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JIGSAW'S STORY REPOSTED
November 23, 2006
12:25 am
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mamacinnamon
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September 27, 2010
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Jigs wants to re post her story. she says - this thanksgiving i am thankful for evry one i help. I hope it will help more people. i am very happy now an have a real family this thanksgiving. i send loves with all my heart an rainbow smiles. Love Kristyl

Hey all, Jig and I have finally finished her story. Jigs tried to write the story herself but had to quit after chapter 5. That’s perfectly ok. I had a hard time w/ putting this on paper and I know she must be having the same hard time, but worse. So, The first 5 chapters are Jigs’. The rest of it, restarting from the beginning, is Jigs story according to her words on this site. Here is Jigs’ story.
INTRODUCTIEN

my name is jigsaw. but evryone calls me jigs. i am almost 12 years old. i came to the counsil site in febraury 2005 - i was 10. i had abuse happen to me. this is my story. wehn i was littel, my mom and dad fouht a lot. i remembre the yelling. i hated it. but wehn i was 5, the yelling stopped be cuase my parents got a divorse. aftre that i nevre saw my fathre againe. he nevre came back. he nevre called or wrote me a lettre. mom said it was my fault he left be cuase he dident want kids. at first i miss him a lot. an then i dident care any more.

aftre my father left, things were bettre be cuase it was just me an mom an no more yelling. but then we ran out of money an mom got explosiens inside her an was angry a lot. it scared me. a lot!

wehn i was 9, we had to move in with my gramparents. they were nice to me, but always seem mad at my mom. an there was more yelling.

by the time me an mom got are own house she dident care a bout me any more.she woud ignore me. and push me a way. she call me names and hit me. i was scared. some times i woud hide be cuase she was like a monster.

some times she even lock me in my room with no food for days. that was wehn the men came ovre an she dident want me in the way. wehn i was in my room all that time, i woud draw. i woud draw faces. sad faces. scared faces. happy faces. but i mostly draw flowers. happy. smiling flowers.

CHAPTER 1 - THE DAY MY LIFE CHANGED

i use to spend a lot of time at my freind britneys house. my mom had to work so evry day aftre school i woud go there. britney was my best freind. an on week ends wehn mom woud go to her boy freinds house i woud go to my gramparents.

one day wehn i was at my gramparents house i dident feel good an went in the bedroom an lay down. grampa came an lay down with me. he did that be fore. but this time was diffrent. it was diffrent be cuase aftre a wile something woke me up. it was grampas hand. it was touching me. down there. on my privits.

i felt funny. i dident no waht to do. i was scared to do anything. scared to move. i dident want grampa to no i woke up so i just lay there. like it was all a bad dream. just a dream. then it happen againe an my insides felt like running. but i coudent run. i coudent move. i coudent breathe. and that is the day my life changed.

CHAPTER 2 - FINDING HELP

i tried to keep waht happen a secret. i felt ashame. i dident want any one to no an for a wile i pretended like it dident happen. like it was a mistake. but it grew in side me an i coudent hold it in any more an i told a freind at school. she wasent a best freind or even a good freind. but i had to tell someone an one day it just came out. i made her promise not to tell. anyone.

then she told me that her aunt told her a bout a website. a place she coud go to talk if she needed help an dident no who to talk to. an she told me how to go there. it was on a peace of paper.

i typed in waht was on the paper and i found the website. i saw waht some people wrote. but i dident no how to make my own messege. i went there a lot. i try different things an it wouldent work.

one day i realized i had to make up a nickname. i picked jigsaw be cuase i felt all broken in peices like a jigsaw puzzle.

after i made a nickname i got to post a messege. i was realy scared. thout i mite get in troubel. i wasent shure if i shoud tell waht happen. but i did. i hoped some one woud tell me it was just a mistake. that grampa woudent do those things. but some one made me realize it wasent a mistake.

i cried a lot aftre that. i cried a lot at school an the kids laughed at me an i felt all funny inside be cuase i thout they coud tell waht happen.

CHAPTER 3 - MOM FINDS OUT

finally told my mom. well i tried to but she dident let me finish. i told her some thing bad happen with grampa....she intrupt me an dident want to hear it.

be fore i turned to leave i waited a minit to see if she new waht i meant. i coud tell by her look that she did. and i told her i dident like it an then she told me waht she thout happened. she said grampa was sleepy an he dident realize waht he was doing. and it happen to her to. we dident talk a bout it againe aftre that.

i felt all mixed up inside. may be it was a mistake aftre all. i wanted to talk to her more, but now she wont even look at me. i feel like i was bad.

i wished that she woud hug me or tell me she was sorry he did that. but she acted like it was no big deal. those things just happen. so i try to act like it was no big deal to. like i was o-kay. but i dident feel o-kay. i wished my mom woud lissen like the ladies on the counsiling site.

CHAPTER 4 - TIRED AN WORRYIED

one day wehn i was at britneys house. i was so sad an tired. i jus wanted to sleep. i dident want to play with britney or talk or do any thing. her mom ask me waht was wrong. i wasent shure if i shoud tell, tell that i was scared and worry about going to my gramparents for the weekend becuase i dident want grampa to do those things. i felt panick wehn she call my mom at work. i was angry an upset an scared my mom woud be mad at me. i cried an coudent stop. then mom came an was upset. i no i shoudent have told some one else but i got scared.

my mom, britneys mom an me talked. britneys mom said she woud help an i coud stay with her so i dident have to go to my gramparents. i was releif but stil felt bad inside like something bad woud happen. i felt confused. aftre that, mom was mad at me all the time. things were not going good with us so i stayed at britneys until she was not so upset. i stil wish she woud hug me or hold me. i no i am ti big for that but i wish that for rite now.

CHAPTER 5 - THE SOCIEAL WORKER

i had to go see a lady call a socieal worker. i was scared be cuase i dident no waht woud happen. mom said the lady woud be nice and to just tell her i was sleepy an got confuse about waht grampa did. an grampa said if i say any thing else i coud get taken a way. that realy scared me!

but i wasent sleepy. was i? or was grampa? i was feeling so mix up an dident no waht was rite any more. but i felt him do it. it hurt.

wehn i saw the lady, i cried a lot. she said it was o-kay to cry an be scared. so i told her waht he did. and that he came in my room an it scared me an make me feel nervus. she said i dident have to go back to his house an if he comes to my house to tell some one.

i was so tired an wore out wehn i got home that day. i was glad i dident have to go to school.

(This is as far as Jigs could go. Following is also her story from the beginning of February 2005 to the end of July 2006)

My name is Jigsaw; Jigs for short. I came to this site February 2005. I was 10 years old then. I remember when I was younger that my mom and dad fought a lot. They separated when I was 5 years old. I have never seen my father since. Mom told me it was my fault he left coz he didn’t want kids I remember after dad left things were calmer, but soon the money ran out and mom got explosive and was angry a lot. At age 9 we moved into my grandparents’ home. I remember my grandparents being nice to me and mad at mom. Finally I and mom got our own home to live in. By then mom had stopped caring about me. Mom ignored me and she pushed me away. She called me names, she hit me, and she locked me in my bedroom with no food for days. Mom locked me in my room when men came over. I was scared most of the time. I even hid from mom coz she was like a monster. I put my energy into drawing. I would draw sad faces, scared faces, but mostly I liked to draw flowers.

”One day when I was at gramma and grampa’s I didn’t feel good and I lay down. Grampa lay down to. He did that before. He was always nice but that time I woke up and his hand was on me down there. I didn’t know if it was a mistake but it felt scary; like bad. I was scared to move. I didn’t want him to know. When it happened again I got anxious inside like running; like I wanted to run. I told Amber and she said her aunt told her if she ever needs help or to talk to go to this website. I didn’t know how to get on to make a message. I tried and tried and finally I did. I felt in pieces like a jigsaw. I hoped someone would tell me it is a mistake, but then they make me realize it wasn’t. I cried a lot. I thought kids at school could tell and they laughed at me.

I told mom. She didn't really let me finish when I said something bad happened. I stopped to see if she knew what I meant and she knew. I said I didn’t like it and asked her if he did that and then she told me what she thought and we didn't talk again. I feel mixed up inside and I want to tell her but she won't even look at me. I feel like I've been bad. I wished she would have hugged me or say she was sorry he did that, but she acted like it was no big deal. I'm trying to act okay too, but I don't feel okay. I wish my mom would listen like on here. I stayed at Britney’s house during school break. One day I was sad and tired and I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t feel like playing or talking and my friend’s mom asked me what was wrong. I was scared to tell her but I did tell her I didn’t want to go to my grandparent’s house this weekend. And I told her why because I don’t want grampa to do those things and she called my momma and got her out of work. Momma came to my friend’s house and was upset. I cried and couldn’t stop. I think she is mad that I told someone else but I got scared. My friend’s mom told me she will help me and my mom to and I can talk to her. If my mom goes to her boyfriend’s house this weekend I can stay with my friend and not my grandparents. I know I did the right thing but it feels all bad like it’s not right. I feel like I don’t know what to say and I feel confused and still that some thing bad will happen.

Things are not going good with us so I am going to stay at Britney’s until my mom is not so upset. I wish my mom will hug me or hold me. I know I’m too big for that but I just wish that right now.

I see the social worker tomorrow. I told my mom I was scared and she said the lady would be nice and to say I was sleepy and got confused about what grampa did and he will tell me what happened. I feel all mixed up now. Grampa came in my room to see Thumper (my rabbit mom got me) and shut my door and talked to me and said what happened that night. He told me to say that because if I say anything else I could get taken away, but I feel mixed up and don’t know if he is right. I wasn’t sleepy then when it happened. He touched me; I felt him. It hurt.

I’m tired today. I’m glad I am home. I talked to the lady today. I cried so much. She hugged me and said it is okay to cry and to be scared. I told her he came in my room last night and it scared me. I didn’t like it. She said I didn’t have to go back to grampa’s and he wouldn’t hurt me any more. She said I have to tell if grampa comes to my house. I’m sad that my mom doesn’t want me here right now. She’s mad because I made everyone upset when I told on grampa. I don’t really understand. I messed everything up. But I like it at Britney’s even if her mom has a lot of rules. “

From this point on I didn’t like school anymore. I cried; the kids asked; I didn’t talk; they made fun of me. My grades fell. I got depressed and I just don’t want to be around anybody or do anything.

Easter 2005.......”My mom went and we talked together with the counselor lady. Grampa is not supposed to come to our house but my mom said its okay because it’s Easter. I’m mad at him. Is it okay to be mad at my grampa? The lady told me to tell if he does and mom said not to. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I just want to go away to Britney’s house. If I tell she will get mad at me again.

I get in bed and read a book or color. It’s because I saw him today. I feel scared tonight I think when I fall asleep he will come here. I want to go away. I’m scared he will come in when I’m sleeping. I have dreams of him sometimes. I get really scared and can’t sleep. I throw up too.

Do you know what a foster mom is? That’s like Britney’s mom. I wish Britney’s mom can keep me. I called her when I got so scared here and she didn’t get mad at me. She came to get me. Her and my mom argued about me. I told her he came and wasn’t supposed to and came in my room. I said I thought he would come back and I want to leave. I didn’t say he came here and did this to me at night before.”

After this last time I started getting ill a lot. I kept coming to the site in the middle of the night. Some of the folks here set up a system where there was someone here for me most of the time. One evening I was ill and could not wake up mom. I called Britney’s mom and after this my mom was taken to a “hospital” (rehab). Mom’s drug addiction has now come up full force.

My gramma started staying with me at my home. Grampa was not allowed to come there. Gramma was not nice to me. She wouldn’t help me and she didn’t want to talk to me. She keeps telling me it is all my fault and that I am acting like a baby. I had to go thru telling my story to the school counselor, the social worker, and I have gotten more and more depressed and so unsure of anything in my life. I have had to go thru the rape test at the hospital. I was so frightened they had to give me some medicine to calm me down.

April 10, 2005..........”Gramma took me to her house today. I didn’t like it there; in there with him (grampa). She said to not be a baby; it’s okay because she’s there. I still didn’t like it. I don’t like it when he sits next to me and touches me. I feel I can’t get out to my room. I’m not a baby. I just don’t like it. Am I in trouble? I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop him. I’m scared gramma will be so mad at me.

April 10, 2005..........”Gramma took me to her house today. I didn’t like it there; in there with him (grampa). She said to not be a baby; it’s okay because she’s there. I still didn’t like it. I don’t like it when he sits next to me and touches me. I feel I can’t get out to my room. I’m not a baby. I just don’t like it. Am I in trouble? I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop him. I’m scared gramma will be so mad at me.

I called Britney’s mom. She said she is calling police and will come so she can take me. She told me not to be scared but I am. I tell God I am scared. I tell God not to let this hurt happen any more. I hope my mom is coming home soon. God, make grampa stop.

Last night was so scary. A police lady came but she was nice. I’m tired. It was a long time. I went to the hospital. They gave me medicine to make me not so scared.

I stayed at Britney’s house. Her mom told me they took grampa away. He can never do those things again. I don’t have to be scared any more. Gramma is not mad at me and said she is sorry. I think grampa scared her too. They said grampa is sick and they said my mom is sick. They are getting help. So I thought he might be with mom.”

I had to go back to the hospital for another exam. I had to tell what happened and show on a doll what happened between the girl doll and boy doll. I am really hurting bad where grampa hurt me. The doctor said I have an infection. They gave me strong antibiotics and then I got a rash in my mouth. The doctor said I developed thrush. Gramma is distant to me. She’s getting meaner and says things to me. I am afraid she will hurt me. She grabbed me and told me it’s all my fault. She told me that I messed everything up and that I am a baby because I cry. I am having nightmares about grampa getting me.

The beginning of May I am sick again and I had been taken to the hospital by ambulance. After testing they have decided I have cancer. It is AML Leukemia. My weight is down to 60. Now I am might have to testifying at the court about what grampa did to me. The social worker is working with me about what will happen in court. I am in and out of the hospital with testing and chemo. Gramma tells me that I am a trouble maker and it’s all my fault. Mom is in rehab; grampa is in jail. I am not allowed to see Britney or stay at her house any longer. Do you think what grampa did made me sick?

My mom came for her first visit. We had a nice time, but mom will not be back to visit without someone to watch her since she took drugs when she came home. I am in and out of the hospital with tests and chemo dealing with the leukemia. Gramma has been put into counseling and if she cannot treat me better then I will be taken and put into a foster home. Gramma has not been feeding me or cleaning up after me when I have been sick. There is a group of five here at this site that have been teaching me nutrition and how to cook for myself and how to clean up after myself after I vomit and what supplies to keep in my room for if this happens. I have been given menus for 6 small meals a day and not very much cooking. I cooked my first egg and when I flipped it over it was totally gross. They have also helped me to dispose of my own rabbit when it died after gramma made me leave it downstairs in the heat. Also, I come here and have so many praying for me and sitting with me when I am afraid or not feeling well or confused. Oh, one lady is teaching me Spanish. They are even helping me work on my math book. I really want to get into the 5th grade this fall.

Finally gramma is going to do something nice for me. She is getting me a kitten. Well, turned out to be a full grown cat named Boregard. I call him Bo because I had decided to call my new cat Rainbow. In time I started calling him Kitten or Kitty.

I have been dealing with a lot of pain. A lady on this site works with biofeedback and relaxation techniques to help me with this. We rock in the rocking chair and talk about things that make me happy like taking a walk in the woods near my home. My mom has walked out of the hospital to live with her boyfriend. I am dealing with the thoughts of my mom wanting the drugs more than me. Mom has been ordered to not see me at all now.

The court trial is over and I did not have to go. Grampa got 6 months in jail; that was it. Gramma is selling her house and tells me it is because I cost too much for my medicals and groceries. I know that is not the real reason. There seems to be moments gramma is nice to me. She’ll bring me a sandwich or change the bedding on my bed. I’m sure she is because the people in charge of me are watching her, but I am glad for anything nice gramma does for me.

July 13 there was a big meeting with the doctors regarding my health and care. There were my doctors, the social worker/counselor, the home nurse, my mom and my gramma and me. I was so proud of myself because I stood up and told them all about what gramma has been doing, and has not been doing. I think everyone at the site was proud of me too. Oh, the cancer is in my blood and I will be getting chemo.

I have been very ill with ear infections and colds. I keep losing weight. They put a port in to give me my meds and treatments and to take blood from. And they put in a feeding tube since my weight is down to 55 pounds. When I reach a goal of 70 pounds then they will take the feeding tube out. I was so looking forward to going to my first camp and now I will not be able to attend now.

Part of my homework was to write a paper regarding my talents and abilities. I wanted to include this to give you a better sense of who Jigs (me) is..........

“My name is Kristy; sometimes I am a stinker. I tease my friends, but not like mean. The kind that makes them laugh. I have a talent; it’s making people happy. It’s not hard to do because God put extra smiles in my heart. When someone needs one, I just look inside my heart and get one out. It’s a very magical thing. The biggest smile of all looks like an upside down rainbow.

God also put love and kindness in my heart so that I can be like him. He created me in his image. God is love. I am love. God is kind. I am kind even when I get hurt by bad words. When that happens I use my best talent, art. God is very creative and he made me creative too. He made so many beautiful things and colors. I like to draw when I am sad, and when I am glad and almost any time. But best of all, I make pictures for others because I am Kristy, the smile maker.”

Did you like who I am? I have a tutor that comes in help me keep up on my school work up. I am really behind, but we are trying to catch me up.

September 15, it’s my birthday. I was so excited coz they had a birthday party for me here on the site. Ya know what? It was my very first birthday party I have ever had; and it was the best time. This day I turned 11. I am such awe over my party. I had so much fun and I am very appreciative.

I am still dealing with unbearable pain and chemo. In and out of the hospital again several times. My home nurse comes twice daily. I had a bought with pneumonia in October.

I heard a man's voice downstairs and was afraid it was grampa and that he was out of jail. I asked gramma about the voice I heard and she told me I don’t have to ever worry about him. He was mean to her too and she said I will tell you a secret and said she is divorcing him. She said if I have worries I can tell her about it. She hugged me too. I feel relieved and happier and gramma is nice to me.

Gramma had to get a job so I am going to a private daycare now. I like it a lot. I get to do lots of crafts and I have a room I can go lay down and be away from the other kids.

My nurse is taking me to the mall to go to the stores for candy. I will wear a wig and pink puffy dress and wings on my wheelchair. I am so excited. Gramma will stay home and give out candy. I hope I get Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. I had 2 seizures and this really wears me down and the meds make me terribly groggy. I am having a hard time dealing with things tonight.

My mom is back in rehab again. She is not living at the rehab but is going in for classes. I will get to see mom next weekend. I am nervous about this because I have not seen her in about 2 months and I don’t know what to expect. How will mom act toward me? Ms. Warren will be there with me.

I have a new school tutor that comes to my home. He is an older man and does not like to be silly. He is frowny, has white hair, and funny teeth. I think he could be 100 years old - NOT! He comes on Saturdays. He just likes to get the school work finished. I am having physical therapy on my legs. I cannot hold my balance. The chemo is hard on my bones. I go 2 times a week to do the exercises. I also have a pair of hand crutches that I have to use. They are pink. Also, they have put in a feeding tube to help me gain weight. I am down to 55 lbs. They will feed me thru it 3 times a day. The food they put thru it looks like baby poop. I have to gain 20 lbs. before they will take it out.

I get to go see the Nutcracker on December 4th. This will be my first time. I am so excited. My nurse is going to take me. She has tickets for the front row. Gramma got me a Christmas Tree for my room. It's a fiber optic tree that changes colors. Gramma also got ornaments and I decorated my room for Christmas.

I have chemo tomorrow. It makes me extremely weak. I really miss my mom. I had 2 seizures today. It’s getting to be an every day thing I think. It makes me foggy, scared, and there is nobody here to hold me or to take care of me. If I get sick I have to clean it up myself. I hurt and the pain won’t stop. I am so scared. I don’t want any more seizures. I am having bad headaches every day too. I ended up in the hospital last night. They gave me stronger meds for my port. Oh, I weigh 67 lbs. now; only 3 to go and the feeding tube comes out.

I know it is God's decision whether I stay or go home to Heaven. I know that where two or more gather in His name anything is possible. So, please pray for me, for God’s will. I would love to go live with God. Jesus suffered for us. I suffer to teach people about hope. It is hard and I want to give up a lot. I get so tired of it but want to keep going too. I want to make people smile and teach people love. I think God would want that. I read my messages of love and hope and smiles. So I guess if I choose, then I want to stay here and teach others if it be God’s will.

I told that gramma is not taking care of me again and that gramma calls me names and is not being nice to me. Gramma gets to start counseling again. Also, instead of daycare, a lady now comes and stays with me at my home all day while gramma is at work. She talks with me and we do art and things one-on-one. I like her so much. Is this what a family is supposed to be like?

I got my tube out yesterday. I am happy; I weigh 73 lbs. now.

I have a baby brother, Nelson. He was born 2 months early and he is having difficulty breathing. He is in the ICU at the hospital. I wonder if he is born with drugs in him. I wonder if mom will be nice to him.

I have good news. I still have to finish chemo, but bad cells that make me sick got killed. They told me yesterday and I got hugs; even from gramma. I have 2 more chemo treatments and then I can wait a month before I have more. I am in remission.

I had an awake dream. It scares me so much.

I have a woodpecker that just sits in the woods just outside my home. He taps to me a lot of the time. I love to hear his tapping. Hey, can we have a contest here on the site to name him? I do hope so.

There was a doctor's conference tonight. The cancer has returned. It is in my back and in my head. I have to begin the shots in my back again. I will have 20 days of radiation and some chemo shots in there also. I have completed 5 days and have 15 to go.

Thank you all for playing in the contest to name my woodpecker. I chose the name Tapricka. Isn’t that a pretty name? Big hugs to you that entered that name. I drew a picture of Tapricka that is here with my story.

I am going to an Easter Egg Hunt this Saturday. I get to see mom. She is back in the rehab now.

Gramma took me shopping today. I got a new blanket and new bedspread. I got a bear for Caleb. He is so sick. He is my friend. I get to see Caleb tomorrow. My special friend Caleb needs prayer. He is in the hospital and is not doing well. He needs a new heart. He is a "special" boy. I don’t know exactly what his illness is. I am very sad for him. I saw Caleb on Sunday and he is one very sick little man.

My friend Caleb died. I cried all day. My head hurts. Do you think Kayla is with him? I think about Caleb. What do you think he does in Heaven? Do you think he misses me too? I wish I could visit Caleb and Kayla. Do you know what? He doesn’t have a body now; maybe a new body. Does it rain in Heaven?

I had quite a scare but I am home now. I fell and the computer got broken. Hopefully it will be fixed soon. Guess what? I worked all day and I fixed my computer myself. I am still trying to deal with Caleb going to Heaven. I am missing him and Kayla. She is another friend that has already gone to Heaven. I am happy they are in Heaven with Jesus, but I do miss them a lot.

Why do we love with your heart? What if we loved with our liver, or better, what if we loved with our toes? If you love with your toes then you get 10 times the love coz you have only 1 heart to love with. You have 10 toes. I was thinking about this.

More chemo again today. My head is hurting really bad again.

I have had a really good day, and I got 3 blessings today. First, I walked today. I am so very excited. Then I saw a deer in the woods. She was beautiful; amazing. I feel very blessed to have gotten to see the deer. Then I found an eggshell that is robin egg blue. I ate a cheese sandwich, and hopefully more than just that all day.

My kitty ran away and I haven't seen him for 3-4 days now. I am so very sad he is gone. Then my mom cancelled her visit with me last weekend. I am upset over that.

In the past week I have taken my first step and now I am walking. I can even sit up by myself. The lady that stays with me during the day and I have been working hard on this. I may be going to a new school this fall. It is a school for kids with challenges. I have to go thru the assessment and then they will know. At this school I will get my school work, and therapy, and counseling. Everything in one place. I am so excited.

Camp is starting the 19th of this month and I am looking forward to that. It is the same camp I wanted to attend last year, but then I had a turn for the worse in my health and could not attend. Pray I get to attend this year.

I am so tired and a bit depressed.

I am so sick. The nurse is coming to the house to check on me every 3 hours now, but that leaves nobody here to hold me or sit by me or help me when I get sick and throw up. I feel so bad and it is so hard to clean up after myself when I throw up. I wish I had somebody to be here with me. I won’t call gramma. She just gets mad and calls me a baby. I am getting pain shots in my spine. They are helping lots. I feel so weak and very groggy. They are giving me some heavy duty type pain meds in my spine. My pain level is down to 4 right now. That's it for now.

The nurse had a talk with me, and they want a new doctor to check me out. I say NO! I don't want them sticking me in the spine again. I have done what I am supposed to and I don't get any better. They say if I don't have the test then how will they be able to help me to not have the pain. I will think about it and talk to God about it. I know I have no say, but I will pray and then tell them if I decide it is ok. I know I don’t have a say, but I will tell them if it is ok or not.

I was typing on my computer and then my words didn’t make any sense. This is what they tell me is happening just before the seizures start. Tonight this happened and I couldn’t get from my chair to the bed. It was scary. I had to call gramma. I had 2 seizures last night. I don’t remember anything from just before them till after them. I had to go to the clinic, but I am home now. They gave me some phenobarb; now I sleep almost all the time. Your posts and prayers help me so much.

I am having another really rough night. My pain level is 7 after more meds. I have already had extra percoset. Gramma is calling the nurse in. I'm sure I will have to go to the clinic for the night. I had morphine and it didn’t help. I think my pain level is 11. Guess what. My mom came to the hospital too. She didn’t even hug me.

This is my 4th night of being so sick and gramma won’t give me any more pain meds. She says I have to wait till 10 pm. when the nurse comes. I don’t think I can do this anymore. Oh, I hear gramma talking to the nurse on the phone. Maybe the nurse will be here early.

I had a better day yesterday. I got to go outside and loved every minute of it. Tomorrow I see a new doctor for a new opinion. They are trying to find out why I have so much pain. It shouldn't be this severe but it is. Also, they are going to try to figure out why I am having the seizures.

I am fighting a terrible cold. It is in my head, throat, and chest. They have me on oxygen and they are giving me meds. I feel so awful. I had to go to the clinic. They put steam in my face, and the nurse there hurt my hand. I got mad because she said I could go when the bag was empty and then she put up another one. I cried tonight, but I am ok now I need to sleep now.

Tomorrow we will meet with the new doctor to find out the test results and to see if I get to go to school or not. I am scared.

Well, we went to the new doctor today for my test results. The doctor told me that I have a spot behind my eye. I will have to have chemotherapy, steroids, and radiation to deal w/ this. I will be getting the chemo at home, but will have to go to the clinic for the radiation part. I am scared because of having more treatments and of being sick. Please remember to pray for me.

I also have some really good news. I got to see my little brother. He has BIG blue eyes. He smiles a lot and he laughs when I tickle him I love my little brother lots. Oh and guess what. My mom gave me a hug today. Made me feel special. On the way home we stopped at the pet store. I want a hamster.

Oh, oh, guess what my mom brought me. It is a tiny kitten. Angel I named her. She is 7 ½ weeks old. She's black with white paws and her back legs are white too. She is a girl kitten and has long hair and loves to cuddle. She was sucking on my baby finger and kneading at me with her little paws. Angel then fell asleep a very happy kitty, and I am going to take a nap too.

Yesterday and last night were very rough on me. They said I had had 3 seizures yesterday and then about 4am I got sick and started showing signs of a seizure coming on. I got gramma and she went to get the nurse last I knew. I don’t like not remembering what happens. I am really upset to because now my assessment for the new school has to be put off. What if I don’t get in the new school? It is such a cool school. It will have my classes and also counseling and therapy and doctors are there too. I so much want to start this school.

Gramma got in trouble for not feeding me properly. She was giving me like a piece of cheese for dinner or a little cup of yogurt for breakfast. She was told to take care of me or I will be taken out of there. I'm certain this means foster care. Sometimes I think that would not be so bad after all. My mom is coming for visits each Saturday and she is bringing over my baby brother to play with. I am really having a great time with him.

The nurse told me the chemo really took a toll on me this last time. I am still very weak and not feeling well at all. The nausea, dizziness, pain has pretty much gotten me to where I cannot get out of bed. I cannot come to the computer much because it causes the pain to be worse. I just look at the computer and I cry coz I want to come and talk and I cannot.

If the doctor says ok then I will be starting school in a few weeks. I have been accepted into the school for kids with special needs. I am so excited.

Our prayers have been answered. No cancer!! God - our prayers have been answered. I'm crying. Nanny had little party for me tonight. Now I pray the cancer stays in remission. I still have a lot of treatment to go through - including radiation tomorrow. Oh, and by the way, I got accepted at the new school also. Things are looking up!

November 23, 2006
12:36 am
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Randomwomen2
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many many hugs to you sweet Jigsy. We love you and I hope that you have a wonderfully blessed thanksgiving. You have been such a blessing and an inspiration to me. Thank you for being your sweet self.

November 23, 2006
12:40 am
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katarina
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Lot's of love to you! Happy Thanksgivin sweetie!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooo you are loved!

November 23, 2006
12:45 am
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doubledilemma
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Many, many hugs and prayers to you Jigsy, for a lifetime of health and happiness, sweet, beloved Child!

What a beautiful story, thank you for posting it again, mamacinnamon!

November 23, 2006
10:24 am
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sdesigns
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Happy Thanksgiving, Jigs!! I think of you so often and always hope things are going well for you. This Thanksgiving is truly a blessing for you, and I hope that everything is going great for you. Much love, SD

Thanks, MamaC for posting this again. Happy thansgiving to you too. We all have so much to be thankful for, don't we?

SD

December 2, 2006
11:14 pm
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jewel
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You have been through so much Jigs. Much love to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as always.

Love from Jewel and kitty

December 3, 2006
7:21 pm
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smarterone
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I have just read yur story jigs, i feeel so useless that someone at my age can complain abut the sightest pain and yhou, a precisous chld of gods, takes pain as a lesson for all. I only hope adn pray that the miracle of either a wonderful life awaits you whether it be here on earth or with our Lord. I look up to you as muy little idol. Godbless you sweetheart.

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