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Just ranting and generally complaining
September 26, 2003
9:24 am
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artist 2
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I have been patient with his surprise deicision of getting up at 5:00 four out of five days a week, even though I wake up every time and can't get back to sleep.

I have been paying for the addition to his studio as well as helping to build it. I have no investment in the property. He says if we break up he'll pay me back.

Last night I made another special effort to make good feelings between me and his son, plus cooked a wonderful dinner. He told me he was not staying for the entire meeting, but did. We waited for him to eat but finally went ahead. No call on his part.

We have made plans to move his working day to tonight so we can finish the studio over the weekend. this morning he tells me "just doesn't feel like" doing all the work tonight and want to do some of it tomorrow.

Keep in mind that i have been living in this tiny space with his kid - with none of my furniture - for over a year now, waiting for the space for me to be created. it's almost done, and now he "doesn't feel like" making every available bit of time he can to succeed. I feel like an idiot.

I'm pissed.

September 26, 2003
3:14 pm
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artist 2
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Here I am again going in for another round. We talked on the phone and ended up having a big fight. He was yelling into the phone. I was crying. Bad scene. Feeling sad and don't know what to do.
Thanks y'all for being here.

September 26, 2003
3:17 pm
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artist 2
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I know the reason I stay is that I love him and he loves me. I know that love isn't enough... just can't seem to leave. Maybe I'm not meant to leave, and supposed to stay. Leave or stay, leave or stay.? the back and forth is making me crazy, not to meniton dizzy.

September 26, 2003
9:13 pm
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unhappy camper
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Artist
Dig deep down and ask yourself why you are having problems with him showing you kindness and generosity. You do deserve to be treated at least as well as you treat him.

So what is his game? I don't know too much about him. Is he one of the drunks/abusers/users we are involved with?

Being good to them just adds fuel to the fire. It's the triangle of rescue....get angry about having to rescue (you didn't HAVE to really) and they get mad at you for getting mad at them....then it starts over again next time.

If you stop rescuing....you won't be upset with yourself for doing it. You won't be mad at him nor he with you. But he will be in some trouble. But if you set boundaries you are letting go of the consequences!!!! Think about that. Stick to your rules/values/principles and whatever happens is his problem. If he can't pay his phone bill, then the phone can get cancelled. Then he will have to cope with that, for example.

September 28, 2003
4:01 pm
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artist 2
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I don't really want to work with him today. He yells at me, then moments later has forgotten all about it. that is the WORST thing about ADD!! He gets mad and forgets about it. Meanwhile I stay hurt and fuming about being treated so unjustly. he acts like it's no big deal moments later, but he tells me it's his ADD.

I'm so frustrated!!!!

September 28, 2003
5:32 pm
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unhappy camper
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Are there medications for ADD? Does he take any? Have you read up on it? Does he have any other problems?

Clearly you are two different types. That is not a bad thing. I hope you can both compromise. Do you ever end up in bed together awake? That is important.

🙂

September 29, 2003
10:34 am
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artist 2
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You mean awake enough to Horizontal Slide?

I have asked for the past five days that he find a book he can read to find solutions/tips/tricks to work with ADD.

He'll forget of course.

Thanks for your encouragement!

September 29, 2003
5:11 pm
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gingerleigh
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Artist, why do you keep insisting on putting yourself throught this stuff with this situation? I'm giving you a gentle whack on the noggin all the way from the Northwest, OK? Start pawing through the threads. You say you're pissed. OK... maybe there's a reason you're pissed? A viable, true, valid reason? Maybe LOTS of reasons? What is this relationship really getting you? Not what you wish it would give you, or what you think it *could* give you, but REALITY. What is that reality?

You're a smart, educated, motivated, attractive and interesting lady. You *don't* have to settle. So why are you?

September 29, 2003
5:22 pm
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artist 2
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Thanks Ging... I've made my decision - post "Middle of the Night". Thanks for the compliments and wake-up confirmation call.

September 29, 2003
5:30 pm
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Ladeska
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Oh, so it's his "A.D.D.", huh? I'm sorry but I think I'll BARF on here if I see that one more time in print! What is it with all these excuses and labels and Ohhhh, I have this or that and now I can treat you like SHIT and it's OKAY! WHATTTT?????????

I think you like the crazymaking though Artist2. I hate to say it but you guys do like to fight and make up and fight and make up. It's a cycle that you both seem to like and tolerate. You come here and complain and then go right back to it. That's why I don't post much to you because I see the cycle and it never gets any better. My brother used to be a cop and he would always say - I hate domestic calls because 10 times out of 10 I get there, she's black and blue, she's the one who called and the minute I try and cuff the guy - she's all over me, beating me up and telling me how much she loves "her man"....

And I look at you here and go do you really want it to "get better" or do you enjoy the crazymaking and be quite lost without it in your life? Some people are adrenalin junkies and don't even realize it. If there isn't a problem, they will create one and live off the buzz all those nasty emotions create.

We'll listen and we'll be here but you kinda need to at least be honest with yourself here about what you're doing....

It's like you're intent upon "fixing" him or die trying. And all I see with him is a spoiled, bratty guy who wants what he wants, when he wants it and screw you if you don't like it, Mommie!

I mean, where is the responsibility factor here for him treating you like a human being and for his own actions when he acts like an ASS and then turns around and says - OH, I have A.D.D., so I'm not responsible!! Oh give me a freaking break! Do you know how many stories there are out there of people who have had some really, really horrible things wrong with them like "The Elephant Man" for one and he was one of the most beautiful people on the inside but I'm sure he could have been a real nasty person and have just cause for it......he could riddle off the list for hours as to "what excuse he could use today for whatever it is he needs an excuse for"......he had plenty to choose from.

So this guy saying this to you and you taking it as a viable excuse is just whacked. There is no excuse for him acting like a jerk and no excuse for you taking it either. So I echo Ginger's question.....why DO you take it and stay? The make-up sex THAT good? C'mon girlfriend, you keep walking round and round in the same old circles...........

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