Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
just seperated and feeling horrible
November 20, 2000
1:02 pm
Avatar
rigo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sorry to all, I am new here, so my nickname didn;t appear in full. here is the message
I am feeling confused... I am feeling hurt... and I want to,, cry. After almost 3 years, my girlfriend ended our relationship . We met in the university, had a wondeful time at first, thought we were made for each other. We started living togethe after 8 months, wondeful, as time goes by, she found the job, and I couldn't, I was trying different thinsg, so the passion was lost. She said on that night: 'I don't feel for you the way I felt before, I saw you more like brother , friend etc' Yes it's true. Due to some problems back home (parents divorced after 32 years) and I am 27 now, I was in serious depression. I love her, but never manage to express it the way i'd like to. So, she said it's over. I know that I have to live that moment, but I want her back too. I appreciate that she needs time on her own, it's ok. But I want to show her how I loved her, I still love her, we're still sleeping in the same bed, but like you know, not like before, I am going away for 12 days now. What to do next? I know that she still cares for me, I do too, but because of my inaction, and not talking to her at the right time, things came to that stage, I want to be with her, happy with her, and tell her how much I value her, only if I can see that she would listen to me.

November 20, 2000
6:54 pm
Avatar
cerry
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Rigo,

It sounds like you are really having a bad time right now. I too can say that I went through the same thing you did but I was much older.
I read your thread and from what it sounds like to me is that you want to talk now after the fact. I guess she maybe has made up her mind about alot of things. In any relationship it is very hard on both ends. I am much older than you and there is maybe nothing anyone can say to you right now as you are hurting and all you want is to have your girlfriend back with you. I too slepted in the same bed after it was over but it made things worse as time went on. I have heard it from so many people including myself those words, such as, "I don't feel for you the same way anymore". Those are very hurtful words to hear from someone you love. Your self esteen is lowered and your confidence is gone. You don't know what to do with yourself and you just want to cry and sleep and think. It is an awful way to be. As far as going away for 12 days, I think that is a good thing on your part and maybe hers, but more yours. In some way it is almost like you are grieving, a death. You have to go on and do one very important thing at this time and that is take care of you. This does not mean forgetting her and the times you had together.. You must grieve. I always found that driving and walking helped me out, even if you don't want to. You should look at it as a new beginning, your new beginning. It is amazing how time flies when you keep yourself busy and it is amazing how the other person (your girlfriend) may see you when you are doing well. This sounds weird but disappear and do for you. But I know if you do go away you will think of her. Don't play games and don't try and convince her. It already seems like she has plans for herself. I too at one time was extremely hurt and swore up and down that no one would ever hurt me again because I was not going to allow anyone close to me again. It is advisable to seek some sort of counselling even if you don't think so. Everyone sometime or another needs help. You don't have to share it with anyone but it helps. As far as your girlfriend, let her go and let her have her space. It is true the more you go after someone the faster they will run. Lie low if anything, sit back and do for you. This is a great site and their are individuals who will listen and be honest with you such as myself. You first have to take care of YOU. You deserve it. This is your time to grow and realize why the relationship went the way it did and learn from it. I am here and will listen if you need a friend. Take care.
Cerry

November 20, 2000
7:04 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Give her some space, and suggest counseling. If that doesnt' work for her cut it loose. You are young, and have a life, unfortunately we move in and play married before we should, and it hurts, more so becuase your family has just broken up, and you have open wounds. Time heals, and remember to take care of your self.

November 21, 2000
4:44 am
Avatar
rig
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi cerry.. many thanks for your words, it's good to know that there's someone I can write to. Well, as everybody says, I do grieve, and a lot, I think many stupid things, what do I do now, how do I move on, why did it happen etc/ But it doens't change the fact that it happened. We went out for a meal the other day after we sort of ended, and she aksed me how are you feeling. I said as good as I can be under these circumstances. and I told her that I respect her feelings and understand her point,but I need time to think my self too. I said I don't know if there is us in the future, but I need to reflect on things, and decide where I'd like to be, what I really want to do. That was it. Yesterday she really came home very bad, because she had a really hard time at her job, and I told her if she wanted to talk, she started to talk, and crying etc. I wanted to hug her and wanted to make her feel better, but then I said no, rather I listened and sort of cried too. We both are going thorough a difficult time, and time will show what's gonna happen.. many thanks to you all

November 21, 2000
10:07 am
Avatar
murph411
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good job. Stay firm in giving her and yourself some space. She needs to want you for you not just because she is having a bad time. Take a lot of time to shore up the friendship and let the romance happen down the road when you are both ready to see each other for who you both are and not who you want one to be for the other. Keep crying and find reasons to smile too.

November 21, 2000
11:43 am
Avatar
rigo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do you really believe that romance can come back? Isn't it true that as time goes by the nature of ove also evolves too? Am I thinking wrong?

November 21, 2000
2:32 pm
Avatar
murph411
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The romance doesn't just come back. What needs to happen is for your two decide whether or not you want to be commited to one another and the relationship. Then the romance part has to be worked at. Youre right. You will never have that new relationship puppy love feeling again. You can get romantic times with security though, which is oh so much better. It has to happen after you both figure out who you are, what you want out of a companion, and are ready to commit to the relationship regardless of how rough or good the times get.

November 21, 2000
8:22 pm
Avatar
cerry
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Rig,

I am very proud of you. You did wonderful!! Congrats. You seem to be on the right road. Take care of you and the rest will fall into place. I am very impressed with what you had stated to her about YOUR future and YOUR goals and wishes . Yes it is very hard to change your way of living especially when you were with someone and having a routine with that person and then out of the blue it changes. Change is not bad nor is fear. Fear is the biggest wall that stops us all from success. As far as your question about a relationship ever getting back to the way it was, well in my opinion, I don't think it could ever be the same way it was but it can go either way depending on how you look at it. What I mean is that it could down the road develop into something even stronger than before or it could not go anywhere. Understanding why the relationship ended up to this point and learning from it. I found that you must clean up your own backyard and I'm not saying that to be mean, but clear up issues if that is what it is called about why your feeling depressed, your own family life etc. Look inside and ask yourself, what is it that I like about me, what would I like to do for the rest of my life in regards to employment, family, hobbies, friends. Ask yourself, do I really know who I am? and what makes me happy. You seem to be an intelligent and caring person. Use your energy and intelligence to your advantage. Use it as a tool to build a future for yourself. It is kind of hard trying to express to you in words sometimes and I hope I didn't bore you. I just thought it might help. Remember though Rig, many individuals like myself have gone through what you are going through. It is almost like looking back in my own time and seeing the same things happening that are happening to you now. I do wish you all the happiness in what ever direction you take. After my ex and I broke up I was lost and didn't know where, what I was going to do. Really, I lost too much weight and was just existing not living but existing. After so many years and relationships I realized I was not happy and did some soul searching. It does take time to heal but I did it and so will you. Just stay tough and hang in there no matter what happens as you will survive this period in time. I can say now that I am very successful, feel good about myself, have good friends and have an understanding about where and what I would like to do with my life. I have dreams , many dreams and this one helps me everyday. "If you have a dream never give up on it , for if you do , you die with it."
Take care,
keep us posted and be happy.
Cerry

November 28, 2000
5:42 pm
Avatar
manonchairatdesk
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
37
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714206
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer