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Jealousy the Monster and the Ugly Head Game it rears
January 10, 2001
7:28 pm
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Helenof Troy
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This is my story. I believe LOVE is grand but the fear of vulnerability and that sense of weakness, wearing the ole heart on our sleeve scares us ALL dearly. THEN there's JEALOUSY, the Monster. This has become somewhat of a cruel hobby among society to make their mate jealous to confirm that yes..they are in love with them and the fear of losing them to another. Once exposed,...they continue to push that button for that fix but to me that only suggests that they THEMSELVES are insecure. I am going thru that now. It has become a viscious cycle of his complaint that I have a hard time trusting him only to remind him that all of the unnecessary "jealousy" stories that you just don't share in the very beginning with a new woman in your life has created this insecurity within me. It's not the story itself, it's the ugly head game that is being played. Yet he says he loves me, loves me, loves me. I've tried expressing how those stories were not a good thing to do in a relationship but his reply was that he thought I was "strong enough" to handle "the other women" in his life with such explicit detail. And of course, when the lovin' is good it makes up for all the bad that he has done to me in the past. And when I almost walked out the door he became humble and sorry for hurting me with that and other things. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to walk away FOR GOOD knowing that this push/pull is very damaging. It's the most horrible feeling in the world to sit here and prepare a break up speech when deep down inside I hope that things could have been better & happier. And the fear of taking them back weeks down the line after putting yourself thru this hellish feeling of a huge burning torch in the pit of your stomach. Is this love? I say? So all who reads this and went thru it...words of encouragement to seek the better half and that life goes on is well appreciated. And yes..I am seeking counseling. First appointment is tomorrow. I am going to need it cause I know I will miss him and the loss of a relationship that could've been.

January 11, 2001
1:33 pm
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Molly
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The trick is to cut through the fantasy, the maybe, the what if's the could be's , the if I's , the butttttttsss, and deal with the reality of what it really is. Get off the rollar coaster and the tee ter toter, and be alone for a while. It helps with the clarity. Good lovers are a dime a dozen, and can even be rented, yuck did I type that? But a partner doesn't play head games, say things that they know will cause pain, or disruption, they work at relational stability, building trust, meeting shared goals. If he is gone, then don't answer the phone, e-mail, or the door. Make some space for you to discover what you want, and what your willing to pay, emoitonally for your relationship. Don't look at his faults, look at you, and yours, why would you settle for this stuff. The answer lies with in you. When we are healthy and stable we attract better partners, or our partners will rise to our occasion. Make your list of his qualities, and contributions, and what the relationship offers, and what it lacks. Take the risk of being alone, it may be the best time of your life, its so much easier to be alone in a relationship that lonely. Good luck with the counseling give it your best, and be honest with your self.

January 13, 2001
5:33 pm
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Helenof Troy
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Thank you Molly for your genuine honesty and golden truth. I went to my first counseling session and gave him one last option to have us BOTH go and sort out our issues to build a better relationship. My last card played. He cut off the relationship when I told him this. It's over. A blessing I believe. And yes..looking within myself is best. Not tolerating that kind of behavior and wasting time with people who cannot appreciate that LOVE can be a truly wonderful experience..and not emotional torment. Once again..thank you for being the only one to respond..and RESPOND WELL I might add. I hope the best for you as well in whatever you do.

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