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just realized i am co dependent
March 1, 2004
7:14 pm
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codacourt
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6 months ago, my world went to shambles. I left my boyfriend, the only steady person in my life. I have a 3 year old and at that time I was 9 months pregnant. The whole 4 years I had spent with him were full of cheating and lies. He smoked pot, and lived the life of a gangstar. I worked all the time, paid the bills, took care of our 3 year old, and still gave time to him. I thought I was nothing without him in my life. I would find telephone numbers, condoms, messages on his cell phone, and although it hurt, as long as he had come home, he was mine and wouldnt do it again. For 4 years I had convinced myself of this. The pain hurts sooo bad. I am now a single mom of 2 on my own, and I am scared sometimes. I was reading up on codependency today while I was at work, and I think it sums up who I have become. I just yesterday found condoms in his drawer when I went into his house. I am in such pain that I cant see straight. I need some help! I am going to a CODA meeting on Wednesday, but tonight I just need someone to basically analyze this situation for me.

March 1, 2004
7:37 pm
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trish45
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September 24, 2010
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Guess what I did the same thing for ten years. You are realizing it a lot sooner. We try not to see what is actually in front of our eyes. Even if someone told us we try not to believe.

I just broke up from a nine year relationship and kept blinders on for five year. He was smoking crack and staying out two and three nights in a row. I went as far as tracking him down some nights. I am older and have two children one in her teens. I can't imagine what is going through my daughter's mind when I'm trying to hold onto something not really worth holding on to. He still calls and I still respond but I feel like I am only doing it because he is helpless. We need to put our strengths into our children and hope that our new lives will help them not to become codependent.
As parents that is the best we can do, look out for our children. Put more effort into having healthier family relationships. Who knows we may even meet a decent person that would not abuse us in the ways they do. I believe disrepect is a form of abuse. We are constantly wondering what we did wrong to make things go wrong. Self Doubt I do it all the time.

March 1, 2004
7:39 pm
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kaj
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September 29, 2010
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codacourt,
You just summed up my life!!!I went through the same things as you. The cheating I am sure he was doing, staying out all night til the next morning just "partying with some girls from the bar", while is sit up all night waiting for him. I too was a single mom with at that time a4 year old. I thought if i could love him enough for the both of us. Or if he really loved me he'd just stop doing this? I too just realized i am a codependent. I am in a great relationship now with a man who has nothing but great respect for me yet i seem to keep pushing him away. I recently found out my ex(alcoholic and drug addict) is living with a woman and has straightened up. i feel as though i've been cheated! i seen him a couple of times after we split up and even recently i have seen and talked to him. i realized this kind of situation wouldn't be good for me and i didn't want to live that life anymore. it will get better. give it time. i started reading a book called codpendent no more. it has activies to do as well as the reading. give it a try!!!good luck

March 1, 2004
8:48 pm
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codacourt
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Thanks so much for relating to my situation. Heres all I need to vent. For 4 years I loved him unconditionally. I met him at 17 and found out I was pregnant and had my first child at 18. He would always leave me home alone at night during my first pregnancy. He wold have girls calling all the time. Even before I was pregnant, I would find hair ties in his room or telephone numbers in packagesof his cigerettes. He always hung out with bad people. I gave birth to our first daughter, and he was wonderful! He stayed home. I thought he had changed. Truly. Then he started his old antics again. I worked he didnt. And then the most traumatizing part in the relationship is when he told me he had to take a friend of his home to St. Petersburg, FL which is about 1 hour from where e lived. I never saw him or heard from him for about a month. I checked his voice mail one night and I heard a girl on his machine telling him how much she loved him and she way so glad he told her she was the one. I had found out I was pregnant that same night. I forgave him for all of that, even though I thought I was gonna die. And I wanted to die. And then he started hanging out with this guy, Ray. He would go clubbing and stay at Rays for weeks at a time. Ray called me names like you wouldnt imagine. On the night of my 21st birthday, he went into the mall to buy my birthday present and I saw a pawn slip in his glove compartment. It said it was Candice's. I used to work with her when I first met him. He denied the whole thing, saying it was his friends girlfriends. When I went into his house yesterday, I saw Candices number written down. Please help me. As I recall things like this, I feel so lost and hurt.

March 2, 2004
4:46 pm
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kaj
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codacourt
i know how you are feeling. i hope you focus more attention on yourself and your children instead of him. i know i don't want to go back to that kind of life. it is a miserable way to live. it would be most harmful to my son. for your sake, as well as your childrens sake, stay away from this guy. he sounds like a big time loser. what can he possibly be teaching your children. they are better off without him. i know these things are easier said than done, but it does take time and one day you will see what i'm talking about.

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