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knock knock....can I come in? Haven't been here in a while...but I miss you all!
August 29, 2007
6:41 pm
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revelation
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rasputin? 2? tc66? whitedove? the beatles fan club? truth? and so many more...I miss you all...you have probably forgotten about me...but I haven't forgotten about you...

I hope you are all well and that life is going well for each and every one of you.

All is going well for me, I'm in my second year of studying for my degree in psychotherapy and I'm doing my training at a local womens refuge which I love. I have fallen in love again...with a wonderful man! Today he moved the rest of his stuff in...and my sisters keep hinting at a christmas engagement...but to be honest...I'm in no rush, I'm happy just to be living in the same house and sharing my life (but he doesn't get all of it!) He is a musician...yes, like the ex...in fact, he knows the ex...but doesn't think all that much of him...he's got a good level head on his shoulders, a good day-job, very easy going and so so so cool!

I have undertaken a career change, my I.T. job was just draining me and getting me down...day in - day out drudge! So, I managed to talk my way into a job in HR...and I love it!

I'd really love to hear how you all are doing....good or bad (maybe I can give a pep talk!) I've thought about you often here, although I've never met any of you! You helped me through what had to have been the worst couple of years of my life and I will forever remember my friends here (my life-savers)...so please, if you remember me, say hello and let me know how you are.

To those who don't have a clue who I am...sorry, I'm just an irish girl who came here in shreds and left almost intact! I do owe this board and the sc...my life! I'm giving it back by (hopefully) helping others.

Blessings!
Rev.

August 29, 2007
6:56 pm
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lost lady72
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Hi Rev,
Sounds like it worked for you I'm Irish and struggling, here for the last few weeks clasping a straws. I'm a wreck to be honest.

Your news is nice though happy for you. Good to know happy ever after exsists.

Supposed to meet other half at 6 today never showed up i'm so lonely.

Sorry for bursting you bubble

LL

August 29, 2007
6:59 pm
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revelation
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lost....would be happy to give some advice...specially to another irish girl! I'm in dublin. Whats up? You need to vent? Let it all out! I'm up late tonight...working on an essay for college and starting to see double!

August 29, 2007
7:06 pm
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lost lady72
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Rev,
See double also due to exhaustion, man in debt, me no children me 35 he 40 he has a son 11 we together 10 years. I can't depend on him, I feel so weak. Wish i never met him at times but i'm so in love with him and hate him at the same time.
He's capable of anything, I pictrure myself in this loving relationship the good ins and outs of love, he doesent even come home from work at times. I thought by now I'd have more.

LL

August 29, 2007
7:08 pm
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white dove
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Hey Rev
So good to see you. you sound so happy im so pleased for you. a lot has happened to you, all for the beter by the sound of it. im so glad to see you here.
white dove

August 29, 2007
7:08 pm
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revelation
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OK, are you still together or seperated? And...can I ask what you love about him?

August 29, 2007
7:09 pm
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revelation
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hello whitedove...I hope all is well with you.

August 29, 2007
7:12 pm
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lost lady72
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Still together, don't know what i love anymore..
Seriously sound like a sad sap today

It's a nightmare, I spent the night driving around looking for him I know...Sad

August 29, 2007
7:23 pm
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Eh...first of all, may I just comment on something I'm noticing about your posts (but hey, I used to do it myself all the time)...your ability to verbally beat yourself up!!

1. You haven't burst anyones bubble
2. You don't sound like a sad sap.

Stop talking like that about yourself hun...you are here, you are looking for answers...look at the strength in that? Its not something that everyone on the planet has the ability to do! seek answers for themselves that is..its takes a certain amount of self-awareness and strength to be able to actually DO something about our lives...a lot of people would gladly wallow in it and plod along in misery...so pat yourself on the back for that one first of all.

Secondly...the whole love thing...now forgive me if I'm being presumptious...but is it that you love him or that you feel you need to love him? are you swimming against the tide here? are you looking for something from this man that he isn't capable of giving? there are some people who are not capable of it...they are stuck emotionally somewhere around the age of 15 and quite simply aren't emotionally mature enough to be in a committed loving relationship...and yes I say that in the full knowledge that you have been together for 10 years...I've seen one person carry a relationship with another person for that long and longer...without even realising it! Was it ever good? What changed?
the debt situation...is it really your problem? how much are you willing to put up with here? and what would you like in return for putting up with this...and realistically...how likely is it that you are going to get what you want from this man? one thing that you must hold true...you can't make anyone change...no matter how hard you try!

August 29, 2007
7:24 pm
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white dove
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Rev its been a bit of a battle but im feeling happy at the mo. so much yukky stuff going on but things will work out in the end, it always does.

Hi lost lady 72
im sorry your going through a tough time, wish i had some wise words for you, but Rev is lovely and chatting to her is good.

white dove.

August 29, 2007
7:28 pm
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lost lady72
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I’m in Cork. His debt is killing us 5 yrs ago he said it would take five years. Sill the same. Not my problem but bleeding in to my life. No house no future im engaged but it’s a joke he proposed to me when I was in Australia 3yrs ago. My father died 2 years ago (almost killed me) since the last 2 years have been hell. My mother might as well be with him as she no longer contacts. I’ve 3 sisters 2 away the one here is going off her nut with my mother also. It just seems to get worse every week only because I put up with it I know….. I really do know. I mean he had his son since last week tonight was our night and he left me hanging.

I have a good job and good close friends but I didn’t tell anyone tonight what was happening as I’m mortified he text a few times that he was too stressed to meet me. He does this often is it the money or is there someone else he says he stays in his friends house but I would never find out for sure.

I NEED to know what’s really going on.

You didn’t bargain for this did you when you just came back to say hi Sorry

LL

August 29, 2007
7:42 pm
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revelation
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whitedove...you sound like you've been through a tough time...I hope you are taking care of yourself, finding time for yourself...its very very important.

lady, I'm glad to help, stop! I know what its like to feel so tangled up...I needed help here before and I got it...so I'm glad to help someone else. You are only 35!! I'm 33, I was engaged too...that ring on the finger seems to bind us, but it doesn't have to. I know how you feel about not talking to friends...there are some things that are just too painful. You have a lot going on there, I thankfully have both parents still, but I'd fall apart if anything happened to one of them...thats allowed, you MUST make that allowance to yourself. Also, when you are going through tough times like that...don't you think you deserve a partner who can be of some support to you? isn't that the LEAST we should expect from a partner? if anything happened to one of his loved-ones I just bet that you'd drop everything to be there whenever he needed...now I know there is a child involved and thats difficult and allowances must be made...but if you have a child and you don't think that will allow you to have a committed relationship...then you shouldn't have a relationship! controversial I know...but millions of people manage it...so why can't he? the debts are still the same? well, of course its going to effect you, you are part of his life, so that goes without saying...but is he aware of just how much its effecting you? has he tried to get rid of these debts? have you talked about it?

August 29, 2007
7:47 pm
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(((Sweet Rev)))) Where have you been hon? I've always thought about you so often praying that things are getting well with you. I'm planning to become a spiritual therapist too. However, here in my country, I have to study a combination of Theology and then we take psychology units in a hospital. It would be very stressful period of my life.

Right now I am working in a company for sometime b4 I relocate to another city in my country & start my school. Going back to school demands lots of $$$, not to mention moving to another city many hours far away from here.

Well well welll, so the Irish rose is in love and he moved in. How romantic!!! I hope if he is the right fellow for you, you will both be able to discern it.

All the best in love and studies. Welcome back!!!

August 29, 2007
7:50 pm
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Ras, I'm delighted for you...good stuff! Yes, I'm in love...ah, that elusive "one" I think so! He's just moved in, we've been together six months and its been a dream...so lets see how this goes!

August 29, 2007
7:52 pm
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lost lady72
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Rev,
I know I gotta leave him, but I wish it was months down the line all I want is someone to want to be with me. I used to be a really happy person now I spend most of my time in a big rented 4 bedroom house on my own. I work on my own, I’d love to come home to someone every day and share it all. We have dinner together bout once every 2 weeks and that’s in front of the TV. Did I miss something why do we not want the same things?

The pressure of him is killing me, he’s drinking now that’s why he didn’t meet me cant face me. He’s answer to me is find someone else you deserve better that’s in between the fighting and hating eachother, I love him but he’s ruined his life and now if I don’t do something I’m gonna ruin mine.

He’s not really in contact with any of his family except his mother she’s a gem. He’s from the north I think this is the main problem his past has him demented.

I love his son, I’ve always wanted children of my own I think but it never happened, I’ve problems there and I’m going for an op in Oct.

I so appreciate all you saying I just don’t know what to do to get out of this or how I go into it or where I’d live if I left,
Engaged……..I rarely ware the ring, I feel its not right, he asked me last week when we were getting married, I said when you ask me again and when the debt is sorter as I will inherit it if something happens to you. He’s still in shock

August 29, 2007
7:55 pm
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Rev, your words are inspiring! I can hear the positive tone in reading them.

LL, hang in there. You are the only one that make the choices in your life, you have the power to attain any goal you set your mind to. You deserve to be with someone that loves you and you love in return. Trust me...reading some of your posts opens my EYES into my own life, I have made excuses for so long for my soon to be X, (first time I used that term). Not sure if you read my recent post re: hard choices, but I have decided it is high time to take control of my life, I choose life...not this so called life I have been living!!

You need to try to feed your soul, start investing your energies into yourself so you can actually not be so tangled up in the web he is weaving, holding you prisoner. If a grown man wants to behave that way and not invest in you then why should you exert your energies in him?? Save them for yourself....it's amazing how doing this over time makes you remember what it feels like to be happy and free.

I have wasted so much time over the years, looking at the cell phone bill, going through drawers, looking at reciepts, asking questions, all trying to figure out what the heck he was doing behind my back, because intuition was telling me he was lying! So not worth the time and it sure didn't make me feel any better in the end.

I am holding you in my prayers, you are worth happiness and you deserve it.

August 29, 2007
7:57 pm
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lost lady72
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Just read other posts, God I'm seriously off loading and not used to this keyboard.
Upset tonight not usually this mental. Sounds like you had a tough time of it before Rev, happy that your happy XX

August 29, 2007
8:00 pm
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lost lady72
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readytobefree
Thanks needed that, ya I know i'm gettin lost in his problems. going to read your thread now

LL

August 29, 2007
8:02 pm
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revelation
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Oh sweetie...kids are still very much an option for you...don't close that one off just yet! some of my closest friends have become mothers in their late 30's...I've one pal who was in a horrific relationship for 8 years, she got out, met someone new, got married and is now expecting her second child...all within four years..she's 40 this year (doesn't look it though). I suspected that he might have problems alright...sounds like he needs to deal with the past before he can forge a future...but again, thats something he must face himself, nobody can make him see that...hun, I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing an opinion down you throat...but its looking like you'll go down with that ship unless you start heading for a life-raft really soon...Hell, I KNOW what its like to watch someone destroy themselves with their own self-loathing, I've seen it...I've had "i'm not good enough, you can do better" shoved in my face soooo many times...what they are really saying is "I'm not good enough...fix me" but its not possible, he doesn't want to be fixed...and he can't be fixed, he HAS to do it himself otherwise its just a band-aid on a severed artery...you get me? Its sad...but at the end of the day, you have to let him figure this out himself...maybe losing you will give him the impetus he needs to get his ass out of rock-bottom....but maybe not...you have to look at whats best for you here.

August 29, 2007
8:14 pm
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lost lady72
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Rev,
I know your right I wisper those words to myself all the time. The only difference now is I'm beginning to answer and I wish it were different. I wiah I was enough to make that difference.
Thanks hon XX

Readytobefree,
Ya you made me cry, and also made me think it would be harder if I had a child with him. As I see his son crying out for attention in odd ways emotionally. I can't make him see it.

I'm livin up to my anme tonight.

LL

August 29, 2007
8:18 pm
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hey Rev!

So good to hear your very positive update!

Ah yes, those days on the Beatles thread were so much fun :o) [historical note: today, Aug. 29, is the 41st anniversary of the Beatles' last live concert, not counting the one on the roof of Apple that they did for 'Let it Be'.]

I have been seeing "A" again.... not sure where it's going but hanging in for now and searching for clarity day by day.

Oh, and I finished my degree... and made the Dean's list. Yeah, I was pretty chuffed with that :o)

Carry on my dear, and steer clear of dangerous shoes now, eh?

love, kroiks

August 29, 2007
8:22 pm
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revelation
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I disagree, you're not lost...you'll find the way...I sense strength in your words (and you're an irish woman...we practically keep this country afloat!!). you know where you are going, you're just still on the journey...but I sense its the right path...you do whatever is best for YOU. be patient with yourself...you have been patient with him for long enough!

August 29, 2007
8:30 pm
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kroika!!!! haha, how are you? You sound in good form...my beloved beatles! I'm now collecting beatles t-shirts from truffleshuffle.com...they have been my summer fashion statement (I will admit I bought a rolling stones and a lynard skynard one too!). Dangerous shoes, I was only talking about that to a work colleague the other day...who'd have thought a little blister would cause such a fuss!! I haven't learned though...wedges have been in fashion, I've almost twisted my ankle a few times this summer, I swear I'll be in a walking frame by 40! I'm already tall...but this summer I have wished to be smaller, so that I can not tower over my boyfriend when I wear my platform wedges from topshop (oh you should see them though!) the weather has been so crap here that I've pulled my comfy ugg boots out of the back of the wardrobe and been wearing them lately (you can't get safer footwear than ugg boots! and it gives himself a couple of inch's to bend for a kiss! there is hope for me!)

xxx
Rev.

August 29, 2007
8:31 pm
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Cheers for that, I'm calming down now. I get so worked up when I let myself down by looking for him it really upsets me, I feel low, I want to be beyond it.
We spent most of the week fishing and doing nice things with him so hence the upset when it all does down the swanny.

I feel like we're so close to the good part I'd hate to make a mistake, thats crap actually if he can't come home there's something seriously wrong. Especially if he knows it means so much to me. I mean HELLO me..

August 29, 2007
8:36 pm
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Believe my I understand where you are coming from...when its good its just...perfect...when its bad, its devastating, the roller-coaster plays havoc with your self-esteem though and it isn't what healthy relationship should be like. Sure, every couple goes through bad patches...but when its mostly bad and very little good???? Don't beat yourself up for looking for him...thats just human nature, you can't be super-human, even though it might feel like you need to be in order to be in this relationship...that says it all really!

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