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Kids who need a break, or salvagable relationship?
April 6, 2007
5:09 am
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boohoo
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September 24, 2010
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My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, since I was 14, he 17. We both have some mental baggage, and we knew that when we first met. He's manic depressive and I'm insecure and somewhat codependent. Lately we've been getting in fights because I get sleepy and want to stay at home and hang out with him (I work a lot, more than he does) and he gets anxious and wants to leave.

I get sad and down on myself for being boring or no fun and he gets mad at me for being sad. Half the time he'll be supportive and tell me its ok to be sleepy, it doesn't mean I'm a boring person, etc. The other half, he gets mad at me and tells me I'm going to drive him crazy if I keep getting down on myself. This always makes me even more sad, so he gets madder and runs away. If I follow him to just say sorry and goodbye, he gets psychotic, like I'm a crazy stalker, not letting him leave.

I don't make a scene or anything, I mostly just want to part on good terms for that moment - with a hug and some assurance that he doesn't think I am crazy.

I feel like he has no repect for me anymore, or like he doesn't treat me like a friend, but like a persn he has gotten so used to that he just has an unchangeable perception of me.

I wonder, do we need a break from eachother, or is this a common problem that many people work out. I am young, and he is my first and only boyfriend.

April 6, 2007
6:44 am
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taj64
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It sounds to me that you need some kind of your own life and not always making it about your BF and he is needing space not because he doesn't care but probably because he is feeling smothered and you are too needy. I thikn you need to work on some of your issues and find some other interests of your own, hang out with friends and then see if your relationship improves. Your too young to be sitting around being an an old married couple therefore you are sleepy and boring. Lack of activity causes depression and depression makes you sleepy. You need to energy back in your life. You need something that is separate from him, something you enjoy, something to look forward to each day that is all your own. Your bf will respect you more but most important you will respect yourself more and like yourself again. Good luck.

April 6, 2007
8:58 am
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sandpipper
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I agree with taj, you need to get something of your own that you enjoy and can be passionate about. Focus more on yourself and less on your bf. You will be more interesting to him when you have your own life apart from him. Losing yourself in a relationship is one characteristics of codependency. Have you read any of Melody Beattie's books?

April 6, 2007
9:53 pm
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readyforachange
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September 27, 2010
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boohoo...many of the things you have said remind me of my early relationship with my ex-husband. I was young when I met him, and we dated for 6 years before we got married. All of those years were filled with turmoil, him walking away from me and me chasing him and feeling like I couldn't live without him.

My advice to you is that you need to focus on yourself. You are young, and there is MUCH of life to live. Learn to enjoy other people and other things, and learn who you are and what you want in life. It is never healthy to feel that you need someone to complete you, I know this from experience and struggle with it every day.

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