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just need some one to listen !
December 26, 2005
10:00 pm
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i got this
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i have been greiving all evening, i have felt so empty all day, i just can't believe that my ex is such a cruel person, the heavyness on my chest is wrenching......

i haven't heard any thing from him
(however i did hear from his mom), funny i was exspecting to, my thoughts run back to him before i know it all my dreams and hopes shaterd .

for the last 3 months i was being drawn in and then pushed away. he has asked me to marry him so many differnt times and then he would change his mine, for months he begged that we have a child, asked me to go to the doctors so i did we where planing a future...... then suddenly he would ask me to leave the marring and a baby was to much pressure... god i just don't understand this how can some one be so mean. ruthless caluis cruel, he purposly chose the things he did just to hurt me like he was ploting and planing, like i was some one he hated.

never before have i known him to be like this, i have known him for the past ten years yes he cheated and lied left . but i ended it a couple years ago, but we stayed in touch i hadn't hurd from him in awhile then suddenly he was back and every thing was perfect.. we keep ending up together but this time has been the worst....

i fear that i will never see this man again, i long i go back and fix all of this , but their is no way , i long to hold his face in my hands like i always have to look in his eyes to see him smile and tell me we are going to be o.k. like he all ways has but i know this is not possible.

i had been making strides until this evening this is just eating at me.

i know now that this man is determental to my very soul and life.

i chose to move on , to protect my self and my heart. one moment i am ok then it starts all over agian ........................

i just wanted to share this to get it out to vent, thank you for listening....

December 26, 2005
10:31 pm
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Anonymous
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It sounds like you held out hope for a long time that things might work out between the two of you, and now you're grieving that they didn't. I hear you. I'm separated from my wife and spent 18 months trying to convince her to reconcile, but to no avail.

Please, say more if you need to. Others besides me are listening.

December 26, 2005
10:32 pm
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mosher1yr
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Its hard to move on with your heart but not your freindship........i am sure you loved him and it is hard to let him go but some things are ment to be left alone. When me and my ex broke up it was so hard to let her go and to not call and to not be able to talk to her bbut i wanted her to be happy and if that wasnt with me then i knew i had to let her go i always told her that we where never ment to be friends but always ment to be together.......some are like that either your friends or lovers theirs no middle ground with that. If you wanna move on then you cant keep intouch or each time you hear his voice or see him it will just rerush all those emotions and tears and pain hence what you are going throu right now.If i were you and you wanna move on move on all the way move on and away he is not healthy for you. If you truly wana be happy let go. And i know you have heard this and i to when my girlfriend and i were broken up if yourment to be then it will all pan out my girlfriend and i happpen to and we are back together. I am sorry you are going though this heartache but please do what is best for you.

December 26, 2005
10:55 pm
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Dear I Got This:

My heart goes out to you. I too am grieving over a similar painful relationship. It is so difficult to let go of the dreams. I know.

My relationship was emotionally abuse. When I read the article below, which was recommended by someone on this site, I understood that my bf was not going to change.

http://www.heartless-bitches.c.....buse.shtml

Ask yourself why you are willing to endure so much pain?

You deserve better. Love should not hurt. And trust is the basis for any relationship.

You are not alone. Take care of yourself.

Moon & Stars

December 26, 2005
11:20 pm
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i got this
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some days i don't know whats best for me, or for him i want him to be happy when things begain to go wrong i begged him to leave not to do this to me, however he reasurred me we where ok i thought about leavinng and i have been torn for a long time about this, when he cheated he actualy broke up with me then came back telling me he knew that he was supposed to be with me, when he came back months ago his bother had just died and he said he needed to fix things between us make them wright how ever he did to opisit , it was like he came back with a vengence... all the while i begged him to go if thats what he needed to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
i did let go and he keeps coming back ????

i don't under stand i feel that i am supossed to help him save him? i just have all ways been their, and he says that i am the only person that has ever realy helped him i have been the one he could count on, trust, he has thanked me for being the person that i an very true, loyal.

i have sacerficed so much,and each time its cost me so much more in every area of my life................

i am not a quiter.... but my theripist says that i am addicted to him? i have never been addicted to any thing ??????? this is all crazy to me and makes me crazy. i know that this is a very unhealthy relationship, and he has even said so , he has told me that 90% of the problem here is him ! and that he knows he plays on my weaknesses..... but i am the stable good girl in his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

know that he is gone it is hard, i feel like i am avery sick indavidual for allowing this in my life. some days i think he came back so we could end this chapter in our lives i just never knew it would be painful i know that he is abucive and destroying my life, i just wish i could fix this.

i haven't contacted him he has done the contacting all week begging me to come stay with him, i didn't on thursday i thought i was crazy he called me 15 times no joke then friday night in the middle of the night leaving my nextel open miked.. wouldn't say a word . so i called and confronted him saturday morning he started screaming and told me to never call him again i haven't. so his mom called me today i have to go to her house tomarrow i made sure that i go on the day he wouldn't be able to come, because i was supossed to go week be for last and never showed, because of working......... then i found out he then he was their waighting on me......................

so i have been used and abused, sucked in to be pushed a way been by his side when his own family turn away, he has told me that he knows that no matter what he can trust me.

their is 10 years of let down and him breaking me down, when it is good it is better than a my wildest dreams, when its bad i just wanna die..........

the thing that i wonder the most is does he or did he ever love me or was my love in vain ??????????????????

he has had a hold on me even when we where seperated i felt it, some days its tighter than others i have begged him to let go but he won't i don't know how to say it so that people understand but i feel it. my theripist said it is spiritual.his grip is so tighttoday that i felt it choke the live out of me ..............

letting go i have no problem doing i have done this before.how do i get him to let go ??????????????? it may seem stupid or not make sence and i know that we are broke up and he his with another woman, but i know he has not let go......... he has even told her about me that we have 10 years of history ....

i know that i wannted him to call so that i could lash out, not to come back ...........i want this to be done and over.......can we just please tap the fast forward butten ..i guess what doesn't kill me makes me stonger.

thank you for just taking your time to read this thread i feel like if i put this some where it won't be captured in side and eat me alive ....

December 26, 2005
11:38 pm
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overcome
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I am so sorry. It seems to me that this person is very unstable and unable to make a decision and stick to that. For your mental well being and for the sake of your future, it would appear time to part ways with this person for good.

You commented that he has cheated before. That, in itself is a red flag. If he is unable or unsure about commitment and has the potential to cheat, you are opening yourself up to be hurt.

Take a little time and concentrate on you. During that time, make a mental list of both the traits you would and would not like in a future companion. This will help you when you are ready to begin dating again.

December 26, 2005
11:45 pm
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Moon & Stars,

I visited the website whose URL you posted, and it is powerful. Thanks for sharing it.

December 27, 2005
12:10 am
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i got this
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thank you all very much......

it is over i am preparing my self for his planed return trip.

i have decided that silence is golden and i owe him nothing not even the breath to tell him never again.

so i will say sorry know for winning or venting i just need to leave this some where else!!

December 27, 2005
3:54 am
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Lass
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I am so sorry you are hurting right now, I Got This. What helped me was to write down the bad stuff he did, and run it by the Sam Vatkin website on narcisissm. Just keeping in mind that this is not how a healthy person behaves helped me.

That, and I just lay down and grieved, really let it wash over me, gave over to it. I was really scared to do this, to let go at this level. I was by myself, and it really took only 15 minutes to clear. It can be done in a friend's arms too, if you are scared. I did both.

Know that most of us here have felt exactly the same way, and we are on the road of recovery ahead of you, reaching both forward and back with our hands.

You can do this! Try prayer.

LL

December 27, 2005
4:56 am
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angel4U
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i got this,

you said: "... and he says that i am the only person that has ever realy helped him i have been the one he could count on, trust, he has thanked me for being the person that i an very true, loyal."

The first thought that came to mind when I read this was "well, it's real nice (sarcasticly speaking) that he appreciates getting these things from you, but doesn't feel he needs to give any of this back to you in return."

IGT, when you believe that you truly deserve from a partner what you are willing to give, and stand up for your beliefs, the struggle and hurt of feeling abused and rejected will fade ... as you will clearly see that their inability to be the stable, loving partner you crave and deserve is their problem, and not yours. I know, as I speak from experience.

Hang in there and give yourself all of the love and caring you deserve. And the rest will fall into place. I promise ... =))

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

angel4u

December 27, 2005
10:07 pm
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i got this
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today was a positive and a good day i had to see my ex's parents, i thought oh god they are gonna take up for him / wrong quit the reverse... his dad and i had a wonderful talk and he reasured me that i was a good person. And that their is something wrong with his son to treat me the way he has.

he said that he has pointed this out to my ex, and of course it caused a big up roar... how ever his dad has all ways stood up for me..

the most amazing thing was that his own father asked me and made me promise that i would not let him come back and do this to me again! and i made that promise.

his father asked me to stay in contact with him, and to visit on ocasions i have agreed to this. only because i know that i can trust his father. i feel good about this and feel like i have won a small victory/it may seem silly but his own parents see thru him and know what he has done is wrong and they where clearly upset about his actions...........they aplogized for his actions.... i will just allow them to contact me and leave it at that.... i was a little worried at first about his mom but after our talk to day i feel more comfortable......

i am doing so much better, and if u have any in put i will gladly be opened to every ones thoughts ,,,,, thank u all for your kind words an incouragment..

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