Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
job ick
July 22, 2009
9:15 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Just letting out some stuff here so it doesn't fester.

Budget constraints have made our school send our boss to another place. Although she was inefficient in many ways, she was our buffer against the upper echelon who definitely don't value us, don't know our names, and aren't interested in finding out.

Yesterday, a co-worker shared a remark made by our "new" boss. She was referring to a teacher who had been "difficult" = translates into the teacher had been asking for something impossible like more supplies. This boss said, "this teacher should be kissing my ass that she has a job." This remark was said to one aide and in front of another aide.

Completely inappropriate but not suprising. I did write in to the Union because I've decided that no one gets to keep their slimey stuff safe around me. I know this may cost me my job but I refuse to let it cost me my soul.

July 22, 2009
9:25 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi Lani, its good that you spoke your mind. And heck, if its a union job you should be safe anyways from getting fired or in trouble, there is nothing wrong with stating how you feel to the union.

July 22, 2009
9:35 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lanigirl,

Was that remark made direction in front of you, were you the one to hear the “new boss” say it?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 22, 2009
9:50 am
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Any boss who wants a-kissers is practicing unwise management IMO.

July 23, 2009
10:25 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey all,

No, the remark wasn't made in front of me but in front of two other employees.

I appreciate your support. Another person warned me about speaking up but I still feel like I'm through with ill treatment. The reason I reported it is because this isn't the first time and I want a record of it.

I felt validated because the official sent on my email to the State Union.

Glittered - she doesn't disguise her contempt for us whatsoever. I get that is her truth but definitely unwise management.

July 23, 2009
10:39 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lanigirl,

I guess I am looking at this from the point of view of……….recovering from codependency, I mean after all that is why we are all here.

I certainly don’t condone what the boss said and I find it highly unprofessional.

What I am getting at is, was this really YOUR battle to fight seeing that it was not said directly to you or in front of you. Is your codependency at work here taking on something that really doesn’t belong to you? The person who did witness this is the one that should be involved and writing letters of complains not you.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 23, 2009
3:34 pm
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Atalose,

Hmmm, interesting point. You're right, the other person should be writing a complaint.

In the past, I took on a lot of other workers' crap and I've stepped back a lot.

I need to think more about what you've said. Thanks.

July 25, 2009
9:31 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've really thought more about what you said Atalose. So here is my question, when do you step in?

I was looking at it by the way it affects me. I want to have this person kept in check because of the way she runs things.

Same with my townhouse. People have allowed their dogs to poop on the sidewalk in front of my place. It disgusts me so I pick it up. Where is the line in this?

July 25, 2009
9:46 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lanigirl, I used to have a big Golden Retriever. My next door neighbor made it clear he did not want dog poop in his yard. I was always conscious about if the dog pooped going and getting it. If I didn't and missed it, Bill would take a shovel, scoop it up and throw it across the property line into my yard. They were some of the best neighbors I ever have had. He just didn't want dog poop in his yard. So get a scooper and "deliver" poop to all your dog neighbors.

Bitsy

July 25, 2009
4:03 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You step in when it’s said directly to you, not hear say. It’s only your responsibility to kept this person in check when it DIRECTLY affects you.

If we acted on all the wrongs done to people we know we’d spend our entire life fighting other people’s battles.

I don’t like the way my friends husband talks to her, it effects me because it makes me sad and angry. But, it’s not place to tell him to stop. Now if he spoke to me like that then of course I could say something.

I don’t like the way the car in front of me cut off the other car, it makes me mad, is it my place to go after the car and say something? NO

The list could go on and on, does that make sense?

As for the dog poop, yes you have every right to ask people to clean up after their dog’s if you see them and they don’t. You also could make up a small sign and place it on the grass asking them to curb their dogs and clean it up.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 26, 2009
10:17 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm going to keep what you said in mind Atalose. I'm still struggling with the idea.

I wonder about that famous case in NY I believe it was where that woman was walking in an apartment complex and screaming. No one called the police. The guy ended up killing her.

I still have the feeling though that this affects me because I work for this woman and she has done things directly to me that have been rude and condescending.

As for the dog poop, people have their dogs poop when no one is around so they don't have to be responsible. It is in front of all our townhomes but it is absolutely disgusting to me.

Bitsy, I'm glad the guy encouraged you to pick up the dog poop. Perhaps you can give me some perspective. Do people think that the grass will absorb it or what do they think will happen? I suppose I could get a sign.

July 26, 2009
5:51 pm
Avatar
kukla
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I do not like my degree and really need ro work to get extra money; my passion is being a mother never really ejoyed working outside the home too much.

July 26, 2009
10:11 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lani,

If this woman is rude and condescending to you in the future then it is up to you to say something as soon as it happens. Perhaps something along the lines of “I don’t appreciate the tone you are using”.

We codies are notorious for passive aggressive behavior. Not immediately responding or sticking up for ourselves when we should and then taking it out on the person some where down the road.

There are professional ways of handing those in authority that mistreat us. If talking to the person doesn’t work then write a letter to their authority documenting the date, time and location of the talk and ask for help in address the issue.

As for the NY incident with the woman screaming for help, that’s an every day event in this city. There are so many “famous” cases and two of them I recall were in locations where the element of people in the apartment project would never call the police even if they themselves were on fire!

I think that you are looking at extremes here, of course if you heard someone screaming outside of your home most people would call the police. But when hearing a story second hand and the events have not directly affected you at the time of that particular incident, it’s just not your business to act on.

Believe me I know exactly where you are coming from because that used to be me too. I would fight battles for those who didn’t have the courage or strength to fight for themselves. I would always speak up on someone else behave even if they hadn’t asked me to. I guess I have learned that carrying my own cross is hard enough without constantly volunteering to carry others.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 27, 2009
9:26 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for your input. I'm not where you are. I guess it comes down to making good choices about when it's appropriate to step in and how to handle it. I've taken some small steps and my hope is that it will come more naturally in the future.

July 27, 2009
9:54 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lani,

I have no doubt that it will come naturally in your future. It kind of goes hand n hand with the other thread about saying NO.

When we have difficulty telling people no then we have difficulty and an ill sense of obligation to get involved with things that are not our business to be involved in.

Once you begin using that little word “no” and you work through those emotions of guilt or whatever negative emotion we attach to not doing, not fixing or repairing of other people you will begin to understand what is yours to take on and what is not.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 28, 2009
5:22 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What you're offering makes sense and I'm going to read the thread about no.

Well, the budget came in and the job (along with other co-workers) is gone next week so that settles things. She asked me if I wanted to take this really crappy position or I could fill in on a as needed basis.

I don't feel like that is a good path for me. I think I've been working toward this moment. I need to step away from caregiving jobs because all my codep. stuff comes charging out. I did do better this year at this job but there's more to do.

At the same time, my H decided to go to his mother's for his birthday. I haven't seen her much since last year when we had it out. He is frustrated and told me to get over it already. I'm just not there.

July 29, 2009
4:08 pm
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So I find out today that they gave my job to someone else. When I asked, she said that I had been rude to staff and my supervisior had met with me about this.

That hadn't ever happened in all the time I worked there. She also said she didn't have to offer me anything written.

I suppose I will eventually be glad I'm out of this crazy place but right now it hurts.

July 30, 2009
3:39 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lani,

Sure does sounds hurtful and I don’t blame you for feeing hurt. But I do think that one day sooner then you think you will be grateful to be away from this toxic work environment.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 31, 2009
9:56 am
Avatar
Lanigirl
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 161
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Atalose. I'm feeling better. I'm fortunate to have this site and some people to support me. This situation is pointing to my need to finish cleaning out the junk in my emotional closets so I'm back to therapy today (last time I cancelled and I promised myself I'm going.)

I did contact the Union. I really didn't expect them to do anything but I wanted to be able to give myself a voice in the matter. He actually emailed me and is going to set up a meeting with him, a state rep, and myself. I don't know what will come of it but it sure feels good to have someone listen and act on the information.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111162
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen, eyeconcepts, junwork52, whitedental
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information