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Just leave the sucker.....already!!
March 11, 2007
6:44 pm
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thedogsmom
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He is a sucker-fish- sucking the life out of me and I am starting to think I am an idiot vs. just that bleeding-heart BLINDED by LOVE.

We had good 5 good years but the last 3 have been AWFUL! I really think I should quit while I'm somewhere ahead. He started doing drugs with the horrible new neighbors and my husband disappeared and I got a new and UN-IMPROVED model that looks and talks now just just like the horrible neighbor. A man who lies, and stays out all night, and ditches work and leaves me to pay the bills and NOW-- a man who likely cheats too with all these new druggie friends of his!
I had always convinced myself he LOVES me and that he never cheated- but I just found two pictures on his camera of two woman- one breast and ???his hand? and the other a different woman in a bathtub.
It makes me sick to my stomach but glad that I haven't had sex with him for so LONG I can't even say when it was.
I WISH this were the dealbreaker for me. But it really is not. Why - because the idiot that I am could only bring myself to leave IF he HIT me! That would be my deal-breaker.

This is another thing I can convince myself that he just hung out with these woman and didn't sleep with them or even if he did--that it was the DRUGS and alcohol that made him do it...and my fault for not having sex with him for over a year!

If only he would HIT me! Maybe I should smash up that precious broken down Mercedez of his! then maybe he would hit me.... and I could kick him out.
TDM

March 11, 2007
7:05 pm
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2shy
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TDM, is that really the deal breaker. He has to hit you. What if he did hit you? Would you really leave? Or would you blame that on the drugs and alcohol?

Come on....build up the courage to leave him now. He is not worthy of your love. He has major issues. You also to want to catch any STD's in the future if you stay with him. He needs help and he can only get it when he admits he has a problem and wants to get help. Breaking up is so painful. Boy do I know how painful it is. I still try and think that deep down my ex really loves me too. I keep thinking back to how it was. But reality is these men have serious addictions and are treating us horribly. Do you want to invest more time, money and energy into someone who will only bring us down. Experience the pain now. We need to love ourselves and do what is best for ourselves. I am sure we'll feel relief later knowing we don't have to be burdened with all their problems. How much time and energy do we waste on them? Come on...please do what is best for you. You deserve so much better.
2shy

March 11, 2007
7:11 pm
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careless1
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I hate to tell you this but, you would just feel worse about doing that and stack more blame on yourself and he would have to run and do more drugs so he could feel better. I realize I'm probally the last person to give advise after the time I've had. I may not know right now how to make things better but I do know how to make things worse. I've watched all day and this is how I've been hanging on. I'm sorry someone like you has to deal with this crap, but I'm glad your here.

March 11, 2007
7:24 pm
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Zinnie
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You don't need a man to hit you to leave - from what you describe, you need to just LEAVE.

Violence is NEVER the answer to anything.

Z.

March 11, 2007
7:27 pm
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lollipop3
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TDM,

Are you in any type of therapy, Coda or Alanon?

You deserve to be treated better.

We all do.

Take care of yourself,
Lolli

March 11, 2007
7:51 pm
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atalose
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You talk of leaving him but from the sound of it he's already left you. No sex in over a year, him doing drugs, making new friends and having pictures of other woman on his cell phone, sounds like he's gone, he's left you as his wife but holds onto you as his banker!! The longer you play the role of banker the longer he will use, lie, cheat and do what ever it is that is making him tick. If you are comfortable playing just that role then stay with him and wait until he hits you but I'd already be viewing his behavior as one big punch in the mounth already!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 11, 2007
8:16 pm
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luvhurts
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Believe me, It only get's worse until he acknowledges he has a problem.
My bf is an addict & I 've seen & been through it all. He has physically abused me, I didnt leave, I never have. If this does happen 9 times out of 10 you will make an excuse for his behavior.
I have for 9 years & always will until the day I leave & let it go. I'm sorry for your pain & If nothing else helps-Know you are not alone & I understand how hard it is for you.
Stay safe & best wishes to you...

March 12, 2007
9:44 am
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nappy
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I had to read this one over and over again because I really don't understand.

You telling me that with all that you have wrote that nothing that you said to us makes you want to either leave him or kick him out.

Please get me to understand because I really don't. You want him to HIT you or beat you and then you will tell him to leave.

Why does it take these women so long to let go of something that they already know is not good for them.

You telling me that your self worth is that low that you will except every WRONG thing that this man is doing.

First you really do need to be alone and to take care of yourself because your self esteem is VERY LOW. You really do need to see why you are taking all of this.

Are you taking care of him? Because if you is then why should he stop doing what he is doing. He already has you thinking and doing stuff that is crazy and he will continue you better believe it.

And for you to be here on this site, you already knows that you need to leave him or to get him out of your life. I don't see where love is even in this relationship.
Sorry!
Nappy

March 12, 2007
11:37 am
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thedogsmom
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you guys are all right. I know-- I'm just being RIDICULOUS here. I am SO ANGRY! SO SAD! So Dissapointed AGAIN!

Of Course Violence is not the answer! And I would of course just feel TERRIBLE for smashing up his car which is the only thing he owns and has pride of. I would also probably talk myself into thinking he didn't mean to hit me-and that it was the drugs and alcohol-- and I would forgive him again.

I printed out the responses last night after my long workshift- went home to read them and had a long good out-loud heart-sobbing cry.

Then I barged into his room (baby-step that took me so long to put him in another room) and told him ONCE AGAIN that he was hurting me and that he needed to move out. He looked TERRIBLE- puffy crying eyes (cause I had already told him this in the morning before I went to work -that he had 3 more paychecks and 7 weeks to move out and that on April 30th my dad was going to change the locks).

There was an empty bottle of wine lying on the floor next to him and I thought that he had skipped work again feeling sorry for himself. So I told him that I didn't get any sleep because of the pictures I had found and that IF I had to pick myself and go to work- then he'd better go to work too and start saving his money to move out because he that was the ONLY reason he was still living with me. That if HE if he couldn't show me each PAYDAY that he had worked an 80 hour week that he would have to move out sooner.

He said "I know- I know --you told me already!" I said "then when can I expect you to move?". He said at the end of this month! I said "good- and you need to get help for your problem". He said "what problem?" and I said "your drug problem - you have a drug problem and you need help!". He said "I haven't even been doing drugs! I slammed the door --- went back to my room and cried some more.

I cried because- one- IF he really isn't doing drugs that means he is just a man with bad character (duh?! 🙂
which makes me a FOOL. And two- because when he told me he would leave at the end of THIS month- instead of really feeling relieved and good that he was leaving sooner than I had planned- I felt worried right away- cause I know he doesn't have the means yet to support himself. And then I cried just because it is SAD..and it is coming to an END.

So here I am. Reading the new posts that I didn't see last night and crying again. But You are all RIGHT!

Atalose- what you said struck me and really helps- cause I just have to look at it like that. You are SO right! He DID leave ME! along time ago! I said it myself! He dissapeared and started doing drugs and LEFT our happy home. He stopped having sex with ME! started staying up all night and not coming to bed- dinking around in the garage on meth all night!
He chose to spend his free time with the new people NOT me! He is Choosing DRUGS over the LIFE I can give him.

So that really helps me with the guilt- I suffer from- cause I can just say HE left me A LONG TIME AGO!
thanks.

nappy- thanks. I do so LOVE your directness and advice. I see that YOU have learned so MUCH about yourself and really grown here -as I remember reading your old posts! I see your frustration sometimes! I was just thinking how I'm so sick and tired of MYSELF! MY complaining and NOT taking ACTION! I'm doing JUST what I DETEST from other people..."talking the talk and not walking the walk!".

"why does it take these woman so long to let go of something that they know is not good for them?"

I don't think it is my self-esteem- but I guess I really have to take a LONG good LOOK at that- because you are not the only one who has said I need help. I keep saying I will go to CODA or AA or take the codependent course- but I am NOT following through either! I'm sick and tired of myself!

you are right. I know what I need to do. Let him go. I'm feeling really weak right now. I'm feeling really Sorry and worried about him. I think he is planning to borrow his retirement money again to move out- and I fear for his life out there with no money and hanging out with those real losers.

But I will try very hard to gather the courage this time to stick to my guns-- and to think only of myself right now! take care of me! He can worry about him! I will focus on me first! 3 more weeks- I can do it!
thanks.

March 12, 2007
11:56 am
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nappy
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Dogsmom,

You are a strong person. I just know that for a fact. I remember when I came on this site. I probably was the same as some on here but I can tell you that learning about yourself is just like being reborn again.

It was hard but I guess I had to push through it. And you can too.

Love can be blind, but if we were not blind at birth, then we have no excuse for ourselves. We can see very clearly and can see the people that we deal with.

You is a way better person then I am because I really don't think that I can put up with so much stuff especially when that other person is not helping. I don't care how much they is crying or trying to feel sorry for them selves. It is only a trap. Please I don't have time to really feel sorry for myself because life still move on and I am an important person.

Those locks would of been changes along time ago. I not going to lie, I let my ex move and come back nine times but when I found out that I HAD TO MOVED by the end of that month, those locks were change and he realize that he couldn't come back there no more.

And even if he is or isn't doing drugs
he would be living with his new friends that he found. See if they will take him in.

March 12, 2007
12:32 pm
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Shaney
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Oh MY GOD, dogsmom. I can't believe what I'm reading.

You can't go on like this - you're not living. In fact, the very core of your soul (what you know in your heart to be right, your integrity, your value system) it's all whithering away and dying. You have to dig deep for the strength that I KNOW YOU HAVE, and put him out.

He is a cancer that is slowly but surely, killing YOU. You have become so accustomed to his bad behavior, and his disregard for you, that even the most hidious findings, are becoming acceptable or tolerable.

There are too many conditions... IF and WHEN he has enough money, WHEN he finds a place, in 3 weeks, in 7 weeks .... it never ends... because if he doesn't meet the conditions, they're adjusted for him in order to give him another chance.

He's not going to meet those conditions, and get to a point where he can support himself.... because he doesn't have to. He'l learned to rely on you, he's gotten used to it, and it's not going to be any different in 3 weeks, or 7 weeks, or ever.

This situation will change only when YOU make it change. Take you life back, and hand his over to him.

With all of his crying, drinking and drugging, I don't understand how he even holds down a job. Don't they see? Can't they tell?

IMO, as long as he has a job, he can support himslef... period... bottom line. But as things stand right now, his money is his own, while you use your money for all of the necessities... food, shelter, etc. If he had to use HIS money for the necessities, would there be any left over to play with? To spend on drugs and partying? Probably not.

Stop this madness and take your life back, and run the other direction without looking back. You're not helping him by hanging on. And you're not sparing your own conscience by helping him. You're killing yourself by letting your guilty conscience misguide you. Guilt is leading you down a road that is going to affect your physical, emotional and mental health. Put a stop to it by changing the locks, and leaving his life in his own hands, while taking yours back.

I hate to see you suffer so much - please do something about this. Start living again!

March 12, 2007
12:46 pm
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soprano2
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The Dog's Mom--

Oh my gosh!!!! When I read your post, I thought to myself that I must have gotten on in my sleep and typed the post out!!!!! Are we married to the same guy????? LOL

I totally understand what you are thinking and how you are feeling. I have said those exact words--"If he would only hit me, I could get out of this." I said them last week to my counselor. She wasn't even shocked that I said them either.

And you want to know something else really sucky???? He actually left for 11 days, and it was the best 11 days that I have had in about seven years. Can you believe it??? THEN HE CAME BACK AND I LET HIM. I can't even believe myself.

Anyway, enough about me. I wanted to give you some advice that I got, and it is working for me about the worrying thing because I am a someone who worries alot.

I remember these words: "What's the worst that could happen?"

Don't think that I came up with this one by myself, my counselor told me to say this every time I found myself saying "what if"--which is a worrier's theme song.

So what's the worst that could happen if you let him leave?

Maybe you will get a good night's sleep knowing that you are not putting up with someone else's crap.

Maybe you will find out that he is the one who makes you feel weak, and you finally give youself permission to be strong.

Maybe he will find out that he truly is being an absolute jerk and he needs serious help.

Are any of these things bad? I don't think so.

I am in the same boat you are in. It is good to know that there are people with me in this life raft. Six months ago, I felt like I was all alone. So, we are not alone.

Would love to share notes with you sometime.

Hang in there (((tdm)))

s2

March 12, 2007
5:34 pm
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thedogsmom
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thanks again all,

I don't know if I am really strong?? or really weak???

Does he really love me?? or is he using me???

Is it the addiction that causes him to do ALL this WRONG?? or is it His lack of character??

did his " true" self came out after 5 years?? or did it just take me that long to see it??

Do I take the crap because I have poor self-esteem and am convinced I don't deserve better??
or do I take it because I LOVE so much and have a Heart of GOLD and still see ONLY the good in HIM and want to rescue??

I don't know the answers. BUt what I do know--- Is that I have been suffering and unhappy with the relationship for more than two years.
NOTHING is CHANGING.
and the only thing I CAN do to instill change is to CHANGE what I have been doing.

So-- difficult as I KNOW it will be for ME I MUST stick to my guns and start saying the things that I mean and meaning the things that I say.

I told him- that he is hurting me..true... that he is an addict..true... that he needs help...true.. that I can't take it anymore...true and that he needs to move out before I go crazy..true!

So Please help try to convince me too that THIS is the only way! THIS is the CARING thing to DO for an addict. That he will be OKAY and will be a surviver!

Because unfortunately- due to my pessimistic worrier nature-- SOPRANO2
when I ask myself that question??
"what is the worst thing that could happen??"
I come up with answers that paralyze me further! the DREADED FEAR here-- and THATS what keeps me trying to RESCUE HIM! NOT fear of being alone..I know I will be okay without him. He left for five days-too! and I was relieved and slept well! I KNOW someday I will find another man to love and likely a man more suitable to fullfill my needs and lifestyle.

MY worst FEAR is that this weak nice gentle soul of a man--- will give up on life and KILL himself. Overdose or Commit suicide. And frankly I don't know how I would survive that-cause I know myself well enough to know that I will take that guilt to the grave.
TDM

March 12, 2007
6:41 pm
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atalose
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Please don't kid yourself, you are not that powerful, no one is, to stop another human being from self destruction if that is what they chose to do. With him or no with him if he overdoses there is no way you can stop that. The same with suicide, if that is the path he choses, with or without you in his life, he'll do it. This is where we give ourselves too much power, we think that by remaining with them it will stop them from doing something to themselves, and that is just not true. It is not your quilt to own!!!
It's just another way we justify staying in a bad situation where we remain the rescuer and make ourselves somehow feel better that we are taking care of someone who we have deemed unable to care for themselves without our help.
I strongly suggest you go to al-anon or a code meeting in your area.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 12, 2007
7:42 pm
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thedogsmom
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thanks a heep again atalose. I've been eating up your advice from another thread to someone else too! Great advice and really using words that are HELPING me with the guilt trip thing.
I just put in a phone call to inquire about the coda therapy program-before I responded to you-- but they were closed. I took the number down and will call again tommorow.

You make sense- and are probably right about me just using this to 'justify' staying with him. Thinking he can't or won't be able to survive without me is really probably one big FAT joke! He'll probably move out and move on to the next one SO quick-- and somebody will be right there to help this nice good looking charmer--- while I'm still doing drive bys and crying feeling sorry for myself!
OKay.. And I guess I could try to look at it like--- my enabling him- has helped him to use his money for drugs and my allowing him to get away with it so long without suffering consequences has allowed him to get even deeper into drugs--and he could overdose or die drunk driving anyhow.
If he kills himself as he threatened the last time in November when I told him to move out--- then I guess I will worry about that then. For now I'll keep worrying about my sanity.
smile

My VERSION of THE CLASSIC CODEPENDENT GLORIA GAYNER SONG>>>

AT first I was afraid...
I was petrified...
Kept thinking HE could NEVER live without ME by HIS SIDE...

help me here....

March 12, 2007
8:02 pm
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Shaney
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Let me share something with you dmom.
When M was drugging, a LOT, we would have lots of parties at our home where people would stay all night long. I was doing drugs too, but never to the extent that M did them. I'm not trying to make it sound like my drug use was any better than his, it's just that mine wasn't excessive to the point of passing out, or making people worry about me. When I saw M absolutely out of control with the drugs, I stopped - 1) because it scared the hell out of me to see him passed out beyond the point of being able to wake him up, and 2) because I thought he would quit if I quit. The night that I quit was when we had a party at our home and everyone was jumping OF OF THE ROOF into the swimming pool. How insane was that? Here we are, professional people in our 30's and 40's, whacked out on drugs, jumping 12 feet into a pool. Idiots. (There's a point ot all of this, I swear.) I'm sitting on the side of the pool, and start to wonder where M is. So I start looking around. And there he is, passing out in the pool and no one is even paying attention to him. I told one of his friends to get him out of the pool, I yelled in his face for a good ten minutes while his friends carried him sopping wet, through the house, and threw him into his bed. M was completely unconscious by this time, and his friends all started to walk out of the room and leave me with him. This was the usual drill. Usually, when he passed out, I would put him into bed, make sure he didn't have anything in his mouth that he could choke on, and stay up all night watching him, making sure that he didn't stop breathing. This night was different. I was tired of babysitting. I was tired of being the one who saved him when he took things too far. He knew he was safe with me, and that I wouldn't let anything happen to him, so he took it to the limit every time. But this night, I looked at his friends and said, "He's your friend too - YOU watch him to make sure he doesn't stop breathing. I'm done." And I left. I went home and didn't sleep all night long, thinking that his friends just left him there to choke on his own vomit. But I had to let go. I had to let him be responsible for himself and his own actions. And I came to several big realizations.

I can't keep him from drugging - drugs are only a phonecall away. I can't keep him from killing himself - if you don't value your own life, why would anyone else? And I can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I can't be there to watch over someone 24/7 - it's unrealistic.

Dr. Phill said, "You can't prevent what you can't predict." How true.

So dmom... stop it. You're not doing anyone any good here. While you're trying desperately to hold his head above water, he's pulling you down with him. Save yourself, and put the rest in God's hands.

March 12, 2007
8:02 pm
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atalose
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It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
And tried so hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high
And you see me..somebody new,
Im not that chained up little person still in love with you

I LOVE THAT SONG!!! and you too will SURVIVE!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 12, 2007
8:39 pm
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2shy
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TDM, I understand how you feel about his threats to commit suicide. I just wanted to let you know about my experience with my ex ex. He was a guy that I dated for about a month and a half. I had just talked to him over the phone and I broke up with him. I was able to leave him prior to getting too emotionally attached to him. I saw too many red flags. Anyway, he ended up calling me back about an hour later claiming he had overdosed and he sounded like he was going to pass out. I had to call 911 and I jumped into my car and raced down to his home. I had no idea where he lived, he mumbled his address while he was still conscious and he passed out on me. When I got to his place the paramedics were there and they had to break open his front door. I went to the hospital too. The whole night I was scared because I thought that he was going to die and it was going to be all my fault because I broke up with him. The psychologist at the hospital had to sit with me and reassure me over and over again that if he were to die it wouldn't be my fault. Even if I were a super bitch (doctors words) towards him it still wouldn't be my fault. Anyway, he did survive. The rest is another story. My point is that I wanted to share with you what the doctor had told me regarding suicide. The doctor also told me that it is manipulation.

I hope I helped you a little.
2shy

March 12, 2007
8:49 pm
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bevdee
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TDM,

I have been on the receiving end of suicide threats and feeble attempts, too. I agree with 2shy that it is manipulation. I consider the threatening emotional violence.

His life is not your responsibility. Only yours is.

Bevdee

March 12, 2007
10:06 pm
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thedogsmom
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I made it through my 12 hour shift today and am still here bawling my head off some more reading your responses.

Thanks ALL - You have all helped MORE than a little! Honestly- thanks for caring enough and helping me through this. I know I can do what I ask and expect all of you to do. I've suffered losses and heartbreak before and I'll get through this too and I know I will end up better off no matter what happens. Because I am learning so much about myself-that I'm bound to make better choices in every area of my life from what I'm learning. Much of it HERE from you wonderful people and the readings y'all have me doing.

Shaney you can see what I'm doing only too well. You are right on target with what you wrote- I have allowed this CRAP to go on so long that even these hidious findings are tolerable and explainable and forgivable to me! I've LOST my respect for myself! and I AM constantly bargaining and adjusting what I am telling him to give him another chance! and whether he leaves in 3 weeks with NO money or 7 weeks with chump-change or even IF I hand him that $3000 severence pay on his way out (LOL )to help him survive. I will still WORRY about what happens to him. And I will STILL HAVE NO CONTROL over it!.

I bought this house with a HUGE mortgage and rented out our old one just to move him away from those druggie neighbors- but it didn't work. He still went over there and when he quit that group of druggies he just found another circle of losers to hang out with!

and I do let undeserved GUILT misguide me! All this is already affecting my health and looks too! Heck - I look like the crackhead/crank??? (its-meth he does)
I've lost weight, my hair is dull and falling out, my face breaking out and I don't give a shit about my appearance anymore cause all I can manage to do is work- sometimes eat- and try to sleep in between having all of these bargaining imaginary conversations with him in my head all day long!.
thanks for sharing your experiences

"you can't prevent what you can't predict!" TRUE-- and I can't predict the future and I AM NOT responsible for HIS FUTURE! He is a 48 year old ADULT who has been given a million chances in life! I handed him that lifeline and he is just drowning me along with him.

I WONT go down the same path! I WILL SURVIVE without him . I AM NOT REPONSIBLE AND HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT HE CHOOSES TO DO WITH HIS LIFE FROM HERE ON OUT......

practicing!
TDM

March 12, 2007
11:07 pm
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Shaney
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Right on, sister :o).

No need to feel bad about letting go - you've done everything (and more) than you can possibley do in one lifetime, to save ANYbody.

No one expects you to save him - that is a burden that you've put on yourself.

He's responsible for his own life. However he chooses to live it, is soley up to him.

You've managed to create a safe place for him to fall - you're a good wife, a good friend, and a good person. But unfortunately, your integrity, kind heart, and wonderful values, is not enough to get him to kick meth. Meth has a whole other set of values, or LACK of values - it has no conscience, and it has no remorse. It doesn't worry, and it doesn't care. But it manages to grab the soul of many people... sometimes, really good people... and it doesn't let go until it is LET go. Meth has a hold of you too, just indirectly.

You are strong enough to let go. You HAVE to let go in order to save the most important part of this equation... and that's YOU. Believe me, I know what it's like to want to save someone's life that you love... it's a pain that is indescribable. But it's a necessity in order to release yourself from this burden that you've been carrying around for way too long.

And I swear, with every bone in my body... that I will come there and pop all of your tires, if you add yet another PERK to his long list of benefits. An apartment for 6 months that YOU PAY FOR!??? Dogsmom, I'm revving up the car as I write this. :o)

Lots of love to you, my friend... I'm with you no matter what. :o)

March 13, 2007
4:10 am
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Zinnie
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TDM,

Darlin' trust me when I tell you this - when you are gone, when you are no longer in his life? He will simply find someone else to use.

Kick him out NOW. Have your Dad come and change the locks - NOW.

Again, do NOT ever use the "final blow" as being hit. I'm sure you know my daughters story - and if you don't, I will repost it for you. But, you know what? Four years later? She is preparing to undergo surgery number 15 - YES, SURGERY NUMBER FIFTEEN to help ease the pain and burden of her final beating.

Call your Father to come change the locks. Don't let it be the police who have to call your Daddy to come and verify it is your body.

Z.

March 13, 2007
7:25 am
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soprano2
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(((TDM)))

Just thinking of you, and hope that you have a great day. It is good to see that so many people, including me, know that you are not responsible for him.

Will be thinking of you today.

s2

March 13, 2007
2:46 pm
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lettingo
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thedogsmom,
Wow your story is very familar to my own. I can tell you I had all the same feelings thinking my addict needed me to survive. I was convinced because that is what they do to keep you hooked. You have to understand, you have become an addict too but it is to the relationship that is causing you so much pain. I am in a lot of pain, my divorce is about final BUT I have finally realized that he was going to do what he is going to do and all the screaming, crying, begging, theatening, etc., etc. was going to make a difference. I was the one who could change and although I feel frozen in grief because like you I was addicted to his maddness, I know that this pain will end. I at least have a chance at some happiness. The pain I was in before was useless. And believe me they survive. My ex lived in a shelter for a while and then an apartment. I really think he is in jail right now. Not sure. My point is their bull continues so get help for YOU! You need to recover from this disease. I know how scary it is, I HONESTLY do, but we can help each other on these sites to get through it. I can be done. I am surviving inch by inch but I finally left him. It's hard but I believe that I will finally be able to live in peace and not endless, saddness, frustration, shock and awe of his actions. You too can have this life.

March 14, 2007
5:39 pm
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thedogsmom
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I'm going to do it girls! I can't say I'm not going to look back- nor can I predict the future....
but I can start with today---and make choices each day that set up my future..

and for today -- "I surrender!"
remember that brave strong letter I sent him and posted here ????some time ago??
It obviously didn't get the reaction I wanted when I sent it..( I see-now that I was NOT really ready to surrender.
I just wanted him to read it and FIX himself and make all this WORTH IT!

Now I am really ready to follow through with 1st step.
Surrendering..
giving up on Waiting for him to change..and Moving him out of the house.

I'm taking back my life again! No more of the undeserved drama for me!.
I'm saving myself girls!
End of March -- YIPPEE... I get to join the NO CONTACT group!

and I'm scared a bit-- but excited too!
TDM

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