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Just a lil poem I wrote that I wanted to share
September 21, 2003
1:37 am
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ms.confused
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This Time Things Have Changed

I use to wonder
where things went wrong,
why you didnt love me
why I didnt belong,
I use to give u my all
and I always remained small
nothin I did was enough..
I wasnt good enough

I loved u more than I loved myself
I was quick to hang my life on the shelf
entrapped by words
your beautiful smile
your witty style
But all in reality it was nothing
but DENIAL

so quick to get lost in your game
listening to your ideas and thoughts
and causes of shame

I forgot who I was
and where I wanted to be
and each time I get it all back
here u come again
making my life out of wack

But this time
things have changed
I now remember my name
and where I wanna go
and who I am and who will put on the show

no more wanting you
hoping youll come back
this time around I got my life on track

I wont allow your pain in my heart any longer
and I have become much stronger
your words are no longer my wisdom
and your eyes can no longer see through my heart
and with that I deserve my own fresh new start

no more worries
of how to please and keep you sane
this time around no one to blame
let u make your own choices
while i can hear my own voices

god only knows where u will end
but thats only up to u and him
But as for today
i know now where i begin.

September 21, 2003
8:41 am
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mj
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Good expression of self....
Poetry and writing is so therapeutic...isn't it?
Thanks for sharing 🙂

September 21, 2003
12:36 pm
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boland
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that was great, thanks for sharing it with us, mr. confused

September 22, 2003
12:16 pm
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unhappy camper
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Ms.confused

That is a powerful statement and a wonderful transition you have made.

I will try to see how things go with my husband BUT will not be swept away. I will do as you are doing, and be ready to leave forever if or when things go sour.

I am happy for you. I will probably be next. LOL

It isn't easy is it? But the reward is SO great for you. Losing all that pain and suffering and frustration and agrevation and mistreatment. It is worth it. I am ready to trade him in for my dignity and peace of mind. He will have to come up to my standard and I will not go down to his standard ever again.

Just like you. Way to go, girl! 🙂

September 27, 2003
3:11 am
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ms.confused
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I was readin this quote on of the websites I look at for affrimations and I use to often say this myself..

"if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't it never was"

In terms of relationships.. I've done this several times In my lifetime.. How many times is that acceptable before we realize it was never meant to be? I mean all my relationships I have let go and let god and then something brings them back to me.. Sometimes I wonder if its the denial in my head and in my heart that believes in fairy tales that things will be different the 2nd, 3rd or 4th time around... I dont know Im just venting.. Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

September 28, 2003
7:08 pm
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andigal
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Dear Ms.Confused,

I have often wondered the same.....

Why is it that this person continues to reappear in my life.
Is it my cycle, my co-dependency or is it his cycle of addiction?

I most definetly understand your confusion.
I keep reminding myself that I have changed, I look at him and he has not. When I realize this I move on and grow, change and let go a little more than last.
Just maybe one day he will appear changed.....or maybe not.
I just keep in mind that the more I take care of myself the stronger I become.

I look forward to your response.

September 28, 2003
10:14 pm
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nattie
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That was really good ms., I loved it. I felt like you were talking about me in the first few lines.

I only wish I could have that wisdom you found right now.

xo
Nattie

September 29, 2003
9:42 pm
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ms.confused
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Thanks for the responses.. : )

October 2, 2003
2:00 am
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ms.confused
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Just had to reread my poem to try to get some focus.. somehow it doesnt feel the same tho after talkin to him 🙁

October 3, 2003
12:42 pm
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ms.confused
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I really appreciate the new layout of the site its really nice to be able to go back and remind myself of these things when im back tracking... this site has been really apreciated along with all the people here.. I dont think i would be where I am right now if it wasnt for all of yall.. Even tho im kinda confused right now it really makes it much easier to sort through it all knowing that i have friends here and alot of support. I wanna cry! Im so emotional .. (((HUGS))) to all

October 5, 2003
11:50 pm
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andigal
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Dear Ms.Confused

I am recommending an awesome book to you about Co-Dependency. The Author is Melody Beattie. There is a series but the first book is called "Co Dependency No More". I'm pretty sure it will help you to see more clearly.

Keep me Informed..... ((((((HUGS))))))

October 7, 2003
12:35 am
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ms.confused
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Hi all...

Yea Im re-reading that book once again for like the 3rd time.. It always helps me to get back on focus. thanks tho.. Ive actually read all of her books. she wonderful and always on point in everything she writes.

Ms confused

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