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Jewel How are you?
May 2, 2006
10:01 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I havent heard from you in a while and was just wondering what you are up too.

May 3, 2006
6:24 am
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CAMER
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same here Jewel...where are you???

May 3, 2006
12:02 pm
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gingerleigh
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'Sup lady?

May 4, 2006
12:37 am
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Randomwomen2
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hoping that you see this

May 4, 2006
2:16 am
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jewel
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I just happened to check in on this site and was very surprised to see that you started a thread wondering about me. That makes me feel so good that I was not forgotten. I have been so busy lately. I moved and didn't have access to the internet for awhile. I finally finished my college courses for the semester and got A's in all of them. My medication for bipolar disorder is working quite well and I just went to the doc. today and got a referal to see a psychiatrist. I am still not drinking. It will be 2 months next week!!!!! I hardly even crave alcohol anymore. It is just a part of my past and I have moved on. I am now stronger than I have ever been. I like my job. I have a great boyfriend who is there for me. I am just enjoying life right now. I have suffered for so many years and now that I am sober, I am seeing clearer and things are starting to fall into place. Thanks for the thread Random. I have wondered how you were as well. Give me an update if you have the time. I know you are busy with the boys and all. Thanks camer and ginger for wondering about me too. I will write more later and will start replying to other threads. I am really busy so I don't get here as often as I would like.

Jewel

May 4, 2006
2:19 am
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Randomwomen2
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I am so happy that you are doing well jewel. Well my update is that I am 7 weeks pregnant yay : ) I am very excited. I am just thrilled that you saw this thread. I have got to go to bed soon Im just waiting for my husband. Hopefully he will remmeber the pie

May 4, 2006
2:21 am
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jewel
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Random,

That is so cool that you are pregnant. Take good care of yourself and let the hubby pamper you for you are very deserving of it.

Jewel

May 4, 2006
2:22 am
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Randomwomen2
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Pamper thats a good one. I do get naps every once in a while though

May 4, 2006
2:22 am
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Randomwomen2
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I dont think I know how to be pampered I wouldnt know what to do

May 4, 2006
2:25 am
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jewel
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I know what you mean random. If you are anything like me, you just keep on going and going and going like the energizer bunny.

May 4, 2006
2:27 am
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Randomwomen2
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I try to keep on pushing myself but I am so tired. I have dishes pilled up in the sink and clothes pilled up everywhere. Morning sickness sucks too.

May 4, 2006
2:30 am
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jewel
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I guess just get done what you can and let the rest go. Try not to overexert yourself.

May 4, 2006
2:31 am
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Randomwomen2
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I did manage to vacuum today thats good. Hopefully tomarrow I will have more energy. Today I spent a lot of my energy writing a letter tomarrow I hope to use that energy somewhere else

May 4, 2006
12:41 pm
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readyforachange
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(((jewel)))) so good to hear from you! I'm glad your life seems to be turning around, and there are so many positive things happening for you! I hadn't seen you here in a while, and I was hoping that you had moved on and that life was treating you well. I'm so happy for you! Take care, and I'll keep you in my prayers!

May 6, 2006
3:26 am
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jewel
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At the moment, I am feeling very emotional and near tears and I don't even know why. I guess this is part of being bipolar and in recovery for alcohol. Monday will be my 2 month mark of being sober so I should be proud of myself. Instead, I feel that I am expecting more and more of myself and if I don't accomplish as much as I expected, I beat myself up a little bit. I got a nice bubble bath tonight and read some of my book so I do reward myself. I just feel so overwhelmed and I am on break from school even. I have a big day planned for tomorrow. Being that I just moved, I still have unpacking to do and I have to clean the whole house. I better go so I can get some sleep.

Jewel

May 6, 2006
10:49 am
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sdesigns
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Jewel: Congrats on 2 months of sobriety. That by itself is an accomplishment, but A's in your classes too? You're are doing fabulous. Keep up the good work. SD

May 11, 2006
1:44 pm
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Cjazz
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Hi Jewel. It's been a while since we've talked. I am happy to hear of your two month sobriety. I just passed my 5th month and get this. My 6th month sobriety will be on 06/06/2006. Is that strange or what?
I still have some trouble dealing with not drinking, not in the sense that I feel like I need a drink. I just feel bored a lot and I don't know what to do with my time. I get scared a lonely where as it didn't seem to bother me when I was drinking. Don't get me wrong here, I will not go back to drinking to get rid of these feelings. What you are experiencing is normal feelings now. It's normal to expect more of yourself, but to beat yourself up because you don't accomplish something is not good. You will just have to work on your self esteem. I am learning all about self esteem. When my self esteem is in tact nothing seems to phase me. I feel confident and secure. So, work on that as much as you can and you will feel much better about yourself.
I'm really feeling better about things, especially since I don't have the alcohol to get rid of the negative thought patterns. I am learning to take care of that on my own. Try the book entitled "Self-Esteem", I can't remember the author but I will look when I get home and put it on another reply to this. There's a lot of good information about self esteem in there, it's really helped me a lot.
It was nice to hear you are still making progress. Life is so much more clear with out alcohol.

May 12, 2006
12:42 am
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jewel
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Sdesigns,

Thanks for reminding me that I am doing good. That means a lot to me. I struggle at times and think that I should be doing better than I am doing, but I have to learn just to accept it. I think my main problem is I am afraid of failure. I read something interesting about Abe Lincoln once and it said that he tried to be president so many times and failed and failed and failed. And he had his wife die and was depressed, but never gave up and eventually became president. I try to think of circumstances like that to tell myself that it is okay to fail or not get 100%(in school), but it is not okay for me to give up.

Jewel

May 12, 2006
12:44 am
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Randomwomen2
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(((((JEWEL))))))

May 12, 2006
12:51 am
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jewel
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Cjazz,

Thanks for the reply. That is weird that you have been sober for 6 months on 06-06-06. 6 must be your lucky number. On that date, I will be 2 days shy of my 3 month mark. I know what you mean about being bored. I now look forward to going to work and having something to do. When I was drinking, I hated when I had to work b/c I had to watch how much I drank so I could make it in the next day. I don't miss that at all. It was like living in hell. I don't know about you, but do you observe people and try to pinpoint which ones have a drinking problem. I will observe their mannerisms on a day to day basis. I can tell when someone had too much to drink the night before and when I see this, I feel their pain if they even have any. Some people can just drink and drink and come in to work the next day and think nothing. I always felt guilty for some reason. Like I was letting everyone down or something. I guess it really doesn't make much sense. Anyway, I am doing fairly well in life right now. I have my moments where I just want to cry and cry and have a couple drinks, but the craving is hardly ever there. I recently moved to a new place so I have no memories of drinking at the new place so that is a good thing. I won't associate a certain place with drinking. I start school on Monday. I am taking some classes during the summer semester since I am going part time. If I didn't, then it would take me even longer to get my degree. I am excited about taking new courses. The ones I am taking seem to be interesting. Time will let me know soon enough. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and would like to get my hands on a copy of that book. Thank you for your kindness and taking the time out of your day to help me with your thoughtful words.

Jewel

May 17, 2006
10:57 am
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Cjazz
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Good morning Jewel. I think it's good that you moved. Sometimes fresh start in a new place is just what a person needs. I feel like moving away so I don't have to see my ex mate with her new man. It really turns my stomach when I think about running into them. BUT, that's just the way it is since we all work here. Believe me, I will not get involved with anyone else at work. I finally get what people have meant when they talk about not dating people where you work.
This has not made me want to drink again. I feel very confident that I will not drink so I am not worried about that. I think a lot of the bordom comes from being anxious. I get anxious a lot more than I used to.
Since I work in a nightclub and I am around people who drink every weekend I do tend to observe them a lot. I stay away from the people who are in there every weekend and who get drunk every weekend. Sometimes I feel sad for them but I am not going to try to convert them or get them to see what they are doing to themselves, especially since the only time I talk to them are when they are drunk.

Here's the information on those books.
Self Esteem 3rd Edition, Matthew McKay, PH.D. Partick Fanning

There is also a workbook I use with this book although I don't know if the two books are related.
It's entitled, Self-Esteem Workbook,
Glen R. Schiraldi, PH.D.
I hope these help you as much as they have helped me. Deal with your critic, deal with your inner self and be kind to yourself. You will know what I am talking about after you get into this book. Let me know what you think of them. Good luck my friend, Cjazz

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