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jamaicanwife - are you ok?
March 19, 2005
7:17 pm
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angel4U
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The topic about your Dad in the "all men are cheaters" thread seemed to be one that touches you deeply (hard to read people from simple writing though, so it may only be my interpretation). I also want to make sure nothing I said was hurtful to you, as my intention is never to harm, only to provide my own insights.

March 20, 2005
10:09 pm
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jamaicanwife
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Thanks for asking, I'm ok, just been pretty busy.

The notion of people as bad and weak does bother me, because the person making this assessment is invariably making a judgement about someone else. I just don't think that human beings are qualified to judge each other. We are too flawed as individuals, and too inclined to be blind to our own faults to be really trustworthy in that respect. I gave the example of my father to underline that point - no one could ever convince my father that he had a problem, my mother could go to counselling if she wanted to, because she had to be crazy, but he was fine. As you could tell from that little snippet of family history, he was the exact opposite of fine. Crazy as a loon, my daddy.

March 20, 2005
11:59 pm
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angel4U
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Thank you for responding, jamaicanwife, and glad to see you are ok.

RE: "The notion of people as bad and weak does bother me, because the person making this assessment is invariably making a judgement about someone else."

I guess I have hard time knowing how to phrase things the right way as to not make it sound judgemental of the person. When I say "bad" or "weak", I am really referring to the behavior of the person, and I mean it from a spiritual sense. And I do believe all of us (including myself) are weak and portray bad behaviors at times. But that does not make us bad people. E.g: I believe abuse is a bad behavior and is triggered by someone that is weak spiritually or emotionally. But I would not say the person themselves is a bad or weak person. They may have many other qualities/behaviors that are "spriritually good". Does that make sense?

March 21, 2005
12:26 am
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jamaicanwife
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It sounds like you're trying to simplify something that is really very complex. There is no objective viewpoint, it is all coloured by individual outlook and experiences. To one person, it shows strength to stay with an abuser and survive, because that is what they have been taught is a sign of strength. A woman who walks away from an abusive marriage is, therefore, weak.

A man who is brought up to believe that he not only has the right to beat his wife but a duty is a good man in his society, but a bad man and a bad husband by other standards.

Do you see my point?

March 21, 2005
12:46 am
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angel4U
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yes, I do, jamaicanwife. Thank you for sharing another way of looking at this all. And I do agree that it is all more complex than most of us can comprehend with the limited knowledge/experience we have, so we do our best. I will be the first to admit that when I interpret something to be right or wrong, it is because of my own spiritual beliefs, the culture I was raised in, and the teachings of my generation. My own personal experiences also play a part in my opinions as well. I am also always open to hearing another viewpoint though, and for that I thank you.

I have had conversations with friends that were raised in previous generations or are from different cultures, where things were not the same as they are today. So I thank you for the remonder that there is always another way to look at things that might not be readily apparent.

God Bless & Good Night,

Angel4U

March 21, 2005
1:08 am
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angel4U
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Added note - I think this is why most conflicts happen in relationships ... it's so hard to see through someone else's eyes, even when we try "really" hard.

As you can see, this was one that hit home for me. I am actually hesitant now on giving advise as I worry that I will do so without the proper information, or that it will be taking as if I am judging, and I oh so don't want to make feel judged or bad. I guess making sure I use "in my opinion and based on what I know" helps?

March 21, 2005
12:15 pm
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jamaicanwife
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I think most people on this board are aware that we are all coming from different but equally painful places, and we each have our own perspectives on the issues we discuss. Problems arise when posters don't seem to be aware that they are expressing their OPINIONS, and try to force them on others as facts. so long as you make it clear that you know you are just one person talking about your own feelings, everything should be fine.

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