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Joke thread, for when you are in the mood
November 16, 2003
3:44 am
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deepression
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just to give you an example guys of a reasonable taste of joking for GOD's sake .... ;-(

kiddinnnnggg , take it easy , no offense ...

November 16, 2003
7:11 am
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Hermione
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Does anyone know any good knock knock jokes I can teach my 5yo? He's struggling with the concept and he's making up his own - which although takes guts - they aren't really funny!!! Except that they are so unfunny that they become funny eg. Knock, knock? who's there? Peter - Peter who? Peter my friend I go to school with - NOT funny!! But really funny if you think about it! He's trying so hard!

My favourite is knock knock? Who's there? A little man who can't reach the doorbell!

Of course my son asks A little man who can't reach the doorbell who?

We need help!

November 16, 2003
7:18 am
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Zinnie
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Oh boy... this is so old...

Knock knock -

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock knock -

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock knock -

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock knock -

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana again!

Z.

November 16, 2003
11:28 am
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unhappy camper
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deepression...fantastic!!! haha

silence how do you embead a link like that?

hermoine - did you try to search the net for knock knock jokes? you will find hundreds of them.

November 16, 2003
2:48 pm
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silence
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basic html tags.

November 16, 2003
6:24 pm
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gro2glo
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Once there were 3 very elderly sisters who all lived together in a big old house. One day one of the sisters decided to take a bath. She got her clothes off and stepped into the tub of water. Well, here she was with one leg in the tub and one on the floor. She says to herself, "Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?" "Oh dear, she thinks, "I better call my sister. So she yells downstairs,"Help!!!!" So one of the sisters who was downstairs hears her and goes running up the stairs. Right in about mid flight up the stairs, she stops. "Oh dear, was I going up the stairs or down the stairs??" So, she ends up yelling to the other sister who was sitting in her rocking chair in the living room. "Help, we need help!!!" The sister in the rocking chair just shakes her head and says to herself, "Those girls, I just don't know about them, I better knock on wood!!!" So she knocks on the arm of her chair. She says,"Hummmmm.....Was that the front door, or the back door??!!!" Yuk! Yuk! ......(picturing myself in a few years!)

November 16, 2003
6:25 pm
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gro2glo
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Once there were 3 very elderly sisters who all lived together in a big old house. One day one of the sisters decided to take a bath. She got her clothes off and stepped into the tub of water. Well, here she was with one leg in the tub and one on the floor. She says to herself, "Was I getting in the tub or out of the tub?" "Oh dear, she thinks, "I better call my sister. So she yells downstairs,"Help!!!!" So one of the sisters who was downstairs hears her and goes running up the stairs. Right in about mid flight up the stairs, she stops. "Oh dear, was I going up the stairs or down the stairs??" So, she ends up yelling to the other sister who was sitting in her rocking chair in the living room. "Help, we need help!!!" The sister in the rocking chair just shakes her head and says to herself, "Those girls, I just don't know about them, I better knock on wood!!!" So she knocks on the arm of her chair. She says,"Hummmmm.....Was that the front door, or the back door??!!!" Yuk! Yuk! ......(picturing myself in a few years!)

November 16, 2003
6:32 pm
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gro2glo
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sorry my joke made it twice! I'm just still a novice!!**

November 16, 2003
6:33 pm
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silence
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Here. You can use this link tutorial.

November 17, 2003
2:15 pm
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mj
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The preacher's, Sunday sermon was,"Forgive Your Enemies."

He asked, how many have forgiven their enemies?
About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question.
Now about 80 percent held up their hands.

He then repeated his question. All responded, except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." she said.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." she replied.

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation
how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said,
"It's easy, I just outlived those bitches".

November 17, 2003
2:19 pm
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mj
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Ok one more, but please don't take offense anyone 🙂

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

November 18, 2003
8:25 pm
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Hermione
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Thanks guys - These are a great start - I'm sure my son will enjoy them - esp. the nunya one - I'll check the net - funny but I didn't think of it! Even though I'm here checking the net!! Duh! Love the last one mj. - keep it up guys - I just can't seem to hold jokes in my head so its good to know I can come here and get a good laugh! Thanks, H

November 18, 2003
9:14 pm
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trying2grow
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these are great. i really like the politically correct holiday greetings.

November 21, 2003
3:38 pm
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unhappy camper
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A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"

The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

November 21, 2003
3:41 pm
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unhappy camper
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You Are Seeing Another Woman

Adam was returning home late one night at paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn. Eve got angry and yelled at him: "YOU ARE SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN"

Adam responded: "Don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth" and went to sleep.

Later that night Adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was Eve. "What the heck are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm counting your ribs" she responded.

November 21, 2003
5:28 pm
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unhappy camper
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Hi lisset
The first one, her breasts were so small they looked like pimples.

God made Eve from Adam's rib, so she was counting his ribs to make sure God hadn't made any other women because she was jealous.

She of all womean, should not be jealous. LOL

November 22, 2003
8:21 pm
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guest_guest
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yea liseet, nice jokes! all jokes are for just for reading though.. dont expect feedback ;).

November 23, 2003
9:55 am
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unhappy camper
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I didn't say Adam and Eve was real. Anyone can believe what they want.

The joke is that she was the ONLY woman in the whole world (whether the story is true or not doesn't matter) and she STILL was jealous.

December 4, 2003
3:58 pm
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unhappy camper
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Classification of Women in Internet
(posted by a man in another forum)

INTERNET WOMAN: Hard access women.

SERVER WOMAN: Always busy when you want to use her.

WINDOWS WOMAN: Everybody knows she is useless, but nobody can live without her...

POWERPOINT WOMAN: Only Bill Gates has the patience to take more than half an hour with her.

EXCEL WOMAN: They say she can do alot of things, but you use her for only 4 basic operations.

WORD WOMAN: Always with a reserved surprise, and nobody understands her completely.

DOS WOMAN: Everybody used her once, but nobody wants her now.

BACKUP WOMAN: You always think you have it all, but when you need her "something is missing".

VIRUS WOMAN: Also known as WIFE, when you less think, she arrives, installs herself and takes all your resources.
IF you try to install something you loose something, if you dont try, you loose everything.

SCANDISK WOMAN: We know she is good and wants to help, but nobody really knows what she is really doing.

SCREENSAVER WOMAN: Isnt worth anything, but entertains.

RAM WOMAN: She forgets everthing as soon as she is disconnected.

HARDDISK WOMAN: She remembers everything, always.

MOUSE WOMAN: Only works when she is dragged and pressed.

MULTIMEDIA WOMAN: Makes everything feel nice.

JOYSTICK WOMAN: She leaves you with a sweaty hand, and a shaking wrist.

PASSWORD WOMAN: You think you are the only one who knows her, but almost everybody has access to her.

MP3 WOMAN: Everybody wants to download her.

CPU WOMAN: Outside seams like she has it all, but she is almost empty inside.

MONITOR WOMAN: Makes you see life with wonderful colors.

CD-ROM WOMAN: They get faster and faster every day.

E-MAIL WOMAN: 8 of every 10 are just crap.

December 5, 2003
1:48 am
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addicted2LV
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Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and
thinking..."surely I cannot look that old?"

You may enjoy this short story....

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new
dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I
remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high
school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly
discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply
lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local
high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He
answered, "In 1971. Why?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"

December 14, 2003
1:36 pm
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unhappy camper
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Make your own snowflake:

Cut it out, preview it, cut some more....until you are ready to save it....

http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/

December 23, 2003
8:56 pm
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blondee
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Hi Lisset..we haven't met yet but those jokes were just what i needed.

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