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klonopin addict-HELP
February 23, 2007
11:30 pm
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jewel
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I began taking klonopin in june of 2006. I started with half a mg and worked my way up to 1 mg 3/day. That was working out fine. Then I started getting panic attacks and things from my past and present were worrying me to the point where I couldn't take it. I lost my job over med side effects(not klonopin). I guess I grew a tolerance to klonopin because now I am on 2 mg 3/day. Now, sometimes I won't even take hardly any. Othertimes I am taking 8 mg at once. I don't feel messed up and don't know what it could do to me. Do I need professional help? I have so many appts. coming up? I started group therapy for depression today, I have a wedding shower coming up, and a wedding in may. I am so stressed over money and finding a job when my unemployment runs out. I think that is why I am taking to many klonopin. I have prescriptions for both 1 and 2 mg that I am getting filled and I am still running out and worried about it happening again. I have to keep my appts., but I also have to take care of myself. WHat do you think the best way to handle this would be?

February 23, 2007
11:32 pm
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I copied and pasted this from another thread. Oh my God!!! Now I am really scared. I ran out and called my psychitrist and told him I accidently threw away my klonopin and he actually called in a prescription for them. I even had to pay out of my pocket because insurance wouldn't cover it. I guess now I went from an alcoholic to an addict. And I am so close to being off alcohol for one year. I am so ashamed. I had a good day today and now I just feel like crap because I depend on this drug and that is why I feel the way that I feel. I am an addict. Straigt and simple. I am broke and paid for this drug. I called the doctor and lied. I never told him I had a drinking problem. I went to the group psychitrist today as well and he wouldn't give me anything else. He didnt seem like he liked me because I kept on asking for something for anxiety and he kept on saying that is why I am upping your dosage of zoloft. I feel like crap. I can take 8 mg and not go to sleep. It just makes me feel better. Do you think I should tell my fiance? I am really scared. I wouldn't want him to hold a secret from me like this,but I don't do it every day. Do you think I need rehab? I have a doc appt on monday about my birth defects(IM SCARED) and two root canal appts and an eye specialist appt. coming up. Then I could go to rehab.

THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH EVERYONE for all your help. I didn't know how dangerous this could be. I think after all my appts. are taken care of, esp. one about birth defects, I am going to work on getting off of the klonopin. I can't believe what I did today. I am a liar and am spending wedding money on drugs. I am a terrible person.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
1:42 am
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jewel
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I don't know if I am just worrying too much or what. I read the other posts on the stressed thread and everyone said how addicting klonopin is. I just thought that I would make a new thread to get others that know about klonopin to get their attention. Is what I am doing dangerous? I don't consider it as dangerous as drinking 2.5 liters of wine like I used to everynight. The kind from the box. I was trashed. With this klonopin I just take it. It doesnt make me messed up or I don't pass out so I don't see what the problem is.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
1:55 am
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bevdee
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Jewel,

It is addictive and you are using more than the doctor prescribes and you state nearly every weekend that you feel suicidal. How can you say - "I don't see what the problem is." ?

Check this article out - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klonopin

You also state you don't tell all your different doctors that you take it.

It is very addictive and you could die. If you don't die chances are you will spend the rest of that life wishing you were- because of your addiction.

Do you want to wait until after a wedding? A dentist appointment you reschedule each time? What are your priorities?

I know it must seem like I am being rough, believe me I have been accused of that in my physical life. My sister is an addict, and all I ever hear from her are excuses and denial.

What are your priorities? How long do you want to put all that life- a real life with joy and freedom from the hell of addiction- has to offer - on hold?

Bevdee

February 24, 2007
2:14 am
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jewel
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Thanks for responding bevdee. For starters, I cancelled one dentist appt and went to the next one. You put it like I cancelled a bunch of them. I am admitted that I have a problem. This drug just gives me no reaction. It just calms me down, but even after 10 mg, I am still fine. I have a very high tolerance I think because I used to be a hardcore alcoholic. My priorities are to get my life in order and I am doing that by going to group. That is hard enough for me the way I have been feeling. The last few days there has been some sunshine, but extremely cold where I live so I think I need sunlight to make myself happy. I am not denying anything here and I am not making excuses. I am straight up telling you whatis going on. It is hard to tell my doc because I am going to need something when I get married to calm me down so I don't have a panic attack. That is what this group is about. A lot on coping skills. Learning how to control your moods. I don't crave klonopin but would get worried if I ran out. So that is why I labeled myself an addict. Does that mean I totally screwed up my sobriety date. It will be one year without a drink on march 8. I can't believe I did it. I miss it every once in awhile, but screw that. Being hangover is for the birds. I will always remember how terrible I used to feel everyday. I am starting to feel good and be happy. I am just taking too much klonopin than I am suppossed to. I don't want to kill myself or anything. I don't even think it could kill you. I know my body is tough. It has been through a lot. Bevdee, you are being tough, but I am not denying or making excuses to my knowledge. Correct me if I am wrong.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
2:15 am
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jewel
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Thanks for responding bevdee. For starters, I cancelled one dentist appt and went to the next one. You put it like I cancelled a bunch of them. I am admitted that I have a problem. This drug just gives me no reaction. It just calms me down, but even after 10 mg, I am still fine. I have a very high tolerance I think because I used to be a hardcore alcoholic. My priorities are to get my life in order and I am doing that by going to group. That is hard enough for me the way I have been feeling. The last few days there has been some sunshine, but extremely cold where I live so I think I need sunlight to make myself happy. I am not denying anything here and I am not making excuses. I am straight up telling you whatis going on. It is hard to tell my doc because I am going to need something when I get married to calm me down so I don't have a panic attack. That is what this group is about. A lot on coping skills. Learning how to control your moods. I don't crave klonopin but would get worried if I ran out. So that is why I labeled myself an addict. Does that mean I totally screwed up my sobriety date. It will be one year without a drink on march 8. I can't believe I did it. I miss it every once in awhile, but screw that. Being hangover is for the birds. I will always remember how terrible I used to feel everyday. I am starting to feel good and be happy. I am just taking too much klonopin than I am suppossed to. I don't want to kill myself or anything. I don't even think it could kill you. I know my body is tough. It has been through a lot. Bevdee, you are being tough, but I am not denying or making excuses to my knowledge. Correct me if I am wrong.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
2:19 am
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jewel
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sorry hit it twice because my computer became frozen

February 24, 2007
2:39 am
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Klonopin is addictive. You take it and run out before the scrip is ready for refill. That is very worrisome, Jewel.

It does explain the despair you feel. Addiction is living in hell. So is trying to hide the fact of the addiction from loved ones. It's a vicious, anxiety producing situation. And when you run out of pills, the withdrawl symptoms exarcerbate those feelings of worthlessness and despair.

It's great that you quit drinking, but it is very common to substitute one addiction for another. It happens alot, and the fact that the doctor that prescribes it does not know about your alcohol recovery is unfortunate - for you.

I used to drink - I partied on the weekends, and I got trashed too. Rowdy, thought I was a great dancer, then I went home and usually puked my guts out. My hangovers lasted 2-3 days. It wasn't pretty. When I took sedatives, I was just that - sedate, numb. I've been around all of it, Jewel. Alcohol is addictive and Klonopin is addictive.

Klonopin is addictive and it is a dangerous addiction. I know how clonazepam works- my friend had a real hard time withdrawing from that addiction. She doctor-hopped. When the effects began to wear off, she hurt all over. She had horrible headaches. I could hear her sucking a bong over the phone. She freaked out. She would call me and talk till 3 in the morning. She stayed up all night, then slept all day after she took he son to school. Her house was always a horrible mess and I would help her clean it every week when her husband started griping about it. She could barely function with her addiction, let alone keep a job. She felt worthless.

I think you should be very careful. In your first post, you asked if you should seek professional help. I think you should. Do you think you can kick it yourself?

Klonopin is addictive.

February 24, 2007
2:50 am
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jewel
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I know klonopin is addictive. How much is per se a lot to take. I know I am not taking them as prescrived because some days I don't take hardly any and then another day, I take 10 mg. I can get rid of this habit on my own as long as my zoloft and wellbutrin help with my anxiety and panic. I have been on zoloft for about 4 months and am up to 150 mg starting today. The wellbutrin about 1 and a half months. How come it is not working. When I first got the klonopin prescribed to me, I didn't hardly take it. THen school got to me and I would take 0.5 mg and that would help. Then I became more stresed out and started taking 1. Then the doctor upped it to two a couple months ago. I called and told him that I threw it away because that was the only way of getting the drug. I guess he fell for it because he called the pharmacy and told them and they filled it. Now I feel bad. I also cancelled my next appt. with him because I have to get a root canal that day and won't be able to do both and right now the root canal is more important. I know I can quit this on my own. I plan on it soon when I am ready. Just like with the alcohol. I will just get sick of it. It is more of a habit than anything.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
3:25 am
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jewel
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Anyone else out there that can think of a way for me to quit on my own. I called the number for NA meetings and the lady said there were none in my area. That is totally not true. I live in an area that is busy. Not in the middle of nowhere or anything. She was extremely rude and actually hung up on me. That really made me feel good. Now I am wondering how the meetings will go. I am willing to give it a try. I am not going to rehab over a little bit extra klonopin. If I keep taking extra, would it be neccesary to detox from it or not? I was always a drinker so I don't know anything about drugs really.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
4:22 pm
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addicts wife
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((((Jewel))))
I do not think you are a klopopin addict, but I do think youre not taking them properly... there IS a difference. and just so you feel better, 2mg, even 3 times a day is a LOW dose. forinstance I take 200 mg of an antidepressant with 200mg of a "mood stabilizer, and ,50 mg of Xanax PRN(as needed) for anxiety.
Thats a lot of milligrams...LOL, but still, the docs are the professionals and TRY not to "Bug out" about the milligrams of PRESCRIBED meds, the point is, you're not taking them HOw and when, that alone (from personal experience )is enough to make anyone feel loopy/anxiety.... PLUs you have a lot on your plate right now as it is without loading another issue on top of everything.
J pokes fun at /with me about when I get off track and disorganized and get flaky abouttakingll my meds when Im supposed ot and says things like "you're making yourself loopy about probably being loopy, stop beatingyourself up. and remember that your meds work, only whe nYou take them, they dont do any good in your medication box, all by them selves."
LOL, I do laugh at myself, but he is right. Iwas Sooooo any any thing that wasnt holistic, organic and natural for years, but there came a point where Id tried everything and nothing worked so I finally agreed ot take chemical meds fro mmy doctors.and was weary about how many miligrams things were, and wasnt comfortable becasue some of my meds are classified as narcotics, but after being on them for over 6 years, I NEVER took the mrecreationally, and even when pain was os bad and i had to take 2 instead of one, It didnt make me "loopy" becasue it was being used in my body as needed. I personally dont "get' how people get "high " from similar pills I have becasue they dont effect me "that way." although, with the train wreck of Anna Nicole lately I have bee nconcerned about high tolerance levels and things not working because Ive taken them so long...all reasonable concerns... But as some one who is on meds, I can only request, and state that the BEST, healthiest thing to do is have a consult appointment wiht your prescribing physician. She/He can asses what is going on, and if you may need an adjustment, and Im sure they will advise you to be "religious" about WHEN you take them and the importance of NOT skipping doeses. Of o miss a day of my anti depressants wiht the other "mood stabulizer' It's like I need t obe exorcized by a priest, and J looks at me like hes waiting for my head to stop /start spinning.
I dont see a need to check your self in anywhere, but call your prescribing MD to make a brief, consultation appointment...I KNOW you already have a lot of obligations at hand, but a "quickie" visit will be better than you shaving your head and driving off totim buck too..
And Breath ..darling... long slow deep relazing breaths........
(((((( Hang in thereHUGs))))))))

February 24, 2007
5:02 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((jewel)) I agree with addict's wife. I think you are misusing the drugs if you run out before the prescribed time. I dont' thinking taking that much of anythnig can be good for you.

Please do yourself a favor. and talk to your doctor and tell him exactly how much you have to take and how it affects you.

I'm sure you don't want this to be hanging over you on your wedding day. Get it taken care of now so you can be light hearted and really enjoy your wedding day.

February 24, 2007
9:24 pm
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jewel
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The reason I take the klonopin in higher doses is because it has lost its affect. Lately my stomach has been hurting. I wonder if that is from taking too much. Addictswife, I guess I am not an addict. I just need to get the situation straightened out. Tiger, I want to feel relaxed and if I keep on taking these pills like I am, I am going to be a mess. I will be anxious if I take the right amount and if I take too much, I won't speak clearly. I may slur my speech and be a little out of it. It is just that I am getting so scared. Not about the marriage,but the ceremony and my dress fitting perfectly. I am down to less than 100 pounds now. You can see my ribs sticking out in the front and even on my back. I want to look healthy for the wedding. My dress shows most of my back so I don't want to look too skinny. If I start eating properly, I guess this will continue. I think I may have an eating disorder. I just want my stomach to be totally flat and it is not. I still feel like I am fat. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel so alone right now. I wish my fiance was with me. I feel scared about the future. I pray that my wedding will turn out good and be the most beautiful day that it could be.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
10:10 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Weddings are always wonderful and beautiful. Things invariably happen that threaten to wreak the day but it all turns out wonderful in the end. My wedding was okay and exactly what I wanted with my dress and the simple ceremony etc etc. but I found that the best part is after the wedding. the living together and hving a life together. Life got a lot richer and warmer. so don't stress too much about your wedding. You have great ideas (a beach) wedding and your dress sounds beautiful. lean back and enjoy the excitment and make sure you are in good physical health.

February 24, 2007
10:30 pm
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jewel
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Tiger,

Thanks for that. That eased my mind some. It is just a simple ceremony with 10 people present and will only last about 20 minutes or so. I am going to have a hard time saying the vows without crying. Maybe I should ask him if he would read the vow and let us just say "I do". I don't want to regret it later in life though. I need to get myself in better physical condition and eating at least 3 meals a day instead of one. I think a lot of it is me being afraid my dress won't fit. I weighed 100 when I had the first fitting. For the second fitting which is on march 4th hopefully it will fit just wonderful. Is there a final fitting? If not I am sure I could bring it back to get it altered. The only problem is that is also prom season in may so the seamstress is going to be very busy.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
10:49 pm
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healintime
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Hi Jewel,

You're "not feeling" the effects of the klonopin, because your neural pathways and central nervous system were in a place not so long ago where they were used to getting 2.5 litres of wine a day.

Bottom line is that you should have been totally upfront with your doctor about your recovery - and how much you had been drinking. At the very start. This benzo should not be prescribed long-term to anybody who has had substance abuse issues. Period. And -absolutely- not in a form where you can fill a months worth of pills and take them when, how and if you need them.

If you had started drinking 2.5 litres of wine a day in the beginning you would have been taken to the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Takes time to get to the point where you can drink that much - your body adjusts to that amount of alcohol - and it comes to actually need it to stave off withdrawal.

Klonopin. Same thing. That's why you "don't feel" the effects. Doesn't mean you're not addicted. If you're lying to your doctor and spending oney you don't have on a drug that every single piece of literature out there says may be responsible for your depression worseining and the suicidal thoughts you've been having. It is a problem. And a problem that you need to talk to your doctor about now. 6-8 one day and none the next - is enough to put you in withdrawal. You're not in control of your decision making at that point.

Any program of recovery is designed to transition you out of substance abuse with supprt and steps that will help you get your life back into manageble shape. Had you had a sponsor when you quit drinking, she would have been able to encourage you about being honest with your doctor. You quit drinking "alone" and less than a year later are lying to your doctor about your prescription to get more anxiety meds. I don't think, at this point, you should be asking how to quit klonopin "alone." I think it's something you need to discuss with a trained medical professional. being "honest" on these boards is great. But you need to be ready to be honset with whoever it is that's writing your prescriotions for a medication that by your own measure, you know that you're abusing.

H x

February 25, 2007
12:32 am
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jewel
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Thanks heal,

I know that I should be honest, but I am afraid that they will no longer give me anything for my panic. I can't live my life in panic, but I also can't live my life depending on klonopin. I need to say something before this becomse a problem. I haven't been doing this for too long. Out of the blue, one night I felt suicidal and took 10 of them. Didnt even put me to sleep and that is when I was taking them as directed. I will bring this up with someone. I need to come clean so I can enjoy my life. I didn't know the side effects were suicidal thoughts and making your depression worse. Maybe that is why I am so down. Now that I think of it, I started feeling this way right around the same time that I was prescribed the medication. I can quit, but I become restless. I get all hyper and can't calm down. My body is craving the klonopin. I should also tell my fiance. Maybe I could have him moniter my drugs. Just a thought. I know he would do it. He has no idea that I am taking more than directed. He would be pretty pissed if he found out. The thing is, I am not getting high. I just like the calming effect.

Jewel

By the way, thanks all for the replies. They are greatly appreciated.

February 25, 2007
1:53 am
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healintime
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Hi Jewel,

We can't know ahead of time what medications will, and won't agree with us. I am not knocking prescription drugs - they are truly lifesavers for many, many people. But it's up to us to be our own best advocate and to keep our doctors up to date with what our existing condition/s are when they're picking the best treatment for us -- and top keep them up to date with how we're feeling - especially on meds that affect our moods.

In some people, klonopin can cause serious depression - and withdrawal produces anxiety. You're worried about how to deal with the panic if you go off this drug - but it may well be that the drug is causing the panic. And yes, I remember when I first logged onto the boards - you were excited and proud (justifiably so) about your sobriety, busy with school and excited about your wedding. The timeframe for the klonopin to have been the factor that has caused your depression to worsen seems about right to me. Did things get worse when your dosage was upped? How do you feel when you run out? What were the side-effects after you overdosed? This is all information that you need to keep track of and give to your doctor.

NA can sometimes be harder to find than AA depending on where you live - if there's a AA group in your town that might be a great place to start. Doing this "alone" is awfully hard work - I think that you'll find in-person sympathy, empathy and great advice if you go to a meeting.

I'm sending good thoughts your way,

Hugs,

H x

February 25, 2007
9:16 am
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addicts wife
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Jewel, just another "note" that may have alreasy been mentioned... Just becasue a prescribed medication is no longerworking in it's original does doesnt neccessarily mean youre addicted. It may just mean that you've been up a tolerance or that you may need to switch to something else, this happens with Non addictave meds as well. For instance, I ws taking the same kind of insulin for about 15 years adn it simply wasnt working for my body any more and I did get very ill. also Celebrex wasnt helping anymore so I had ot switch t something else, and some meds do effect tthings like your tummy after a while. The key is,(I think) with what youve shared is that you've not been taking them as prescribed and doubling up on something due to even a missed dose, or to make it more effective CAN and often does add to upset stomach and nervouseness. It could be just that you meed to switch to another form of the same type of med. adn also, I mean you've got a lot on your plate at the moment adn stress does alll kinds of weird things to our bodies.MY back and arthritis feels a 1000X worse whe nI m stressed out and the acid reflux is a nightmare too when things get stressful.
(just things ot think abut when you call youe doctor!!
((((((Hugs)))))))

February 25, 2007
9:23 am
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jewel,
I am not sure if you can kick this on your own. I used to take klonopin also, but not as much as you are taking.
You could try easing yourself off of it every two weeks lower the dose? Just an idea.

I don't take that stuff anymore, but I would like 2 or 3 times a week. Ask your doctor what they recommend you do.
b

February 25, 2007
1:22 pm
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addicts wife
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Jewl,
I guess I should go back and re Read all your posts, but are you trying to get off meds?? or just off klonopin in particular? although switching ot a better(more suitable med for you) may be what you need, taking yourself off any medication w/o consulting your MD's is VERY dangerous.Especially with meds that effect mental stabilty/moods, depression so on.
Just please be careful.(((hugs)))
I do think your concerns are valid, but is there a reason in particular you are "focusing" on this when you're so stressed out?? (lol, I tend to fixate on one thing when I am over stressed, not always so good, thats why I ask) Im not trying ot say to ignore it until after the wedding, or that it shouldnt be addressed, It should (IMHO)but somethings that help me with anxiety, and being overwhelmed (Once Irealize that's what is going on....duh) is I make a SHORT list of what i need to take care of, kinda like prioritizing adn only making a list of like 4 things, then once that is done I make another one of only say, 4 things, it helps break down the overwhel,ing feeling of drowning,feeling like I have an endless pile of "crap" to take care of. I do forget ot do this IF i havent been takeing my meds at the same time everyday, or start getting disorganized and start slacking though, but that's "Ok" once I realize it I make my little list. I even bought "cute" sticky note paper to make my little list on, s o its not so dreaded, adn dark and scary.
maybe that will help????
((((hugs)))))
Hang in there!!

February 25, 2007
6:04 pm
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Are you trying to get off klonopin?
I found doing yoga very helpful when I was trying to get off xanax. I do very simple stuff that even an middle aged overweight person (like me) can do. It helps to clear my mind and relax my body. which is what xanax did. only now I have more control over it.

February 26, 2007
10:06 am
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My stbx husband was addictive to Klonopin. It sounds like you are going down a dangerous road. You know it in your heart so I suggest, you get help. If you are in a 12 step program or have a sponsor, tell on yourself and get the support you need. Addiction is hard to break on will power alone. You are a recovering alcoholic who may have switched one addiction to another. It is very common. I am also a recovering alcoholic. I know how we play games and make excuses and reason why we need more and more of something. I think you already know deep down you need to stop this. Please go easy on yourself. You are not a bad person, you just need help for your disease. Hugs!

February 26, 2007
10:59 am
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Jewel everything is addicting cuz in our heads we need something to make us feel better. I take vicodin, without them, i am tired and my muscles dont move. I stopped alot though. My son was a crack addict and recently after being good and sober an incident with a girl led him to an arrest and he is drinking from stress. i talked to him last nite, no you are not doing the drugs but now you substituted the liquor, no difference, bottom line, im taking him to a doctor, cuz if you cant do it on your own, the doc will give himthe right meds, that will balance is blood levels and level of chemicals that make us depressed and moody, and mood swings. Life is hard, none of us are innocent, at least not many i know, but you need to be honest to the doc so he can put you on something that wont have you looking for something else. Also, regarding fiancee...ooh, thats is going to be rough, unless his is a really good and understanding person. I wouldnt want to start my marriage with a lie, been there, catches up. First see the doc and see if you can be helped, time is short for you. Good luck honey.

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