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Jack is back
November 5, 2004
11:13 am
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Anonymous
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I dont know a lot I am from India I am not Hindu though. I was adopted when I was two and came over here to the US, so I am completely Americanized.

November 5, 2004
11:20 am
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bubishi76
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Oh, well that story won't mean anything to you then. Sorry:o(

November 5, 2004
11:29 am
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CAMER
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Aces...i know you feel awful, but look at the souce, this Mr Jack is a manipulative, downgrading, piece of
shit!! do not let his anger and words get the best of you. Learn from this..learn not to go back...so you made a few mistakes, no one is perfect...just keep rereading this
thread over and over and know that he
will NEVER change...but you, honey,
stay away from the piece of trash, and keep your friends and family in your life and keep venting here!

November 5, 2004
11:33 am
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Cristine
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Aces... maybe you need to begin refering to him as Mr. Jack Ass in your real life too.... not just here. And, call him Jack. Remind yourself everytime you think or talk about him what an ass he is.

November 5, 2004
11:36 am
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Cici
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Cristine, you took the words out of my mouth. Why do we do this, torture ourselves? Low self esteem, gratification of that feeling....I see it in your posts, you feel stupid, well a lot of us do. But it doesn't mean you are.

You made a mistake (one which we are all guilty of from one point in our lives or another), and you need to forgive yourself for having sh*tty judgement.

November 5, 2004
11:49 am
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Anonymous
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Thank you, I know I need to remember what a jack ass he is, and I think the idea of yelling at him everything he is and how shitty he is is a good idea, but I dont think seeing him to do it or even talking to him to do it would be good. I am sorry that I am such a wreck today. It just sucked really really bad last night, but you guys have really helped as well. I think there comes a point when even though you think being alone is worse than being with them, you just dont care, because you know in the long run it will be better. Last night was just really really hard so you guys being here today is a lot of help. If I havent said it before thank you a million times over

((((HUGSSS TO YOU)))))))

November 5, 2004
11:51 am
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bubishi76
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Well aces,
I Love Ya.

November 5, 2004
11:56 am
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fairy99
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Aces

Honey, listen to what you have just written. Read that really good.

You are smarter than that. Why would you want a man who talks to you like that? He just wants you to be his puppet. He is totally crazy and should seek help as soon as possible. Sounds to me like he has some mommy issuses, like maybe she kept him on the tit too long or something.

I am so sorry sweetie you are hurting and I wish I could take it away but all I can do is listen. I'm here.

~~fairy~~

November 5, 2004
12:03 pm
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Anonymous
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OMG Fairy you are too too funny, he is very close to his mother, his parents divorced when he was 2 and he lived with his mom, my friend thinks he has mommy issues too, i am starting to think he does as well. Thank you that gave me a great laugh, which I needed. I just need to keep remembering this too shall pass. And mind over matter right, I keep telling myself I will be fine and I can get through this than I can.

November 5, 2004
12:10 pm
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Worried_Dad
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He is a bully and an abuser. It's as simple as that.

November 5, 2004
12:11 pm
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Anonymous
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hey aces,

I'm sorry for everything your going through, I've been there so many times and still go there. As much as I hate him I end up hating myself for allowing it. Our Mr. Jack's are very similiar I believe and I do think that I was in an abusive relationship. There are so many types of abuse. Just because he never hit me either doesn't mean he wasn't abusive. He grabbed my wrist when we were argueing the other day and that was enough. Try googling ambient abuse. Honestly, give it a go, because when I read about it it really opened my eyes. Pls. do it. for your sanity. i've also been through this nonsense of being done and then together and then done and blah blah blah. All it does is wear you down. I have to go now but I really want you to check out that type of abuse. Talk to you later,
magga

November 5, 2004
12:12 pm
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Anonymous
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Worried dad, you always sat it straight up and I have to say thank you, for you have been one of the ones that have been here since the beginning. He is a bully and an abuser. He truly is. And I was the abusee

November 5, 2004
12:15 pm
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Anonymous
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Your thread really hit me strongly, I feel like I'm reading about myself as well even though its not written by me. I really hope you get out of this aces, I know its taking every ounce of willpower for me not to go back or let him in and its been a little over a week now, honestly it gets better. Even though I get angry when I think about the bad stuff and hurt when I want to be with him I would rather do that than be hurt all the time. My self-esteem has taken a beating. I could write endlessly about this as its all I've been thinking about the past few weeks when I have a minute to myself. I just know that even if I think I want him for a moment I really don't want him in the future. It still hurts though.

November 5, 2004
12:16 pm
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kathygy
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Aces,

I am sorry you are in pain. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are only human. You only want to be loved which is what most of us want. Find the compassion for the wounded little girl inside of you. Forgive yourself, stand up and brush yourself off. You take a fresh start from this moment forward. Start to regain your self esteem by never seeing or talking to this man again. He has battered you down with lies about who you are. Don't believe him for a minute. He has a ton of issues and is not worthy of you. You DO deserve to be loved by a man that treats you with respect and can be there for you. The more you separate from evil Mr. Jack the more you will come to believe this.

November 5, 2004
12:25 pm
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Anonymous
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Magga- I will check it out thanks, and I am glad that you are doing better and getting away from your Mr. Jack as well, I know they are so much alike, making us PAY for everything bad that every happened in their lives. It hurts, I know you hurt too, and I know I will feel anger, and then sadness and so forth but I know that I need to feel it this time, in order to get through it.

Kathy- Thank you for your insightful words, it is that little girl I need to take care of, which you have told me before, I just need to start listening this time. I really do. I feel used, and disgusted but I know, like I said, this will pass, it has too, otherwise I have no hope and then I have nothing if I dont have that. I know I will be strong enough to do this. I just hate that I went, but nothing I can do about the past now. I just have to remember if I ever get a stupid thought in my head to ever see him again for any reason, I will remember how awful this last time was. THANK YOU.

I really cannot express how grateful I am to have you guys every single one of you. Even though sometimes I think things are said I dont want to hear, I appreciate everyone being honest and being there for me. I truly do, because I don't think I could get through this one on my own.

November 5, 2004
12:54 pm
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You know what fuck that stupid asshole. I am sick of sitting here crying and feeling like shit over him. What did I do that was so wrong? I forgot I didn't answer my phone every minute he called, I didn't tell him everywhere I was going, I didn't okay all my friends by his stupid list, I didn't do this I didn't do that, i shouldnt HAVE to do any of those things. I have a date tonight, and I am going to go out and enjoy it, it is with that guy I met a week ago. Well it isn't really a date, just a bunch of us getting together but my friend and his friend are setting us up so we will see. I am not going to let that creep ruin this. I may care about him, but I will not let that make me think that being in an unhealthy relationship is okay. Being this hurt is not worth the little gratification of get when I get an ounce of his time.

November 5, 2004
1:01 pm
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Zinnie
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Aces,

Perhaps you need to discuss with your therapist your obsession for self punishment.

November 5, 2004
1:04 pm
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Do you really think I do that? She has said to me that she feels I am punishing myself and I will not let myself be happy, I just don't know why. I have never had "trauma" so to speak, never abused have great parents, have a good loving home, close with my friends, the only two things ever were that I was adopted when I was young and never had a mother and was moved around a lot until I got here and then an assault when I worked at a treatment facility. I dont understand why I would punish myself for any reason.

November 5, 2004
1:07 pm
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fairy99
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YES!YES!YES!

That is what I wanna hear. Get as mad as you need to because it will help you heal this big gaping wound he has continued to pick at. Z has a point to sweetie. I think this all begins with you. You wanna get better but you have no confidence to go that direction because he has destroyed it. Well....let me tell you this much, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes you can. Maybe telling him off is what it will take for you to go around the corner and continue on. If you can't face him, then find a way to really tell him what a piece of shit he is. I mean don't leave anything out either. Unload on him like he has on you and see if you don't feel better. I'm not saying it's the best thing to do but it may help you go forward when you realize that you have the control over your life.

~~fairy~~

November 5, 2004
1:18 pm
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Maybe an email? Im going to draft one and see what you guys think, maybe I wont even need to send it just get it out.

November 5, 2004
1:20 pm
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fairy99
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Sounds good to me. Just try it and see if the load doesn't lighten up for you.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE!

YOU ARE A STRONG, SMART AND LOVING WOMAN!

YOU DO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!

November 5, 2004
1:26 pm
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Cici
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Mommy issues? Join the club! I already had a rant about my baby's father's insanely codependent mother who I now refuse to talk to. She still tries occassionally to motivate me in a sick way to get back with her horrible son.

The men who are like this are like this for a reason. I totally see how the absence of my baby['s father's dad, the inconsistent parenting and the random coddling and crazy boyfriends of his mom made him so stupid in relationships. But that doesn't make it ok.

I think a lot of times we are too compassionate, we can see how they got to be the waythey are and for some reason it becomes an excuse. It shouldn't be, though.

November 5, 2004
1:30 pm
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Well i totally agree Cici, just because they are stupid dip shits does not mean that we need to help them or even think we can save them, and they need to grow up and realize on their own that their inconsistent rejected actions will cause their demise in the end.

November 6, 2004
12:12 am
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art angel
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Aces,

I'm sorry that you're hurting so much....I remember when it was just a couple days after my break up and I was in your position...I was a wreck. And know what? It gets better. Much better. It's been about 2 months now, and I think the trick for me was to just not have ANY contact whatsoever with my ex. I started focusing on my life and trying to not care one little bit about what he was doing-- he obviously didn't care about me, so why should I care? So I slowly convinced myself that I deserved better, that I will be happier and that I am a strong woman. And it's working, slowly. You'll get there too, I know you will

(((big hugs)))

art angel

November 6, 2004
12:43 pm
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Hey aces,

feel that anger and hurt and hang on to it. I tried to ignore it but instead it just kept manifesting itself in different ways, destructively. I love to self-destruct. Mr. Jack loves to help me self-destruct. I wrote down a handful of the hurt I've gone through with this jerk. So many lies, convincing me yes he really does love and care about me and its just bullshit in the end. He's a fake, thats how I choose to look at it. And I am soooooooooooo fed up with him. I slept with him last night and I was not the least bit excited. BORING. Everything is on his terms and I'm supposed to show how trustworthy and loyal I am to him but he always has a "valid" excuse for everything suspicious and I am just crazy and paranoid for thinking otherwise because he's changing... (excuse me I have to go puke now)

I can't count the nights I've cried myself to sleep. Its even worse as I was dumb enough to think we could run a business together, I thought we would be the A team and everything would be just gravy. False expectations yes but he put a new twist on that. (I shouldn't have had ANY expectations).

Every time I look through his phone when he is off guard I find something. There are numbers all over europe that I know are women he talks to on the internet. He's not changing one bit, he's changing his ways of womanizing and he will continue to find new ways to keep me happy. But its the same lies and BS in the end.

I still hurt and care for him but I don't love him anymore. Too much hurt...

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