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Jack is back
November 3, 2004
11:58 am
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art angel
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I disagree. You don't have to go to dinner to get closure. Not all endings are perfect, and that is ok. Sometimes it is best just to leave things as is, just no more contact. That is what I did- and I think that may be best for you too, Aces.

I'm here for ya girl.

art angel

November 3, 2004
12:01 pm
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Anonymous
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Thanks art, I think that is what I am going to do, I dont think going is wise, I dont think talking to him anymore is wise, I dont think having any contact is wise, I hope to god it can happen though.

Bubishi - This is not a sane nice man in the least sense, he is opposite of logical, caring and loving. And for some strange reason I cared for him.

November 3, 2004
12:02 pm
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bubishi76
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I think that's some cowardly shit, angel. If you've been with someone, if you've EVER used the words I Love You, Then they have the RIGHT to get it from the horses mouth. No, you don't have to do dinner. However, that's just chicken shit if you can't say what needs to be said.

November 3, 2004
12:06 pm
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bubishi76
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Alright Aces,
I don't know the deal. I jsut read this and can't help but wonder if that;s the same thing going through my girls head with this "space" thing. I wonder if a dear john letter is to come..

November 3, 2004
12:06 pm
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Anonymous
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Bubishi - First of all art knows what I have gone through with Mr. Jack. You said you don't know the story and you really don't. So I will tell you that we have ended things numerous times, we have been done numerous times, it has not been one of those things where it's like I'm done, and then you are done, it has been I'm done every two weeks, and has gone on for a year of us being "done". So in me talking to him informing him of it, really will not do any good. If he in the least sense was a nice person that ever treated me right, than I would do him that justice. He has never been. I have gone through hell with him, and so I don't think that me even talking to him about it will be productive.

November 3, 2004
12:07 pm
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art angel
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It is not cowardly. It is knowing what is best for ME, knowing that talking to him anymore won't change anything,--I was talking about HIM breaking up with me. And I decided not to have anymore contact with him. This wasn't me breaking up with him and then saying no more talking at all. This was MY decision and I am proud of myself.

November 3, 2004
12:07 pm
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Anonymous
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Bubishi - trust me it is not the same thing, I will guarantee it. My relationship with Mr. Jack was verbally abusive, it was bad, bad bad. I doubt you ever told your GF to go kill herself, or wouldnt let her leave her apartment, or called her a whore, slut, bitch, cunt, or any of those things.

November 3, 2004
12:11 pm
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southgoingzax
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Bubishi,

well, that may sound fair, but life is not always fair, and sometimes people have a RIGHT to just walk away. Sucks, but I'm sure Mr. Jack will get over it.

Aces:

The thing is, he never will say/do the things that you want him to, to make this right. I think you know that, but you keep hoping anyway. The constant contact between you two must really be tearing you up inside. Is there ANY way you can just get away from him and have no contact for a few weeks, to clean out your system?

ZAX

November 3, 2004
12:13 pm
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Anonymous
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Yeah move far away.

November 3, 2004
12:13 pm
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CAMER
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Aces, I am glad that you didn't go to dinner....and its normal to change your mind going back and forth, gosh I have done that in the past so much.

Have you "talked" with Jack yet and let him know its over, or are you just going to let it go and move on??

(((camer)))

November 3, 2004
12:13 pm
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CAMER
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Aces, I am glad that you didn't go to dinner....and its normal to change your mind going back and forth, gosh I have done that in the past so much.

Have you "talked" with Jack yet and let him know its over, or are you just going to let it go and move on??

(((camer)))

November 3, 2004
12:15 pm
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art angel
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To reiterate--I didn't just decide to break up with my bf and then not talk to him ever again, all of a sudden. That was not the situation.

But I think even if that's what Aces wants to do, then she has that right. Mr. Jack has been the opposite of loving toward Aces and she needs to do what is best for her own well-being.

November 3, 2004
12:17 pm
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Anonymous
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Camer - well dinner is suppose to be TOMORROW night, and he and I have been fighting today, because it was suspicious that I turned my phone off last night, yadda yadda yadda. And that was when I realized it, it will never be the type of relationship that I want. I know I have issues of my own, but he will never be able to even just hold me when Im upset, and I need at least that. At least.

November 3, 2004
12:17 pm
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art angel
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so keep us posted, Aces!

hugs,
art angel

November 3, 2004
12:18 pm
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Zinnie
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Aces,

Please... do NOT go...

Let this just die for crying out loud.

Z.

November 3, 2004
12:20 pm
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Anonymous
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I have already decided it would be bad if I did go. It still hurts though. It is being stronger than I sometimes think I am.

November 3, 2004
12:23 pm
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art angel
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Aces,

you are strong for deciding not to go. Each day with no contact gets a little easier. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it, and you can't tell if it is, but trust me, it does. Tomorrow will be easier than today. But for now, focus on today, live hour-to-hour if you need to.

We're here for you and we love you!

art angel

November 3, 2004
12:28 pm
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Zinnie
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Aces,

Why have you let this man suck you back in?

Do not take his phone calls

Do not take his e-mails

Block his numbers

Remove his numbers from your cell phone that mysteriously sends text messages

Remove and block his IM names and e-mail addy's

Do NOT answer your door to this man... or if you look out your peep and see that "no-one" is there.

Matter of fact, if he does show up call the police.

You keep saying it's over, it's over - so let it be over. Aces, I'm saying this because I care about you - I'm not trying to be a cold-hearted bitch. You asked on another thread "am I abused?" YES! You are. Get out before this man kills you.

Z.

November 3, 2004
12:31 pm
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Anonymous
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You know why it's hard Zinnie is not because I am so stupid it's because I have issues with attachment and abadonment, so it makes it very hard for me. I do care about him and just letting go is easy in theory but harder to actually do. I talk to him because I do care. And yes I will learn in my own way and time and yes it is taking a long time but I am trying.

November 3, 2004
12:33 pm
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Anonymous
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And I dont think I have been abused, not to the extent that people you have cared for have. He may a first class supremem dick, but he has never hit me. And like I said it's hard, very hard for me to walk away when he is calling or we are still talking, or he is being nice. I know if I had more back bone I would but I guess I don't.

November 3, 2004
12:37 pm
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fairy99
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Aces

I;m sorry honey. I know he has been so cruel to you and you have just been trying to cope with it all. He will never understand what your feeling because he is a control freak. Maybe it's best to just find another way to get closure for this relationship. Maybe have a funeral (kinda). Like gatehr some letters, cards , pictures, just what ever you have that might make it harder to deal with. Say goodbye in your own way and just let it go. I really wish I could get a hold of him and just shake him silly, but I can't so I just have to do it in my mind.HA!

Maybe this is best sweetie. I'm sorry and try to deal with as best you can. I now you will overcome all of this and go forward to a happier life.Many, many hugs to you.

~~fairy~~

November 3, 2004
12:37 pm
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southgoingzax
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Hey,

I did just walk away from my ex. And it felt good. I moved 1700 miles away. He still called, and we would have horrible discussions where he would send me a birthday gift and then call and tell me I was a whore and then ask if he could come visit. That was the last time. I haven't spoken to him in 5 years.

I know when you are in the thick of things, it feels like you can never survive alone, that you will never stop feeling the way that you do. And I was the same way with my ex, we had become "ONE", worked at the same place, lived together, went to school togther, had all the same friends together...I thought I would never be without him, and I would never have to be alone.

I know it easy to say, but try to just tell yourself it is over. And keep your actions faithful to that creed. I couldn't do it, if I was still living near him, and I knew it was not the way I wanted my life to go, I knew I had to get away in order to be able to grow and go to school and become a real person. So I moved. Not everyone has that option, I know, but it's easier than staying put sometimes.

I'm just trying to encourage you, Aces, I know this is hard, but the man is PSYCHO. He has no respect for you, he thinks he owns you and has a right to call you at any time of night and you are expected to answer, like a paid servant, or a dog. I know you have feelings for him, but we are all here, telling you to be strong and do the right thing for yourself, not because Mr. Jack wants you to...I know you know this, I'm just trying to show my support,

zax

November 3, 2004
12:37 pm
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Zinnie
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Aces,

I did not ever say you were stupid, I don't think that of you at all. I do think that you are getting sucked in time after time and I'm afraid one time? Well, it might be too late.

If you know you have these issues, then perhaps say "wow, I know I have these issues" and keep working on them.

I know you still care about him (O.K. - I will be honest with you here... why? For the life of me, I can't figure it out... but that is ME) - but, he is toxic to you. Just because you care does not mean you have to see him.

Z.

November 3, 2004
12:43 pm
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fairy99
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Aces

Z is right. Listen to her. You know you will always care about him but ask yourself where does it stop? He obviously doesn't care for you and that sucks, but you have to except your feelings, and them let them go like a paper boat floating along a stream. You are so much better than what he projects on to you and toxic is a mild description of his behavior. The devil himself is maybe closer but still too good for him. I am here for you sweetie, just take some time a reflect on what he has done and still continues to do. The good is all in the past, focus on the now. Love you sweetie. Be strong.

~~fairy~~

November 3, 2004
12:54 pm
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Anonymous
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Fairy thank you thank you thank you, you truly do make me feel so much better with things. You give me strength.

Zax - thank you for your support too, I too want better and sometimes think moving would be my only choice too.

Zinne- I know you didn't call me stupid, I just feel that way sometimes, I am still working on my issues with my psychologist, I just wish it would go faster than it does. And I guess I care because there were those rare times when he was actually nice, and it seems so easy to remember the nice times than the shitty ones. I am really trying this time to not get sucked back in. I know I do so many times. I am trying to do more things for me, so that I don't sit around and think of him. I really am. I just struggle and then doubt myself sometimes, so I need you guys to shake sense back into me. I know that there will be one time that will be worse than the last. And I know that you aren't a bitch but just do care, because you have been telling me this since the beginning of the year when I first posted.

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