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Just a kiss? I'm beginning to hate.
April 10, 2007
2:27 pm
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jon668
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Okay, well I guess I screwed up. He hit me, then I caught him cheating, then came AA and therapy...all of it. Now, we decided to work on it again. He has no idea that i check his emails...even the ones he thinks I don't know about. (I wonder how stupid he thinks I am.) So, we went out with friewnds on easter and i saw a guy kiss him at the bar (I'm gay). He states the guy kissed him and he did not kiss the guy. He also was in my face yelling at me (he's hit me a total of two times now...the last time was just last month).
Now I feel he is trying and I know from his emails that he is not 'seeking out' other men. But I am getting more and more angry at him.

I am REALLY angry. I look at him and I don't see the man that I fell in love with. I see a drunk, physically abusive, control frewak that I am beginning to HATE.

I feel there is a constant double standard and like I'm being pushed down. I am tired of fighting. I do not have these problems with interecting with no one else...infact, my friends all call him SATAN.

I just want to get my anger out that's why I'm writting. I don'tknow what to do or where to go from here. I am still in love with him but in my heart I don't think i want to be around him or see him anymore. What do i do?

April 10, 2007
2:40 pm
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Anonymous
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See a therapist...it really helped me see my abusive relationship for what it was. Then you can decide if it is worth it to you.

Also "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft is a good book.

There is a section on gay relationships.

I think he has a case of abusive Mentality and entitlement. Common. As is the feeling of hate you feel now.

I hope things get better for you soon.

April 10, 2007
2:49 pm
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atalose
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I think when the pain in staying becomes more then the pain in leaving, it's time to do something. I think therapy would be good but if you are looking for the quick fix, move out, get away from him, stop all contact. And continue to seek therapy.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 10, 2007
2:50 pm
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taj64
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the only way you will overcome this is to learn to fall out of love with this man. And that means breaking it off and time and space will help you. You have a right to be angry and in time that too will lessen. But to stay in this would be to stay hurt, angry, depressed and your self esteem will just get worse. He is abusive and a cheater. These types rarely change if ever. Some can but mostly likely he will not. You deserve better. You deserve everything you want. You ask what you should do and that is take the focus off him and put it to you and what you need. You really don't need this man. Nobody needs a man like this. Good luck. Hope you feel better soon.

April 10, 2007
3:22 pm
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jon668
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Thanks for the input. I feel a little better and have an appointment with a therepist this afternoon.

April 10, 2007
3:49 pm
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revelation
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Jon....sweetheart, can I just ask you one question....what is it that you love about him?

April 13, 2007
10:36 pm
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Anonymous
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I hope you were able to do some good soul searching at therapy.

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