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just a vent - alycia
February 10, 2007
4:48 am
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alycia
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September 24, 2010
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Hi everyone, its the end of another 2nd saturday of seeing her dad and i wanted to vent. Sometimes it seems like years ago we were together, it seems so long ago, 15 months to be precise.

Sometimes u look at photos and it seems like yesterday, i know there is a huge distance between us, a distance he made by walking out on me and my daughter.

He comes over and spends the day here, we go out, i guess thats how it started cause she was a baby when he left and is quite a mummys little girl, i know for a fact he comes to see both of us, maybe even more so me cause he is not much of a father thats for sure.

He goes thru girlfriend after girlfriend, he has been with the last one a few months now but he still tells me how nice i look in my top .. he still tries to bite my neck, hugs me and i have to let go, innapropriate behaviour....and i am in no way a vain person but i know if i jumped on him what the reaction would be.

Some days you just want the fantasy and to be together all over again but it is just fantasy and will never happen, day dreaming i guess because u know he is a cheating, lying, useless dad... my list is endless here..

I feel like i am better and then i feel like i am not...

I know i would be better if i never saw him again, hell of course i would be but how the hell am i gonna feel whole again when the guy comes to my house and as he leaves says 'i still miss you' with tears in his goddamn eyes as u know he is going to see her once he shuts my door...

its quite cruel really, he is being cruel to me... i know tommorow will be better. I still try to see this as a death,(the death of my dream) i never saw it coming believe it or not, he just packed his bags one night and left, didn't even sit me down and talk to me to explain it.... Just said i am outta here...

I still grieve a little bit because it was sudden and unexpected and because i still see the man and have no choice, Just needed a vent for the night before i turn in.

I remember mr santino asking when does it stop hurting? I actually think maybe with some people .... (only some) that it never stops... i do hope i am wrong.... sweet dreams to everyone and a brilliant weekend x

February 10, 2007
6:38 am
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startingover
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September 30, 2010
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Hi Alycia

It must be hard when you have to see him, and he plays games with your feelings. It's not that I doubt his sincerity, but I DO think there's some game-playimg going on and I think you are wise to rebuff his flirting.

Sometimes I try to think of the good part of a bad situation, and that is that he is at least trying to be a father to your little girl. Does he have to visit in your presence, or is that part of the deal...I don't blame you if you wouldn't let her out of your sight, doesn't sound like he makes good decisions.

I'm sorry you are hurting. Hang in there. It will get easier. Look at how far you have come in 15 months!

Thinking of you

SO

February 10, 2007
9:07 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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Alycia,

That has to be hard...you want so much to be a happy family...and he obviously wants "something" from you...but he's not offering what you want in return...and probably can't.

Could you set up some kind of "boundaries"?

For instance...when he comes to see her...could you be in the next room doing some kind of chore...leave him to spend time with her...even if it's just watching a video or playing blocks on the floor. She is at a stage of "playing", so it opens up more of what he can do with her...read a book, etc.

Perhaps by being in the next room and keeping an arm's reach from him, it would help you avoid his advances better than if you were sitting on the couch with him.

Plus, that would shift the focus on him bonding with her and being there for her, and not for you.

Do laundry, fold clothes, dust, do dishes, read a book, have YOU time.

It may take a little time for her to adjust to you being out of sight, but it's good thing for her to learn too.

And I remember a time where you asked how to find time to keep up with the chores when you have a little one.

Now would be the time to catch up...let him watch HIS daughter...while you can still keep an eye on both of them.

Invest in a baby gate to separate the rooms if you have to...so she can't toddle into you at will.

Then eventually, as he gets more experienced at dealing with her, you may be able to let him watch her alone for a few minutes at a time, until such time that you can run an errand like running to the market or getting a hair cut or something.

It's hard to learn to trust someone with your child...especially if he doesn't seem capable...but it can be learned...both him and you.

In the end, you want him coming around cuz SHE needs him...not cuz you need him.

And it's hard when he keep playing with your feelings like he is.

be strong...

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