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Just need to talk
December 21, 2001
2:10 pm
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Dee Dee
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I am new here...I have just been kinda lerking around for a few days and reading everyones posts.
I am 22 years old and have 2 children.
I am new to depression...and I can't stand feeling this way...I am crying or angry all the time and don't know why. I can't eat or sleep. I don't want to leave the house...I don't want to do anything...I have no energy. I am feeling overwhelmed over any small usual daily task...that I never had a problem with before the past month.
I finaly decided to get some help... that I just did not want to feel like this anymore. I went to see a couseler for the first time last Thursday. I thought this would make things better but, as I am sure you all know...the first visit is just paper work and making a plan.
My children are driving me nuts...I can't stand my husband right now...he is not helpful in any way shape or form. My life just seems to be completely out of control and I hate it! I want to have some kind of life but...there seems no way for that. I am the only one to take care of my children.
I don't know what i wanted to get out of posting this...just some one to talk to that understands, I guess.

Dee Dee

December 21, 2001
2:28 pm
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Molly
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Gee, only 22 trapped at home with I assume two infants, a working hubby, ugh, lets see here, probbally financial stress, holidays, isolation, let it rip honey you deserve, and have earned depression. Heck you at least have a vcr, and maybe cable ? Thank goodness, you went out and made an appointment, now the next thing you need to do is find a gym, or pack up those two kids and get the hell out of the house, wander through a mall or the park, or go up and down the street, but the only way you fight depression is to get busy. The less you do, the less interaction, the deeper the depression sinks in. Don't use hubby for target practice, he is probbally a good one, but better, figure out how to use him as a baby sitter, and find a class to go to. There is no easy way to be as young as you are, with two babies at home. Hell I used to dial 0 just to hear an adult voice, see here now you modern mom's even have an internet to reach out and touch some one who isn't barfing or needs diapers changed, well at least most of us most of the time. Its just a really hard phase, almost as bad as the empty nest syndrome that you have to look forward to in the next 18 years or so, Vent, get it all out here, we have a great team who will rally you on. Smile, this too shall pass.

December 21, 2001
3:38 pm
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Dee Dee
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Molly,
You hit most of that right on the button...The problem is tha both of my children have health problems...son was born with a heart defect and has asthma and is ALWAYS sick and my daughter has visual problems, wears glasses and has a hard time getting around by herself. I can not find a babysitter that can deal with this and make sure my son gets his meds and things of that sort...much less having the money to pay someone to sit. And my husband refuses to watch them at all ever...so, there it is I am trapped. I do give my husband credit for going to work and supporting us so I can stay home with the kids...we don't have much of a choice with the kids medical needs.
But, he just does not seem to get it that I am depressed partly because I can not get out and get away from him and the kids...no matter how many times I tell him and no matter how I try to say it to him...He just does not get it.
I am the glue that holds everything together in the whole family...I have always been the strong one to take everything straight on and take care of the problem...but, I just can't handle it right now and the family is just all in pieces right now...because I am not able to lead...much less handle all the stress of the normal day. I am just so frustrated with the whole situation...and I don't know how to fix it....and I feel like I have to...no one else looks out for me except me...and I have to take care of everyone elses needs...When do My needs get met?
I am glad to have the net to have a place to talk to someone that has something to say besides just baby babble...But, I still feel so alone and empty....just trapped and scared...I don't like not being in control of my life...and it's just carrying me along right now with no direction at all...

December 21, 2001
4:09 pm
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gypsygirl
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Does your children have a social worker? I have been where your at. Expept I was only nineteen and My second one died. The first one is now going to be 7 soon. If it wasn't for the S.W. I would not be sane, LOL, Is there a program in your communtiy that provides respite? respite is where a qualified person comes in your home and provides childcare while you take some alone time to do whatever you want. No charge to you. Ask your childs health care provider. There has to be some kind of program. Where do you live? I will come babysit. Free of charge.

December 21, 2001
5:31 pm
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Dee Dee
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gypsygirl,
No...my children do not have a social worker. And I have never heard of any program to help parents with special needs children find a sitter...I am going to ask around now though and see what I can come up with. I live in Michigan. I would be glad to return the favor though...If you watch my kids I will watch your kid.LOL

I know some of you probably think that I am being silly...22 and depressed...what am I thinking...I may be young...but, belive me I have a whole lot delt to me in just the past 4 years and I have done it all by myself....no...family...no husband...no....anybody...
When my daughter was 3 months old...they thought she had a tumor in her brain...it turned out she did not...then we found out she was near sighted and part of her brain was not fully developed and she has an eye twitch called Nystagmus...she will probably be under my care even after she is grown....she will never be able to drive a car...her vision is only getting worse...and I can hardly afford glasses or the appointments...she has had more pairs of glasses in her 4 years then I think I have had in my life. And on top of that she is a VERY STRONG willed child! Good greef... God sure thinks that I can handle alot....but, I am just not handleing it!
My son was born with a heart defect and almost died...I will never forget what the Dr. said to me just before he had surgery...he said, " even if he does make it thru the surgery he probably won't make it though the night." I have to even cry about that now...every time I think about it.
Anyway... then we were in and out of the hospital for 3 months...we really were living there, he and I, with a day here and there to go home and get some rest. The whole time we were there No one came to see us...my husband and my mother stoped by to bring me a change of clothes every few days , and that was it...I guess I went into a little bit of depression at that time but...I felt better when we got out of that place.But, when we did get out of there we had dr appointments every other day and it's a 30 minute drive both ways, I was up all hours giving him IV antibiotics among other things. Now My son is constantly sick with colds and infections and you name it he has had it! I am always up at night giving him nebulizer treatments...and meds and blowing noses...etc. I just want to scream about it ....I am so sick of it all...
I don't know why I am depressed about all of this now when I would think I would have been then...but, I am.
I just want some attencion...I want to be loved...and taken care of for once... I want to be told that I am beautiful but, It just doesn't work that way. I just want to be loved, that's all...I am tired of being needed but, never able to be needy myself.

December 21, 2001
6:13 pm
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gypsygirl
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DEE DEE, you have a beautiful soul. For you children to have such a wonderful mother must have been by gods hands. You have the strenght to give those wonderful children a good life. Your children will never know the pain and disapointment of having a mother with blinders on.

Do your children recieve S.S.I.? Why do you not know about there resources? I am trying to control my anger towards your community. Do you have contact with other mothers who have disabled children? ask around and do not give up. Your children deserve the benefits of everything that is available for them. I just cannot understand why you have never been told. Are your children receiving Medicaid? Ask the people at the Income Support Division. Where I live my sons social worker sets up all of the appts. and works out all of the deatils, she is through the state and works for a place called Childrens Medical Services. They have the office in the Health office. Get on that phone girl and call everyone in that yellow book. Don't give up. There is no reason that you should be doing this alone. It is an impossible thing to do this without assistance.

December 21, 2001
6:38 pm
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Molly
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Ok, you get the today sucks award. You sure do have a hand full, and hubby I am sure doesn't take his share because he is afraide, fearful of doing the wrong thing, fearful of you possibly, men are very strange at figuring their behavior. Perhaps through your insurance company, they have home visit nurses that would come out, might be expensive, if insurance doesn't cover it, but better than you going to the nut farm for 6 weeks. Church ? Gym's with windows? Colleges with day care programs for kids with special needs, get on the phone, and shout for help, somewhere in that town must be something. Never surrender. No you don't either sound silly for your age, hell at anyones age in your situation, they would be on the edge, or is that brink, common, try to laugh. Heck at my age, I would be ugh ugh never mind.

December 21, 2001
7:45 pm
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Dee Dee
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gypsygirl,
No my children do not have S.S.I. To tell you the truth I am not quite sure what that is. Social Security???
My children are in some programs...My daughter is in specal ed classes at the elementary school and my son is in the Early On program...they come to the house to visit every month to make sure he doesn't get behind developmentaly... this is also the program that set me up with Mental Health.
To tell you the truth I have never asked for help before...I never felt the need for it. But, I certanly do now!
My parents use to help me out alot with the kids but, they moved away about a year ago....and that's about when the strain kicked in on me.
I have tried and tried to get some assistance to pay for my daughters glasses...but, no luck, All the programs I have looked into either will not pay for the correct glasses she needs or we make too much money...and that is totally insane! and the insurance company will only pay for 1 eye exam a year...and that does not help much when she has to go every 3 months. We use to have medicade but, they won't cover the kids anymore because they have insurance thru their Dad's work. And they say we make too much money... we tried to get food stamps when my son was in the hospital...becuse we were really hurting bad for money as you can imagine...and all they did was give us the run around.
I have attempted to get help in every way I can think of but, everything seems to be a dead end road.
I am going to ask the lady from Early On if she can help me with the babysitter problem I am sure she knows something. I really did not know about these things before now...and I am a very Pro active mom...I am always asking questions and trying to find help in anyway I can. I do not know any other people around here with children that have special needs Even though our community has some great programs, as far as school, for special ed children. I know i don't really understand it either...I am mad that no one told me I could get that kind of help!

Molly,
I can not have a nurse come to the house...my children are not considered to be that bad off...plus the insurance we have sucks and would not pay much....my son had one right after he came home when his chest was still open with stitches.

Oh....and thanks for the "today sucks award" it gave me a good laugh! šŸ™‚

December 21, 2001
11:15 pm
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gypsygirl
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Check out http://www.ssa.gov it has alot of info that might help you out.

December 22, 2001
1:01 am
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Dee Dee
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Thank you gypsygirl! I went to the site and read up on it...You know what I belive that my daughter would qualify for this! I don't see any reason she wouldn't with the guide lines that I read. I can not belive that no one has told me about this! Maybe I have not heard about this before because the eye Dr. was not really sure exactly how bad her vision was until recently...Impaired vision is a very difficult thing to measure in a child. Exspecialy before that child starts talking and communitacing what he/she can actually see...It's still hard with my daughter because she gets shy and doesn't want to answer questions. I am going to do some more research about this and talk to the lady from the Early On program...she knows something about everything and see how it goes. You don't know how much I really appreciated this....you earned your angel wings today gypsygirl! šŸ™‚

Thanks,
Dee Dee

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