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Judgemental family and recovering codependency
January 12, 2006
10:34 pm
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nc_mom_of_2
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How do you deal with a well-meaning family that do not understand the dynamics of codependency and how it affects a person's entire Psychological perspective. People who think that, by focusing on your own needs, rather than what they think is appropriate for you, that you are being selfish. How do I deal with the stereotypical responce that a person who thinks of their own happiness is somehow selfish?

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has ever dealt with this issue... So I'm hoping that those of you who have dealt with people who are so willing to judge you in your recovery process can give me some insight into how you handled it.

January 12, 2006
11:00 pm
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Anonymous
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With regards to your family, there has probably been some patterns of behavior that they have provoked and have expected, and now you're probably not doing those things anymore. It freaks them out. I would like to encourage you to not feel selfish, just understand that its a change for them too.

The most important thing is that you're changing, and you can't control how they will handle it. From my own experience, they (my family) hasn't handled my recovery that well. They were so use to me being the punching bag, now that I'm not, they're freaked out. I love them enough to understand that there is change happening for them too. How it all plays out, I have no idea. I'm here for them, I love them, yet I won't be a punching bag/doormat for anyone anymore.

January 12, 2006
11:10 pm
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nc_mom_of_2
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Thank you so much Mimi for shedding light on the fact that MY recovery means that my family also has to change in the way in which they interact with me, and that may be strange and uncomfortable to them.

January 12, 2006
11:16 pm
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Anonymous
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nc_mom,

Your family might not want to change. Will that hinder your growth?

January 12, 2006
11:21 pm
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nc_mom_of_2
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Mimi,

At this point and stage in my recovery, I am just not sure how their inability or unwillingness to change might affect or hinder my growth.

I like to believe that I could continue to repair myself in spite of it, but I can't say with all uncertainty that I can.

January 12, 2006
11:37 pm
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Anonymous
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Wow, you sound really healthy. I admire your honesty.

January 12, 2006
11:50 pm
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nc_mom_of_2
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Honesty is all I have. I must admit that what my family thinks of me realistically means more to me than it should, and that is an issue I am trying to deal with by this post.
I would like to know how to overcome their negative or misguided advice that thinking of myself and my own needs and desires is selfish. I am hoping that one day it wont matter so much what "THEY" think of me....

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