you...

October 31, 1999
5:51 pm
Avatar
kitten
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear everyone,
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to make the pain stop. Thank you for being so loving. You are all true angels.

November 1, 1999
8:33 am
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi all...

I hope your halloweens were respectively fun and/or very chill. I went to a party on Saturday and ended up spending all day SUnday in bed (hee hee), which was very cool.

I have another laboriously general question to ask. Sometimes, only occassionally, I have a terrible motivation problem. It's really difficult to get going and do things, like even put my furniture together when it's delivered, or get up and go to work. I think it might be because I do have problems with depression, but I don't feel sad or depressed. I just feel...nothing. Blah. I can sit there for hours with work in front of me and not do anything. At work, there's filing for US DOE in fron of me that's been sitting there for weeks and I just don't want to pick it up and put it away. It's probably stay there until my supervisor tells me to move it or lose it. Huh.

Anyways, I just wanted to know if anyone knew anything about this problem. I still have a very positive outlook on life, I'm just...blah! It's frustrating to not be able to pinpoint the problem!

Cici 🙂

November 1, 1999
8:55 am
Avatar
hazza
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi kitten,
Please read Tears post from the 29 oct again and again and again. She has taught me this lesson over the past few moths and she can teach you too.
You cannot heal your partner, beleive me i tried with mine, If you sooth every pain he has he will never learn, you will not be helping him, you will be hindering him.
Tears knows how far i've come over the last few mothes, but i explain again for you.
My partner was letting me earn all the money while he spent all day drinking or doing drugs, it was so gradual that i didn't notice what a pattern had begun until one day sort of woke up, like coming out of a coma. I fell apart, i found this site, and tears and everyone else. I realised that i was Co dependent. I was allowing his life to be like this, It took alot of practice to stop doing this, to stop listening to his control over me and to challenge it.
One night i just flipped, he came home drunk at 4 in the morning and i just ledt it all out. he then told me he had been doing coke that night too, I fipped even more and told him to go, i told he he made me sick i REALLY washed my hands of him, and i meant it.
I was the first time he had to think about his behaviour because i was the first time I had made him have to think about it, before i had always tried to help him with his problems because i cared so much.
It was only by doing that that we are still together, he has stopped drinking and drugs, he is studying so that he can get a good job soon, and for the first time in 2 years he paid the rent.
You must not try to solve your partners problems for him, it WONT WORK. If you want him to be more expressive, loving, honest etc TELL HIM HE MUST, dont kid yourseft hat if you spent the nest few years caring for him he will suddenly open up, he wont. He will get used to the fact that he gets all the support in the world but never has to give any back.
YOU DESERVE THAT LEVEL OF CARE FROM HIM TOO.

I used to be so terrified of being on my own if my partner went out that i would always go with him, even if i didn't want to.
I had lost all sence of who i was, what i liked and so on.
I have worked hard on becoming independent from him, but let me tell you.
Independence doesn't just mean doing things seperate from your partner, It means ENJOYING it too, not feeling like his absence is leaving a gap if you are doing something without him.

I have spent all week this week hoping that he would go out to see one of his friends, because i have some ME-STUFF to do( like writing this!)
Tears will tell you that me saying that is a lot healthier that when she first spoke to me a few moths ago.
I'm sorry if i seem unkind in any way, I dont mean to. In fact the opposite, i have been where you are (read my past posts) i know the pain you feel and i want you to stop hurting that is my only priority in writing this, i just want you to benefit from what i have learned along the way, most of it courtesy of Tears.
Take care and enjoy being you, you are the only one that you can help. Everyone else must make their own way, yes you can support them, but don't make it so that you are doing their job for them. I would say if you find yourself making excuses in your head for their behaviour, like i did, then maybe you are being too loving, not helpful in the long run.
Peace to yoand every one else.
Hazza
PS, Tears, so you are British too then!! Tell me more!!!

November 1, 1999
3:02 pm
Avatar
site coordinator
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

CiCi,

I experience the blah, don't want to do anything too as you describe, though not nearly as much as in the past.

I too, don't have an answer, but I know the question.

Whether this is the "right/better/best" way to cope or not, this is actually, the two choices I pick from:

1. Choose to ALLOW myself to relax, sleep, watch television, lay in the sun, ya know, nothing much.

2. Drink two cups of coffee, and find something small I can tolerate doing, which usually leads to doing more things...stuff like making a pot of soup (I enjoy cooking), asking someone else what THEY would like to do, and ask that they take me along with them, or just flip through the mail and pay the bills, which if you're lucky, leads to a little needed organization.

So, you let yourself get some R&R (give yourself a break), or try something that isn't too overwhelming.

That's what I do. Other suggestions are welcome.

- SC

November 1, 1999
4:10 pm
Avatar
kitten
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hazza,
You are good and kind. Thank you for your understanding
This is a scary place, but I will try to hang in there.
That is all I can promise. My karma is different from everyone else's. Pray for me.

November 1, 1999
8:03 pm
Avatar
VRJ
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Kitten, I am praying for you
Cici, action creates motivation, not the other way around. Weird, but it works.

November 2, 1999
7:08 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well Kitten, Hazza, cici, sc
Its hard for me to write right now but it is also important that I do.
Halloween, for me, was truly a ghoulish night.
It is amazing how you get what you pray for, although it may not be in the way you think.
I prayed for this situation/relationship to come to a head or to heal but i can no longer take whats going on. I feel unloved, disrespected, devalued, degraded and often angry and still needing to control things.
Halloween, my hubby took the children out trick or treating and all he did was dress up like Nick Cage from "City of Angels" and smile at all the 16 yr up young girls while i focused on the children.
He said 'dont i look handsome" Im like, hello, your behavior is making me feel unappreciated and degraded. He said "oh its just YOUR insecurites, I am just feeling good about the way i look tonight" well ok, i let it go, then we drove home and he literally back seat drove every inch of the way, which he does often.
I have a perfect driving record, and he has 3,000.00 in fines that he has been working overtime to pay off.
He is telling me when to turn, that i am almost killing people etc...i just lost it and told him to "shut up!" that he has no right to control and put me down in such a manner. It upset me because it was in front of the children and i cant stand any disrespect or arguing in front of them. The argument got heated and he told me "the only reason i dont leave you is because of the financial problems that would be involved if i did, as well as the children"
I told him how much he is always hurting and degrading me in such ways with constant assaults and attacks upon my emotions etc. He said, "dont get nasty with me or I will get nasty with you" He had been drinking and had had about three beers, I think started to cry and pulled off the road. He then said I dont want to continue this in front of the children. I said" I dont want to continue this at all"
We got home and I told him that we need to get some serious full time counselling because this relationship is causing me so much suffering and is not good for our children to be brought up with his disrespect and abuse of me.
The children were asleep and he went down into the basement. I followed him so we could continue talking and I tried to reason with him, he then went into his "You are crazy, like your mother, there is no logic to you, you are filled with anger and YOU are the one who isabusive to me, trying to make me doubt my perceptions etc.."
I finally just said " I want you out of my room and sleeping downstairs, then i threw a jug of milk at his feet, my intention was for it to open and splash on his wonderful clothes, well that was enough incentive for him to fly at me and hit me !!!!!!!
He picked up a cardboard tube that was used for holding up a hundred pound bolt of fabric and hit me over my back and in my head with it twice.
I have bruises on my back and my head is also bruised, my neck feels like it suffered some strain also.
I feel sick. I feel disgussted that my relationsihp is this sick, reflecting back to me how much further I have to go with my own growth, I feel sick that this man who i thought was healing has reverted back to physical abuse as he had a couple yrs back, I feel sick that this prick is the father of my children, I feel sick that i invested so much of my life into this marriage and life, his potential.
Its all bullshit. The hitting of my body and soul that night really woke me up.
I am still in denial about how much furhter I have to go within my own healing.
This stuff about "sticking by your man, not giving up so easy" thats bullshit...its not about that!!!!!!!!!!
Its about LETTING GO OF HIM, OF EVERYTHING....
I realise how much I still try to control him, my life, my fears etc....what a control freak i still really am.
I need to let go and let god.
I have been doing step 3, and i thought i had really given the power and control over to god but i havent, now i have.I have finally turned it over!
We impose our will on life and people all the time, running on our own fuel....its so tiring, so exhausting.
Im so tired. I let go. I am not afraid any more. If he leaves today, I will know it was meant to be.
If he leaves tomorrow or next month or next year, I will know I am no worse off, in fact i may be better off.
It is hard to truly believe the latter at this point because he is the father of our children and I will not leave him or may never.
Its not about leaving him, its about returning to ourself....fully, and letting the will of god work in our lives.
I felt like I was some mad cook alone in a kitchen trying to control 12 different pots and casseroles for a packed restaurant. I had little cooking experience and no help...constantly on this hot plate, the pots being people and situations in my life..the ironic thing is, no matter how hard you try t o control situations, your own life nad people, things really do follow their own natural course and it is important that we FIND OUR OWN NATURAL COURSE AND FOLLOW IT TOO.
It is very lonely, scary and depressing right now, but I know if I DONT GO THE FULL DISTANCE FOR MYSELF, nothing in my life will "get better" nothing will change much. I need to talk FULL RESPONSIBLITY FOR MY LIFE AND MYSELF and no longer give an iota of power to anyone. I know as I become more self nurturing and really more loving, I will attract just those type of people.
I used to be so anxious, but now i feel a calm.....as if this is right. This was all meant to be. I am seeing a lawyer to see if i can get a legal seperation with him refusing to leave soon but first I am going to go the distance with myself and see what happens. I can no longer see and predict the future through my efforts ot manipulate the future, i m just staying right here right now, and for now I wont spend any quality time with him nor will i open myself up to him ( i dont feel it is safe) I will make more women friends and get my life in order. I will never let any one take my power again.
I have also realised how abusive my mother still is and how she can stay the f**k away from me and my children. Man, denial can be harmful...
I appreciate all feedback girls, I feel like im kinda in shock right now..love you guys..oh all the advisng and taking on the burdens of other peopls problems, not cool for me any more. I thought I wanted to be in the helping profession, but thats bull too, cause thats the identity i assumed in my dysfunctional home to get some kind of, well what i thought was love and self esteem. I have a naturally caring nature, but My purpose lies elsewhere. I WILL continue to write, but my focus is on my Art.
Blessings

November 2, 1999
7:16 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh i meant to say, that i am going to do my thing and if he raises his hand to me one more time, im gone!!
I promised myself, my children and my god.
He has threatened me if i leave that he will try to take the childre n from me, and i know this is ridiculous, he can barely take care of himself. But he knows that is the ultimate emotional abuse!!!
God, I really feel like getting an order to make him leave..I m going to give it this last bit of the road and see where it takes me, ALL THE TIME FOCUSING ON MY OWN HEALTH (MENTAL, SPIRITUA L AND PHYSICAL) AND CREATING THE LIFE THAT I WANT FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN, EVEN THOUGH IT WILL BE BLOODY HARD. IVE GONE IT ALONE BEFORE AND I CAN DO IT AGAIN.

November 2, 1999
7:52 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tears,

You are a strong, beautiful woman with a wonderful heart and a truly generous spirit. You deserve to feel as loved as you love others. You do not deserve to be beaten down, physically or emotionally. You are a prefect creation of the spirit.

It is your choice to see where the road leads you. But remember that it is always best to be active, rather than passive. Please be careful. I really don't think he deserves a second chance. You've given him third, fourth, 100 chances to prove that he is growing, but it is a facade!

It's not healthy for you, therefore it's definately not healthy for the children. Please be careful. Keep us posted.

C

November 2, 1999
10:19 pm
Avatar
gal-ff
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tears,
wow. I have been reading alot of the threads that you have reponded to and the above ones also. I havent been coming here long enough to know very much about anyone here but this is what i think about what i have seen.I can't believe how much we all have in common. we have all lived through some horrible times. but we can and are making huge strides in our lives. I think that you are an intelligent woman that has a true gift with words. Please don't allow that screwball of a husband to make you so bitter. you are in an emotional haze right now. My first husband treated me like yours does you. For me , in my situation, I knew it would never get any better so I left him before it got any worse. It was very hard at first but OH THE FREEDOM!!! Talk about power. I finally had the time that was necessary to concentrate on being happy. All of my time before was being upset all the time. I still have alot of problems that I have to deal with but at least now I can do them my way.So chin up girlfriend..you're going to do great!!!! Sorry to butt in on your conversations, but I hate to see someone with as big of a heart and compassion as you, getting hurt. I found out through my experience that the only way my ex-husband could feel good about himself was to put me down..sound familiar?? many blessings to everyone and keep the faith

November 3, 1999
10:27 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

God, I have slept apart from him for four days now and i feel so alone at times, but not the "wind blowing through me alone" like i did when we seperated before.
I was reading Melody Beattie, and the reason we stay with these guys is BECAUSE WHEN WE ARE ALONE WE FEEL SUCH PAIN (FROM OUR CHILDHOOD STUFF) THAT THE WORST PAIN WITH HIM ISNT AS BAD AS THE UNDERLYING DEPRESSION AND FEELINGS WE FEEL WHEN WE ARE ALONE AND NO LONGER CONTROLLING, CHANGING OR HELPING HIM.......
You know what, its true, well I say ......bring it on, if I dont deal with myself now, I am only doomed to repeat ......
God im scard.
I know how karin feels, I have done this before, I thought I was clear, but no way, I have so much of my own pain to deal with, so much.
The worst part of it is, I have no support, other than here. The lady i was meeting with in response to my ad for the support group is a mess, I just cant be with her. I really need to make friends who have gotten out of the "man addiction" its like a drug addict who wishes to recover, she needs to make a whole new set of "sober friends"
If I didnt have god, I would be pretty lonely and have a hard time handling it. I remember last time I split with him, I was so depressed and anxious and overwhelemed with feelings, and I had no faith then. I have faith now. When i say, let go to god, I do not mean someone outside of myself, I am not passive, I have found god to be my true inner voice, I have learned to trust myself...which is an amazing feat for me, this was never possible before. I listen to my heart and intutive voice now (god speaking to me) in silence and mediditation. I know I am doing the right thing. It doesnt look like HE cares too much. He hasnt said "sorry" even. I have said no more than four sentences to him in four days, and avoid him like the plague. He asked me yesterday on the phone "How do you feel?" I said, "How do you think i feel?" He said "I dont know thats why im asking, how can someone not fu***Ng know how a woman feels after being hit on the back and head with a quarter inch thick cardboard tube leaving bruises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could he do this???????????????????????????
It disgusts me! He disgusts me now. I cant even look at him without feeling such emotions, I dont even know how I can ever talk to him again.
If it werent for my children, the eldest who really cares about him, I would leave.
Unfortunately here, if a man beats his wife, that does not mean he is a bad father, screwed huh.
I know he blames me for hitting me.
and the sick thing is I still think in a way I am partly responsible for throwing the milk at him. No, I am not responsible for the way he chooses to act. He could have left the room, or threw milk back but to hit me with such force, you should of seen his face, what a fu***ng monster!
I cant turn to my family of origin, because they want me to stay the same, their victim.
I need to get into a support group asap. He never babysits and Im reluctant to leave my children with anyone other than him.......
Im going to enquire today about a nanny who can help me.

November 3, 1999
10:38 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Its hard to leave him because I felt we really had come pretty far, atleast I thought he had, maybe thats just all denial. I know I have come far enough, I just cant go through divorce court again. It almost killed me last time, and my abusive ex took my daughter from me. I havent seen her in five years......this is the greatest pain of my life, and it feels like it happened yesterday. No one was able to help me with this, the pain was and is so great that I think i scard everyone away. My family abandoned me, all govt agencies helped only a little bit, I must of wrote a thousand letters asking for help and nothing...I had no money to hire a good lawyer and private d and still dont.....oh the pain is too much right now...this is overwhelming, i feel like running to HIM for relief and comfort but I know this isnt the right thing. I am only human, I just want some love and support in my life..sorry guys, give me some time. Ive gotta get my self sorted out. Im going to get some one on one counselling set up today. I need support, clarity and help to get myself strong and healthy. blessings

November 3, 1999
11:13 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

All of your words mean sooo much to me, so much, thankyou.

November 3, 1999
11:13 am
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tears,

The worst thing you could possibly do at this time si to go back to your husband. The problem is, you have to realize, that if he did this once, he'll do it again. There's usually no way a person can get better from being an abuser on his own, without counseling. He doesn't see that he did anything wrong, and you staying in the house with him still is like a validation to him; he thinks everything is peachy kieen, a-okay and eventually you'll come around and cater to him again "for the sake of the children."

I know it's difficult. Especially without family support. There are several publicly funded agencies that can help you. I believe in you, and I think as long as you're staying there with him, you shluld look out for your future. Try to secure some money, maybe a temporary place to live..try contacting older, distant friends or relatives. There are options for you. You don't need to be in that environment. I can see it sucking the strength out of you. How can a person flourish in an environment like that?

Please, please, please, for once think of yourself. No more second chances...

November 3, 1999
11:16 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know, I know i sound panicked, but I really feel like this is all for the best. I was ready to change my life to one that no longer holds such suffering, I am coming out of the blanket of denial and really seeing things as they are, my family, my husband etc
I just need to take things slowly, Im not making any rash decisions, im getting counselling and support and will make my decisions with their help. ( and yours )
blessings

November 3, 1999
11:19 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You ARE right cici, that is what i am doing. I am going to get some of my own money together and get him out ofh ere somehow. Why should i leave? This is my home. He threatened to take the computer which I need for my business and he knows it.
He said he said this out of anger, but I cant trust him.
I know the legal situation and me leaving is NOT good.
HE is the one who needs to leave.
I will get counselling, support and money.
I have supported myself and my children before and will have no problem doing that, I have a degree and a lot of good work experience.

November 3, 1999
12:34 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I really need your support now like no other time, please leave me your words, god bless you all.
S.C I would love to hear what you have to say also, you are a wise soul and sound like you have come a long ways yourself:)

November 3, 1999
12:47 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

http://www2.scescape.com/suppo.....//chat.htm
Just wanted you guys to know there is coda chat support at this link

November 3, 1999
5:16 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well HE has finally admitted that he needs serious help and has agreed to individual counselling as well as marital. I never pushed, he volunteered the information and is a pparently very depressed and disgussted with himself. Time will tell, in the meantime I am going to get myself the counselling I need and a life.

November 3, 1999
8:42 pm
Avatar
Newby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tears,
You are doing great. You need to know that. You are doing great. I think it's wonderful that he's willing to get help. But it just might be too late. You keep thinking about you. It's not selfish. It's NOT selfish. Let him get counseling. That's great. He needs it. But you take care of you. Don't let his last minute words keep you from your goals. Healing yourself is what's important here. They all say they want help before you make them leave. But if they stay, don't they just go back to being their usual selves? You have a right to be angry. And you also have the right to forgive him if you want. Just don't stop moving towards forgiving yourself. You are doing great.

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
61 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109301

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

kyleji18, sherryson54, albinaDazy, evelynwn60, bujhzifDazy, waitingDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer