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Just really need a friend???
April 28, 2007
6:58 am
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matthew65
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(((((MJ))))) Sorry I haven't written lately. Just so much has developed here! How have you been? How is the new book? I have never heard of it; however, that is the radio station I listen to in the morning (it's a Christian radio talk show). The books I read are by Janet Evanovich. I am almost done with the 9th book. It's easy reading that's entertaining (I actually get to laugh). The main character is a bounty hunter and has many odd experiences as she tries to capture her FTAs. It's a fiction book. All I can handle for now. lol

I saw the new psychiatrist on Thursday and he diagnosed me with both chronic and acute depression. He changed one of my night time meds to something a lot stronger. I am feeling the affects from being off of the other one already. I swear I was like the energizer bunny all day yesterday except when I forced myself to nap (I still need them). It was like it was my wedding day (adrenalin pumping, etc.). I could have painted the house, but was still very tired underneath it all. These affects should go away in a few days. So, today I will use that energy to cut the grass before the energy goes away!

My husband talked to me again yesterday about what has been bothering him. He is bothered that he cannot control his taking of the pain meds. I wrote about this earlier, right? He said he flushed his pain meds down the toliet and asked me where to go for help. I gave him my psychiatrist's card. He called him & made an appt. for May 8th. I know these are MAJOR steps for him.

1. He admitted he has a problem
2. He sought help

He is on his way! I will continue to pray that he keeps his appt. and gets the help he needs.

Thank you for the support with the NAMI walk. I am not joining a team, but going to walk alone. I emailed a few of my friends from church and family to seek donations and support (emotionally). I am so excited about this, MJ! I know I can do it. Yes, it's for a good cause. I go to two of their support groups in my local chapter and have received great support from one of the group leaders along with great literature about depression.

Well, enough for now. My mind is racing and I can't keep up!~

Love & Best to you, Wendy

April 28, 2007
9:32 am
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mj
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I am so happy for you Wendy. Sounds like you are getting the support and help you need. I am glad too that your hubby is admitting and seeking help for his problem!

Thanks for sharing!

I finished the book by Irving Wallace. It was a fictional book about a publisher who got involved with a project and through it he found out what was important to him. I am glad you are enjoying your 9th book! Light reading is nice!

I go to my Depressed Anonymous meeting today. I look forward to my meetings too! I ordered some new literature for my coda meeting and it arrived yesterday. One of them is a workbook for the steps.

I hope you enjoy cutting your grass. We did ours last night and the yard looks so nice today! I awoke early and feel refreshed. Hope your new medication helps you feel better. I hope that you enjoy your new therapist.

Keep up the good works!

(((((Wendy))))

April 29, 2007
7:02 am
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matthew65
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(((((MJ))))) Wow, you read books fast! lol That's what my youngest says about myself. How was the book? How was your meeting?

I just finished the 9th book so I started reading the 10th one last evening.

Cutting the grass was an awesome workout but way too overwhelming. I fought back the tears so much while doing this because I have so much other things that need to get done outside and it reminded me of last summer when my step-son was here. This was a huge reminder that he will be coming soon. No matter what. No matter if I am better or not, he will be here. Don't get me wrong, I love my step-son but I am sick of not getting the respect and credit I believe I deserve. Plus, you know the story---I am third-wheel around here when his son arrives. I am thinking of getting a part-time job so I can get the H--- out of the house and do something for myself even though I may not be ready but I think I can be strong enough to push myself to do it (plus we need the $). It would be working in the floral design department of a company (not too much interaction with people--thank the lord). They seemed to be interested in my app. They called me twice so I have to take a personality test tomorrow and ask for someone to talk to her. What do you think? I love dried flowers and doing arrangements.

On Tuesdays, I go to my Depression Support group. I also enjoy go to them. I am going to Church today. It still hurts me to go there because it reminds me of the "old" Wendy I used to be. I don't know if I shared with you how I put my heart and soul in serving Christ the last 4 years? Anyway, I am not mad at God for my depression but it's something I need to accept (the Serenity Prayer). I also feel like it let the body of the Church down for not fulfilling my responsibilities. I had to "clean my plate" of everything right before Christmas (after the breakdown).

This a.m. I feel like crap (physically). I just got over bronchitis after 2 rounds of antibotics and now yesterday, I started having an earache. This morning I am all congested, coughing with the earache! What next...

Take care, my friend!!! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Love, Wendy

PS Had to share with you that after I prayed this am I looked outside and I saw first hawk in the backyard up close. I have never seen one like this. I tried to take a pic of it to show my family who is sleeping but it flew away! My moment...

April 29, 2007
1:25 pm
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mj
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((((Wendy)))))

Seeing beauty in nature is awesome! I am glad you had your moment after prayer. It helps to know that we are not alone. I hope you are gentle on yourself. The Wendy I see is kind, caring, and working on herself! You are enough today.

In our group we went over the Bill of Human Rights again....

I will post them for you because they help me to know that I am right where I am suppose to be today.

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have a lot of rights in my life beyond survival.

2. I have a right to discover and know my inner child.

3. I have a right to grieve over what I didn’t get that I needed or what I got that I didn’t need or want.

4. I have a right to follow my own values and standards.

5. I have a right to recognize and accept my own value system as appropriate.

6. I have a right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, violates my values, or I don’t
feel like doing.

6a. I also have the right to try new things which may not be comfortable (and probably won’t be).

7. I have a right to dignity and respect.

8. I have a right to make decisions.

9. I have a right to determine and honor my own priorities.

10. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.

11. I have the right to terminate conversations with people who make me feel put down or humiliated, manipu
lated or controlled, or simply uncomfortable.

12. I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or problems.

13. I have a right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

14. I have a right to expect honesty from others.

15. I have a right to all of my feelings.

16. I have a right to be angry at someone I love.

17. I have a right to be uniquely me, without feeling I’m not good enough.

18. I have a right to feel scared and to say “I’m afraid.”

19. I have the right to learn to tolerate feelings of fear, guilt, and shame without necessarily believing them.

20. I have a right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgment or any reason that I choose.

21. I have a right to change my mind at any time.

22. I have a right to be happy.

23. I have a right to stability—i.e. “roots” and stable healthy relationships of my choice.

24. I have the right to my own personal space and time needs.

25. I have the right to smile or cry without having to cover one with the other to protect someone’s feelings.

26. I have the right to be relaxed, playful, and frivolous.

26a I have the right to be sad and serious.

27. I have a right to be flexible and be comfortable with doing so.

28. I have a right to change and grow.

29. I have a right to be open to improving communication skills so that I may be understood.

30. I have a right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

31. I have a right to be in a non-abusive environment.

32. I have a right to be healthier than those around me.

33. I have a right to take care of myself, no matter what.

33a I have a right to learn how to do this no matter how old I am.

34. I have a right to grieve over actual or threatened losses.

35. I have the right to trust others who earn my trust.

36. I have the right to forgive others and to forgive myself.

37. I have the right to give and receive unconditional love.

—adapted from Healing the Child Within, Charles Whitfield, MD 115-7.

I wish you success with your new job! It sounds like fun! Glad you are trying to take care of yourself, one day at a time.

I hope you feel stronger and healthier physically! Sending you loving and healing thoughts.

April 30, 2007
10:58 am
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Pom 34
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Thanks for the Bill Of Rights! This helps give me direction until I can get to a meeting. Nice to be here, Pom 34

April 30, 2007
6:15 pm
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mj
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Glad you liked them Pom! They remind me that I don't have to accept unacceptable behavior and I can take care of myself.

May 1, 2007
6:44 am
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(((MJ))) That what so awesome of you to list the Bill of Rights! Thank you so much! I plan on printing those out and studying them!

Growing up in a dysfunctional family never allowed some of those rights. I wasn't even allowed to cry at my Dad's funeral. I had to be strong for my mother. It was a huge scene at my Dad's funeral (long story). I could never cry (I would only be laughed at or yelled at for crying). God, I could go on and on.

And, speaking of changing my mind. After much consideration, I have decided to wait to get a job until I am emotionally ready. I don't want to commit to an employer and find out I can't handle it because of my anxiety and find it too overwhelming. Baby steps! Right?

How have you been? Did you enjoy the weekend? I went to Church on Sunday; and it was a beautiful service.

Time to get the girls rolling for school. I will write more later! Love, Wendy

May 1, 2007
11:57 am
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mj
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You have the right to change your mind!!!! I am glad that you are sharing with me Wendy. Growing up in a dysfunction family has taught me some unhealthy behaviors too. My heart goes out to you and the loss of your Dad. Feel your feelings and grieve your losses. We can't change the past but we can grieve what we needed that we didn't get.

I was sharing with a high school friend yesterday. She listened to me tell her how my ex is taking care of my Dad and step-mother still. I told her how betrayed I feel. My ex knew how bad my father's abandonment felt and he continues to financially support my father. I know now that I made a great choice when I chose to end that marriage. I wasn't treated with respect, dignity, or trusted. I know today that I am ok!

I am so glad you enjoyed the service.

If you need or want to share about anything, I will be here for you.

Today, I get to go to my Coda Meeting! I love sharing in our fellowship. I was reading this morning that the only desire for membership is a desire to have healthy and loving relationships. That's what I desire. Glad we can share with one another.

I am trying to focus on the positives in my life. I feel better when I keep the focus on this moment and put one foot in front of the other. Baby steps! I want to plan a trip to visit my Mom for Mother's Day and have not had courage to tell my husband my desire. I want to take my mom my old computer and just spend some quality time with her. I miss her. I know that I need strength and courage to ask for what I need and then just do it. I hate confrontation so I have been waiting for the right time to tell him that I want to do this. Its progress not perfection and changing behaviors is challenging at times but I know when I take care of myself, I am a happier person. Looking forward to you sharing some more. Love,MJ

May 4, 2007
12:00 pm
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mj
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I hope that you are doing well!

May 5, 2007
7:29 am
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matthew65
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(((((MJ)))) Thank you for checking in. I am fine. How have you been? Hubby just woke up so I will write more later, ok? Love, Wendy

May 18, 2007
9:27 pm
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mj
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Hi Wendy,
I hope that you are doing ok? I have been gone and just got home tonight. Let me know how you are doing!

May 19, 2007
7:20 am
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Hi MJ! Sorry, I haven't been on for awhile. It was sure nice of you to ask how I was doing. Thank you.

I hope you are doing well. What's all new with you?

So many things have happened since I last posted. I am doing better, having some better days but still get those bad days, too. Today I am walking for NAMI. Its a 3-mile walk. Have you ever heard of NAMI? It stands for National Alliance on Mental Illness. This was one of my goals that I set. So today is the day! And, I am going through with it! I have been walking, doing a lot of yard work, and other exercises so I think I am ready physically. Don't know about mentally. I won't know anyone there. I am doing this myself. The cool thing is that my Mother and daughters are coming to watch and support.

I have been feeling very anxious lately because we set the date for when my step-son comes here. He is spending 6 weeks here. God, Help Me! lol Also, we are having financial problems here so I wanted to go back to work. I have applied and applied at various places and no response! I am hoping I can get a job so that will help our financial situation, plus I will be out of the house for the most part while he's here. I am really sorry to say I just can't handle him. I am working on being more assertive though and hoping this will help in my relationship with him. I am becoming more assertive with my 16 year-old and she sure can't handle it. I am not the Mom that used to be so easily manipulated anymore. When she presses on and on about something she wants me to say "yes" to, I just say we discussed this, that is my decision, and that is it. I used to be so back and forth before. Do you know what I mean? Like I wanted her to like me and give in to her all of the time. No, I need to think of my feelings too and set boundaries!

She left her paper for Psych class on the computer open before she left for work last night. MJ, it really hurt when I read it. It's like she intentionally wanted me to read it. She said she can't get along with her family here. I have major depression, she hates her step-dad (my husband), and she and her sister are completely opposite so she wrote, "Why should I try to get along with them, I just give up." She would rather be with her father and his family in Texas because they act like teenagers, partying and barbequing and having fun all of the time. MJ, she only goes there 2x a year for about a week each time. They dote on her and give her everything and take her to wherever she wants to go. I think she is spoiled by them and doesn't experience reality there. My counselor said she should spend some time there and find out the truth that no one is perfect and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Nevertheless, that paper really hurt me. I don't know how to handle it in regard to her. Once again, I gave her all I could give and I get the short end of the stick. Why do I feel like this in so many of my relationships (ie, my stepson).

On a better note, the landscaping here is finally taking shape. I have been working hard and I am taking pride in my efforts and labors.

Let me know how you are doing, ok? Once again, thank you for bumping this thread up and asking about me! Take care and please write soon. Love, Wendy

May 19, 2007
12:43 pm
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mj
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I am so proud of you Wendy!!!! I hope the NAMI walk helps you to realize that you can do anything you set your heart and mind too! I am so glad that you shared that with me. I am glad you are learning new boundaries with yourself. I am sorry that you were hurt by your daughter's letter. Parenting is a difficult job! My daughters could be very manipulative too. I use to say to myself, I am the parent and some of my decisions may bother my daughters but I am not here for a popularity contest. I wanted to be their friends also. I learned that kids need parents not friends. It was hard for me to change my ways as well. I know you will do the right thing. Trust yourself and you will come up with how to handle the situation. I agree that part time parenting is so different from full time. Most kids struggle with which is the better parent. Divorce is hard on them. My parents divorced when I was 13 and both immediately remarried. I hated my step-dad. He was a drunk. I loved my own father and went to live with him when I was 14. I learned quickly that life isn't all what I thought it was. Both situations were hell for me and then I created another situation because of my choices and ended up pregnant and a mother at 17. Your daughter will learn how much you love her eventually. Some times our lessons seem hard but they are what we need to learn that our choices have consequences.

I am so glad that you are enjoying your yard because of all your efforts.

I went to visit my mother for mother's day. I helped her and enjoyed her. I am so glad that she is in my life today. I had an awesome trip. Was gone 10 days. I am headed out to my Depressed Anonymous meeting. I know recovery takes effort and time and we are worth it! I know that I can change the thoughts that I think that causes me to be sad. I practiced it several times this past week and I know that I can choose to be Happy or Sad. I am choosing Joy today! Love to YOU, Wendy and thank you so much for sharing with me.

May 25, 2007
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((((((((MJ)))))))))) Sorry it's been awhile again in writing on this thread. I've been swamped here looking for a job, with yard work, etc.

I love your earlier post when you said we have the right to chose whether we have a happy or sad day! But, what happens when we chose a happy day and we get bad news. That's when the depression & anxiety for me really kick in and the day is lost. I received terrible news from about my Grandma yesterday and it was so hard to shake the thoughts regarding her situation. Talking to my husband, my mom, and a friend I met while I was hospitalized helped a lot but today I woke up feeling sad again. It's a long story regarding her health, both physically and mentally, but she is at the point where she needs to leave her home and be put into a hospital. She has Alzheimer's. Let me tell you what occurred. She called for an ambulance because she was feeling dizzy and had shortness of breath. She went into the hospital and they released her because they couldn't find anything wrong. Long story short, she ended up at the local hospital 4 times and then the staff finally said she couldn't go home anymore and needed to go into a nursing home. She refused this so was given a choice, either a nursing home or a mental hospital. Because she is not of sound mind, she chose the mental facility. Therefore, they drove her via a cop car all the way down the state to a mental facility for Seniors. My mom called her yesterday and she is now very medicated. I really want to see her but it's a 4 hour drive there and back; and I can't see her like this. I had to tell my mom I couldn't go. I actually thought of my feelings first. This has been so hard for me, MJ. I can't help but feel guilty. Anyway, she has become a ward of the state until a judge finds her competent or not. If she isn't competent, my uncle will have the final say because is the head of her trust. I am sure he will do what's best for her.

I hope you are doing well. I don't see my therapist until june...it seems like forever because she's been on vacation. Thank you for reading this... Love, Wendy

May 25, 2007
4:57 pm
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mj
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Hi Wendy, Thanks for writing. Sorry to hear about your Grandma.

I have been feeling out of sorts the past few days. I am trying to take care of myself so that I don't find myself isolated. I am not sure what is causing this. I just know that I am feeling low energy and lazy. I feel guilty for not being more motivated.

In my support group I was told that if I give myself a time limit for feeling sadness then I won't stay there all day. Unlike you I am not sure why I am feeling low.

I hope that you keep taking care of yourself.

May 27, 2007
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((((MJ))))) Please try not to feel guilty because of your lack of motivation. I get those times, too. I believe it's our minds way of telling us to take time for ourself, which, of course, is OK! When I find myself feeling like this I try to remember all of the things I did accomplish in the prior days (that makes me feel good) and convince myself I need a breather so I take a good, entertaining book and set aside some time to read. If I only knew it was ok to do this months ago! I never gave time for myself--never! And, you know where I ended up!

Try to do something for yourself today. OK? I will do the same. Yesterday, I took this incredible bike ride. I hope you don't mind me sharing this but I just have to tell you! I was crying a lot because I had spoken with my husband on the phone earlier. He sells beds and his pay is minimal plus commissions. He didn't make his budget so the bad news is we don't have hardly any money coming in again in June. We can't even make ends meet now; therefore, the pressure is on me to find a job pronto. I am so sick of living like this! Anyway, after he called, my mother called and gave me the update on my Grandmother. It was a sad phone call. I got off the phone and just cried and cried. I couldn't handle this. I felt those old feelings again of wanting to run away or just leave this planet. So, I rode our bike for a long time and that helped me with the fresh air, etc. I was talking to God, too. Sometimes, I feel he just isn't answering my prayers. Nevertheless, I heard a band playing at a house while on my bike ride. As I rode past, I could hear the band singing a song about Jesus. I continued to ride around the area and then on my way home, I was drawn to stop and listen to them play. I was hoping in my mind that they would play a song that I just love. And, guess what, they did! I sang along from the street on my bike. No one came forward or noticed me. But, that's ok. It was my moment and it gave me peace. The song was "Open my Heart, Lord, I want to see you.."

I hope you have a better day today. I care! Please let me know how you are doing. Love to you, my Friend--Wendy

May 27, 2007
1:21 pm
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I am so glad that you shared your story of yesterday! Thanks!

I do believe in a Higher Power that is loving and there for us if we only ask for guidance and help. Your story helps me to know we are not alone!

Thanks for reminding me of that. I appreciate your friendship Wendy. You are an amazing woman! I am sorry that your Grandmother's condition makes you sad. I wish you happy memories of your Grandmother and healing for her. I hope that your finances improve. We all do the best we can with each day, and your right, its good enough.

Love to YOU Dear Friend. Hope your Sunday is Blessed.

May 31, 2007
7:23 am
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((((mj)))) I appreciate your friendship, too. However, to call me an amazing woman is something I don't agree with. If I was so amazing people would want to hire me! I am having a hard time securing a job. I know, patience, patience, patience; however, I have been looking so long & nothing is turning up. Also on a sour note, I would not be so apprehensive about my step-son coming here to stay with us for 6 weeks in about a week or around there. He causes me so much grief. What I need to learn is to not let him get to me. My depression actually started last summer when he was here. Does my husband think I will be ok? Of course, he does, because he wants his son here. I am sick of having my feelings come last. Yes, I have shared my concerns about him coming, etc., but it doesn't matter. I am not trying to be selfish here, but I actually resent this kid. He gets everything he wants from daddy--I get ignored. The boy doesn't listen to me nor respect me. I am with him most of the time because of my husband's work schedule. Actually 9 out of 10 times, I am with him. So why does he even come here? The girls and him don't get along either so I have to contend with that. My husband just gets pissed off and blames the girls because he, of course, has to protect his son. I guess, the only thing I can do is hope and pray that this summer he will be different. See, the underlying reason for his behavior towards me and the girls is because he is angry at me because I am married to his daddy. He told my husband and I this. I met his daddy 3 years after my husband's divorce! Don't you get sick of being blamed for something you didn't even have a part in?

Sorry, for the above. I could go on and on. But, I won't. I am in a bad mood. I hope I get this out of my system before he gets here!

I hope you have a good and happy day. Love, Wendy

June 1, 2007
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I am sorry to hear that you do not feel amazing! I am still keeping my opinion even if you are having such fearful thoughts about the arrival of your step-son. He is actually very lucky that you are in his life. You can model what love is! You and children know what it is! Have a plan. Know in in advance what you will do to handle past situations that have arisen. Talk with hubby about needing his love and support. You will be able to be the parent and know you are modeling healthy behavior. You Can Do This!

Love to YOU

June 2, 2007
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(((((MJ)))) What sweet and wonderful things you posted. Thank you... It means very much to me.

What you said about having my husbands support is what my therapist and Dr. said. I know this, too. He always says I have his outmost support, BUT actions mean more than words. Right?

I received a job offer yesterday; and have until Monday to decide. The pay sucks but IF it's a job I would really love, what the heck! It's at a local garden and gifts store; and I would be working in the design dept. I used to see PartyLite and Home Interiors (they both bombed) and work at Pier 1 so I know I would enjoy working there. I am getting anxious already though about going back to work. I had to leave my last job because of my depression "crash." The last job was too demanding anyway (preschool teacher aide).

What's going on in your world? I hope you are having good days and can enjoy the weekend! Love, Wendy

June 2, 2007
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Congratulations on the job offer! Sounds fun. It would get you out more so less time to have to be around step-son. I planted flowers today and went to my Depressed Anonymous meeting. It was a good day!

Ask your husband for what you need in terms of support. I am learning that it is my responsibility to ask for support and help when I need it. If he says you have his support then I am sure his intention is there. I hope so!

June 3, 2007
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Matthew65 and MJ:

Sorry to interrupt on your thread. I wanted to say something to Matthew tho.

When your stepson is there, how is it that he causes you grief? I read above, and I see that you are left out, that would hurt, yes. I see where he cannot get along w/ the girls and they get blamed.

I guess what I want to ask is how to you deal w/ him?

If I could make a suggestion or two, not that you have to use them, just I wanted to try to help I spoze.

Have a long talk w/ the girls before he comes. Let them know that you see what is goin on, but that you can do nothing about it. Make a deal w/ them concerning his behavior. Maybe give them incentives to try to ignore or to not play into his games. Maybe girls night out of Fridays for the summer; no men allowed.

As for his behavior w/ you. Have you tried putting the responsibility back onto him? If he is disrespectful then don't react, don't acknowledge he spoke, don't get him what he wants. Let him fend for himself and you go about your business as you would w/ him not there. If hubby complains, tell him to deal w/ it.

Just wanted to offer a few suggestions that may or may not work.

🙂

June 4, 2007
12:34 pm
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mj
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Hi Mamacinnamon! All threads are for everyone! You are always welcome to post where you feel like posting.

Good Morning Wendy!

I hope you enjoy YOUR Monday and that YOU get the JOB working with plants if that is what you want! Love to All

June 6, 2007
10:55 am
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bhhunt
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September 29, 2010
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i had a similiar experience. i was diagnosed with both BP and CODP after a suicide attempt. The doctors are actually worried more about the CODP then the BP, right now. My 37 yo daughter lives with me again. This makes the fourth time in 3 years. She has a son, whom I adore, and always expects me to go out of state to pick him up and bring him here for visits, as he lives with his other grandparents. When I was diagnosed it was due to a suicide attempt that almost worked. The first hospitalization was for 6 days, then 5 days later I was back in again. before they aloowed me to leave they said I had to tell daughter to move out, and that I would not, and could not go get grandson for the summer. I hated to do it, but I did. I believe it was my first step to be a more stable person. I am on 11 meds for various health problems, and I just cannot be superwoman anymore. You need to stand up for your rights. Your mental health is at stake.

June 8, 2007
7:01 am
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matthew65
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September 27, 2010
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You are 100 % right--I am not Superwoman and WILL not and cannot be anymore. Write more later...

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