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Joy and Pain
November 23, 2001
4:20 pm
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deshong
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When I start to make changes in my life, It seems as if things are getting worse.
Here's what happened. I am 29 and have been struggling with codependancy. I recently about 3 months ago dated a guy. after about one month he decided that we need to just be "friends". Unfortunately I agreed to this arrangement. I later found out that here I go again, attracted to the addict. He struggles with an addiction. Well I believed that I needed to be his friend and help him. Several weeks ago I woke up and realized that I was playing the fool again. He is involved with other women and I decided to distance myself from him because I still had feelings for him. I would speak to him and keep going. In other words I stopped being in his face and enabling him.
He got mad and blamed me for everything. I am disappointed with my self for again, accepting the big guilt trip he put on me. I ended up apologizing to him. I am glad that it only took me several months this time to see the light as opposed to three years the last time. In some ways, the needy part of mee still misses some of his smooth, manipualtive compliments and comments.
I know I am doing the right thing in not calling him back and begging him for another chance to prove that I really can be a great friend and meet all of his needs and expectations. I am committed to keeping toxic people out of my life but it is hard and hurtful at times when you are trying to change your old ways.
I know that I can do better than an emotionally abusive addict. I feel like I loved him but I know that I really did not but I just felt like I needed him in my life.

November 23, 2001
4:41 pm
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artist 2
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Congratulations. It sounds like you're on the right path.

November 23, 2001
5:58 pm
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deshong
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Artist2

Thanks. I know I am but it is very difficult. I am sure that he will tell everyone his side and make me look like the evil one. He is very good at twisting things around. I am not the greatest communicator and I still get that panicky feeling when someone is challenging me. I am learning how to be assertive but it is very scary.

November 23, 2001
11:13 pm
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deshong
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Thank you all so very much.
It really helps to know that there is a safe encouraging place for people like me.

To BlondieNYC:
Thanks. I must keep reminding myself who I am so that I won't be attracted to the wrong man. Eventually I hope to grow to the point where I will be repulsed by them.

You all are a blessing. 🙂

November 24, 2001
9:46 am
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artist 2
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Deshong, think about if you really need to question yourself. Watch your self-esteem. You seem to have a lot more of it than some of us here. It can be a sickness, so don't catch it, if you can avoid it.... Know what I mean? Just carry on as you think you need to. You're doing fine...

November 24, 2001
10:01 am
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deshong
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Thanks artist 2,

I will and you do the same.:) I am now making plans for my future and some personal goals to commit to focusing on instead of other people.

November 26, 2001
8:14 pm
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C-Bear
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Hi Deshong, I want 2 let u know that as hard as this may be 4 u, u r doing right b/c think about how much more it would hurt later on if you realized later down the line, what u realize now. Good job on your part. I can definitely relate 2 u, manipulative people have been who I have chosen as friends & girlfriends all of my life. Like they say, everybody plays the fool sometimes, so be proud that u no longer are playing his fool, just as I am no longer playing the part of my ex-girlfriend's fool. What it is, is that when u love that person, the manipulative person uses your love & uses your heart 2 get what s/he wants. You're doing right. More power 2 U.

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