Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Just becoming aware of my codepency
April 28, 2005
10:33 pm
Avatar
lilgirlwithin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have almost finished reading the book titled Women Who Love Too Much and if anyone out there has read it and know what I am talking about please help me. I am just becoming aware of why and how my relationships, and I mean all of them, turn out the way they do. I have realized that I meet men who are needy. I spend every waking moment trying all that I can do to change them, be it appearance, not that they desperately need it, or I try my hardest to make their life better when I get nothing in return. At this time I feel a great sense of rejection from my current relationship and I cannot figure out why. My relationship of a year has been me trying my damndest to manipulate or coerce my spouse to get help with his drug addiction. I have come to realize that he chose to enter a treatment facility for his addictions on his own, despite my attempts to get him to, which is what I tried for a long time to get him to do. Why is it then do I feel lost, and in a sense left behind or rejected. I know this sounds crazy, and at times I really feel like I am losing it. I don't even know where to begin explaining all the other things that are going through my mind at this time. I mean I am happy that he is working on getting healthy but at the same time, I am afraid that he will leave me behind. I feel so ashamed writing this but I need to be honest about how I am feeling.I read in this book that I choose relationships that allows me to reenact my child hood. what do I do when I cannot remember my childhood until I was 12 years old? It says in this book that the first step to recovery is to get help. Well I have called to find out where Al-Anon meetings are in my community, but for some crazy reason when the time comes to go I don't. What is wrong with me? I know I need therapy, but I can't afford the cost, and I don't even know where to begin looking for the help that I feel I desperately need. I could go ono and on but my message is long enough already. Thanks for listening or reading and I anticipate your response.

April 29, 2005
9:00 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi lil, and welcome. It took me a while to go to my first Coda meeting...i was scared, nervous, and when i went, i felt grrrreeeeaaatt....try to think positively on meetings, and think the best, and know the meetings are good and helpful and you can come out feeeling like a better person, its just getting out and taking the steps to go to a meeting. Give it a try, and i guarantee you won't be disappointed.

I myself, have always picked needy ment too, trying to change there looks, helping THEM live a normal life, paying bills etc...and most of the men had addicitons with either, booze, drugs or gambling. And I enabled alot of them, and put up with things that I hated, I think maybe "I" was afraid to be alone.

Keep posting here Lil & know that you are not alone, this is a great support site.

((camer))

April 29, 2005
11:56 am
Avatar
lilgirlwithin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for responding. I know that I have been making excuses because of fear I guess. I will make it a point to attend next week. I 'll be sure to tell all about it when I do

April 30, 2005
8:50 pm
Avatar
FaithHopeLove3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am just finishing the book Women Who Love Too Much! It has been quite an eye opener. I too am in the process of building up the courage to go to my first CODA meeting. It is scary to be facing this and knowing the work that is ahead, but it's even scarier for me to think about what sort of roads I could go down otherwise, in unhealthy relationships. I too have so many things running through my mind. I had a breakdown about two weeks ago because I just couldn't handle hearing so many thoughts, and worries, and questions in my head. I felt like I literally just wanted to rip my brain out, to make it go quiet. But I am trying to remind myself that staying in my head, trying to work it out all by myself in there isn't going to solve anything. All the worrying and questioning in the world won't help as long as it stays inside my head. Yoga is helping me keep my mind peaceful. Talking to friends has been the best, even if it's not about my worries, just focusing on something else helps so much. Just thought I'd let you know there is someone else out there just starting to embark on this process! Let me know how you're doing 🙂

April 30, 2005
11:41 pm
Avatar
lilgirlwithin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Faith, thanks for responding.I feel like I am all alone on this sometimes, butI know that there are others in the same situation. there was a time last week that I felt like I was going nuts, I swear. I even had like an anxiety or something attack where I becam dizzy and almost passed out. I really have to get to a meeting. Iknow it will do me good. Therapy would be good too. I will be sure to let you know how its going. Samd goes for you. Take care and keep coming back.

May 2, 2005
1:33 am
Avatar
moretolearn
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey there lilgirlwithin. I've been to several al-anon meetings and used to chat on al-anon chatrooms but i've recently been to a few one-on-one counselling sessions and I can't say enough about them. Something about talking with a professional just makes everything so much more clear, and gives hope and makes you realize that you are not crazy. You sound like me - have total meltdowns, go "crazy" temporarily, it's a horrible feeling isnt it?It's good to have a calm, cool person to ask you questions and get you thinking not only about how crappy your life is, but WHY it's that way, and what YOU'VE done to create it, and HOW to change your thinking and (ideally) the whole situation. I find going to meetings gives a sense of unity, and it's good to realize you are not alone, but they didn't solve anything for me in the long run. They didn't make me delve deeper into my own unique psychological problems. Counselling gave me more tools to stop thinking not only that I was nuts, but to actually work on stuff, something I couldn't get from Al-anon.
Just my opinion of course.

May 2, 2005
1:23 pm
Avatar
shyshy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey lilgirl within:

I feel the same way you do most of the time. It's almost like I define myself in how helpful I can be to my man. It's like I don't feel good about myself if I'm not needed. Maybe that's why you are getting a little anxious about him getting help? Especially since he did it on his own? Like because he didn't need you to do it and perhaps if he gets through this then you will feel like he doesn't need you anymore and wondering if he's even going to want to still be with you. And even if he still does want to be with you, will you be happy not being needed? I know that's how I would think. I too read the book Women Who Love too Much. It was a real eye opener for me.

May 3, 2005
1:23 pm
Avatar
lilgirlwithin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shyshy, Exactly. I feel guilty for feeling this way but its true. Am I still going to be needed and if I'm not is that so bad? I feel like a wreck most of the time, but slowly feeling a little better. I have been trying to 'let go' and give it to creator or my highter power, I have no control over whta happens to 'us'. I only have control over me and what I will allow to affect me. I am still learning and at times confused and hopeless but I think I will be ok once I get some help for my own issues and attend a meeting. I knoe what I have to do, now I just need to do it. Take care

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
48 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 110843

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38534

Posts: 714189

Newest Members:

sofaDazy, gjkzifDazy, KatyukhaDazy, fhctym.irfDazy, doraee4, abkbggsxDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer