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Kicked him out..needs a week he says and won't stay with anyone until the moving truck comes...help!!
October 30, 2006
3:01 pm
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Anonymous
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I kicked my boyfriend out Saturday morning. Told him basically that I resented him too much for all the lies and betrayal, he said fine. I asked him how long he needed...he said 1 week. Well fine a week to get the furniture out, but he has many friends and his dad he could stay with until then and he's staying. Well after I told him he asked "did you make me breakfast" then said"Coffee?" I wanted to slug him right in the mouth. So I took my 4 year old daughter and went to my mom's for the day. Then my mom offered to watch my daughter and I went out with my sister to a couple of bars, then slept at my parents because they lived close. I came home early Sunday evening to find him still there. I went down in the basement stumped that he was there...and then I asked him what his plan was...he said I need a week. I asked him can't you stay at a friend's house until then, he said can't you and your daughter go stay somewhere? Then he said you obviously found a place to stay last night then he called me his ex-wife's name. So I packed my daughter and I up and we went and stayed at my parents house. I don't want to stay at my parents house for the week, the house contents are mostly things that I own. I'm not sure what he is going to do, my mom has my daughter for the evening so I was thinking of going to my home to stay there tonight....does anyone have any advice as to how I should handle this situation, and what anyone thinks his intentions are????? Thanks!!

October 30, 2006
3:26 pm
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StronginHim77
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Scared -

I don't know what State you are in and what the laws are for "eviction" in your area. In my State (Florida) you cannot evict someone, if their name is on the lease and they have a driver's license, showing that address, without a 30-day eviction notice. If he is NOT on the lease, then I think you should call the local police department, tell them you consider yourself endangered and need help having him removed from your property, as he is refusing to leave. They MUST come and stand by, while you put him (and his things) out of your house.

If all else fails, call a lawyer for advice. If you can't afford a lawyer, contact Legal Aid and get some input.

You should also change the locks on your doors, as soon as he goes out anywhere.

October 30, 2006
3:27 pm
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Shaney
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YES! I have advice. I went through the same thing, but handled it completely different. Instead of asking him how long he'll need, TELL him when you expect him AND his things to be out. When I told my bf to leave, it was at a party and a bunch of stuff happened that drove me to make the announcement right then and Since this was at a party, his friends were there, and I just said, "B, you won't be coming home with me tonight, or ever, so you'll need to find a place to stay. (I pointed to three of his friends) All of you have trucks, so be at my house at 8 in the morning because all of B's stuff will be in the garage. He's moving out." And it happened. I swear, everyone knew I was serious, and it actually happened. I packed his stuff that night and threw it in the garage. Plus I changed the locks that next morning so he couldn't get back in (which he tried and was PISSED when he couldn't). It was the only way. I had tried every other way before, and he always weasled back in - I let him. This time, I was serious. You have to take control, otherwise your bf won't take you seriously. I can already tell that he's not moving too fast. Just tell him, "I'm giving you until Saturday to have all of your things out of my place - after Saturday, anything that's left will be on the front lawn in a box - if it's still there by monday, that box is going in the trash. Until then, you'll need to stay elsewhere - I have a child to think of and she needs to be here in her home. If you need to make arrangements to be here to pack your things, call me, and I'll figure out a time between now and Saturday. So, pack what you need, because you aren't staying here as of right now." Do you think he'll go for it?

October 30, 2006
3:36 pm
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I agree with Shaney. Take advantage of the time you have with your mom keeping your daughter and do it tonight. Make him find a place to stay, give him a reasonable amount of time to his pack toothbrush & underwear - ok he can have a couple of clean shirts too, but send him on his way. If he won't go, call the police for back up.

October 30, 2006
3:43 pm
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Shaney
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Strong has a good point... is he on the lease? My bf wasn't, so it was easier in a sense that there were no legal issues to consider. Does he really have enough stuff to warrant a moving truck? If so, stand there while he schedules a truck for Saturday, no later. If he doesn't have that much stuff and still stalls, pack ALL of his stuff and drop it off at his dads. Chances are, he won't want to stay at your place if none of his stuff is there. Just some more ideas. Sadly, I think I've gotten good at this stuff over the years... LOL.

October 30, 2006
3:53 pm
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I don't know if he'll go for it or not. He's a stubborn Leo....he had no problem leaving the condo we previously lived in when we were engaged and he moved out and left me a typed memo... I 1 week later turned in the engagement ring for earrings...so who knows. His name is on the lease but he doesn't have a drivers license so I don't know maybe I can threaten him with that if he gives me any crap. I'm also talking with an ex long story, but just talking...that he has been insecure about for a while...I'm afraid out of spite that he will e-mail him with some concocted stories because he's always been afraid of me getting with him so I don't know how to handle that either. I like all the suggestions and I'm going to use them on him tonight, unless he has come to his senses and has already moved out, I have not heard anything from him. I don't want to rush into another relationship so quickly....however I don't want him screwing up a possible potential relationship that may be built in the future.

October 30, 2006
4:05 pm
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thedogsmom
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hello scared,

oh my gosh... so many of us with the same stories. really sad. I'm quite sure I can't help you as I really haven't been able to help myself with this same situation, but wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is SO hard to live with all the lies and betrayal...you keep hoping that they will "wake-up and realise how much they are hurting the relationship with the lies' ...you think you get through to them with the threat of leaving and for a short time they seem to shape up and try...and you try to trust as much as you can... they seem to do better for awhile...and then BAMM! same ole--same ole lies and betrayal again... and each time...the dissapointment grows...and the lack of trust grows... and you seem to be left with no alternative except to live with the lies and betrayal and accept it and go on and do your own thing...or to get out of the relationship..
I am right where you are at... told my guy he had to move out- we live in a house which I bought..I feel sorry for my guy...and he doesn't have enough money to live on his own (due to his debts and wages garnished)..I asked him to give me a date on when he could move out. Told him I still needed money each paycheck for him to keep living with me..but that I'd give it back to him when he moved out so he'd have enough saved to move.. He said he'd move out in November but I have a feeling he doesn't plan to really leave..and I don't know what I will do then.. so I'm reading Shaneys advice (hi shaney- unfortunately I'm back to this sight again- thanks for your help in the past-sorry i'm still asking) and the advice from your site to help me to.
hang in there...my goal is to at least try to concentrate on me and to stop focusing on what he is or is not doing..and create my own happiness-independant of how he is treating me.

sorry I can't help you with an answer.
TDS

October 30, 2006
4:26 pm
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Yes that's how I feel. This relationship has physically and mentally drained me...I was so concerned if he was mad, if he was thinking of leaving me, if he was calling other women..it was pathetic. I focused so much on him that I totally lost myself! I lost weight, couldn't eat...couldn't sleep. I just finally snapped. I realized he saw my neediness and insecurities and was just disgusted, but I realize I would be too. I don't really understand why he got back with me or why he was even sticking around...you could tell he wasn't really putting that much effort in the relationship..he likes the house we live in so probably he was staying for that....who knows.

October 30, 2006
4:32 pm
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Shaney
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Ooh. He's on the lease.... tricky. And talking with an ex? Also very tricky, S&C - and not making your current situation any easier. Lighten your load a bit and take on one thing at a time - because you're starting to weave a very tangled web by having your ex in the picture already. I know it helps to have a crutch like that, but don't make things more complicated for yourself than they need to be. My advice would be to tell the ex that you need to settle some pressing things in your life, and you don't want to invovle him, even if it's indirectly. It's only fair to him, and to you, really. I mean, what if your bf does call him? What a disaster that would be - and it doesn't need to happen. If the two of you are just talking, then he'll be there to talk when this is all wrapped up with your current bf. Simplify, girl, SIMPLIFY!

I think the first thing you need to do, is call your landlord and find out how to remove dummy's name off of the lease. Explain the situation, without any major detail because it may raise a red flag for the landlord and you don't want to do that - and the landlord may have a simple suggestion or two. Start with that.

dogmom.... I'm glad to see you back here, but turn that albatross loose sister! You've been mothering him for a long time, and its time to let him take care of himself. You are TOOOOO good for this, but only you can make it stop, my friend. You're such a good person, and I know you only want to help him, but you're hindering any sort of progress he can make because you're always there to pick up the pieces. Let him fall, otherwise you will find yourself in this situation forever. Ask yourself what you're getting out of this, because there has to be some sort of void that this situation, although very unhealthy, is filling in your life. And be honest, dogsmom. I'm not here to judge you or slap your hand for not doing what I would do. I'm not walking in your shoes... but I can see that he's taking advantage of your goodness. My God, you've gone as far as providing a psuedo-401K for this man too. Can I come and live with you :o)... lol. I don't mean to make light of this, at your expense - I just care and think you're a great person. Too great to have such a burden. love-shaney

October 30, 2006
8:39 pm
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truthBtold
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Do you fear for life? If so - then you have ample explanation for getting the law involved.

Even if you don't - in my opinion, it's always best to involve the local authorities to let your B/F know that you mean business...and to give you some reassurance.

I don't mean to sound alarming here - but if there are firearms in the house - I suggest that you remove them.

If you have brothers or close friends that are men - that can stay there with you until he packs his stuff - that might be helpful.

Either way - I have found in the past that just talking to some local authorities really helped to ease my mind.......

My prayers are with you! And - no matter what you do....do not get "all emotional" about all of this. This isn't the time to do this. You MUST remain logical and clear-headed and focus on just getting him out!!!!!

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